Happy Mother’s Day!

 

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Mothers day

Happy Mother’s Day

To all the mothers out there who have given their unconditional love regardless of what your children look like or do here is wishing you a happy mother’s day.

If you didn’t have a mother like that, then work on giving yourself that love on this day devoted to the way a caring mother can make us all happy.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Mothers day

Happy Mother’s Day

To all the mothers out there who have given their unconditional love regardless of what your children look like or do here is wishing you a happy mother’s day.

If you didn’t have a mother like that, then work on giving yourself that love on this day devoted to the way a caring mother can make us all happy.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Why is love so hard to find?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Feeling of love

Looking for love.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Everyone looks for love but not many find it.

Of all the topics to write about why love? Nothing comes up more in therapy that the subject of love. Despite all the books on love, all the love songs, and the poems about love, few of us seem to be able to find the love we are looking for. Why?

Love is big business. There are dating sites devoted to finding your one true love and books on how to attract that love into your life, but still, so many people are starved for love.

The 1960s were full of expressions about love, love generation, summer of love, love child. One quote from long ago seemed, to sum up, the problem with a shortage of love.

“How come half the world is crying when the other half is crying too? Why can’t we get it together?” I remember hearing that, something close to that, from Janis Joplin shortly before she died.

One of the Jefferson Airplanes most remembered hits – Somebody to love. Despite all the looking for love there still seems to be a shortage.

There are several reasons we can’t seem to find enough love is this life.

If you don’t know what you are looking for how will you know it when you find it? Many of the things we say we want out of life are in short supply for just that reason. In psychology, they have a term for this phenomenon – The expert effect. Sometimes we don’t recognize we have something until it is gone.

Possible if we all worked harder on loving others, not the lusting kind but the real caring for other people sort of love, we might be less hungry for love.

Where do you find love?

The greater problem, the reason love may be so elusive is that we have been misled about where love could be found. When we are young we think love comes from someone else. Parents love, caretakers love and the love of friends and associates these things seem to make us “feel loved.”

For many out there that “love” was contingent on doing or saying what that other person wanted from us. We began a lifelong search for someone who could love us enough for us to feel lovable.

The problem is confounded for those who learned to substitute sex for love. If you just had the right kind of sexual partner then you might feel loved. So we look for lovers and friends that can make us feel loved.

Humans are social creatures; there is no denying we need other people. But finding someone who can love us so completely that we will never feel unloved and unlovable again, that is a futile search.

The place we need to look for that fullness of love is the last place most people would ever think to search. If you are to ever feel really loved, you need to begin by loving yourself. For if you are not able to love yourself no other person will ever be able to fill you with love.

What if you are so far down that you can’t even love yourself?

That is the time we need to look for that higher power, that thing beyond ourselves and those other failed human relationships. Look for someone greater than yourself and by that, I do not mean some earthly person.

Some find that unconditional love in a religious institution or in a recovery or 12 step group.

A saying around those tables is that other recovering people will love you until you are able to love yourself.

You can’t fill up that love-shaped hole in your being by rushing around looking for the right person to love you. First, you need to learn to love yourself and feel worthy of love, and then you will be able to accept other’s love into your life.

Just my thoughts. What have you found out about solving this love shortage?

“Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother’s Day.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

By David Joel Miller.

To all the mothers out there who have given their unconditional love regardless of what your children look like or do here is wishing you a happy mother’s day.

If you didn’t have a mother like that, then work on giving yourself that love on this day devoted to the way a caring mother can make us all happy.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Model for unconditional love – your pet

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Dog and cat playing

True friends.
Photo courtesy of pixabay.

What your pet can teach you about love.

Lovers and partners may come and go, a faithful pet is always there. Pets hear our tales of love lost and wait patiently for a pat on the head or a bowl of food. There is something about the way we love and are loved by our pets that transcends the turmoil of human existence.

Love from another human can be so conditional. Parents love their children when they are good, partners when they get what they want, but that dog or cat by your feet, they go on loving you in good times and bad.

Pets are role models for the way we should love because they love unconditionally. Notwithstanding an occasional poorly behaved pet, most of the creatures that share our lives continue to love us in sickness and health for richer or poorer even after the humans who had promised to do so have come and gone.

Pets are remarkably adaptable and accepting. They adjust to living in mansions and keeping company with their homeless human companions. They never threaten to stop loving us if they do not get a designer food or a certain toy that all the neighbor pets have. They patiently, or not so patiently, wait by the door for our return each and every time we leave.

There are of course great differences in the way pets show their affection for their humans. I have had the good fortune to share my life with more creatures than most. In my early years, I had several dogs as family members. Calling them family members may seem strange to some of you, but they deserved that designation, having been more reliable in their friendship than most of my human friends and family members from those days.

In recent years several cats have agreed to share my home and life. The switch from dogs to cats was quite accidental. A cat somehow finagled her way into the family and gained first the acceptance of the family dog and then later my acceptance.

While the cats and dogs have certainly had different personalities, each and every dog or cat had some particular characteristics that made them unique. For the sake of brevity here I will leave out other creatures, though many other species also exhibit a fondness for their human family members.

Occasional a non-human family member has been poorly behaved, torn something up or used an inappropriate place for a bathroom. But all in all, pets have been consistently more dependable and affectionate than many a human acquaintance.

There were some studies, way back when, which showed that having a pet in your life reduced loneliness and improved mental health.

One of life’s great tragedies is that our pets can be torn from us way too soon. Many a child’s first loss is a beloved pet.  How that child responds to that event can set up a pattern of dealing with loss for the rest of their life. For many, the first time death touches us is when a beloved pet passes away.

Not all losses of pets come by way of death. My first experience was a cross-country move when my childhood dog was left behind. So were my friends.

I know that some of these losses are unavoidable, sometimes we move into a living situation where our pet family members are not welcome. Divorces can sheer away the family pet along with a parent, a school, and friends. Like all losses in life sometimes they need to happen. But we shouldn’t minimize the pain the child feels.

If you open your heart to a pet and let them love you, they stay with you forever in the places of your mind where you remember happy things. If only we could hold lost human relationships in that same place.

That person you loved and had children with, may not be in your life now, but there was something that led you to make a child with them. If only we could hold that memory of our child’s parent fast, separate it from the ex we are now rid of, we might find some of that unconditional love that our pets display.

The cruelest loss of all for many a person is when we reach old age. Partners are lost, along with friends. Children may move away or connections with family are lost. The one thing that remains is their pet. That pet may be a way to maintain a memory of their lost partner or children.

Unknowing or uncaring people have separated that senior from the last creature that regularly shows them affection. More enlightened agencies and providers sometimes see the benefits of keeping that person connected to the emotional benefits that come from sharing your life with an animal.

If only humans could love as constantly and unconditionally as our animal companions do then the world would be a better place.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel