By David Joel Miller.
When your lover is an addiction it is not a health relationship.
Human lovers may be with you for a life time or they can come and go – but that addiction is always there for you. Some people have love or sex addictions. They can’t stand the thought of being alone or not having a partner. They settle for a bad relationship in preference to being alone. They can’t seem to develop a healthy relationship with themselves.
If your lover is Gambling, alcohol or drugs you know that your addiction will be waiting for you, demanding your devotion as human partners come and go.
The love of your life may be shopping or the go-in-debt-at-home channel. It may be hording useless things. Most any activity can become an addiction if you can’t stop thinking about it and eventually you lose control and have to do it one more time, whether you wanted to or not.
Clearly drugs and their older sneakier cousin, Alcohol, win the contest for addictions that can take control of you.
Most people with addictions become closer to their addiction, often a drug of choice, than to the humans in their life. Somehow we hold on to that love for that addiction even when it begins to treat us badly.
I have seen a number of people stuck in bad relationships with other humans. Eventually most of them have had enough. They either come for counseling and try to change their relationship, or they decide to leave the other person. Occasionally someone hangs on even though they know that this is not a good relationship. They hang on because the prospect of letting go feels worse to them than the pain of staying.
It is even worse when the partner you are leaving is an addiction.
People who give up their addiction are letting go of their best friend, their lover and their full-time life companion.
They tell me that partners come and go but that “Crystal” is always there for them. Women may reject you but “Sherry” is there in the bottle waiting for you. And your drug of choice, it always changes the way you feel. Until it begins abusing you.
Having had a long-term relationship with a drug of choice results in a lot of grief and loss issues when you finally decide to give her up.
While you are grieving over your lost partner, Whisky or Beer, wine or Meth, everywhere you go there are people trying to get you two back together again.
You friends, they all know “Crystal” and “Sherry” and they tell you – have just one more for old-time sake. Even the stores are out to get you with their reminders of your lost love. The beer is stacked up by the door and the milk is at the end of the wine isle.
Like any other lost love when you are trying to get over an addiction everywhere you go there are reminders.
Do not give up. Going back to an addiction is not a way to find happiness. Eventually the grief will pass and you will find a new happier life waiting for you.
Want to sign up for my mailing list?
Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam and you can unsubscribe at any time.
For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books
If you would like to stay connected to the posts on counselors soapbox, hear about the progress of my book in progress or the flow of the conversation about mental health and substance abuse issues – please subscribe or follow counselors soapbox.
You will find the follow button at the very tip-top of the page, in the black area, next to the counselorssoapbox.com name. And don’t forget to hit the share and the like buttons at the end of each post.
New feature! Now a “Contact me” button is located on the black bar just under the picture and next to the “About the Author – David Joel Miller” button.