Could you start over after a trauma?

By David Joel Miller.

Ninety-nine cent Kindle book sale.

The Kindle Edition of my latest book, a novel about a man forced to recover from an incredible trauma, is on sale right now for just ninety-nine cents.

Casino Robbery.

The robbers wanted more than money; they planned to kill Arthur’s fiancé and her boss.

Arthur Mitchell was trying to start his life over with a fiancé and a new job. That all ends

Photo of Casino Robbery book

Casino Robbery.

when the casino robbers shoot Arthur, kill his fiancée, and her boss. Arthur would like to forget that horrible day, but the traumatic nightmares and constant reminders won’t let him, and someone is still out to get him. When he tries to start over by running a rural thrift store, someone knocks him unconscious, vandalize the store, and finally tries to kill him. His only chance to find peace is to figure out what the killers want from him and why.

Casino Robbery is a novel that explores the world of a man with PTSD who has to cope with his symptoms to solve the mystery and create a new life.

The Kindle Edition can be ordered now for just 99 cents!

Casino Robbery is also available in paperback.

Bumps on the Road of Life

Don’t forget about my first book.

Bumps on the Road of Life is now available in Kindle format. It was released 11/13/17. The paperback version is also available. Look at the description below. Thank you, to those who have already ordered paperback copies or the Kindle Edition.

Bumps on the Road of Life

Your cruising along the road of life and then wham, something knocks you in the ditch.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.
By David Joel Miller

Sometimes you get your life going again quickly. Other times you may stay off track and in the ditch for a considerable time. If you have gone through a divorce, break up or lost a job you may have found your life off track. Professionals call those problems caused by life-altering events “Adjustment Disorders.” Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of Adjustment Disorders, how they get people off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Bumps on the Road of Life

Please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

if you purchased either of my books, reviews are appreciated.

I sincerely hope you all enjoy reading my book as much as I enjoyed writing them. If you do, I would greatly appreciate a short review on Amazon or your favorite book website. Reviews are crucial for any author, and even just a line or two can make a huge difference.

Thanks again for reading this blog, pardon the short digression, next time we will return to another post about mental health, substance use disorders, and having a happy successful life.

David Joel Miller.

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Overthinking takes you nowhere.

By David Joel Miller.

Thinking the same thoughts over and over does not lead to insight.

Overthinking

Overthinking.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

In overthinking you get stuck on thinking the same thoughts over and over. To gain insight, you need to think about things from a different perspective. Take a break from your problems, sleep on it overnight, have some fun, and your problem is likely to look different the next time you think about it.

Overthinking is sometimes described as racing thoughts. These racing thoughts are different from the kind of out of control thoughts described in Bipolar Disorder. Overthinking is related to anxiety disorders in that these thoughts look like a hamster in his wheel, running as fast as he can around and around in the same place. In overthinking your thoughts take you nowhere but they do increase your anxiety. The racing thoughts of bipolar take you farther and farther into grandiose beliefs and urges.

Things will change whether you think about them or not.

Whether you think about it or not the weather will change. You can prepare for the weather but worrying about it will neither prevent the storm nor make it worse. Know that, regardless of what you think, the summers and winters will come. Overthinking steals your life.

The time you spend overthinking is time you are not doing.

Living is about the things you do, not the things you think about doing. The best way to prepare for the future is by living today. It’s easy to stay busy thinking about the past, worrying about the future, all the while avoiding taking action in the present.

Don’t believe everything you think.

Sometimes we take our own thinking as evidence for the truth of what we believe. IF something is making you anxious, you need to take a good look at it, and sometimes you need to listen to your gut. Consider however that just because something scares you that does not make it dangerous. Often our preconceived views of things turn out to be wrong. Be careful that you don’t jump to the conclusion and then because you think it; you look for evidence to support that view.

Don’t recruit others to overthink with you.

Group overthinking has been called co-rumination. If every time you get together with your friends, you go over and over the same problems in life, these relationships have moved from being supportive to keeping you stuck in your problems. You don’t need half a dozen people helping you think about how awful things are.

The more baggage you accumulate, the harder it is to move forward.

Do you have a lot of baggage from the past? Do you spend a lot of time taking it out, looking it over and then packing it up again to take it with you into the future? Constantly dwelling on the mistakes and the pain of the past keeps you stuck. Learn life’s lessons but be careful not to carry any more baggage into the future than is absolutely necessary.

Overthinking prevents you from making decisions.

The more you think about something, the harder it may be to decide. Unfortunately, not deciding and not acting are decisions. Don’t let overthinking make your decisions for you by preventing you from ever doing something which might benefit you.

Overthinking destroys your creativity.

Creativity is about new ways of looking at things and new ways of combining them. If you are stuck in overthinking and worry about what the right way to do something is, you will become afraid to take the chances necessary to be truly creative. Overthinking will tell you that there’s only one correct answer and you need to find that answer. Creativity will tell you that there are many possible solutions and the more open you are to those solutions the more creative you will become.

Overthinking tells you there’s only one way to do things.

The longer you think about things more likely you are to doubt each possibility. Overthinking by pointing out the pitfalls of potential decisions takes away your choices. If you want to be truly free, don’t let your worried mind tell you that you shouldn’t make the choices that appeal to you. Often when presented with a choice, our first thought is the correct one. People who are high in test anxiety often find the more they go over their answers and change them, the lower their test score goes. Don’t let overthinking talk you out of the choice that’s right for you.

New Book Bumps on the Road of Life is now available in Kindle format for preorder. It will be released on 11/13/17. The paperback version should be ready shortly.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Your cruising along the road of life and then wham, something knocks you in the ditch. Sometimes you get your life going again quickly. Other time you may stay off track and in the ditch for a considerable time. If you have gone through a divorce, break up or lost a job you may have found your life off track. Professionals call those problems caused by life-altering events “Adjustment Disorders.” Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of Adjustment Disorders, how they get people off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Bumps on the Road of life

Amazon Author Page  – David Joel Miller

More to come as other books are completed.

Thanks to all my readers for all your support.

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

What is an E.A.P.?

By David Joel Miller.

E. A. P. stands for employee assistance program.

Man questioning

E.A.P. Sometimes you need a little help.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Many companies have a series of services available to their employees to help with outside of work issues. These out of work problems can affect an employee’s performance at work. Employees with legal problems, tax problems, or emotional and relational problems may have difficulty functioning effectively at work.

Companies may offer their employees the opportunity to consult with a professional about personal issues. The option to use an E.A.P. is often part of the employee’s benefits package. There are outside companies who contract with employers to provide E.A.P. services. The E.A.P. provider then contracts with lawyers, accountants, and counselors and therapists. Some medical insurance companies also offer E.A.P. programs.

E.A.P.’s and therapy.

One important E.A.P. service is counseling or therapy. Plans vary widely in how much counseling and what kinds of counseling are covered. These plans are not meant to replace medical insurance for long-term and serious mental illnesses. What the E.A.P plan does cover is a small number of sessions with a counselor or therapist to help people deal with the problems of life.

How E.A.P. counseling works.

An employee at a company with an E.A.P. plan decides they have a problem they need to talk about, but they may not want to talk to their supervisor about this issue. They call their companies E.A.P. provider. This company has been contracted in advance to provide services for all the companies employees. The E.A.P. company may provide the service themselves, but more commonly when it comes to emotional issues, they will refer that employee to a counselor who can provide the needed service.

Generally, the E.A.P. Company authorizes a set number of sessions of counseling. E.A.P. counseling is meant to be brief in nature. Depending on the employer’s plan, three, six, or even 12 free sessions of counseling are provided. The details of what the client talks about are not reported to the company they work for. Once the counselor sees the client, they bill the E.A.P. company for the session.

What kind of problems does E.A.P. counseling cover?

Relationship issues, with either partners, children, or parents are frequent topics of E.A.P. counseling. Other common E.A.P. counseling topics include drinking and substance use problems, educational issues, moves, deaths in the family and other grief and loss challenges.

What problems are generally not included in E.A.P. counseling?

E.A.P. counseling is designed to be brief and covers a limited number of sessions. It is sometimes described as “non-medical counseling.” Most plans exclude serious and persistent mental illness. If the client receives a mental health diagnosis, they will be referred to a therapist on the client’s medical insurance panel.

Does brief E.A.P. counseling work?

Counselors who work with E.A.P.’s do a lot of brief counseling interventions. These can be highly effective in helping people through an immediate crisis. In my private practice, I do a lot of brief E.A.P. type work. I find it very rewarding to be able to help people reduce their problems and improve the quality of their life.

If you work somewhere that has an E.A.P. plan and you have been struggling with an emotional challenge, consider using your E.A.P. to help you through the struggles you are facing.

New Book Bumps on the Road of Life is now available in Kindle format for preorder. It will be released on 11/13/17. The paperback version is ready now.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Your cruising along the road of life and then wham, something knocks you in the ditch.

Sometimes you get your life going again quickly. Other times you may stay off track and

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.
By David Joel Miller

in the ditch for a considerable time. If you have gone through a divorce, break up or lost a job you may have found your life off track. Professionals call those problems caused by life-altering events “Adjustment Disorders.” Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of Adjustment Disorders, how they get people off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Bumps on the Road of life

Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

More to come as other books are completed.

Thanks to all my readers for all your support.

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings, and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

How to stop overthinking.

By David Joel Miller.

Overthinking is harmful to your mental health.

Overthinking

Overthinking.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

People who do a lot of overthinking, sometimes called rumination, increase their anxiety and their sadness. Unchecked overthinking, far from being helpful, can result in worry and leads to mental health issues such as anxiety disorders and depression. In overthinking your mind becomes your adversary, not your ally. If your mind is constantly turning things over and over and is wearing you out or if you find your overthinking has begun to interfere with your sleep and your relationships, it’s time to do something to put a stop to that over thinking.

If you suffer from overthinking here are some ways to get off that destructive path.

Notice when you overthink.

Overthinking can become an insidious habit. Become aware of when you are feeling distressed or anxious. The first step in getting overthinking out of your life is to become aware of how frequently you are overthinking. Avoid the trap of overthinking your overthinking.

Practice thought stopping.

When a child is doing something, they shouldn’t, we tell them to “knock that off.” When your mind starts taking you into bad neighborhoods, tell that mind to “stop that.” Another technique for stopping negative thoughts is to shift your focus to something positive. Search your memory for the happiest event in your life or imagine a happy event. When your brain begins to overthink possible negative occurrences, tell it to move to the positive.

Focus on the things that are likely to happen.

Most worry and overthinking is the result of an excessive focus on things that might or could happen but are very unlikely. Don’t spend large amounts of time thinking about things that are unlikely to happen. Most of the things we worry about never happen. Overthinking low probability events distracts you from dealing with the things that need doing today to prevent problems in the future.

Become a happiness expert.

Overthinking makes you an expert on unhappiness. Having a laser focus on what could go wrong obscures your vision of what could go right. People who are high in anxiety and depression develop a cognitive bias towards the negative. They don’t see the positive in their lives, and when they do they discount it. Notice small positive events in your life. When something good happens, don’t blink right away. Continue to look at and think about those positive, happy occurrences.

Avoid perfection paralysis.

Frequently people who are high in overthinking consider themselves perfectionists. An excessive focus on a perfection can leave you paralyzed. Pursue excellence. Try to become the best person possible, but avoid an emphasis on absolute perfection. Whatever you achieve should be valued.

Accept yourself as you are.

Failure to accept yourself, as you are, leads to a lot of unhappiness. However, you are, is perfectly acceptable. Acceptance values how far you have come. If you spend all your time looking for flaws you will miss your unique, individual qualities. Acceptance of yourself, others as they are, and the world the way it is rather than insisting that people places and things must be the way you want them to be will increase your happiness and reduce your anxiety provoking overthinking.

Inventory what you have not what’s missing.

Our society today, with its emphasis on the lifestyles of the rich and famous, has resulted in a lot of people believing their life is missing something. Constantly thinking about what’s missing from your life robs you of the enjoyment of the things you do have. When your focus is on keeping up with the Trumps, you will never have enough. When you adopt an attitude of gratitude, you can enjoy the people and the things you do have rather than grieve over your lack of those things that others have.

Take the long view.

Overthinking takes the short view. The focus is on what’s lacking now, the problems of today. Ask yourself what difference today’s problem will make 20 years from now? How about 50 years from now? When you start focusing on where you want to be in the future the problems of today shrink and become insignificant.

Reframe the scary as exciting.

Before an athletic contest, teams try to psych themselves up. If you expect to be beaten badly, it will take all the energy out of your performance. Worry about failing a test is likely to result in lower scores. Go into life’s adventures expecting them to be exciting and regardless of what you do you can have fun. Focusing on the scary parts of life prevents you from ever-living.

Get into action.

A great way to overcome overthinking is to get into action. Stop ruminating about what could go wrong and start doing. Some of what you do today will be the great memories you will be storing up for the future.

New Book Bumps on the Road of Life is now available in Kindle format for preorder. It will be released on 11/13/17. The paperback version is ready now.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Your cruising along the road of life and then wham, something knocks you in the ditch.

Sometimes you get your life going again quickly. Other times you may stay off track and

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.
By David Joel Miller

in the ditch for a considerable time. If you have gone through a divorce, break up or lost a job you may have found your life off track. Professionals call those problems caused by life-altering events “Adjustment Disorders.” Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of Adjustment Disorders, how they get people off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Bumps on the Road of life

Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

More to come as other books are completed.

Thanks to all my readers for all your support.

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

Do you overthink things?

By David Joel Miller.

The more you think about things, the worse you feel.

Overthinking

Overthinking.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Overthinking, sometimes described as rumination, is a common feature of several emotional problems, especially anxiety disorders. These constant thoughts can leave you both physically and emotionally exhausted. At times, you may feel as though your thoughts are racing away without you. Because you think these thoughts so often and they are so upsetting, you may begin to believe that the things you think about are very real possibilities.

Overthinking what might happen in the future increases your anxiety. Overthinking your past, beyond the point of learning from your mistakes, can result in depression. Don’t fall into the trap of believing that going over and over the same issue in your mind, in the same way, will result in additional insight. Overthinking increases self-doubt. The over-anxious brain is constantly on the lookout for threats and magnifies the smallest risk to terrifying proportions. Here are some of the common causes of overthinking.

Overthinking is about judging yourself too much.

Overthinkers judge themselves more harshly than they judge others. Self-evaluation, looking at both the things you do well and the things that you could improve on can be helpful. If your self-evaluation does not move beyond repeatedly reviewing less-than-perfect behaviors, you are judging yourself too harshly. Using the same scale to judge yourself that you use to judge others can reduce excessive self-criticism and prevent overthinking.

Comparing up causes overthinking.

Overthinkers always compare themselves to others who are better looking, more successful or seem more important. Constantly comparing yourself to others who have more or accomplish more, results in discounting everything you have accomplished. Rather than comparing yourself to someone you admire and feeling you are inferior, look for ways to learn from what they do and improve your performance.

Focusing on the negative increases your anxiety.

When you constantly look for the negative, that’s what you will find. Avoid focusing on what’s wrong in your life. Look for opportunities to improve yourself and the life you’re living. Spend less time thinking about what’s wrong and more time focused on the actions you need to take to reach your goals. Overthinkers look for the negative and disregard the positive.

Too much attention to other people’s opinion is harmful.

If you constantly are focused on other people’s opinions of you, your self-doubt increases. Everyone will have an opinion about your life. Sometimes it’s helpful to seek out advice and information from teachers or mentors. Too much attention to other people’s opinions results in you not having an opinion of your own. Be very careful whose opinion of you receives your attention. You are living a real life, and the person whose opinion matters most is yours.

Not knowing who you are creates confusion.

Not having a clear picture of who you are, results in a great deal of confusion and uncertain. Be careful not to be simply a reflection of other people’s opinions. Get clear on your values, your goals, and the person you want to become. Learning about yourself is one of the most important tasks you will undertake in your life.

Believing mistakes mean you are flawed undermines your self-confidence.

Focusing only on your mistakes put you on the path to overthinking, self-doubt and anxiety. Don’t fall into the trap of believing that you must be perfect to have value. All humans make mistakes. Cut yourself some slack. Accept that making mistakes is a necessary part of learning, growing and becoming who you can be. Learn from life experiences but don’t judge yourself harshly. Looking only at your mistakes leads to a very negative, biased, opinion about your self-worth.

Being overly judgmental of others creates uncertainty.

Avoid judging others using a stretched yardstick. If you expect an unreasonably high standard from others, you will find that you are unable to measure up to the standard you have set. The more judgmental you are of the people you meet, the more difficult it will become for you to feel good about yourself. Humans are not infallible computers, but then computers frequently make mistakes also. Avoid expecting impossibly high standards from yourself or others. Accept that you like all other humans are a work in progress.

Work on making overthinking a thing of the past. If you’re overthinking has gotten out of control, consider working with a counselor or therapist to get your thoughts back on a helpful path.

New Book Bumps on the Road of Life is now available in Kindle format for preorder. It will be released on 11/13/17. The paperback version is ready now.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Your cruising along the road of life and then wham, something knocks you in the ditch.

Sometimes you get your life going again quickly. Other times you may stay off track and

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.
By David Joel Miller

in the ditch for a considerable time. If you have gone through a divorce, break up or lost a job you may have found your life off track. Professionals call those problems caused by life-altering events “Adjustment Disorders.” Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of Adjustment Disorders, how they get people off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Bumps on the Road of life

Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

More to come as other books are completed.

Thanks to all my readers for all your support.

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

Shiny outside, dark side within – the narcissist.

By David Joel Miller.

Narcissists are dazzling at first.

In psychology, there’s an idea referred to as trait narcissism. This trait is closely related to self-esteem and measures how good you feel about yourself. As your narcissism rises, you feel better about yourself. Generally, this is considered a good thing. As your self-esteem rises you take better care of yourself. You may dress better and exhibit more self-confidence. The problems begin when the narcissist loses the ability to empathize with others, and it becomes all about them. At that point, high trait narcissism, or self-esteem, can become a destructive pathological narcissism we call narcissistic personality disorder.

Too much narcissism quickly turns repulsive.

People who have dated pathological narcissists report that in the beginning, the narcissist was extremely attractive. They often dress well, have expensive cars, and appear successful. Pathological narcissists have attracted fields where they can run the show and be in control of others.

When you first meet them, Narcissists are charming. Romantic partners find themselves swept off their feet. In romantic relationships, the problems begin to appear about the seventh date. In business contexts, it may take many months to recognize the destructive aspects of the narcissist.

In narcissism confidence becomes arrogance.

Confidence is a good thing when it comes from a high level of skill and talent. What makes the narcissist dangerous is that their confidence is the result of overvaluing their abilities. Narcissists are good at boasting that they can’t produce the result. What looked like competent turns out to be arrogance. They overestimate themselves and underestimate everyone else.

The narcissist’s overconfidence turns out to be a lack of insight.

Narcissists seek evidence that they are always right and superior to others. Consequently, they discount the opinions and contributions of others. They lose the ability to understand how their actions are affecting others. Narcissists, the pathological kinds, just don’t care about other people. Their view of the world is unrealistic they are unable to accept that they are less than perfect.

The Charming narcissist becomes manipulative and impulsive.

When you first meet a narcissist, they turn on the charm. This is easy for them to do because they fully believe that everyone worships them and that they are superior to others. Because of their unrealistic self-confidence and don’t think things over and act impulsively. These impulsive actions based on the belief that they are always right in their actions should always be admired.

With a narcissist, a dramatic life turns into attention-seeking histrionics.

Because of their grandiose beliefs, narcissists tend to live drama filled lives. They live larger than life adventures. In their minds, they should be the stars of their own reality show. If others interested in him should lag, they’re likely to behave in histrionic ways.

It’s not unusual for people with pathological narcissism, technically called narcissistic personality disorder, to also qualify for diagnoses of histrionic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder. When you believe, you are that wonderful; it’s easy to believe that everything should be about you and that the rules that apply to ordinary mortals don’t apply to you.

With the narcissist, imaginative becomes odd, even bizarre.

People who are high in self-confidence are often imaginative and creative. When self-esteem moves into being feelings of superiority, that creative streak can become bizarre thinking and behavior.

More about Narcissists.

As we move through our series of Narcissism posts, feel free to ask questions and leave comments. To help you find these posts, below are some links to point you in the right direction. Keep in mind that all the posts about narcissists appeared in the narcissism category but links to future posts will not be live until future posts appear.

Narcissism category.                          Personality disorders.

Narcissistic traits.                               Psychology. (coming soon)

Narcissistic relationship partner.        Relationships.

Self-esteem.                                        Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

New Book Bumps on the Road of Life is now available in Kindle format for preorder. It will be released on 11/13/17. The paperback version is ready now.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Your cruising along the road of life and then wham, something knocks you in the ditch.

Sometimes you get your life going again quickly. Other times you may stay off track and

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.
By David Joel Miller

in the ditch for a considerable time. If you have gone through a divorce, break up or lost a job you may have found your life off track. Professionals call those problems caused by life-altering events “Adjustment Disorders.” Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of Adjustment Disorders, how they get people off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Bumps on the Road of life

Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

More to come as other books are completed.

Thanks to all my readers for all your support.

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings, and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

Surviving a Narcissist.

By David Joel Miller.

Some narcissists you just cope with.

a narcissist

Surviving a Narcissist.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

It may be hard, but there are plenty of times in life when you are going to have to get along with difficult people. Narcissists turn up everywhere you go. Some occupations, business management, politics and other high-pressure jobs attract people who are high in narcissistic traits. I’m beginning to believe that some jobs turn vulnerable people into pathological narcissists. Sometimes, for your own peace of mind, you must find ways to work with them.

If you are in a close, romantic relationship with the narcissist, or if they are a relative you may decide that you just have to accept them the way they are. Sometimes it’s not worth the conflict to upset your narcissist.

Here are some suggestions for surviving that narcissistic encounter.

Give that narcissist lots of praise.

Narcissists expect, need, frequent praise and complements. The best way to get along with a narcissist is to give them lots of approval. Some narcissists are insecure, and they crave praise. If you don’t give it to them, they are offended. Other narcissists believe they deserve your appreciation and will feel cheated if you don’t express your admiration. Hand out that verbal recognition in front of others to maximize its effects.

If you must criticize a narcissist, do it in private.

Narcissists expect to be praised and admired. Saying anything negative or disagreeing with them in public is likely to be taken as a personal attack. If you are forced to disagree with a narcissist or give them bad news, do it privately so that their public persona remains undamaged.

Make the narcissist the center of attention.

The higher that someone in your life is in narcissism the more they believe they should be the center of attention. If you take the spotlight off the narcissist, expect an all-out war. When they are in the room, let them shine. Your time comes with a narcissist is off stage. If you want to earn extra points, make sure you mentioned their contribution favorably whenever you get recognized.

Get clear on the narcissist’s rules.

Narcissists believe they are superior to others. If you want cooperation, make sure you know what their rules are and follow them. They may have a distorted understanding of truth, lies, and loyalty. You need to develop an understanding of when leaving negative things out will be considered lying and when not telling them your criticism will be considered loyal.

Do not cross a narcissist.

Because of the narcissist’s sense of entitlement, they are very likely to take everything personally. Before you take action, consider carefully whether the narcissist will agree with what you said and did. In making choices, your primary consideration will be making the narcissist happy. Make sure what you do will make them look good.

Keep your narcissist laughing, use humor.

Don’t get heavy or serious with the narcissist. They expect to be the source of all important ideas. Keep it light. Look for ways to keep them laughing. When you make the narcissist happy, they like you. Avoid being the one to bring them bad news. Narcissists are likely to blame the messenger. They tend to reward people who tell them what they want to hear even when it’s untrue. Narcissists are equally likely to punish people who bring them bad news even when it is a necessary truth.

More about Narcissists.

As we move through our series of Narcissism posts, feel free to ask questions and leave comments. To help you find these posts, below are some links to point you in the right direction. Keep in mind that all the posts about narcissists appeared in the narcissism category but links to future posts will not be live until future posts appear.

Narcissism category.                          Personality disorders.

Narcissistic traits.                               Psychology. (coming soon)

Narcissistic relationship partner.        Relationships.

Self-esteem.                                        Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

New Book Bumps on the Road of Life is now available in Kindle format for preorder. It will be released on 11/13/17. The paperback version is ready now.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Your cruising along the road of life and then wham, something knocks you in the ditch.

Sometimes you get your life going again quickly. Other times you may stay off track and

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.
By David Joel Miller

in the ditch for a considerable time. If you have gone through a divorce, break up or lost a job you may have found your life off track. Professionals call those problems caused by life-altering events “Adjustment Disorders.” Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of Adjustment Disorders, how they get people off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Bumps on the Road of life

Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

More to come as other books are completed.

Thanks to all my readers for all your support.

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For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings, and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books