Reasons they don’t like you.

By David Joel Miller.

What you are doing to drive people away and how to fix it.

They don't like you.

Why they don’t like you!
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

You find it hard to make friends and harder still to keep them. Does it often feel like people around you don’t like you? Chances you are doing things, and more importantly, you are thinking things, that are making it hard for others to like you. One big reason you may be feeling rejected is that you have been rejecting yourself.

If you don’t like yourself, you make it hard for others to like you. Are your insecurities getting in the way of having good relationships? People who are insecure often adopt negative behavior patterns to protect themselves from rejection by others. Some of the things you have been doing to try to make yourself feel more self-confident may be making you hard to be around.

Being arrogant drives people away.

The definition of arrogant is to have an exaggerated belief in your own importance and abilities. If you find you need to brag about everything you do, puff yourself up, to get other people to notice you, they may perceive you as arrogant. Arrogant people are conceited, afraid to admit when they made a mistake and are very egotistical.

The solution to being perceived as arrogant is to be humbler. Being humble does not mean low self-esteem. It means thinking and treating others as your equal. Respecting other people’s opinions and being willing to ask them for help when you need it.

Selfish, self-centered people are hard to like.

Taking good care of yourself is not the same things being selfish. Selfish people are concerned only about themselves. They lack concern or even consideration for others feelings and needs.

The cure for being selfish is to work on the ability to genuinely care about others.

Are you always negative?

Negative people are a real downer. We all understand that our family or friends may have difficult times. We want to be there for them through those challenges. But if you’re one of those people who sees everything and everyone as bad and worthless, your constant negativity will drive people away.

People who can see the good in others are enjoyable to be around. If you would like to have more friends you need to practice your ability to see the good in others. It’s often easy to see the mistakes others make, but a focus on those mistakes eliminate your ability to ever see the good that anyone has done. The cure for negativity? Become a positivity expert!

Are you an emotional vampire?

Some people practice the skill of sucking all the joy out of the room. If spending time with you wears people out and they feel like you’re sapping their energy, they will stop coming around.

Practice enthusiasm and you will feel more energized. Enthusiasm is contagious, and people like to be around people who enjoy being around them.

It’s hard to care about people who are apathetic.

If you do the minimum to get by, people are likely to pass you by. If you don’t care about the things you’re doing, start doing something differently. It’s fun to be around people who love what they’re doing. Being around people who just don’t care is likely to make you not care.

If other people are seeing you as apathetic, maybe even lazy, find some goals you can be passionate about.

People who are no fun are hard to like.

If you take everything in life deadly serious, people will only be able to take you in small doses. It’s easiest to make friends with people who are fun to be around. Take the serious stuff seriously. But there are a great many things in life every day that are not a matter of life and death. Learn to enjoy what you do and do what you enjoy, and people will be attracted to you.

Want to be that fun person to be around? Learn to play more.

Rigid, defensive people create resistance.

If you are set in your ways, expect other people to take a different path. If you are defensive, people will begin to feel self-protective around you. They are walking on eggshells. Having to constantly worry that you will say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and upset someone is a difficult situation. If you are not able to give as well as take, people will avoid you.

People who are flexible and accepting are easier to like. Work on being more open to alternatives. When you meet people, who are different from you, view this is an opportunity to learn from them.

Look at yourself and your personality. If any of these characteristics of unlikable people fit you, consider this an improvement opportunity. Learning to be a likable person is an opportunity for personal growth. The more likable you become, the more you will discover you like yourself. Practicing likability is a great way to improve your self-esteem.

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

Advertisements

Time for a change?

By David Joel Miller.

Feeling like you need a change but don’t know what to do?

Time to change.

Time for a change.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

You have been plotting along, but things don’t seem to be getting any better. You may be feeling restless, irritable, confused and indecisive. There are times in most people’s lives they don’t like where they are, but they are not sure what to do about it.

Whether it is an unhappy romantic relationship or an unfulfilling dead-end job, the decision to stay or go can be a difficult one. If you’ve reached a point in your life where you feel you can’t stay stuck where you are, but you don’t see a way forward, here are some suggestions.

Enrich the relationship.

People start new relationships, romantic or occupation ones, full of enthusiasm. As time passes that relationship loses its luster and the job becomes boring. Couples who do not maintain their relationship can find it falling apart. Put some spark back in your relationship by doing more things together.

Add some new roles to your romantic relationship. Become activity partners. Do more things together. Set some couple goals. Some couples exercise together, cook meals together, read together, or they may even learn a new skill together.

On the job, learning a new skill, taking on additional responsibilities or transferring to another assignment can help you regain your interest and enthusiasm. Challenging yourself to grow in your work life prevents burnout and those trapped feelings.

Become open to new experiences.

One way to get unstuck is to open yourself up to novel experiences. Take up a hobby, begin an exercise routine, or learn to cook a new recipe. Do you have a special interest? Maybe like to read or garden? Consider joining a club focused on your interest. Joining clubs and organizations is a great way to make new friends and to vary the routine.

By being open to new experience, be very careful about making changes you will not be able to take back. It is common for people who are stuck to think the problem is their partner or their job. Using a new relationship as a parachute to get out of your current relationship, can result in emotional injury when you hit the ground hard.

Don’t overreact to an unsatisfying job situation by quitting your current job with no new job to go to. As you try new activities and learn new skills, keep your eyes open for jobs that might interest you or places you might want to work.

One reason you may feel stuck in your current situation could be you don’t feel confident in your skills. Take trainings when they are offered, take a night class or an online class to improve your skill. With more training and skills, you may find opportunities for advancement in the organization where you already work. The reason you are feeling trapped maybe you don’t yet have the skills needed to move forward.

Work on yourself.

When you are going through a rough patch, anxiety or depression, it is easy to blame the situation or the people around you. Sometimes the reason you are feeling stuck and confused is that there is work you need to do on yourself. New opportunities can’t present themselves until you develop the skills and attitudes you will need.

In couples counseling we often find the couple blaming each other for their unhappiness. Very shortly the couple separates, and one or both begin new relationships. Within a year or two, both new couples have turned unhappy. Happiness is an inside job. You need to be able to be happy by yourself before you can be happy in a relationship.

Develop distress tolerance.

Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes there are difficult patches. Don’t be too quick to make an impulsive change in your life. Sometimes the reason choices aren’t clear is because you are not yet ready to make that change. Sometimes discomfort lasts only briefly. Focus on the distress, and it becomes unbearable. Focus on living the best life possible, and the discomfort may fade away.

Use the calendar, not a watch.

Have you been feeling pressure, as if time was running out on you? Don’t be one of those people who has unrealistic high expectations for themselves. Life is not a destination but a process. In your rush to become successful, however, you define success, don’t lose the joys of the things you do accomplish.

A successful life is rarely the result of achieving great things at a young age. Don’t expect to be all you can be by a particular age. Ever hear of a musician called a one hit wonder? Longevity in any field is the result of continual practice and improvement.

Clarify your choices by seeking professional help.

One legitimate goal of counseling is to help you see your choices clearly and resolve your confusion. The counseling room is a good place to talk things out with an objective person. Whether you are currently confused, facing difficult choices or is a time for a change professional counselor can help you through the process.

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

How to be more efficient.

By David Joel Miller.

Efficiency

How to get more done.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Ways to increase your efficiency.

Do you struggle to get things done? Do you wish you could be more efficient?

Being efficient require systems and it requires practicing them until they become routine.

Consider incorporating some of these efficiency tips into your daily life.

Get more done by making lists.

Making lists helps you in several ways.  When you try to remember too many things you are likely to forget some things.  It’s easy to get so busy with the day-to-day tasks that important things don’t get done.  Not having something on your list can result in arriving at a deadline without having begun what you needed to do.

Prioritize.

You can increase your efficiency by prioritizing things.  Begin with the things that you must do today.  Avoid spending a lot of time on small things which can eat up your day without accomplishing anything.  Some large tasks may need to be broken up into smaller components so that you can do them a little of that time.

Make a schedule.

Efficient people make schedules and stick to them.  Allow enough time for each thing that you plan to do.  Make sure you include in your schedule time to get from one place or appointment to another. In making a schedule, try to be realistic. Do not over schedule. Machines that are pushed too close to their limit breakdown, so do people.

Do the hard things first.

Make it a point to tackle the most difficult thing on your list as soon as possible.  Do the hard things early when you are full of energy. Few people have unlimited willpower. Making yourself do things you don’t want to do requires a lot of willpower. Don’t squander your willpower on minor things use it for the tough chores.

Don’t expect to be perfect.

All aspects of the things you are doing are not equally important.  Get clear on which things you need to do well and which things have room for error.  Spending too much time trying to send one perfect e-mail can result in not getting all the emails answered. Perfectionism is an enemy of productivity. Don’t use perfectionism as an excuse for not getting anything done.

Take time for both short-term and long-term planning.

Investing a little time in planning can pay big dividends in the long run.  Good planning identifies which items will take longer and which things you need to do first.  Decide which things need doing in the short-term.  Long-term goals require setting up a list of steps that you were doing to work towards them. Time spent planning will reduce the time needed to be productive.

Keep your commitments or don’t make them.

If you fail to keep your commitments, you confuse yourself and others.  Be clear on which things you genuinely intend to follow through on. People with too many things on their to-do lists often fail to complete any of their intended tasks.

Take care of your tools – especially yourself, eat, sleep and exercise.

Invest some time in taking care of the equipment that helps you.  Trying to work with broken equipment is unproductive. Self-care is especially important if you want to stay efficient.  You can’t be particularly efficient if you don’t eat when needed, get some exercise and get adequate sleep.

Focus on solutions, not problems; stay in positivity.

Spending a lot of time looking at problems is unproductive.  When facing a problem, look for a solution.  Positive can-do people are much more efficient. Highly productive people look at challenges as opportunities, not obstacles

Make every day Thanksgiving, be grateful.

Approaching things in a positive manner makes you more productive, more efficient, and a lot happier doing the things you do.  Be grateful for what you have.  Remember to express thanks for the good things that happen to you.

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings, and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

Quitting.

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Quitting

Quitting.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Quitting.

“You have not failed until you quit trying.”

― Gordon B. Hinckley

“I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion’.”

― Muhammad Ali

“Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit.”

― Vince Lombardi Jr.

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Happiness don’ts.

By David Joel Miller.

Don’t do these things if you want to be happy.

Falling down

When you fall get back up.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Some things add to your happiness, and others detract from it. While it may take some time to build up positive things in your life make sure you are not of reducing that happiness by any of these negative behaviors.

Learn from your mistakes, if you fall down, get back up. Try these tips for more happiness.

Don’t spend time thinking about the pain of the past.

The more time you spend thinking about the pain of the past, turning it over and over in your mind, the more impediments you create to be happy.  Make a strong effort to stop thinking about the past pain and focus instead on the opportunities in the present.  Learn the lessons from your life’s past events, but don’t continue to relive those events.

Don’t focus on what is missing.

Happiness comes from enjoying the things you have not focusing on the things that are missing.  Learn to be grateful for what you do have rather than focusing on the things that are absent.

Don’t avoid spending time alone.

Frantically seeking company rather than being willing to spend time alone will not increase your happiness.  Develop the skills of enjoying the time you have with yourself.  Happiness comes from achieving a balance between time spent with others and time spent alone.

Don’t stop growing.

Make your life a work in progress rather than a finished product.  Continuing to grow in life continues to enlarge your happiness.

Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Being hard on yourself or others is not a way to motivate someone to do better.  Learn to lighten up and accept that humans are fallible creatures.  People who can accept their mistakes have a much happier life.

Don’t forget why you’re doing things.

Some things we do because they’re important part because we choose to do them.  If you find you are just doing things out of habit, they are unlikely to be making you happy.

Don’t abuse your body.

Take good care of your body.  Pushing your body too hard results in an unhappy life. You only get one body in this life. Sometimes if your body gets damaged a good doctor can repair it, but a repaired vehicle is never as good as when it was new.

Don’t believe that things can make you happy.

Things come and go in your life.  Having nice things means you can enjoy them for a while.  But over the long-term things wear out and need to be fixed.  It’s not the things that will make you happy it is what you can do with them that leads to a happy life.

Don’t compare yourself to others.

Constantly comparing yourself to others is a sure way to reduce your happiness.  There’ll always be people who have more than you.  It is also likely there will be people who have a lot less.  Constantly comparing ourselves to others interferes with your ability to enjoy who you are.

Don’t ruminate about what is wrong.

Dwelling on what’s wrong doesn’t result in fixing it.  Focus on what needs doing and what you can do.  No one hits a hundred per cent.  Recognize that to accomplish anything you must do a lot of things.  Not everything you try it will be perfect.  If you stay focused on the mistakes, you don’t leave room for doing the new things that could make you happy.

Don’t fear change.

Change is an inevitable part of life. Fearing and trying to avoid change keeps you stuck in the past. To maximize your happiness embrace change. Look at the process of change is your opportunity to experience new things. Fearing change keeps you stuck where you are.

Don’t blame others.

The matter what others may or may not have done, you are responsible for your happiness. If you are unhappy, begin by working on yourself. The easiest thing to change is your attitude, the way you view life. The second thing you can change is your actions. Don’t like where your life is? Begin by taking small steps and these was will add up to large changes.

Don’t lose your curiosity.

Curiosity keeps life fun and exciting. Little children can become happy over the littlest things. When you see each day, and everything in it has new life takes on more meaning. Practice using your childlike mind and seek each day to learn something new.

Don’t put things off until tomorrow.

Don’t delay; life is lived in today. Make today the happiest day possible. While you may plan for tomorrow everything you will do will be done today. Make sure you don’t wait to do anything until the opportunity has passed.

Don’t worry about things that are out of your control.

It’s easy to worry about things in other people’s houses and other places. Lots of people today are caught up in worrying about what’s going on in Washington DC or, in their state’s capital. What you are likely to discover is the things that happen in your house are for far more likely to affect your happiness than things in far-off places. Look for things over which you have control and put your focus there.

Don’t forget your family and friends.

Happy people develop positive support systems. Try to improve relationships with your family where possible. Invest time in your friendships. If your friendships don’t bring you positive results, consider investing some of today into creating new and better friendships. Having positive friends will make you happy

Don’t think that being alone means being lonely.

Lonely people find that they are lonely whether they are by themselves or in a crowd. Learn to be your best friend, enjoy your times of solitude. Being happy when you’re by yourself makes you even happier when you are with other positive people. People who were frantically looking for someone else to make them happy often end up disappointed. If you like you there will always be good company in your life.

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings, and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

 

Eight steps to clearer thinking.

By David Joel Miller.

Become a more efficient thinker.

PNG of brain.

Clear thinking.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

There are those people who are really clear, efficient thinkers.  Have you ever wished you were one of those efficient thinkers? There are ways that you can become a clearer more efficient thinker.  The skills needed to be an efficient thinker are not something people are born with.  Good thinking is a skill that you can develop. Start by getting your brain running at top efficiency.

Eat a healthy diet.

Your brain consumes a significant portion of the calories you use each day.  By some estimates, your brain uses 20 plus percent of the calories you burn each day.  To think well you need to fuel that brain.  Give your brain a healthy diet if you want to get good work out of it.  Not only do you need enough calories, but you need enough of all the basic nutrients.  Work on including healthy ingredients in your diet.

Get enough sleep.

Lack of sleep will make you a groggy, fuzzy headed thinker.  Begin your day the night before by getting to bed at a reasonable hour.  Efficient thinkers have well-rested brains.  You can’t think at peak efficiency with a tired out brain.  During sleep, your brain is cleansed of all the waste products from the thinking work you do each day.

Do healthy exercise.

To be a clear thinker you need a healthy body.  Keeping your body healthy requires a good balance between exercise and rest.  Improve your thinking clarity by getting up from your desk and moving around.  Include some standing, walking and other exercises in your daily routine.

Store information in multiple ways.

The brain stores information that comes in through different channels in different locations.  If you want to be a clear thinker you need to be able to find information stored in your brain.  One way to do that is to store it in multiple locations.  Listen carefully to what you hear.  Take the time to really look at things.  Writing things down helps you to store the memory in another part of your brain.  Some people find it useful to sing or convert things they want to remember into rhymes.

Become more mindful.

Mindfulness is a useful way to train your brain.  Mindfulness practice can help you learn to be less distracted and more focused on the thing that you are trying to concentrate on.  Mindfulness teaches you the skill of ignoring extraneous thoughts and staying on task with a really important thought.

Read to improve your thinking ability.

Reading expands your ability to think clearly.  We think in words and the more you read the more words you become familiar with.  Read widely and increase the number of ideas you are familiar with.

Excite your brain.

Do mentally stimulating things.  Seek out novelty.  An enthusiastic brain produces better results.  The majority of all learning is emotional, not intellectual.  If you are interested in a topic, if it excites your mind, this thought becomes easier to remember and make use of.

Match your speed to the project.

Some projects require slow methodical thinking.  Other tasks benefit from a more rapid, creative approach.  If you’re working on a very detailed problem in mathematics or engineering, you need to slow down your speed to avoid errors.  If you need more creative thoughts, keep the flow moving.  Some of the most creative ideas come from brainstorming where you come up with as many ideas as rapidly as possible without censoring them.

Hope these ideas will help you improve that clarity of your thinking.

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

Life lessons you need to learn.

By David Joel Miller.

What life lessons do you need to learn?

Learning lifes lessons

Life lessons you need to learn.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

You probably went to school for a while or you wouldn’t be reading this. You learned your alphabet, reading and some math. Maybe a little history, very little history if you are typical. What most of us missed out on were the lessons about the required emotional skills. How you get through this life in one piece.

By life lessons, I am not necessarily talking about how to cook a meal or wash some clothes, though those are useful skills. What I am talking about is how to go about really “living” this thing we call a life. What do you do to create a happy life out of the raw material that will be thrown at you?

Below are some of the life lessons you may not have gotten enough training in. There are things counselors work on with their clients all the time. If you see any of these life lessons you feel you need to work on, consider some therapy or a good book on self-improvement that covers the part you still need to learn.

Stress reduction will keep you from stressing out.

Life is stressful. There is good stress and bad stress. Much of this thing we call stress is the result of our anticipating what will happen, not the actual happening. In another post about stress, I wrote about how people who are going through a really difficult time can be less stressed out than those who are afraid they will have to have that experience.  Accept that stress is a required part of living.  Learn to reduce the impact of that stress on your life.

Emotional Regulation is a skill that will keep you out of trouble.

It comes as a surprise to many people that they can regulate their emotions.  Most of us started out having feelings and then either getting in trouble for those feelings or being told we shouldn’t feel the way we were feeling.  Turns out that learning to regulate your emotions is an important life skill.

Many people end up having to take anger management classes where they learned that it is not other people who are “making them angry” but it is the way they view the situation that creates their anger.  Anger is not the only emotion you need to learn to regulate.  You will feel sadness and emotional pain. People who are good and regulating these emotions feel them but don’t get carried away.

Interpersonal communication is a make or break life skill.

Interpersonal communication is a skill that many people need to work on.  Some people get this skill wrong and develop the belief that interpersonal communication means learning how to tell other people things.  The biggest part of the interpersonal communications consists of learning how to accurately listen to others.  When you get a clear picture of what other people are saying you will discover that there are far fewer things you need to argue with.

Developing a support system isn’t always an easy skill to develop.

Having the support of people in your life makes life a whole lot easier.  For most people, friends were something that just happened.  In the early school grades, anyone that you spend time with could easily become your friend.  As we get older it becomes harder and harder to make real lasting friends.

When you are too close to things you miss the big picture.

One important life skill that an adult may still need to develop is the ability to look at things from different perspectives.  Often when people are caught up in the moment things look a very set way.  Learning to step back and analyze situations from other perspectives can help you solve life’s problems.

You can’t be objective about you.

People often work with coaches. counselors and therapists, because they can’t see their own behavior.  Even when it’s painful, it can be really helpful to have someone who will give you an honest version of what they see about you and your behavior.

Encouragement helps you change.

To really grow and progress people need positive reinforcement.  Many people grew up experiencing mostly negative feedback.  The belief in the past was that in order to get people to do better it was necessary to point out every single one of their flaws.  We’ve since learned that if you never hear anything positive it is easy to become discouraged and give up trying.

You need to learn being real can be scary.

Really young kids find it easy to be real.  Young people find it easy to spot people who are being fake.  As we get older, more and more we are likely to hide our real selves.  Often it’s easier to present a false image to others in the hope of being liked.  People who are able to be real have to take risks.  While being real involves taking some scary risks it also results in people being a lot happier.

Are any of these life lessons that you still need to learn?

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books