Author Archives: David Joel Miller

About David Joel Miller

David Miller is a California Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Clinical Counselor, faculty member at a local college, certified trainer and writer.

Life is a road trip.

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Life is a road trip

Life is a road trip.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Life is a road trip.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Have you ever taken a road trip without a map?

I think life is a lot like a road trip. My life has been a road trip without a map. I don’t know about you, but when I came home from the hospital after being born, I didn’t get that instruction booklet that told me where to go and what to do.

For most of my life, I’ve been driving along, heading for one destination or another. Sometimes, I encountered a closed road and had to change my direction. Without that grand plan for life, you can encounter lots of dead ends. Sometimes, you come to a fork in the road and have to decide whether you go to the left or the right. The longer I’ve been traveling the road of life, the more I wonder what would’ve happened if I had made different turns and selected different routes along the way.

Early in life, you follow the flow of traffic.

In the beginning, your life direction is largely set by your parents or by the other people in the home where you live. If you come from a dysfunctional family where driving backward is the norm, you pick that up as a habit, and the longer you do it, the harder it gets to change.

When you begin attending school, you start learning and accepting directions from people outside your family. In the early grades, it’s likely to be “do what the teacher says.” A little later, people start to follow the Maxim, “We should do what the principal says.” This becomes an appeal to a higher authority. Some people stick to that habit for the rest of their lives.

Sometimes, the directions are contradictory.

Trying to navigate life’s challenges can get very confusing when the directions you get contradict each other. For some people, this results from having one parent tell you one thing and the other parent tell you something entirely different. The more you move around, spending time with grandparents or stepparents, the harder it becomes to decide which directions to follow. Some people just give up following the rules and follow the motto “do whatever you want.”

Sometimes, the road is bumpy.

Everyone has parts of their life that feel like navigating a road full of potholes. Depending on your driving skill and the options you have, some bumps are barely noticeable, and others can throw you completely off course. Not everyone who goes down a particular stretch of road hits the same potholes.

I’ve learned that some people have an early life event but quickly recover, while other people are injured so severely by that event that they struggle for the rest of their lives.

Other times, you run out of gas.

Thinking about this metaphor, taking the road trip of life, I’ve learned that there are people and times when you can keep going on and on no matter what’s happening. But other times, driving over rough roads wears you out. Sometimes, you just run out of gas and give up on the trip altogether.

One form of running out of gas is professional burnout, a condition where going to work each day is so tiring that you can’t rest up. When you’re worn out from taking the course you have been following, you may decide you don’t want to travel with the people that are currently in your life. Sometimes, you get so discouraged that you doubt your ability to chart a course in life.

For times like these, the only alternative is to give up your travel plans and chart a new life. Over the last few years, I’ve seen a lot of people who burned out at their current jobs, went back to school, and started off on a new career, which took them in a totally different direction.

Occasionally, you discover something magnificent.

Sometimes, the struggle of driving that winding road requires traveling a little more slowly, but if you take the time to look around, you may be surrounded by magnificent scenery. Some of the best things that happen in life can result from a serendipitous experience.

What if you make a wrong turn?

I’ve heard from researchers who have studied end-of-life regrets that the greatest regrets don’t come from the roads you took. At the end of life, the largest regrets usually come from the times you played it safe and stayed on the straight interstate freeway. It’s those side roads that you always wanted to take but passed up in your hurry to get to the end of your journey that you are likely to regret.

So, how is your life road trip going?

Are you happy with the direction your life is going? Are there side trips you wanted to take but never let yourself go there? When you get to the end of your journey, what wonderful stories will you have to tell? If the life you’re living is not taking you where you want to go, how might you change your direction?

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Happy Mother’s Day!

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Mothers day

Happy Mother’s Day

To all the mothers out there who have given their unconditional love regardless of what your children look like or do here is wishing you a happy mother’s day.

If you didn’t have a mother like that, then work on giving yourself that love on this day devoted to the way a caring mother can make us all happy.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Being socially anxious may be a good thing.

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Anxious woman

Social Anxiety
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Being socially anxious may be a good thing.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Recently, many of the people I’ve been talking to report that they are suffering from social anxiety. They become so anxious that they are afraid to leave their house or be around others. Some of this may be a residual effect from what we were calling the Covid pandemic. But I think it goes deeper and has been around a lot longer than just our experience with the Covid virus.

Western culture emphasizes rugged individualism.

During my lifetime, there has been a lot of discussion about the value of being an individual, charting your own course, and being your own man or woman. There are certainly some advantages to individuality. I don’t think living in a world where all the songs sounded the same would be very enjoyable. Sometimes, it’s worthwhile to follow your own path and do your own thing, but I think there’s also something to be said in praise of the value of a certain level of conformity.

