Joy.

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Joy

Joy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Joy.

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

― Dr. Seuss

“To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.”

― Mark Twain

“A flower blossoms for its own joy.”

― Oscar Wilde

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

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Top marriage mistakes you may be making.

By David Joel Miller.

Making these mistakes creates unhappy relationships.

End of Marriage

Marriage mistakes you may be making.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Everyone begins a new relationship expecting that this relationship will be a happy one. Even the best relationships will have some unhappy times. From the large number of relationships that fail it seems clear that having a relationship, by itself, will not make you happy. Having a good relationship is hard work. Here are some relationship mistakes that are guaranteed to produce unhappiness. How many of these relationship mistakes are you making?

Expecting to change your partner.

Often the very things that attracted you to a partner are the things that drive you apart. A man is attracted to a woman because she is outgoing and flirts with him. After they are in the relation, he becomes upset because she is too outgoing and flirts with other men.

A woman meets a guy, is attracted to him because he is spontaneous and excited after a while together she decides he is irresponsible.

In both cases, they likely got together expecting that their partner would change. Happy relationships invest the time in getting to know each other beforehand. They also accept each other as they are without planning on making extensive renovations to their partner’s personality. Getting into a relationship expecting your partner to change results in a lot of unhappiness.

Thinking they will make you happy.

Two unhappy people do not make for a happy couple. You need to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with someone else. If you are frequently unhappy, entering a relationship will just give you someone to be unhappy with. Happiness is an inside job.

Involving your family in your relationship.

It’s common, when people enter a new relationship, to vent their frustrations with their partner to family and friends. Once you have involved your family, gotten them to take sides about who is right and who is wrong, they’re not likely to ever forgive your partner for their mistakes. Getting other people involved in your relationship will either damage your relationship, or it will end your connection to your family and friends. You may forgive your partner’s mistakes but they may not.

Insisting on being right.

If every time you and your partner have a disagreement you insist on proving you are right, you will become a very difficult person to live with. People who always need to be right end up right-fighting which results in a very unhappy relationship. Some of the conflicts you will have with your partner are not a matter of right and wrong. Allow your partner to have their own opinion.

Expecting nothing to change.

No matter how wonderful a relationship is in the beginning, things will change. Stressful times come along. Having children fundamentally changes the relationship. Not having children when your friends do, changes your friendships. There will be stressful times. There will be sickness, sometimes minor and sometimes major.

Making it all about the children.

Couples who shift their focus to be all about their children, often find once the children leave home to start their own relationships, those parents no longer have anything in common. Couples who do not continue to build their couple relationship may not have one once the children escape.

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings, and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

Amused.

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

amusement

Amused.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Amused

“I have found that the key to being happy — well, one of the keys, anyway — is to be easily amused,”

― Wil Wheaton

“amusement is a sort of relaxation, and we need relaxation because we cannot work continuously.”

― Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”

― Will Rogers

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Satisfied.

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Satisfied

Satisfied.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Satisfied.

“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s needs, but not every man’s greed.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

“Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.”

― Martin Luther King Jr.

My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”

― Winston S. Churchill

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Why taking a job doing anything is a bad idea.

By David Joel Miller.

You need a job and are willing to do almost anything, should you?

No Job

No Job
Photo courtesy of Flickr ( Hopefoote, Ambassador of the Wow)

People in early recovery frequently are looking for a job.  When we ask them what kind of job that would like they often say “anything.”

When you’re short on money most people are willing to do just about any job in the short run.  But over the long haul many jobs doing anything burn people out and lead to unhappiness.

In your search for a job, before you take that job doing anything, here are some things you need to consider.  If you take a job that is a bad idea, you are unlikely to be successful and may not be on the job very long.

Here are some things to consider before you take that job doing “anything.”

Is it a job or a career?

Is this job you’re looking for going to lead to something else?  Something you would be willing to do the rest of your life?  When possible consider pursuing a career.  Ask yourself if there are possibilities for advancement?  Can you see yourself doing this week after week year after year?  People who have careers can see how what you’re doing today can lead to a better future.  People who only work a job, hope that they will make enough money so that they can enjoy what they do when they’re not working.

Will you like it?

Is that job you’re looking at something you will enjoy doing?  Or is this something that will be unpleasant and you’ll have to put up with in order to get that paycheck.  Will this job doing anything support or hinder your recovery. People who have happy lives derive a lot of pleasure out of what they do during the workday

Can you do it?

It’s a really serious mistake to take a job knowing you won’t be able to do the job when you get it.  Some jobs require are a high level of physical strength and you can hurt yourself trying to do something beyond your abilities.  To be successful on some jobs you will need skills or academic degrees.  It’s really embarrassing and bad for your resume when you end up getting fired from a job because you exaggerated your qualifications.

Will the hours kill the rest of your life?

Some people can do shift work, stay up all night and still have a life.  Other people find that the rest of their life, their family their friends, suffer as a result of the hours their job requires.  If this job involves working weekends, evenings or an odd work schedule, consider the impact it will have on your family and the rest of your life.

Will it make you sick?

Some jobs can be outright health hazards.  Think about the working conditions you will be exposed to.  Can you take the heat or humidity?  Will you be exposed to dangerous chemicals?  Do you have any medical conditions that would be aggravated by being out in the sun?  Think about whether this is a fast paced or stressful job and how that might affect your emotional health.

Can you stand the people you will have to work with?

Who you are going to be working with is almost as important as the work you’re going to be doing. Being with a group of people you like can help make a routine, boring job go better.  Many jobs involve teamwork and to do that you will need to fit in with a group.  It can be really stressful to work with a group of people you would not want to associate with outside of work

Is this job a stepping stone or end of the road?

It’s not unusual to start out at an entry-level job.  Ask yourself if this job you’re considering could lead to something else or will you be stuck doing a routine boring job the rest of your time with this company.  For some people if the pay is high enough they can be content to spend their entire careers on a routine job.  But if what you are doing and are being paid to begin with is not acceptable, and there’s no chance for advancement, you are likely to burn out quickly.

Would you want their reputation?

Companies consider your reputation when they are decided if they should hire you.  You should do the same.  Working for a company with a bad reputation can be a really trying experience.  You don’t want to work for a company that you would be embarrassed to tell your family and friends about.

Is there more than money?

Some jobs are strictly for the money.  Low paid jobs often come with little or no benefits.  When considering a job ask yourself does it include paid holidays, sick leave, or other benefits?  If you miss some work because you’re sick that paycheck may be less than the amount you need to live on.

The next time you have to do a job search spend some time thinking about exactly the kind of job you want and avoid the trap of taking the first job you find doing anything.

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

Happiness don’ts.

By David Joel Miller.

Don’t do these things if you want to be happy.

Falling down

When you fall get backup.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Some things add to your happiness, and others detract from it. While it may take some time to build up positive things in your life make sure you are not of reducing that happiness by any of these negative behaviors.

Learn from your mistakes, if you fall down, get back up. Try these tips for more happiness.

Don’t spend time thinking about the pain of the past.

The more time you spend thinking about the pain of the past, turning it over and over in your mind, the more impediments you create to be happy.  Make a strong effort to stop thinking about the past pain and focus instead on the opportunity’s in the present.  Learn the lessons from your life’s past events, but don’t continue to relive those events.

Don’t focus on what is missing.

Happiness comes from enjoying the things you have not focusing on the things that are missing.  Learn to be grateful for what you do have rather than focusing on the things that are absent.

Don’t avoid spending time alone.

Frantically seeking company rather than being willing to spend time alone will not increase your happiness.  Develop the skills of enjoying the time you have with yourself.  Happiness comes from achieving a balance between time spent with others and time spent alone.

Don’t stop growing.

Make your life a work in progress rather than a finished product.  Continuing to grow in life continues to enlarge your happiness.

Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Being hard on yourself or others is not a way to motivate someone to do better.  Learn to lighten up and accept that humans are fallible creatures.  People who can accept their mistakes have a much happier life.

Don’t forget why you’re doing things.

Some things we do because they’re important part because we choose to do them.  If you find you are just doing things out of habit, they are unlikely to be making you happy.

Don’t abuse your body.

Take good care of your body.  Pushing your body too hard results in an unhappy life. You only get one body in this life. Sometimes if your body gets damaged a good doctor can repair it, but a repaired vehicle is never as good as when it was new.

Don’t believe that things can make you happy.

Things come and go in your life.  Having nice things means you can enjoy them for a while.  But over the long-term things wear out and need to be fixed.  It’s not the things that will make you happy it is what you can do with them that leads to a happy life.

Don’t compare yourself to others.

Constantly comparing yourself to others is a sure way to reduce your happiness.  There’ll always be people who have more than you.  It is also likely there will be people who have a lot less.  Constantly comparing ourselves to others interferes with your ability to enjoy who you are.

Don’t ruminate about what is wrong.

Dwelling on what’s wrong doesn’t result in fixing it.  Focus on what needs doing and what you can do.  No one hits a hundred per cent.  Recognize that to accomplish anything you must do a lot of things.  Not everything you try it will be perfect.  If you stay focused on the mistakes, you don’t leave room for doing the new things that could make you happy.

Don’t fear change.

Change is an inevitable part of life. Fearing and trying to avoid change keeps you stuck in the past. To maximize your happiness embrace change. Look at the process of change is your opportunity to experience new things. Fearing change keeps you stuck where you are.

Don’t blame others.

The matter what others may or may not have done, you are responsible for your happiness. If you are unhappy, begin by working on yourself. The easiest thing to change is your attitude, the way you view life. The second thing you can change is your actions. Don’t like where your life is? Begin by taking small steps and these was will add up to large changes.

Don’t lose your curiosity.

Curiosity keeps life fun and exciting. Little children can become happy over the littlest things. When you see each day, and everything in it has new life takes on more meaning. Practice using your childlike mind and seek each day to learn something new.

Don’t put things off until tomorrow.

Don’t delay; life is lived in today. Make today the happiest day possible. While you may plan for tomorrow everything you will do will be done today. Make sure you don’t wait to do anything until the opportunity has passed.

Don’t worry about things that are out of your control.

It’s easy to worry about things in other people’s houses and other places. Lots of people today are caught up in worrying about what’s going on in Washington DC or, in their states capital. What you are likely to discover is the things that happen in your house are for far more likely to affect your happiness than things in far-off places. Look for things over which you have control and put your focus there.

Don’t forget your family and friends.

Happy people develop positive support systems. Try to improve relationships with your family where possible. Invest time in your friendships. If your friendships don’t bring you positive results, consider investing some of today into creating new and better friendships. Having positive friends will make you happy

Don’t think that being alone means being lonely.

Lonely people find that they are lonely whether they are by themselves or in a crowd. Learn to be your best friend, enjoy your times of solitude. Being happy when you’re by yourself makes you even happier when you are with other positive people. People who were frantically looking for someone else to make them happy often end up disappointed. If you like you there will always be good company in your life.

 

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings, and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books