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How do you create the best life possible?
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Three steps to a flourishing life.
Mental health programs frequently stop at just treating mental illness. We’ve learned that merely treating your depression or anxiety or other mental illness does not create a happy, flourishing life. When I ask people what makes them happy, many people struggle for an answer.
It’s easy to confuse happiness with temporary bursts of pleasure. The only way that many adults know how to have fun is to use drugs, alcohol, or engage in sex or other risky behaviors. It turns out there’s a lot of ways to have a pleasant, contented life that don’t involve the so-called adult pleasures.
Over the last couple of decades, a new movement has emerged in the mental health and wellness field called positive psychology. Positive psychology tries to look beyond reducing pain and temporary bursts of pleasure to the creation of those peak experiences that are sometimes described as the good life, flourishing, or experiencing episodes of flow. Here are some steps to take you to whenever you would subjectively describe as your good, ideal life.
Decrease your negative emotions.
Some negative emotions are an essential part of living life. Anxiety can be a productive emotion when it warns you of danger. If something awful happens in your life, when someone you love dies, when you lose a job, or a relationship ends, it’s reasonable and even normal to be sad for a while. But suppose your life is overwhelmed by anxiety and depression. In that case, we diagnose those as mental illnesses, and the first part of the journey to a good life is overcoming those excesses of negative emotions. Unfortunately, treating mental illness is where most mental health treatment programs end.
Increase your positive emotions.
The more you can experience positive emotions, as the quality of your life improves. The human brain is biased. It places a premium on recognizing danger and unhappiness. It’s easy to walk right past beauty and positive experiences without ever noticing them. Learn to become a happiness expert. Stop and smell the roses. Along the way don’t forget to smell all the other flowers and enjoy the beautiful scenery.
Many people can readily recall all the problems they’ve had in relationships. It’s common for couples who come to marriage counseling to have a list of their complaints about their partner. What is usually missing are any memories of the happy occasions. If you want a flourishing life, make sure you collect as many positive feelings and memories as possible.
Create a flourishing life full of zest and vitality.
The people who say that they have a good quality of life are almost uniformly full of zest and vitality. Sometimes these two terms are used interchangeably. Vitality generally refers to physical health. The term zest, more commonly, is applied to emotional enthusiasm. If you enjoy what you do every day, you will have a subjectively more joyous life.
People who lack zest for life drift into inactivity and can become couch potatoes. They may burn out on their work and relationships. The best way to create a life worth living is to engage in the activities that energize you rather than wear you out. When you enjoyed the work you do for a living, it won’t wear you out or pull you down. If you want an exceptionally good life, emphasize the things that energize you.
Increase your life satisfaction.
In all these ways, seek to increase your life satisfaction. You only get one life. You can live each day burdened by your cares, or life can be a grand adventure in which every day adds to your quality of life.
I’ve listed some simple takeaways from the articles I’ve read on positive psychology and having a better life. Does the life you’re living bring you joy? What activities do you engage in which give your life meaning and purpose? Feel free to leave a comment in the box below.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seems like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
What gives your life meaning, and purpose?
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Have you identified your life’s meaning and purpose?
People can go through some incredibly challenging times if they have a good enough reason to do it. But even the simplest tasks may be overwhelming if you don’t see a good reason to do what you’re doing. Another name for your meaning or purpose might be your passion. Is there something that you are passionate about?
A few people are fortunate; they discover their meaning and purpose for life early on and then devote the rest of their days to pursuing that purpose. Some people find their life purpose after a series of trials. I think it’s sad when I see people who have lived their whole life and never discovered anything that gave their life meaning or purpose. If you haven’t put some time into thinking about this, I would encourage you to do so.
The work you do may give your life its purpose.
For some people, the work they do is their life’s purpose. Other people work a job, so they have enough money to support themselves and their family, and then they spend every available moment pursuing their passion. Your life’s work doesn’t necessarily have to be the same thing you do for your paycheck. Just make sure that what you devote your life to doing has some meaning.
Relationships are an important source of meaning and purpose.
Caring for others can give your life its meaning. This can be a child, a pet, or an older person. Caregiving, loving, and being loved are significant sources of meaning. Few relationships will be with you your whole life. Make sure you put effort into maintaining your relationships with partners, family, and friends. However long that relationship is a part of your life, it needs to be nurtured. When you look back on the life you’ve lived, ask yourself, “have my relationships been a source of meaning and purpose?”
Religious or spiritual beliefs can guide you to life’s meaning.
For some people, the anchor that holds them to a purposeful life is their spiritual beliefs. If this life is all there is, then it’s essential to live it well. But if you believe in a life after death, then this life should be a process of growth and perfecting yourself. Do your best to live your life in a manner that is consistent with your spiritual beliefs. Feeling connected to something greater than yourself is a significant contributor to a life full of meaning and purpose.
More things don’t equate to a more satisfying life.
In this era of rampant consumerism, it’s become apparent that having more things does not equate to more happiness. Having more resources certainly provide you with more options. But money and things do not equal happiness. Every day you hear about some rich and famous person whose life was empty and meaningless. It’s not the things you have but what you do with those things that matter.
These days people are focusing more on getting rid of things, decluttering, than on accumulating them. Once a year, our city has a citywide cleanup day. On that one day, the city residents pile all their unwanted items out onto the street to be hauled away to the dump. One curious feature of this free trash removal day is at the piles of refuge are higher and wider in the poorer parts of the city. The pleasure you get from buying things is temporary.
Volunteering can be better than having.
Doing for others can be a significant source of life’s meaning. Being of service to others pays dividends long afterward. The things you buy can end up owning you, but the acts of kindness you give away will be with you forever.
Have you found your life’s meaning and purpose? If not, don’t you think it’s time you started your search?
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seems like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
Bliss.
Sunday Inspiration. Post by David Joel Miller.
Bliss.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
Bliss.
“To be happy–one must find one’s bliss”
― Gloria Vanderbilt
“The highest form of bliss is living with a certain degree of folly.”
― Erasmus
“If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living.”
― Joseph Campbell
Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.
Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.
Contentment.
Sunday Inspiration. Post by David Joel Miller.
Contentment
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
Contentment.
“If you look for perfection, you’ll never be content.”
― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
― Mark Twain
Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.
Contentment
Sunday Inspiration Post By David Joel Miller.
Content
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
“The greatest wealth is to live content with little.”
― Plato
Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.
Contentment
Sunday Inspiration Post By David Joel Miller.
Contentment
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”
― Lao Tzu
Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.
Feeding Your Happiness Diet
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Happiness Diet
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
Are you ready for a high-happiness diet?
This time of year resolutions is almost gone. The plans to diet, exercise, and self-improve are almost out of season now. Did you start out saying this was the year you went on a high happiness diet? How are you doing on creating that happy life? Many of the same things that make diets successful will make that happy life project work better also.
Make room for healthy, happy experiences but cutting out the junk stuff.
Cutting out junk food will improve your physical health. What are the junk things you are doing that are keeping you unhappy? Are there activities or people that you need to get out of your life to create a happier you?
If you don’t clean out the garbage in your house your living space becomes unhealthy. There are probably things in all our emotional lives that need tossing out. Get rid of excess anger and ruminations to make room for happy experiences.
You can’t eat all your happiness at one meal.
You need to eat every day. For a happy life take in some happiness each and every day. You need to eat a sensible diet every day. For the maximum happy life, you will need to incorporate small doses of happiness every day.
Do not think that one huge dose of happiness will satisfy you for the rest of your life. Watch for the small things that build your healthy happiness. That good job or new relationship may make you happy for a while but you will need to maintain that relationship and keep up a positive view of that job or soon those things that were supposed to make you happy will fade into extra weight around your emotional middle.
Avoid bingeing on negativity.
Binge eating is bad for your physical health. Bingeing on negative thoughts is bad for both your mental health and your physical health. You can’t load up on negativity and unhappy thinking all day and then expect one positive event to make your day happy.
To build a happy life you need to consume small snacks of happiness all day long. Don’t waste time on negativity. Solve the problems that can be solved and accept the things that are out of your control.
Watch for the little things in life that bring the smiles. Laugh a little at frequent intervals.
Practice healthy happiness skills.
There are those things that can pretend to make you happy, the happiness imposters. Drugs, alcohol, and lots of selfish pursuits try to pretend they will make you happy. Really happiness grows from using positive, safe coping tools each and every day.
If you run by those bursts of happy feelings you will miss them. Do things that make you happy. Appreciate those things. Repeat as needed.
Stay off the happiness scale.
Constant measuring, asking if you are happy enough, can impede the growth of real happiness. Focus on maximizing your happiness not measuring it. Do not dwell on what is missing in your life. Make plans to fill up those shortages and then focus on the journey.
Too much checking the map can keep you from making progress on the journey of life. Take those periodic inventories of your life, but day-to-day keep working on making progress on your goals.
Make being happy part of your daily routine.
Do not put off being happy till later. Spend a few minutes each morning telling yourself that some good things will happen today. Watch for the things that make your day better. Say nice things to yourself.
What things can you do for yourself each day that makes you happy? Pet the dog or cat and tell them that it is nice to see them.
Create happiness rituals.
Work small rituals and routines that increase your happiness into your day. Say an affirmation, make yourself a treat. Schedule time for a cute-cat-video to start your day.
Practice your religious or spiritual tradition. Say Hi to your higher power and expect that you will get a Hi and some love back. Prayers do not need to be long or complicated to keep you in touch with your source of strength and love.
What small thing could you do each day to get your day off to a great start?
To develop maximum happiness make friends with your emotions.
Do not let sad feelings, loneliness, or depression take over control of your life. Do learn to listen to your feelings. If something is not making you happy ask yourself why? Is this about the thing, the job, the relationship, or is it about me?
Unhappy people are unhappy everywhere no matter what happens. Happy people grow that happiness and weed out the things that are sapping the strength from their life.
Develop the skill of being happy.
Being happy is not a result of chance. People win the lottery and still many are not happy. Love comes and it goes. Wherever you go, you are there. Learn the skill of seeing the best in the situation you are in while working towards having the life you want.
Happiness is not a destination; it is a lifetime journey.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
How will you feel when you feel better?
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Happy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
You feel bad – you want to feel better – but how do you know when you get there.
We all know what it is like to feel bad. When we start feeling bad most of us instinctively want to feel better. But how do you get from bad to feeling better? And if you head off in a direction how will you know if this is taking you where you want to be.
Not everyone feels the same when they feel “bad” so the solution to changing how you feel may be different for each of us.
What is the feeling that you need more of in your life to move from feeling bad to feeling better?
Too much excitement becomes stress. Too much relaxation can turn into boredom. If you are feeling badly there just might be a lack of one of these other feelings in your life.
1. Contentment.
Contentment is the ability to enjoy where you are and what you have, now in the present. It is easy to spend your whole life running after more of this and less of that when what really matters, you, is always there.
Practice the art of contentment and you will feel less of a need for something else to make you feel “good.”
The stress created by chasing something, something else, to make us happy is the very thing that gets in our way. So rather than going after more of this or that consider stopping to enjoy what you have. Contentment, one way of understanding it anyway, is to stand still and enjoy where you are. Life will keep moving on and you will never be the same you that is there right now.
2. Relaxed.
Few people in western society are able to feel relaxed. Relaxing is something you can do anytime and any place if you learn the skill. Being relaxed is not the same feeling as being drugged out, drunk or unconscious.
Relaxed is a combined state where both the mind and the body come together to release the stress and the worries that become such heavy burdens.
It does not help if while we are doing throughout our day we are always rushing to get somewhere where we will be able to relax. Work on being able to relax anytime and any place.
3. Excited.
Ever watch little children play? They can become excited at the smallest things. If we restrict our focus, the things that bring us pleasure and excitement, to a few items, there will never be enough.
Work on getting excited whenever you do whatever it is you do.
4. Loving.
Practice the art of loving. Love yourself first and foremost. If you don’t like you no amount of love from anyone else will fill up that leaking container.
Love works better as a verb. Love and be loved. Try to make it a noun, I have love, I want more love and you may never get enough. Practice loving where you are, who you are with, the things you do, and especially yourself.
If you are not able to love, let it go. You can’t do enough to get others to love you. They either do or don’t. Be the best person you can be and love yourself in the process.
That does not mean being selfish. Giving can make you happy also. Just make sure you are not giving yourself away. Being loved should not have a price. If you try to buy love, that is another thing.
5. Caring.
Want to feel good, care a lot. Care about yourself, do self-care whatever that means to you. Don’t know how to do “self-care?” Make that a top priority. Love yourself enough to take care of yourself.
Care about others around you. Care about life and living a good one. If you find yourself no longer caring. Work on finding something to care about
Saying “I don’t care” most often means you do care but are afraid to let yourself do so because you may be disappointed. Let yourself care but accept that the way things are is the way they are.
Remember that old prayer. Change what you can and accept what you can’t. The task of living is to learn the difference.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
More on how to be happy
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Happiness.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
What does happy look like?
Happy is one of those things we talk about, we all say we want it, but when it comes down to the directions on getting from here to happy, we are all fuzzy on just how you get there.
Does this look like happy?
It may well that you can’t get there from here. Maybe you need to first go somewhere else, like contentment and then you turn right, or is it left? And yes happy is right around the corner from contentment.
Happy may well be the last street after acceptance and serenity.
Since happiness is so hard to describe we might do better when we see it.
Here are a few photos that could start you on the road to becoming an expert on happiness. Knowing what to look for couldn’t hurt. We all used to know what happy looked like once, even if we never actually felt that way.
Happy Cat. Maybe, this is a Zen master cat and has mastered no attachment, or maybe this cat just doesn’t care.
Not sure how we would know if a cat were happy. Maybe by the purring?
I asked my cat but she is ignoring me.
Happy child, yes that looks happy.
There we have it. A Happy we can tell when we see it.
Children don’t try to hide happy the way some adults do. They haven’t forgotten what happy feels like yet.
Some people say they never feel happy.
Never feeling happy, that is some form of depression, somewhere between Persistent Depressive Disorder (The old dysthymia) and Major Depressive Disorder. It is the result of something that actually happened then that could be a stress issue, as in Adjustment Disorder with Depressed Mood.
We, professionals, have all sorts of descriptions for unhappy but nowhere, that I see, are their clinical descriptors for “too happy.”
We will just have to take the risk and try one more picture. Maybe that will help us recognize happy the next time it crops up.
There do you have it? Can you recognize happy the next time it greets you?
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
counselorssoapbox 