Social anxiety may well have started out as an evolutionary advantage.

Think about living in a preindustrial society with no modern weapons or houses. One person going out into the forest or jungle alone, even if they had a sharp stick, was at risk of being killed and eaten by a mountain lion or a tiger or bear. But a group of 10 men, all with spears, can fight off that predator. When you go hunting in a group, it’s better if they all like you. If you’re the one being attacked by the mountain lion, you don’t want the other saying, “I’m not going to risk my life for him!”

All societies have rules.

I hear many people saying that they shouldn’t have to follow certain rules, but I think they’re not conscious of how often they actually follow them and how offended they would be if others didn’t. Parents who are separated will tell me that the problem with their children is that when they visit their other parent, there are no rules. I find that hard to believe. The rules may be different in different places, but I think most people, children included, can learn that there are different rules in different settings.

Most people are pretty good about going in the bathroom to do their business. You don’t see people defecating and urinating next to their table at the restaurant. I think we all would agree that in most places, people don’t walk into stores without wearing clothing. The point here is that we all seem to, at some level, think certain rules should be understood without having to be posted and reiterated.

I get that many of these rules were learned early in childhood, but that’s what parents, the extended family, and your village or society are all for.

The need for social conformity is less than it was.

When you live in very small groups with other people, you have to follow the rules or risk their wrath. In this modern society, more and more people live alone, as childless couples, or with relatively few people in their homes. Aside from a few legal exceptions, what you do in the privacy of your own home is your business. But as soon as you leave that house, it’s a good idea not to offend too many people. Particularly the people who are called law enforcement.

So, how do you keep social anxiety in its proper place?

People need to develop social intelligence. Performers and politicians might refer to this as “reading the room.” Remember, there are certain fundamental rules; people won’t like you if you don’t follow them. An essential part of this skill is a characteristic we call emotional intelligence. If you spend some time learning and appreciating the variety of emotions people might be having, you’re more likely to interact with them in a positive way and less likely to provoke a conflict.

What’s the problem with social anxiety?

People with social anxiety go too far down the road of trying to please everyone rather than realizing what they need to do or the need to follow social conventions. You’re off base if you constantly worry about what others think of you and how they judge you. But you should ask yourself if you are doing the right or acceptable thing. Beyond that, whether other people like you or don’t like you, whether they think you’re wearing the correct brand of clothing or not, is probably none of your business.

Being different isn’t always safe.

Sometimes, being different sets you apart. Entertainers, celebrities, and influencers all want to be different and unique. But being too different can make other people anxious, and people who are high in anxiety or provoked can do some pretty dangerous things. While our society encourages people to be individuals, each one of those individuals should recognize that not everyone will like your brand of individuality. Social anxiety warns us that sometimes going against the crowd has its price.

How about you? Do you think of yourself as an individual? Are you highly in social anxiety and constantly worrying about what other people think about you? How do you balance your needs with the need to not provoke others? Let me know what you think about social anxiety’s disadvantages and benefits.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Obsessed

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Obsessed
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Obsessed

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”

― Franz Kafka

“When you have seen as much of life as I have, you will not underestimate the power of obsessive love.”

― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

“We can’t win against obsession. They care, we don’t. They win.”

― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

“You become what you think about all day long.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. I’ve also included some words related to strengths and values since the line between what we think and what we feel may vary from person to person. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings, strengths, and values.

Emotions and Feelings.                      Inspiration

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, Please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Do I have a personal mission statement?

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My personal mission statement.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Do I have a personal mission statement?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

My personal mission statement.

I recently wrote a post for this blog about creating a personal mission statement. (Creating the life you want.) I offered several suggestions on how to go about defining the mission of your life, the essential thing or things that gives your life meaning and purpose, and how to write a personal mission statement. This raises the question of whether I have done this process and what my personal mission statement is.

Maybe explaining my own personal mission statement will help you in crafting yours.

Let me tell you about my personal mission statement and how I came about writing it. I wrote a personal mission statement several years ago after having taken a class on creativity and how to apply that creativity to writing. I followed the instructor’s suggestions for creating a personal mission statement. I have no doubt that the instructor was primarily thinking about a mission statement for my writing activities. However, I had taken the viacharacter.org character strengths and virtues test shortly before, which influenced my thinking.

A mission statement should be the “why” of what you are doing.

I especially like Simon Sinek’s book Start with Why. While the book is mainly about businesses and what makes them successful, the principal has a broader application. People who know why they are doing something are much more likely to be successful and happy with their lives. Planning a course of action based on what you will be doing, rather than why you’re doing it, may take you in the totally wrong direction.

For example, many people start with, “I’m going to make my life happier by making a lot of money.” Then, they set out on whatever path they think will make the most money. I see many of those people end up in jobs or careers that make them miserable, but they continue to try to convince themselves they must do it that way because, in their minds, they will be happier if they make more money. The connection between money and happiness is much more complicated than just more money equals more happiness. I’ll write more this year about happiness, what this strange creature looks like, and how to achieve it.

I seem to be chronically busy. But why?

In working on a mission statement, I had to think less about what I wanted to do and more about why I was doing it. Some parts of my life didn’t fit together coherently. I’m one of those people who has spiraled through various careers. My most recent career, and one I’m still working at, is being a counselor, therapist, and coach. Clearly, one of my joys in life is trying to be of service and help others. But that didn’t fit clearly with the other parts of my life.

I also spend a lot of time reading, and I read very widely. Some of its technical counseling-related publications, and I read a large amount of research. But I also read a lot of novels. It’s hard to spend a lot of time talking to people, which is what a counselor does, and still get a lot of reading done.

The other thing that brings me a lot of joy is writing. I find it hard to spend time writing, and I often procrastinate. But once I get started putting the words on the page, it brings me a great deal of joy. So, taking all of these various aspects, the things that I was struggling to find time to fit into my schedule, and making them into a single coherent “how do they fit into my life’s mission” was a challenge.

I started by incorporating my core strengths into my mission statement.

My top core strengths, listed in order, are as follows: 1. Love of learning 2. Creativity 3. Curiosity 4. Humor 5. forgiveness, and 6. Zest. There are, of course, 24 character strengths overall, but I thought if I could incorporate at least those top 6 into my mission statement, it might provide a blueprint for organizing the rest of my life.

My mission statement needed to include what I would do and why.

Love of learning and curiosity go well together. My whole life, I’ve been incredibly curious, which has led to me learning a little bit, often more than just a little, about a wide variety of subjects. Clearly, this fits well with all the books I read and the fact that I’ve been going to school, either as a student or a teacher, for over 70 years now. But that didn’t exactly address the why.

Creativity certainly fits with writing a blog, writing books, and creating YouTube videos, all of which are certainly activities I enjoy. Still, there needed to be a deeper meaning and purpose for all this frantic activity.

The frantic minutes of my life certainly are addressed by core strength number 6. I’ve always had a lot of zest for living. Most of my life, I couldn’t wait to get out of bed in the morning and get to doing all the things I wanted to do that day. I’ve learned that my to-do list needs to be things I “want to do,” not things I “have to do.” I’m much happier when I can do as many of the “want to do’s” as possible each day.

How did I incorporate forgiveness into my mission statement?

It dawned on me that I started my counseling career working with people with substance use disorders, criminal justice populations, and people with serious mental illnesses. One of my firm beliefs as a therapist is that people can change. So, no matter what they’ve done in the past, I tried to see the potential that if they learn more, they can change their thinking, feeling, and behaving and create a positive well-functioning life.

What was the end result of my personal mission statement?

My mission in life is to learn, create, and share with joy, enthusiasm, and love.

That statement pretty well sums up the direction my life is headed these days. I hope you enjoy reading some of the things I’m writing or watching some of the videos I’m making and that, in the process, you might create that positive, flourishing, happy, and contented life you deserve.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For my videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Noble

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Noble
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Noble

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

― Ernest Hemingway

“People aren’t either wicked or noble. They’re like chef’s salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.”

― Lemony Snicket, The Grim Grotto

“I have possessed that heart, that noble soul, in whose presence I seemed to be more than I really was, because I was all that I could be.”

― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. I’ve also included some words related to strengths and values since the line between what we think and what we feel may vary from person to person. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings, strengths, and values.

Emotions and Feelings.                      Inspiration

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, Please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Ordeal therapy – experiences can change you

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Can drugs cure your depression in a single dose?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Ordeal therapy – experiences can change you.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Can drugs cure your depression in a single dose?

People have been asking me recently what I think of using psilocybin, Ketamine, and other psychoactive drugs as a treatment for anxiety and depression. I have seen some remarkable results. On the other hand, my years working in substance abuse counseling tell me that the magic pill, which is supposed to cure all your ills, often takes you to some nasty places.

Most people who develop alcoholism or an addiction begin by thinking that those substances could help them cope with the challenges of living. What started as the solution to their problems eventually morphed into yet another source of problems.

So why is it that sometimes taking a psychoactive drug can have a profound effect on someone, and other times it leads them deeper into the tangle of problems they began with while trying to cure their problems in the first place?

This may be a special case of ordeal therapy.

While the literature on ordeal therapy is not always easy to find, it goes back a very long way. There are plenty of examples of people who undertake a quest or journey that changes their perspective and life forever. I suppose this is the origin of the hero’s journey.

Sometimes, it’s as simple as setting yourself a task and proving to yourself that you can do it. Now, this doesn’t work for everyone, but when it does work, it’s remarkable. I remember reading several accounts of people who took off a summer and hiked the Appalachian Trail or the John Muir Trail here in California. That experience of living by yourself, struggling along the trail, careful of every morsel of food and water, can result in a radically new perspective on life.

When you get away from all the gadgets and the technology and life is stripped down to its barest essentials, most of the things we worry about and pursue every day have much less meaning.

Another example of ordeal therapy is those people who build a boat and then sail across the ocean to Hawaii or some other unusual destination. Setting yourself a challenge and proving to yourself that you can do this can be a very growth-promoting experience. Talk to someone who has trained diligently to run a marathon or compete in a bicycle race. Even if they finish far from the front, the sense of accomplishment changes their view of themselves.

I remember a story about a Native American tribe that lived up on the rim of the Grand Canyon. I hope that I have gotten this story correctly. Young men who wanted to prove that they were ready to transition into manhood would climb down the side of the Grand Canyon and seek out a cave with salt deposits. They would fill a bag with salt and climb back up to the men waiting for them at the top. Those who survived the ordeal had demonstrated that they were capable of acting like a man.

There was a time when many families would send their young men off to enlist in the military, believing that the experience of being separated from their family and having to rely on themselves to make the grade would “make a man out of them.”

It seems that there are fewer and fewer ways these days that someone can prove to themselves their worth as a person. Something about facing the demon in the blackened cave that gives you an altered perception of yourself and the world around you.

College degrees aren’t always enough of an ordeal to change people.

I strongly believe in education; love of learning is one of my core values. I read the reports that half of the people who obtain college degrees never work in the field they majored in. I also know that many students drop out of college, often saddled with large amounts of student loan debt, without ever completing their education.

Certainly, having a college degree increases your potential lifetime earnings. Still, it’s not enough for most people to be able to say that having completed that degree, they feel satisfied with themselves. In fact, many of the clients I talked with feel cheated. They went to school and got that degree, believing it was the magical cure to them feeling accomplished, but that sought-after job never materialized, and the wages they earned were not enough to pay back the loan. Thinking that getting a particular degree is the magic key to happiness has proved to be an illusion.

Climbing that metaphorical mountain may be a disappointment.

Undergoing an ordeal may prove to yourself what you’re made of and are capable of, but be aware that no matter how successful you are at climbing that mountain, that does not create a permanent success. Life is filled with challenges. There will be more mountains to climb. The lessons you learned by undergoing an ordeal may be valuable, but there will be more lessons to learn. One of the keys here is to appreciate what you’ve been through and accomplished, but don’t think that what you learned about yourself will be the end of the story. While what you did matters to you but, to others, you’re only as important as your most recent success. There will always be more mountains to climb and more ordeals to endure.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Nice

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Nice
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Nice

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”

― Albert Einstein

“Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”

― L.M. Montgomery

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

― Mark Twain

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. I’ve also included some words related to strengths and values since the line between what we think and what we feel may vary from person to person. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings, strengths, and values.

Emotions and Feelings.                      Inspiration

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, Please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Are you satisfied with your life?

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Are you satisfied with your life?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are you satisfied with your life?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Among the people I talk with daily, an almost universal characteristic is that they are unhappy with their lives. I realize some of that may be skewed because I work as a counselor and mental health therapist. When I’m not doing those things, I also work with a very limited number of clients, trying to coach them on creating a plan for life and achieving the goals they would like to achieve.

But if you’re one of those many people who aren’t happy with the life you’re living, now might be a good time to look at where you’re at and figure out how you’ll get where you want to be. For most people, life is a road trip to unexpected places, relationships, and events. But it’s a lot easier to get to the destination you’re headed for if you have a roadmap. The map doesn’t have to control your journey, but it can sure keep you from making wrong turns.

Consider creating a personal mission statement.

Successful businesses and many successful people start by creating a mission statement for themselves. I like the book “Start with Why,” in which Simon Sinek details the differences between businesses that began with a mission and purpose, their own specific why, and those that started with the how.

The how would be, “We’ll get to be the biggest by selling things cheaper.” Most of the time, businesses that take that approach discover they have zero profit margins and eventually begin to lose money as their competitors lower their prices to meet the new company’s low prices.

Companies with a mission statement detailing their “Why” do much better. If your goal is to make a product that is so inexpensive that anyone with a low income could afford to buy it and that your product would meet one of their basic needs, you have a great chance of being successful. Companies who envision simplifying technology so that market segments who have never used their product can quickly master it likewise know their why, which takes them a long way.

A personal mission statement guides your life journey.

Having a mission statement for your life keeps you on track. Your mission statement identifies the direction you’re going and how you’ll know when you’ve arrived at your destination. One way to help distill your many thoughts into a personal mission statement is to begin by writing your own obituary. What would you like people to say about you when you are gone.

How do you create a personal mission statement?

In this blog post, I will give you a brief overview of what you should consider in writing a personal mission statement and the process you might go through. In future blog posts, I’ll try to elaborate on these ideas. This process can take more or less time, depending on your objectives. If your life’s going well now, but you’re not accomplishing your goals as rapidly as you would like, you probably need to put in some detailed planning time. If you’re in the middle of a crisis, you’ll take some shortcuts and then come back and fill in the details as your life stabilizes.

Creating a personal mission statement is not a short-term process, but it is something you can do in bits and pieces and something you should continue to add to as you live your life. The things that will inform your mission statement are who you are and who you want to be.

Who you are involves taking a personal inventory. What are your good points, and what are your weaknesses. Self-appraisal points you in the direction of self-improvement. Who you want to be involves getting clear on your goals for life. Let’s look at a series of steps you can take to develop self-knowledge, get clear on your long-term goals, translate those long-term goals into short-term goals, and then develop action steps to take you and these directions.

You need to write your mission plan down.

Many people sit and think about their problems and the goals they would like to accomplish. Those great plans roll around in their head, but they never become concrete and actionable. Writing them down makes those things you have been thinking about real. Almost every self-help book I’ve read, and believe me, I’ve read a great many, include exercises where you write down the answers to the questions you’re asking yourself.

It’s also more effective if you have someone in your support system that you can talk with about this journey. Sometimes, that can be a friend, and sometimes that will be a professional. Be careful that your support system is large enough so that you don’t have to go to one person for everything. Trying to wade through all your problems and all your ambitions can overwhelm any one person.

For long-term plans, it helps to have an accountability partner, someone you tell about your plans and whom you will have to report to on how you are doing. Without this accountability partner, abandoning plans in the early stages is easy. Here are the steps we will discuss in more detail in upcoming blog posts.

Start your planning by getting to know yourself.

Self-knowledge is the key to any self-improvement or change process. Think about what is important to you. Is it money? Are you looking for success? Or are relationships more important to you?

Do you have traumatic or painful experiences? Part of your mission in life may be to heal from those traumas and avoid passing them down to another generation.

Do you have particular beliefs and principles? Any plan for accomplishing things must be consistent with your religious and spiritual beliefs and your value system. Spend some time thinking about what your core priorities are.

Identify your Strengths and Passions.

I relied on the viacharacter.org character strengths assessment when writing my mission statement. It turned out that creating a life that was consistent with my top five core strengths was a lot more satisfying than trying to be someone I wasn’t. I described that process in more detail in an earlier blog post.

Pay special attention to the times when your actions take you into the Flow State. When doing something meaningful and enjoyable, you will tend to lose all sense of time. If you work at something you love doing, you can enjoy yourself for the rest of your life, and they will pay you to do it.

Think about your many and varied relationships.

In developing a life plan, you will need to balance what you want with maintaining relationships with others. Think about what you want in the way of a romantic relationship and how you want to relate to your children. Consider whether you want to be the kind of boss or coworker that others respect. The end of your life will get very lonely if you reach your goals by sacrificing your relationships with friends and family.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

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For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Nervous

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Nervous
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Nervous

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.”

― Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness

“Your worst enemy, he reflected, was your own nervous system. At any moment the tension inside you was liable to translate itself into some visible symptom.”

― George Orwell, 1984

“True, nervous, very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am, but why will say that I am mad?! The disease had sharpened my senses, not destroyed, not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute.”

― Edgar Allan Poe, The Tell-Tale Heart and Other Writings

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. I’ve also included some words related to strengths and values since the line between what we think and what we feel may vary from person to person. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings, strengths, and values.

Emotions and Feelings.                      Inspiration

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, Please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel