Causes of jealousy.

By David Joel Miller.

Jealousy results in many referrals for counseling.

Jealousy

Jealousy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Jealousy, like it’s relatives anger and loneliness are not specific mental health diagnoses. We often think of these as feelings, but all three also include thoughts and behaviors in addition to the feelings. Sometimes jealousy is the reason people come to see a counselor, other times the stated problem is something else such as “poor communication.” Under that other issue, the counselor is likely to find unaddressed jealousy. Jealousy, like anger, may also be a symptom of an underlying serious mental illness. Here are some of the diagnoses, and relationship issues that may be causing jealousy.

Substance Use Disorders cause jealousy.

Using and abusing drugs or alcohol alters people’s feelings and thoughts. Under the influence, people are disinhibited and more likely to act on their feelings of jealousy. The drinking and drug use lifestyle also puts people at risk. When under the influence and disinhibited, people are more likely to act on their sexual, cheating, desires. Having substances in the bloodstream affects memory and cognition resulting in people believing things that never happened. The substance using lifestyle also results in trauma or having to do things to get your drugs that you would not do clean and sober.

Psychosis and Delusions Disorders increase jealous thoughts and behaviors.

People hear and see things that are not there are at risk to misinterpret those hallucinations. The one specific mental illness which includes jealousy as a specific symptom is Delusional Disorder, jealous type. People who have schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, some people with bipolar disorder, and severe major depressive disorder with psychotic symptoms all may experience delusions. Delusional beliefs that others are treating them badly or that their partner is cheating on them can be common with severe mental illnesses.

Jealousy is common in Neurocognitive Disorders.

People with neurocognitive disorders such as Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s or other forms of dementia are likely to feel their relationships are threatened and begin to believe that their partner may be cheating on. These kinds of solutions are especially hard on caregivers who may be with the demented person almost every hour of every day but still are faced with jealous accusations of infidelity.

Reactive Jealousy is the result of real events.

Reactive Jealousy is probably the easiest variety to understand. If your partner has had an affair or several affairs, it is understandable that you might become jealous. Couples often disagree on what behaviors constitute cheating. Men are more likely to become jealous if they believe their partner has been physically intimate with another man. Women are more likely to become jealous if their partner develops a close emotional connection with another person.

The risks of an affair affect the two genders differently. Men have historically been concerned that they might have to support the offspring fathered by another man. Women are more likely to fear that if their man becomes involved with another woman, he will spend money, economic resources, on that other woman thereby depriving her and her children of needed support.

Pathological Jealousy is the most dangerous.

Pathological Jealousy is believed to arise when one partner believes they are less desirable than their mate. If a man believes that his female partner has lots of men interested in her while he thinks if he loses her he will have difficulty finding another mate, he is likely to become jealous and try to control her access to other men.

Pathological Jealousy is the type most likely to result in violent, controlling behavior. People who are pathologically jealousy may become stalkers or engage in violent attacks on their partner or perceived rivals.

Stay tuned in for more posts about jealousy; it’s causes and its treatment, which is coming up soon. More information about Jealousy and its treatment is or will be at Jealousy.

Two David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.
By David Joel Miller

Your cruising along the road of life and then wham, something knocks you in the ditch.

Sometimes you get your life going again quickly. Other times you may stay off track and in the ditch for a considerable time. If you have gone through a divorce, break up or lost a job you may have found your life off track. Professionals call those problems caused by life-altering events “Adjustment Disorders.” Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of Adjustment Disorders, how they get people off track and how to get your life out of the ditch. Bumps on the Road of Life is now available in both Kindle and paperback format.

Casino Robbery.

The robbers wanted more than money; they planned to kill Arthur’s fiancé and her boss.

Photo of Casino Robbery book

Casino Robbery.

Arthur Mitchell was trying to start his life over with a fiancé and a new job. That all ends when the casino robbers shoot Arthur, kill his fiancée, and her boss. Arthur would like to forget that horrible day, but the traumatic nightmares and constant reminders won’t let him, and someone is still out to get him. When he tries to start over by running a rural thrift store, someone knocks him unconscious, vandalize the store, and finally tries to kill him. His only chance to find peace is to figure out what the killers want from him and why.

Casino Robbery is a novel that explores the world of a man with PTSD who has to cope with his symptoms to solve the mystery and create a new life. Casino Robbery is available now in both Kindle and paperback editions.

Other books are due out soon; please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

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Functional Family Roles.

By David Joel Miller.

The varieties of family roles.

Family Roles.

Family Roles.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

In a previous post, and we talked about the way dysfunctional families may create roles which take the focus off the dysfunction.

Well-functioning families create functional roles, which change over time.

Adult roles.

Healthy families require their members to be healthy individuals. Certainly, two people who have mental health issues or disabilities can come together to create healthy families. What those two people need to do is each work on themselves. Two sick people do not result in a healthy couple.

In well-functioning families, the adults need to assume the adult’s role and allow the children to be children. When the children take on too many adult duties, the structure of the family becomes unbalanced. In dysfunctional families, it is common to see young children rushing home from school to care for their preschool siblings because parents are incapacitated due to addictions.

Children who act like adults too early in life are at increased risk to have children themselves at young ages. Never having the opportunity to play as children, they are prone to engaging in excess adult play. Their idea of how to play as adults often centers around drugs, alcohol, or multiple sexual partners. Children who become adults too soon may have difficulty parenting their own children and the cycle repeats itself.

Functional families teach children adult roles by letting them babysit or performing chores but do not deprive children of their opportunity to be children.

The Partner role – Couplehood.

In healthy families, the adults need to have adult relationships. Partners need to maintain the partner relationship. Adults need time to do things with other adults. Parents need to take care to not talk to children about problems they have with their partner. For a well-functioning family, don’t make one of the children your best friend and confidant. Reserve your closest relationship for your partner.

Plan throughout your relationship for life after children. Children need to grow up and live their own lives. Couples who fail to nurture their partner relationship may find they have no reason to stay together once the children leave home.

The Parent Role.

In functional families, parents don’t try to become their children’s best friend. It’s wonderful to foster a close relationship, but sometimes parents need to tell their children no.

The Child Role.

In a well-functioning family, children need the emotion space to play and develop. Play is not a waste of time. Play allows children to try new behaviors. Pushing children too much to grow up and stop playing can result in children whose emotional growth has been stunted. Functional families do not expect children to be able to do things they are not yet mature enough to do.

Few families are always completely functional. But, Functional families encourage their members to fill appropriate roles rather than dysfunctional family roles.

Two David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life is now available in both Kindle and paperback format.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.
By David Joel Miller

Your cruising along the road of life and then wham, something knocks you in the ditch.

Sometimes you get your life going again quickly. Other times you may stay off track and in the ditch for a considerable time. If you have gone through a divorce, break up or lost a job you may have found your life off track. Professionals call those problems caused by life-altering events “Adjustment Disorders.” Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of Adjustment Disorders, how they get people off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Bumps on the Road of Life

Please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

Casino Robbery.

Photo of Casino Robbery book

Casino Robbery.

 

The robbers wanted more than money; they planned to kill Arthur’s fiancé and her boss.

Arthur Mitchell was trying to start his life over with a fiancé and a new job. That all ends when the casino robbers shoot Arthur, kill his fiancée, and her boss. Arthur would like to forget that horrible day, but the traumatic nightmares and constant reminders won’t let him, and someone is still out to get him. When he tries to start over by running a rural thrift store, someone knocks him unconscious, vandalize the store, and finally tries to kill him. His only chance to find peace is to figure out what the killers want from him and why.

Casino Robbery is a novel that explores the world of a man with PTSD who has to cope with his symptoms to solve the mystery and create a new life.

Casino Robbery is available now in both Kindle and paperback editions.

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

Dysfunctional family roles.

By David Joel Miller.

Were you the good kid or the bad kid?

Family Roles.

Family Roles.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

It’s common in dysfunctional families for people to be assigned roles. It’s almost as if the family had a closet full of hats and when you were born you were given one of those hats. Just like every person may become depressed sometimes, every family will have a little bit of dysfunction. The more dysfunction the family, the more rigid the roles are likely to become.

Discussion of dysfunctional family roles is common, in substance use disorder treatment, but these roles may occur in any family with noticeable dysfunction. Various authors have used alternative names for these roles. In large families, additional roles may be created, and in small families, one person may have to play several roles.

Having these defined roles takes the attention off the family dysfunction. Do you recognize some or all of these roles from the family you grew up in? Which role did you play?

The black sheep – the bad child.

Dysfunctional families often select one person to be the scapegoat. That might be, the oldest child, the one whose conception forced the couple into a relationship. Other times it was a younger child who came along as the dysfunction became apparent. The black sheep could have been sickly, overactive, or had difficulty in school. Ever after this child is blamed for everything that goes wrong in the family.

Hero – the good child.

Were you the hero in your family? The one who was expected to get all A’s, be a star athlete, and still help around the house. The hero child may have worked a part-time job to help with the family expenses.

The clown – comic relief.

Some families had a resident comedian. The clown makes funny noises, tells jokes, and acts crazy, anything for a laugh. Some families combine the clown job with the black sheep role.

The lost child – missing in action.

The lost child never got noticed. They may have been a great student. Or the lost child may have spent their childhood anxious and depressed, hold up in their room. When the lost child turns eighteen, they may pack their bags and move to France. They will be gone for months before anyone notices they are missing.

Junior mom.

Junior mom, or Junior dad, might be eight years old, and in the third grade, but they rushed home to change their baby brothers diaper and feed their younger siblings, because, by the time school let out mom would be too drunk or high to function.

The over functioning person – codependent or enabler.

Some families had one person, usually a parent, who tried to do everything. Mom may have worked, managed the finances, took care of the children, and still found time to provide care for dad, whose drinking prevented him from functioning at all.

The under-functioning person – alcoholic, addict, or the compulsive gambler.

At the heart of every dysfunctional family is the under-functioning person. That may have been the mother, the father, a grandparent or any other family member. These dysfunctional family roles, like hats, could have been handed out to any family member, regardless of their age.

How about you?

Did you play one of these roles? Did you come to believe the role was who you are? For some people, over time, they played several of these roles. You may have been the black sheep who later became the alcoholic. The hero may grow up to marry an addict, and they become the codependent. Dysfunction families have a way of repeating these roles, generation after generation.

Two David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life is now available in both Kindle and paperback format.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.
By David Joel Miller

Your cruising along the road of life and then wham, something knocks you in the ditch.

Sometimes you get your life going again quickly. Other times you may stay off track and in the ditch for a considerable time. If you have gone through a divorce, break up or lost a job you may have found your life off track. Professionals call those problems caused by life-altering events “Adjustment Disorders.” Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of Adjustment Disorders, how they get people off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Bumps on the Road of Life

Please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

Casino Robbery.

Photo of Casino Robbery book

Casino Robbery.

The robbers wanted more than money; they planned to kill Arthur’s fiancé and her boss.

Arthur Mitchell was trying to start his life over with a fiancé and a new job. That all ends when the casino robbers shoot Arthur, kill his fiancée, and her boss. Arthur would like to forget that horrible day, but the traumatic nightmares and constant reminders won’t let him, and someone is still out to get him. When he tries to start over by running a rural thrift store, someone knocks him unconscious, vandalize the store, and finally tries to kill him. His only chance to find peace is to figure out what the killers want from him and why.

Casino Robbery is a novel that explores the world of a man with PTSD who has to cope with his symptoms to solve the mystery and create a new life.

Casino Robbery is available now in both Kindle and paperback editions.

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

That thing called jealousy.

By David Joel Miller.

Is jealousy a good thing or bad thing?

Jealousy

Jealousy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Jealousy is a complicated subject. When the word jealousy is used, most people think immediately about their romantic partner relationship. It appears that certain expressions of jealousy can strengthen some relationships while other expressions can destroy your relationships. Clients who come to counseling because of jealousy, usually have been harmed by a jealous partner or they’ve been required to get counseling because their jealousy has led to violent, aggressive actions.

Sometimes people go out of their way to make their partner jealous. It is an ego boost to know your partner will become jealous when that cute guy or gal pays you some attention. Other times excessive jealousy can destroy a relationship when it moves from expressions of affection to controlling behaviors or even violence.

How your partner handles jealousy is largely about them, not about the facts of the situation. Let’s look at the nature of jealousy, how jealousy operates and how it might have both good and bad expressions.

Jealousy is more than a feeling.

Researchers find that this thing we call jealousy includes thoughts, emotions, and actions. In its simplest form jealousy thought that you have lost or are at risk to lose something, usually another relationship to a rival.

This thought that someone might be taking away your relationship can trigger feelings fear, grief, and loss, or anger. People who experience a threat to their relationship may become anxious, depressed or may be driven to attack the perceived rival. These feelings become the basis for actions.

The difference between envy and jealousy.

Envy is when one person wants what another person has. If your neighbor has a luxury car, you want one as good or better. If your neighbor has an attractive partner envy would mean you wanted an attractive partner also. Someone who is envious of you wants something as good as or better than what you have. They do not necessarily want to take what is yours.

Jealousy involves three or more people.

Jealousy stems from threats that some will take away your relationship with another person. There’s a belief that jealousy fills an evolutionary function in humans, probably in other animals also. Expression of jealousy, the behaviors, function to prevent mate poaching. Jealousy, that possibility of losing a relationship, affects males and females differently.

Stay tuned in for more posts about jealousy; it’s causes and its treatment, which is coming up soon. More information about Jealousy and its treatment is or will be at Jealousy

Two David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.
By David Joel Miller

Your cruising along the road of life and then wham, something knocks you in the ditch.

Sometimes you get your life going again quickly. Other times you may stay off track and in the ditch for a considerable time. If you have gone through a divorce, break up or lost a job you may have found your life off track. Professionals call those problems caused by life-altering events “Adjustment Disorders.” Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of Adjustment Disorders, how they get people off track and how to get your life out of the ditch. Bumps on the Road of Life is now available in both Kindle and paperback format.

Casino Robbery.

The robbers wanted more than money; they planned to kill Arthur’s fiancé and her boss.

Photo of Casino Robbery book

Casino Robbery.

Arthur Mitchell was trying to start his life over with a fiancé and a new job. That all ends when the casino robbers shoot Arthur, kill his fiancée, and her boss. Arthur would like to forget that horrible day, but the traumatic nightmares and constant reminders won’t let him, and someone is still out to get him. When he tries to start over by running a rural thrift store, someone knocks him unconscious, vandalize the store, and finally tries to kill him. His only chance to find peace is to figure out what the killers want from him and why.

Casino Robbery is a novel that explores the world of a man with PTSD who has to cope with his symptoms to solve the mystery and create a new life. Casino Robbery is available now in both Kindle and paperback editions.

Other books are due out soon; please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

Don’t return the compliments.

By David Joel Miller.

Is it hard for you to accept compliments?

Compliments are Gifts

Compliments are Gifts.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Learn to accept compliments. Are you one of those people who are uncomfortable with compliments? If you turn every compliment away with an “it’s no big deal,” you’re harming your relationships. Learning proper compliments etiquette will improve your relationships.

Problems accepting complements may have begun in childhood. Many people received few compliments and childhood. Parents used to think that complimenting a child could lead to “a big head” and the lack of modesty. If you never received any recognition in childhood for what you did well, it may be uncomfortable to accept compliments.

Telling people how wonderful they are in the absence of any real accomplishment may result in distorted self-esteem. If you’ve done something worthwhile, being recognized and recognizing yourself for positive accomplishments, is an earned reward, and not likely to result in an overlarge ego. Below are some reasons that you need to become comfortable accepting compliments.

Compliments are gifts.

Think of compliments as gifts. Dismissing them does not make you more modest or humble. If you return every gift people give you, they will stop giving those gifts to you. If you return every compliment with a no thank you, people will get their feelings hurt. Learn to accept compliments with a simple “thank you.” Being gracious in giving and receiving compliments improves relationships.

Never receiving thankyou’s, makes you feel unappreciated.

If you keep doing for others, but they don’t appreciate what you do, you’re likely to become resentful. One way people show appreciation is by saying thank you. If you habitually reject compliments, you train others to take you for granted. Appreciation works in both directions, learn to thank and compliment others and learn to accept their appreciation.

One reason you can’t accept compliments is you never give yourself any.

Learn to recognize when you have done something positive. Do not dismiss your achievements. When you minimize what, you do you run the risk of minimizing what others do. Don’t become one of those people who is never satisfied. People who are stingy with self-recognition often find it hard to recognize what others do for them.

What you say to yourself, self-talk is powerful. Telling yourself what you did was no big deal makes you feel small and helpless. Telling yourself “you did that good,” improves your self-esteem and your ability to tackle additional challenges.

Positive compliments to give yourself:

Here are some compliments, sometimes called affirmations, you can practice. How many other positive self-statements can you create?

“I’m a worthwhile person.”

“I am grateful for what makes me unique.”

“I respect my individual talents and passions by using them to benefit others.”

“I’m doing the best I can, and I am enough just as I am.”

“I teach others to respect and believe in me by believing in myself.”

“Each day I am working towards becoming the best possible me.”

Practice the art of giving and receiving compliments and make the world a happier and more appreciative place.

Two David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Your cruising along the road of life and then wham, something knocks you in the ditch.

Sometimes you get your life going again quickly. Other times you may stay off track and in the ditch for a considerable time. If you have gone through a divorce, break up or lost a job you may have found your life off track. Professionals call those problems caused by life-altering events “Adjustment Disorders.” Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of Adjustment Disorders, how they get people off track and how to get your life out of the ditch. Bumps on the Road of Life is now available in both Kindle and paperback format.

Casino Robbery.

Photo of Casino Robbery book

The robbers wanted more than money; they planned to kill Arthur’s fiancé and her boss.

Arthur Mitchell was trying to start his life over with a fiancé and a new job. That all ends when the casino robbers shoot Arthur, kill his fiancée, and her boss. Arthur would like to forget that horrible day, but the traumatic nightmares and constant reminders won’t let him, and someone is still out to get him. When he tries to start over by running a rural thrift store, someone knocks him unconscious, vandalize the store, and finally tries to kill him. His only chance to find peace is to figure out what the killers want from him and why.

Casino Robbery is a novel that explores the world of a man with PTSD who has to cope with his symptoms to solve the mystery and create a new life. Casino Robbery is available now in both Kindle and paperback editions.

Other books are due out soon; please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

How to recognize a pathological liar.

By David Joel Miller.

Is someone in your life a pathological liar?

Lies

Lies.
Photo courtesy of Flickr (renaissancechambara)

Having a pathological liar in your life can wreak havoc on your mental and emotional health. It can take a long time to identify the habitual liar. Learn to spot the people who are lying to you.

They lie even when the truth would work better.

Pathological liars will invent tales rather than tell you the truth. They will continue to insist that what they say is true even when their elaborations have become outlandish. They try to make their story more believable by adding lots of fictional details.

They often don’t realize they’re lying.

It’s common for compulsive liars to repeat their falsehoods so often that they begin to believe them themselves. They believe things should be true because they want them to be so. Since they believe their fictions, they will continue to insist they are telling the truth despite mountains of evidence to the contrary.

Their life sounds illogical.

When someone’s stories don’t make sense, with their entire life sounds illogical, there’s a good chance they believe many things that are not true. Pathological liars create elaborate life stories which are a complete fabrication.

They use lies to manipulate people.

If you feel someone repeatedly tries to manipulate you, look for the lies and false stories embedded in their narrative. When someone’s trying to get you to do something, ask yourself how honest do you believe they are.

Their failure, to tell the truth, hurts people.

Pathological liars are not concerned about what their untruths will harm others. They lie to get what they want. They do not feel that it’s wrong for them to lie. They will continue their dishonesty even when they know it is hurting those who are closest to them.

Pathological lying is a behavior pattern, not a specific mental illness.

There’s no specific diagnosis for pathological lying. It is currently considered a pattern of behavior. This condition overlaps several personality disorders, particularly antisocial personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.

Everything they say is meant to make them look good.

Narcissists in particular, repeatedly lie, to make themselves look better and more important. The recurrent liar tries to manage other people’s opinion of them by manipulating the facts even if some of their purported facts are complete fictions.

They blame others for everything that goes wrong. It is always someone else’s fault.

Chronic liars are never willing to take responsibility for what they’ve done. Anything that has gone wrong must be someone else fault.

Two David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life is now available in both Kindle and paperback format.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.
By David Joel Miller

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Your cruising along the road of life and then wham, something knocks you in the ditch.

Sometimes you get your life going again quickly. Other times you may stay off track and in the ditch for a considerable time. If you have gone through a divorce, break up or lost a job you may have found your life off track. Professionals call those problems caused by life-altering events “Adjustment Disorders.” Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of Adjustment Disorders, how they get people off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Bumps on the Road of Life

Please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

Casino Robbery.

Photo of Casino Robbery book

Casino Robbery.

The robbers wanted more than money; they planned to kill Arthur’s fiancé and her boss.

Arthur Mitchell was trying to start his life over with a fiancé and a new job. That all ends when the casino robbers shoot Arthur, kill his fiancée, and her boss. Arthur would like to forget that horrible day, but the traumatic nightmares and constant reminders won’t let him, and someone is still out to get him. When he tries to start over by running a rural thrift store, someone knocks him unconscious, vandalize the store, and finally tries to kill him. His only chance to find peace is to figure out what the killers want from him and why.

Casino Robbery is a novel that explores the world of a man with PTSD who has to cope with his symptoms to solve the mystery and create a new life.

Casino Robbery is available now in both Kindle and paperback editions.

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

Why people lie.

By David Joel Miller.

Why do so many people lie so much of the time?

Truth or lie

Why they lie.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

We talk a lot about the importance of honesty. What it comes right down to it there’s a lot more lying than telling the truth going on. When I see couples, they frequently accuse each other of lying, or they both talk about how important honesty is to them. Commonly there are heated discussions about what the truth is.

Why is it so hard to find the truth? Why can’t people stop lying? The phantom nature of truth is behind a whole lot relationship conflicts and parenting issues. Here are some of the reasons why people can’t agree on what the truth is and who is lying.

They believe what they’re telling you even though it’s untrue.

Have you ever met someone who goes on vehemently insisting that something is true when others are equally certain that it’s not true? One common reason for this inability to agree on truth versus lie is that people insist on the truth of the things they believe to be right, up until they discover they were wrong.

I find it hard to call it lying when someone tells me something and really does believe it. I think we all need to recognize that just because someone tells us something does not mean it’s true. This does not mean there lying; it just means they are mistaken in what they believe. You need to make your own evaluation of things. Especially don’t rely on others to be correct when the consequences to you of their being mistaken could be serious.

Impression management, they want you to think well of them.

Most people want to be liked. They will tell you the truth about things that make them look good while leaving out the parts that make them look bad. You ask your spouse if they paid the water bill and they say yes. What they don’t say is they forgot to mail the check, and the bill got paid two weeks late. It’s common to bend the truth not by saying things that are outright lies, but by leaving out part of the story. Kids will avoid telling you when they got a bad grade on a test.

They want to spare your feelings.

Too much honesty can hurt people’s feelings. When we know that the truth might be painful, we tend to leave parts out or sugar coat what we say. The woman asked you, does this dress make me look fat, rigorous honesty is not the best policy. Friends are often reluctant to deliver bad news. If you can’t handle the truth, people are likely to keep it from you.

To avoid conflict, you won’t like the truth.

You ask your partner if they talked to their ex, today. They tell you no because they know you would be extremely angry if you found out they were having contact with that ex. They work at the same company with that ex, and they know they will see them every day. If when they tell you the truth, you punishment them, yell or give them the silent treatment, they stop telling you the truth.

Because it works.

Lying gets them what they want, and out of doing things they don’t want to do. Little kids learn early on to say what they think you want to hear. You ask if they did their homework and they say yes. The result is they get to watch TV or play video games instead of having to do homework. Lying can do two things, get you something you want, or get you out of having to do something you don’t want to do.

To avoid punishment.

The part they told you was true, they just left some things out. You asked the kids did they do their homework. You told them no TV till after the home was done. They tell you yes, I read three chapters of history. They leave out the part about not having done their math or English homework because right now there is a show on TV, they want to watch.

When you ask someone if they did something they were not supposed to do, the most common reaction is to deny they did it.

You are using a different standard.

Ask most kids if they cleaned up their room and they will say yes. To them cleaning up the room means putting one or two things in the closet, probably they tossed their dirty clothes in there. Out of sight out of mind. To you cleaning up the room means a lot more than hiding the dirty clothes.

Those are some of the reasons people lie. Ask yourself if you have ever been less fully truthful. Why did you do it? Was it one of these reasons? Can you think of other reasons you may have lied?

New Book Bumps on the Road of Life is now available in Kindle format for preorder. It will be released on 11/13/17. The paperback version is ready now.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Your cruising along the road of life and then wham, something knocks you in the ditch.

Sometimes you get your life going again quickly. Other times you may stay off track and

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.
By David Joel Miller

in the ditch for a considerable time. If you have gone through a divorce, break up or lost a job you may have found your life off track. Professionals call those problems caused by life-altering events “Adjustment Disorders.” Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of Adjustment Disorders, how they get people off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Bumps on the Road of life

Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

More to come as other books are completed.

Thanks to all my readers for all your support.

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For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings, and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books