Category Archives: finding yourself

Life is a road trip.

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Life is a road trip

Life is a road trip.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Life is a road trip.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Have you ever taken a road trip without a map?

I think life is a lot like a road trip. My life has been a road trip without a map. I don’t know about you, but when I came home from the hospital after being born, I didn’t get that instruction booklet that told me where to go and what to do.

For most of my life, I’ve been driving along, heading for one destination or another. Sometimes, I encountered a closed road and had to change my direction. Without that grand plan for life, you can encounter lots of dead ends. Sometimes, you come to a fork in the road and have to decide whether you go to the left or the right. The longer I’ve been traveling the road of life, the more I wonder what would’ve happened if I had made different turns and selected different routes along the way.

Early in life, you follow the flow of traffic.

In the beginning, your life direction is largely set by your parents or by the other people in the home where you live. If you come from a dysfunctional family where driving backward is the norm, you pick that up as a habit, and the longer you do it, the harder it gets to change.

When you begin attending school, you start learning and accepting directions from people outside your family. In the early grades, it’s likely to be “do what the teacher says.” A little later, people start to follow the Maxim, “We should do what the principal says.” This becomes an appeal to a higher authority. Some people stick to that habit for the rest of their lives.

Sometimes, the directions are contradictory.

Trying to navigate life’s challenges can get very confusing when the directions you get contradict each other. For some people, this results from having one parent tell you one thing and the other parent tell you something entirely different. The more you move around, spending time with grandparents or stepparents, the harder it becomes to decide which directions to follow. Some people just give up following the rules and follow the motto “do whatever you want.”

Sometimes, the road is bumpy.

Everyone has parts of their life that feel like navigating a road full of potholes. Depending on your driving skill and the options you have, some bumps are barely noticeable, and others can throw you completely off course. Not everyone who goes down a particular stretch of road hits the same potholes.

I’ve learned that some people have an early life event but quickly recover, while other people are injured so severely by that event that they struggle for the rest of their lives.

Other times, you run out of gas.

Thinking about this metaphor, taking the road trip of life, I’ve learned that there are people and times when you can keep going on and on no matter what’s happening. But other times, driving over rough roads wears you out. Sometimes, you just run out of gas and give up on the trip altogether.

One form of running out of gas is professional burnout, a condition where going to work each day is so tiring that you can’t rest up. When you’re worn out from taking the course you have been following, you may decide you don’t want to travel with the people that are currently in your life. Sometimes, you get so discouraged that you doubt your ability to chart a course in life.

For times like these, the only alternative is to give up your travel plans and chart a new life. Over the last few years, I’ve seen a lot of people who burned out at their current jobs, went back to school, and started off on a new career, which took them in a totally different direction.

Occasionally, you discover something magnificent.

Sometimes, the struggle of driving that winding road requires traveling a little more slowly, but if you take the time to look around, you may be surrounded by magnificent scenery. Some of the best things that happen in life can result from a serendipitous experience.

What if you make a wrong turn?

I’ve heard from researchers who have studied end-of-life regrets that the greatest regrets don’t come from the roads you took. At the end of life, the largest regrets usually come from the times you played it safe and stayed on the straight interstate freeway. It’s those side roads that you always wanted to take but passed up in your hurry to get to the end of your journey that you are likely to regret.

So, how is your life road trip going?

Are you happy with the direction your life is going? Are there side trips you wanted to take but never let yourself go there? When you get to the end of your journey, what wonderful stories will you have to tell? If the life you’re living is not taking you where you want to go, how might you change your direction?

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What are character strengths and virtues?

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What are character strengths and virtues?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

What are character strengths and virtues?

The idea of character strengths and values comes from Peterson and Seligman’s book Character Strengths and Virtues, where I was first introduced to the concept of universal strengths and values.

They studied a wide variety of cultures, current and ancient, and concluded that twenty-four fundamental character strengths or virtues are valued by almost all cultures. There is an online test that you can take that will give you your rankings. I think there are several versions of this test, but the free one I use is found at viacharacter.org  A similar test is available on the Gallup Strength Finders website.

My take on this is that you may be high in all the virtues or low in all, but the most significant thing to look at is your top character strengths. I would recommend looking at the top five. You might also want to look at the bottom five, which are sometimes called underdeveloped strengths.

Here is a condensed list of their character strengths and virtues list.

The descriptions below are my rough paraphrases of my understanding of these characteristics. I hope I’ve gotten them close to the original concepts of Peterson and Seligman. Each of these 24 virtues includes several related words or ideas. For example, creativity, the first one below, would also include originality, ingenuity, and similar characteristics.

Creativity.

This might be artistic, but it might also be new and novel ways to put things together and to do things.

Curiosity.

The curious person likes exploring and discovering, finds new topics and subjects fascinating, and likes having new experiences just for the sake of experiencing something for its own sake.

Judgment.

The strength of judgment involves looking at things from all sides, weighing the evidence, and not jumping to conclusions. It includes an openness to changing your mind when new information is found. People who use the strength think things through and examine them carefully.

Love of Learning.

This is related to curiosity but goes beyond simple curiosity. It includes learning more about various topics and bodies of knowledge and mastering new skills. Some people do this in schools, and some people simply study many subjects on their own. People who love to learn continue to explore new fields of knowledge just for the joy of learning.

Perspective.

This involves being able to look at situations and facts from all sides. Someone with perspective may be good at giving others advice. People with perspective can make sense of the world for themselves and others.

Perseverance.

The characteristic of sticking to it or continuing on a course even when the going gets hard and overcoming obstacles. People with perseverance enjoy finishing what they started.

Honesty.

People who are high in honesty value genuineness and act in sincere ways. You can count on what they say to conform to the facts. They don’t try to slant information to make themselves look better; they can take responsibility for what they say, do, and feel.

Zest.

The character strength of Zest has been connected to living a long happy life. People with a zest for living approach everything they do with excitement and energy. They are either all in or all out, but not halfhearted. People with Zest feel alive and ready to go. Him

Love.

Love is one of the more challenging emotions or values to pin down. I think a lot of people confuse love with several other emotions. If you look at an old dictionary, there will be a whole page of definitions for the word love. The way the character strengths and virtues test applies the virtue of love is someone who values being close and having good relationships with others. They seek out reciprocal relationships where they can both give and receive love. Someone high in the characteristic of love prefers being close to other people.

Kindness.

This value goes beyond simply doing nice things for the less fortunate. It includes both favors and good deeds, helping others and non-possessive taking care of them.

Social Intelligence.

The way character strengths and virtues define social intelligence seems to parallel the concept of emotional intelligence. It’s the ability to understand both the feelings and the motives of others. It’s knowing what to do and not do to fit in with groups in social situations. I think a lot of people who define themselves as introverts, in fact, have social anxiety and avoid others because they don’t know what to do to fit into social situations. Developing more Social Intelligence can help you overcome natural feelings of shyness.

Teamwork.

Some people are real team players, and others are individualists. I think back to high school when some guys from the basketball, baseball, and water polo teams. Other people preferred track, wrestling, and other individual sports. There are advantages to working well as a member of a team and being loyal to your group. There’s also a place for individuality.

Fairness.

Fairness involves giving everyone a fair chance. We all have our own concepts of what’s there and what’s just. People who practice fairness try not to let their feelings bias their decisions about everyone else.

Leadership.

Many companies put their management staff through leadership training classes. The skill of leadership is much more than simply being the boss and telling people what to do. Leadership skills are not limited to rewards and punishments. The leader should use techniques to encourage the group and get members to cooperate in accomplishing their shared goals and purposes.

Forgiveness.

People who are high in forgiveness can let wrongdoing go and give people a second chance.

Humility.

Characterized by letting your work and accomplishments speak for themselves. Not thinking you are special or better than others.

Prudence.

Prudent people are careful about their choices and tend to be risk-avoidant. The kind of people who like to think things over so they don’t do something they’ll regret later.

Self-Regulation.

Self-regulated people are highly disciplined. They can control themselves, both their actions and their emotions.

Appreciation Of Beauty.

People with this virtue quickly notice and appreciate something that’s well-made. They enjoy beauty and appreciate people who are skilled in many areas.

Gratitude.

Gratitude is a virtue that is highly connected to good mental health. It involves noticing and appreciating the good things when they happen. Cultivating a practice of gratitude can help reduce excessive negativity. This trait includes giving thanks for the good things that happened to them.

Hope.

People who are high in hope can see the possibilities for the future and are willing to work to reach them. Hope counterbalances negativity. Having hope allows you to do work now in the present, expecting that there will be rewards in the future.

Humor.

Humor is the virtue of playfulness. People who are high in humor can laugh and play. They can tease and accept teasing. People who are high in humor make you smile.

Spirituality.

Spirituality is sometimes connected with religion, but it can exist apart from a specific faith. Spirituality can lead to finding your meaning and purpose in life and your place in the universe.

What were my top character strengths?

I was frankly a little surprised when I first took this test, but after closer analysis, all of my top five made a great deal of sense. Here are my top five with some personal comments.

  1. Love of learning.

Hardly a shock since I have been going to school now for over seventy years, either taking classes or teaching them, and just this year, 2024, I have completed yet another online extension class.

  1. Creativity.

That need for creativity might explain why I have written several blogs, published seven books, been a photographer, and have a YouTube channel.

  1. Curiosity.

I think this goes hand-in-hand with my love of learning. It also goes well with my work life. In working with clients, I am incredibly curious about their lives and how they are coping.

  1. Humor.

Definitely nothing funny about that. I take my humor very seriously.

  1. Zest.

I enjoy my life, and I’m constantly seeking out new challenges.

How about you?

What things are important to you in setting goals and planning your life? What are your top character strengths and virtues, and how are you using them to create a fulfilling, positive, happy life?

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Keeping your life in balance

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stay in balance

Keeping your life in balance.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Keeping your life in balance

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

There’s more to a balanced life than your work-life balance.

I read and hear a lot about people struggling to maintain a work-life balance. I know it’s getting increasingly difficult to have both. But when we look deeper, there’s a lot more that needs balancing than just work and personal life.

When I first started out in counseling, we were taught a model of a balanced life that is sometimes called the grapefruit or the pie of life. There are also scads of whole-person models. What they all have in common is the idea that your life is divided into segments or activities, and since the total number of hours each week is fixed, time or resources added to one segment must be taken away from another part of your life.

I think of this like those antique bicycles that had a limited number of spokes on the front wheel. You have probably seen pictures of bicycles with one huge front wheel and two smaller back wheels. If some of those spokes are longer than others, then you have a very bumpy ride. Life is like that. If one part of your life gets too much emphasis, all the other parts shrink, and your life becomes extremely unpleasant.

Here are some of the segments of your life that may need attention if you are to achieve a good life balance.

Financial relationships.

This includes work and your other sources of income, as well as how you relate to money. Some people are spenders, some are savers, and some manage their money. If you have a lot of debt, you may feel that money is managing you.

Work or other sources of income.

Most people either have a job or a partner who has a job. The idea that most people would prefer to be on welfare seems untrue to me. If you’ve ever needed public assistance, you might’ve found that the paperwork and the time you spend waiting for workers is more challenging than showing up for a job if you can find it.

Social relationships.

This segment of your pie of life includes family, friends, and your close sexual and romantic relationships. The topic of intimate relationships is too complicated to go into much detail here. The short part of this is that your relationships probably need more attention than they are getting.

Physical health.

Getting and staying healthy is a lifelong challenge. Diet, exercise, and medical care are all factors in how well you maintain your physical body. Having a chronic illness or disability affects every other part of your life.

Mental health.

How we measure and evaluate mental health has become increasingly complicated. There are over 400 recognized mental illnesses and 400 more “conditions for further study.” But those recognized conditions don’t begin to encompass all of the problems of living that so many people face each day.

Your emotional life.

Beyond the problem of mental health and mental illness are those emotional conditions that are not formal diagnoses of a mental illness but are significant challenges for many people. Anger is a common emotional issue that destroys families and friendships. Loneliness has recently been recognized as a problem that affects both mental and physical health. The impact of loneliness on physical health is as significant as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day.

Religious or spiritual life aspects.

A lot of the popular accounts of religion are oversimplified to the point of being misleading. It’s easy to classify countries as either Christian or Muslim, but there’s ample evidence that Sunnis fight Shiites and Protestants have had wars with Catholics. Because of the almost infinite range of denominations and sects, it’s hard to understand the role religion may play in our society. Increasingly, we see people who say that they are spiritual but not religious. Regardless of how we classify all these things, it’s clear that humans need to believe there is something beyond our species that matters. Having some kind of connection to a higher power is an ingredient in a flourishing life.

The need for self-actualization.

Humans seem to inherently feel a drive or need for such things as creativity, meaning and purpose in their lives, mastery, knowledge, learning, and some level of control over their lives. These self-actualization values often get overlooked in the quest for the basics. When you’re struggling to find food, clothing, and shelter, it’s easy to forget that anything else might matter.

But we see plenty of cases in the world where people will do without food and water and work in adverse conditions through pain and suffering because they believe in a cause or value that they find more important than their own lives.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Creating the life you want.

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Changing your life

Time for a life change?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Creating the life you want.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Are you satisfied with the life you have?

Among the people I talk with daily, an almost universal characteristic is that they are unhappy with their lives. I realize some of that may be skewed because I work as a counselor and mental health therapist. When I’m not doing those things, I also work with a very limited number of clients, trying to coach them on creating a plan for life and achieving the goals they would like to achieve. You don’t have to be mentally ill to want more out of life than what you have now.

If you’re one of those many people who aren’t happy with the life you’re living, now might be a good time to look at where you are and figure out how you’ll get where you want to be. For most people, life is a road trip to unexpected places, relationships, and events. But it’s a lot easier to get to the destination you’re headed for if you have a roadmap. The map doesn’t have to control your journey, but it can sure keep you from making wrong turns.

Start by figuring out who you are and where you are.

On any journey, and life is absolutely a journey, it is helpful to start by knowing where you are and where you want to be. Even if, so far, you have been living your life as one long road trip, taking what comes along, it’s never too late to take stock of where you are and figure out where you want to be.

It’s helpful to take an inventory of your life. Make sure you balance the inventory by looking at the good and the bad. It may be hard to notice the good parts when life is challenging. In twelve-step recovery, taking an inventory is a formal part of the process. But as any successful business person knows, taking inventory needs to be done again periodically.

Your life consists of many segments or parts. I read a lot about work-life balance, but there are many other aspects of your life that need to be in balance also. In a future post, we will examine those various segments of your life and how achieving a better balance between the various aspects of your life and the roles you perform can lead to a more satisfactory life and better mental health.

Who you are has been changing as you’ve lived your life.

In the process of living, you have probably accumulated a lot of life experiences, both good and bad. When life is good, we tend to ignore the problems. But if your life has not you down, at this point, the only thing you may be able to see is the ground you’re lying on.

Don’t fall into the trap of believing that a flourishing, contented, satisfying life is outside your reach because life has brought you to where you are. Some people would call this a happy life, but the definition of what that happy life should look like varies so much that I will save the discussion of what a happy life is and what it can be for a future post.

As much as you can hold onto the idea that maybe, just possibly, life can get better. My experience tells me that for everyone I’ve worked with and known, it has been possible to make their life better. What that better might be for you is something you’ll need to think about, plan for, and begin taking action towards. We’ll talk about all these steps in future blog posts.

Start your journey to a better life by getting to know yourself.

Begin by looking at who you are now. Looking back over your shoulder at the past to see how past experiences and choices have made you who you are is something you may have to do a little at a time. Planning for the future that comes later. The best starting point is wherever you are right now.

For some people, their experiences in the past are so painful they can only deal with one layer at a time. I think of this as “peeling the onion.” You take off a tiny little layer of past experiences, and if it becomes too painful, you cry for a while. When you’ve healed from that experience, you may be able to take further steps.

Sometimes, this process of cleaning up the wreckage of your past, the things people have done to you, and the things you have done to others requires working with a counselor or therapist. Sometimes, it happens in twelve-step groups by talking with your sponsor and working the steps. Some people can make significant self-change by reading blog posts like this one and self-help books.

Because the project seems overwhelming, don’t let that keep you from starting this journey. One rule I hold onto personally and professionally is “better is better.” Another saying that fits this situation is “progress, not perfection.”

Self-knowledge is the key to any self-improvement or change process. Think about what is important to you. Is it money? Are you looking for success? Or are relationships more important to you?

Do you have particular beliefs and principles? Any plan for accomplishing things must be consistent with your religious and spiritual beliefs and your value system. Spend some time thinking about what your core priorities are.

I’m suggesting that you spend some time on yourself. Study yourself and find out who you are. Like any good student, you will learn better if you take notes. If possible, write down your notes by hand in a journal or other safe place.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What gives your life meaning and purpose?

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What gives your life meaning and purpose?

Meaning and Purpose.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What gives your life meaning and purpose?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Have you found your life’s meaning and purpose?

Knowing why you are living life the way you have been is often more important than learning how to live that life. Discovering your life’s meaning and purpose is a challenging task. Having a meaning and purpose for your life is one of the principal components of creating a satisfying, flourishing life. Some people would call this a happy life, and in the future blog post, I want to explore the components of creating a happy life.

In his hierarchy of needs, Maslow places meaning and purpose, along with mastery, at the highest apex of his list, in a category he calls self-actualization. Many people spend their lives struggling to meet the basic physiological needs for food, water, air, and shelter. In this era of high material possessions, there are still people who struggle to meet these basic needs. But once those needs are fulfilled, people’s attention turns to the more abstract needs. Chief among those abstract needs are meaning, purpose, and mastery.

In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Frankel described what he learned about struggle and the meaning of life while a prisoner in a concentration camp. One of the lessons he learned is that if you have a “why for your living,” you can survive almost any how.

In my counseling and therapy practice, many clients come to me with issues of anxiety and depression. Some come to talk about jobs and relationships. Others come to counseling because they struggle with substance use and abuse. They can usually tell me that what they have been doing hasn’t been making them happy. What most people can’t tell me is what gives their life meaning and purpose. If the life you’re living has no purpose, how can you achieve more than fleeting, temporary happiness?

The search for meaning and purpose in life requires a conscious effort. Once you find the thing that makes your life worth living, whatever challenges you face become far less daunting. Clients often ask me how they should go about finding their meaning and purpose. I can suggest a lot of homework and processes to find your meaning and purpose, but identifying the one thing that might give your life meaning and purpose is often a matter of serendipity. You will never find what you’re looking for unless you’re out looking for it, and then, if you’re lucky, you may discover something that makes all the struggles of life worthwhile.

The first question to answer is, “Who are you?”

Now, by “who are you?” I don’t mean your name, the job you do, or the home you live in. In defining who you are, it’s important to look at much more than your surface characteristics. In the course of your lifetime, you will spend more time with yourself than with any other person.

Wherever you go, when you wake up in the morning, you will be there. It’s essential that you develop a good relationship with yourself. Come to know everything there is to know about that person you call you.

Remember that who you are is likely to change across your lifespan. I know from personal experience that the David Joel Miller of 2024 is nothing like the David Joel Miller of 2000 or the David Joel Miller of 1960.

Here’s a list of some things you may want to explore.

  1. Your values.

By values, I don’t mean things like honesty, bravery, and thriftiness. Those abstract qualities that we used to attribute to good character or good breeding. Those kinds of character values are fleeting and often appear in one situation and not another. What I’m talking about when I say your values is much more concrete.

Think about what things really matter to you. Is it money and physical possessions? Are your relationships your priority, and if so, which relationships? How important are your spiritual and political views?

  1. Your personality.

When I say personality, I’m talking about your likes and dislikes. Think about your preferences. In the midst of winter, would you rather be inside curled up with a good book or outside playing in the snow? Do you like the crowd and excitement, or would you prefer a quiet walk alone in the woods?

Clinical and research psychologists spend a lot of time studying personality and giving personality tests and inventories. Enough has been written about personality to fill a good-sized library. Mental health professionals rarely diagnose personality problems unless it has a severe impact on someone’s functioning.

You will find more articles I’ve written about personality in the category labeled aptly enough “Personality.”

  1. Your goals.

You’re going to be you for a long time, and learning a little bit about setting and achieving goals will benefit you greatly. There are several excellent books and some trainings on how to set and accomplish goals. Time permitting, I’ll try to help out here by writing a few posts about goals. Feel free to leave any questions about goals in the comments or use the contact me form.

  1. Your roles in life.

Everyone plays a variety of roles in life. You wouldn’t be reading this if you hadn’t been someone’s son or daughter. In your lifetime, you may also play the role of mother or father and eventually a grandmother or grandfather. You are also likely to play the role of a partner and a friend. Then, again, you may not play any of those roles. Your occupation is possibly a role you will fulfill. Some people fill the roles of leaders, and others are followers.

In a day, a person may play various roles at home, at work, in their spiritual life, and in their leisure time. Think about which of those roles adds to your life’s meaning and purpose. One of these roles may be your life’s defining meaning and purpose, but then again, it’s possible that all these roles simply aid in your pursuit of some other meaning and purpose.

  1. Your aspirations.

When you think about aspirations, it’s crucial to distinguish between what you want to do and who you want to be. One exercise that counselors sometimes use to help people define their aspirations in life is to ask them to write their obituary the way they would like it to appear in the newspaper after they die. Trying to sum up your entire life in a paragraph can bring your many aspirations and goals into sharp focus.

  1. Who are your heroes, and who has been influential in your life?

Role models and heroes often lay down the path we follow throughout our lives. Think carefully about who influences you. I’ve heard it said that we become the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Spending time doesn’t have to be a matter of physical presence. What people, living and dead, real or fictional, do you spend a lot of time thinking about? Trying to emulate their lives may be one of the things that gives your life meaning and purpose. Remember that bracelet, WWJD?

I hope some of these ideas have gotten you started on the journey of self-exploration and discovering what gives your life meaning and purpose.

If 2024 turns out the way I’m hoping it will, I plan to write more posts about each of these areas of personal exploration.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

The four coordinates of self-discovery

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Self-Discovery
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

The four coordinates of self-discovery.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Your journey of self-discovery requires a map.

You will spend more time during your life with yourself than with any other person. So it makes sense to spend some of that time exploring yourself, who you are, and what life experiences made you think, feel, and behave the way you do.

One aspect of the self is your personality. It’s important to explore your personality and the life events that may have influenced your development of a sense of self. But the self is not an island. It’s more like a river that is constantly flowing downstream until it finally reaches the sea of destiny.

As you take the journey of self-exploration, there are four cardinal influences, like the four directions found on a map. These four factors influence how your personality develops from early childhood until late adulthood. Examining these factors can help show you where you are and what direction you should go in your effort at self-exploration.

Your relationships shape you.

Relationships are systemic influences. They will affect every other part of your life. The process of getting into and of leaving relationships changes you. By relationships here, I’m not restricting myself to your primary sexual relationship.

For good or bad, we have relationships with everyone we interact with. One of the most challenging relationships you’ll ever have to navigate will be your relationship with your exes. Romantic partners may come and go, but baby’s Mamas and daddies are forever. Even after you end a relationship, that time you spent with that other person leaves its mark on you.

One part of self-examination is to look at the relationships you’ve had, the friendships, the romantic relationships, and the people you met you decided you were better off without. Examine those relationships. Why were you attracted to this person? Was there a reason why you selected them for a friend? Or for a lover? Who you spend your time with and why tells you a lot about yourself.

Those bright shiny objects, meaning, purpose, and mastery.

Just like our attraction to people, we all have objects and activities that grab our attention. One of the most important things to discover about yourself is what gives your life meaning and purpose. Those important characteristics may be grand items like saving the planet are there might be many more personal ones like a collection of photographs of all the places on the planet you have visited.

One crucial human need that is often overlooked is the quest for mastery. Mastering something, no matter what it is, adds to your self-worth. When was the last time you took up a new hobby or practiced a new skill? Think about taking a class just for fun or picking up a new hobby.

Consider also what motivates you.

To understand what drives you get clear on your values. Be very careful about the mountains you choose to climb. A common calamity in life is getting to the top of whatever mountain you decided to climb and realizing you have been climbing the wrong peak.

More time and effort may result in more money in the bank, but it won’t be very satisfying if what you valued the most was the relationships with your partner and your children.

Significant life events can reshape your personality.

Who we are is massively impacted by the times we live in. Growing up during the Great Depression produced a very different group of people than those who grew up during World War Two. Even two people who lived through the same period in history may have experienced it in very different ways.

Consider whether you were in college during the Vietnam War or whether you joined the army and experienced that conflict firsthand. How is your life been altered because your parent or grandparent lived through one of these significant events?

The many aspects of the self.

One exercise I suggest to clients in my therapy practice is to write their autobiography. Start with the very first memory you have in life. Often this will be a picture from the time before you had the words to remember a story. Next, you should think about various events in your life you can reexamine them. Did something someone said to you in elementary school change your opinion of yourself?

As your work on your life review, examine the many roles you’ve played and how they have shaped who you are today. Many of the things that you do today automatically are the result of habits you developed early in life. Do you want to keep those habits? Would your life be better if you created a new habit to replace one of the old habits that are no longer working for you?

Look for one of those lists of 50 questions to ask someone on a first date. Go through the list and see how you would answer each of those questions. Charting where you are now and how you’ve gotten here can help you set a new direction for whichever way you want your life to go in the future.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Working on yourself

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Man working on himself.

Working on yourself.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Working on yourself

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

What exactly do we mean by “working on myself?”

One thing I commonly hear from clients is that they are taking some time to work on themselves. One of the hard things to define is exactly what they mean by working on themselves. This is the time of year when many people are making New Year’s resolutions or setting new life goals, and I thought it would be valuable to talk about some of the areas of yourself that may need working on and how you might go about doing that work.

Why might you want to pursue self-improvement?

Most people conclude that they are ready to work on themselves after a long period of pain or stagnation. Sometimes it’s the result of a traumatic event. Maybe you have been in a relationship that hasn’t been meeting your needs. Maybe that person you thought was your soul mate packed their things and left. Or perhaps you’ve been working at a job that isn’t meeting your needs. Possibly the pay is too low, or the work is hard and uninteresting.

The need to work on yourself frequently arises when there has been a change in your life. Moving into or out of a relationship changes us. Generally, it takes some effort to reestablish an equilibrium and find out who you are now that that relationship has ended. Rarely does someone return to being the same person they were before the relationship that just ended.

By relationship, I don’t just mean primary romantic or sexual relationships. Changing your job, moving from one place to another, adding a member to your family, or losing someone are all significant changes. The list could go on, but I hope you see that change often triggers the feeling that you need to work on yourself.

Self-change requires insight.

You will spend more time with yourself and with any other person in your life. Wherever you go on earth, when you wake up in the morning, you will be there. I can’t remember where I first heard those words of wisdom, but I do know that getting to know yourself and liking yourself is a starting point for creating the life you want to have.

Working on yourself means changing something.

People embarking on a self-change program may use a variety of terms to describe their objectives, but the primary areas you need to work on are your thinking, your feelings, and your behavior.

Maybe you have spent years trying to get someone else to change. At some point, you’ve reached your limit, and you know that for any change to happen, it needs to be you that makes that change. Once you’ve exhausted yourself with all your efforts to change other people, the only thing left is to start changing yourself.

Change involves new learning and new actions.

Humans are cognitive misers. When we are under stress, we typically resort to our usual way of behaving. I know that if I had to figure out which leg should touch the floor first when I get out of bed, I would probably still be in bed. Habits can be highly beneficial when they allow us to do a series of steps automatically and rapidly. If we have to think over each step in the process, we slow down.

Under stress, humans tend to revert to their characteristic patterns. This is why any new habit must be over-practiced until it becomes automatic. Unlearning old habits requires that same level of learning. You don’t simply stop doing the habit. The most efficient way to undo a bad habit is to replace it with a new positive habit.

Learning involves change at the cellular level.

The brain, the part in our head, and the nerve cells that run throughout our bodies become more efficient at doing things the more times they process the same signal. As we learn things, nerve cells create additional connections. Every thought you have, every feeling you feel, and every time you act, signals moving through your nerve cells create these events. You need to practice each new thought, feeling, or behavior until the changes you are trying to make become automatic. Today I will briefly describe three main changes that should be part of your self-improvement project.

Change your thinking.

As far back as the ancient Greeks, humans have known that the way circumstances affect people is more the result of the view they take of them than their circumstances. It’s possible to have extreme emotional suffering in a situation that, to outsiders, looks ideal. We also see people who live in extremely difficult circumstances but still maintain a positive attitude and report they have a meaningful life. How you interpret things largely creates how you feel about your life.

Make friends with your feelings.

Trying to ignore feelings is like trying to ignore messengers knocking at your door. Sometimes it doesn’t matter if you get the message. But don’t shoot the messenger just because it’s bearing bad news. Instead, learn to accept feelings for what they are, sources of information. Then, use that information to identify either the thought that’s causing it or the behavior you need to take to alter your circumstances.

Change your behavior.

If you want more self-esteem, do more estimable things. If you want to be healthier, start by getting into action, whether that means eating a healthier diet or increasing your activity level. As your behavior changes, it will influence your feelings, and as your feelings change, they will change the way you think about your life and the world you live in.

Self-improvement also includes reassessing your relationships.

We tend to adopt the attitudes and behaviors of the people we spend a lot of time with. If you spend your days associating with negative, unhappy people, it’s much more difficult to maintain a positive attitude. Don’t be misled into thinking that if you changed your friends or your intimate relationship, then you would be happy. As you work on yourself and become emotionally healthier, you will attract healthier people into your life.

Pay attention to what you bring to relationships, not what you take away.

Most people have a lot more relationships than they realize. We even have relationships with people we were not in relationships with. Many of the clients I’ve worked with find that their most intimate relationships are with their drug of choice. If you are in love with Ethel, ethyl alcohol, or spend all your time with Mary Jane, marijuana, it’s hard to make room for romantic partners, children, or work.

If you keep getting into unhealthy relationships, re-examine what you’re bringing to those relationships. Do you seek out unhealthy people, so you don’t feel so bad about yourself? If all your partners have caused you pain, look at why you were attracted to people like that.

In future posts, I want to talk more about self-improvement and the process of change. Also, look at counseling and how that might fit into your process of working on yourself. Along the way, I will include a scattering of posts on how to create a life full of meaning and purpose.

Best wishes as we move into the new year.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why is it so hard to treat yourself well?

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Taking care of yourself
Self-care. Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

If self-care is so important, why is it so hard to do?

Good self-care is hugely connected to good mental health. Learning stress reduction techniques can improve your mental health and reduce the risk of burning out. Despite all the documented benefits of self-compassion and self-care, many people continue to push themselves relentlessly. Learning to take good care of yourself and show yourself kindness is a significant part of a happy and productive life.

Were you taught to take care of yourself?

Early life experiences set up patterns for the rest of our lives. If the people who should’ve taken care of you treated you poorly, you learned to treat yourself that way. People who have experienced abuse or neglect may have or internalize the message that they didn’t deserve to be treated well. You may have been taught that suffering was a virtue, and you find it hard to embrace happiness.

Even families that provided love and adequate care may have given you the message that you weren’t good enough. Some parents seem to think that the way to get a child to do better is to point out all their faults. There’s a myth out there that praising a child will cause them to become conceited. But if no one praised you for anything, you did well, and everything you did wasn’t good enough. You may have internalized the message that you were not good enough.

Your danger detector is turned up too high.

If you’ve grown up poor or lived in a dangerous environment, you may be on constant alert. High levels of stress hormones keep all your danger detection circuits active. When you’re hypervigilant, on a constant lookout for what could go wrong, self-soothing and self-care don’t happen.

If you suffer from an anxiety disorder, you may feel guilty about self-care. People who have adopted the high anxiety lifestyle choose to worry about everything that could go wrong in the mistaken belief that this will keep them safe. They live in a constant state of high alert. Doing anything that might lower that anxiety may make you feel guilty or unsafe.

You are too busy surviving to notice you are running on empty.

Sometimes the day-to-day struggles become so overwhelming that taking time for self-care seems like a waste of time. When life is a struggle, self-care may be something you tell yourself you don’t have time for. You may be so busy listening to your inner critic that you haven’t had time to take stock of what you need. You may not have realized that self-care was an option.

Have you turned suffering into a virtue?

Some people are so used to believing that life must be full of suffering that as soon as life goes well, they start to feel guilty. Some people just can’t bear to stop working long enough to have fun. You may have internalized the attitude that self-compassion will make you soft and weak. Taking good care of yourself both mentally and physically is not being self-indulgent.

Practicing self-compassion can be scary.

Change is usually scary, even when that change moves us in the direction of better health. Caring about yourself may be a new feeling for you. If you weren’t taught self-compassion, or those around you didn’t demonstrate it to you, it may be hard to recognize. Self-compassion is a skill you can learn. Like all skills, you may not be perfect at first, but the more you practice self-compassion, the better your life will become.

Would now be a good time to start practicing self-compassion?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seems like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Silencing your inner critic.

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Criticism
Inner critic. Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Is your inner critic so loud, you can’t concentrate?

The term inner critic refers to an inner voice that continually criticizes everything you do and puts you down. Most people know this is not a voice but their thoughts. Still, the negative thoughts are so persistent it feels like you aren’t in control of that inner critic.

Many people, maybe all of us, have an inner critic who tells us we’re not good enough. Your inner critic may tell you that you’re not smart enough. They may even tell you that you are stupid or an idiot. Some people’s inner critic tells them they’re too fat, too short, or too ugly.

People in artistic or competitive fields are particularly prone to attack by their inner critic. Writers and authors are often plagued by doubts about the value of their work. Athletes also know the challenges of having an overactive inner critic.

But anyone, regardless of their life circumstances, can expect a visit from the inner critic who seems to delight in destroying people’s self-esteem. Listening to your inner critic will undermine your confidence. When the inner critic talks about mistakes you’ve made, you may experience shame or guilt. Listening to the inner critic’s voice can lead to “imposter syndrome,” where people expect to be revealed as not worthy of their accomplishments.

Even highly accomplished people are plagued by visits from the inner critic who tells them that their accomplishment was an accident, they’re not that smart, or they’ll never be able to match that past achievement.

Because your inner critic lives in your own mind, you may start believing that what they tell you must be true. Just because you think something doesn’t make it true.

Your inner critic will oppose you.

Your inner critic will tell you that you shouldn’t try. Listening to them in the short run can keep you stuck in inaction. Over the long term listening to the inner critic can cause mental illnesses. Your inner critic would love it if you were too depressed to do anything, too anxious to ever venture out of the house, and too fearful to ever argue with them. Not taking action protects you from both failure and success.

Your thinking style may be magnifying your inner critic.

The voice of the inner critic is magnified by highly negative self-talk. Disparaging yourself, or berating yourself, activates the brain’s threat system or keeps it activated. This can keep you stuck in depression or anxiety.

Your inner critic tries to fool you with a hostile tone of voice.

That tone can be extremely cruel, harsh, and attacking. This can lead to a negative self-opinion. And may even convince you that you don’t deserve any better.

The inner critic uses cognitive distortions to fool you.

Inner critics flood your mind with unhelpful thoughts. They like to use labeling, shoulding, overgeneralizing, and other cognitive distortions to keep you stuck.

How do you fight the inner critic?

Struggling with your inner critic can be a long process. Learn thought-stopping techniques. Try to ignore what they’re saying. When your inner critic gets loud and insistent, tell them to shut up. Sometimes it’s helpful to analyze what your inner critic is saying. Here are some questions you should ask yourself.

What does the inner critic criticize you about?

Pay attention to the things the inner critic says to you. Are these areas where you need to improve your skills? Are these remnants from childhood when you never seem to be good enough? Make up a list of the common complaints of your inner critic and evaluate them for accuracy. You may want to go over this list with a trusted friend or a counselor.

What do you say to yourself?

A significant source of fodder for what your inner critic tells you are your negative self-statements. Stop saying things to yourself that are damaging. There’s no evidence that constantly criticizing yourself will spur you on to do better, and it may cause you to give up on something you could have accomplished.

Who does your inner critic sound like?

Some people’s inner critic is an internalized voice from childhood. Does your inner critic sound like a caregiver or family member? Is your inner critic impersonating a current or former romantic partner, or does it sound like someone who has abused you?

How does your inner critic make you feel?

Pay attention to how you feel when you hear the inner critic’s voice. Do those thoughts make you depressed or anxious? Do they lower your self-esteem? Is there any way in which these thoughts are helpful?

What are the long-term consequences of listening to your inner critic?

An occasional fleeting negative thought about yourself probably doesn’t matter. When the inner critic starts to talk, you can ignore them. But if listening to your inner critic is wearing you out, creating self-doubt, you need to act.

Your inner critic may be the result of mental health problems or may cause them.

Having a vocal inner critic may be a symptom of a severe mental health condition. People with various psychoses may hear voices telling them they are no good or should hurt themselves. If you have a history of trauma, the inner critic may be continuing to perpetuate that trauma. Even if you don’t have a severe mental health challenge, realize that unchallenged that inner critic will wear you out, which may lead to severe depression or anxiety.

Is your inner critic out of control?

Take active steps to silence those negative critical voices in your head. If you struggle with an inner critic and haven’t succeeded in silencing them, talk with your support system, and consider getting professional help from a counselor or therapist.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seems like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What gives your life meaning, and purpose?

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What gives your life meaning and purpose? Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Have you identified your life’s meaning and purpose?

People can go through some incredibly challenging times if they have a good enough reason to do it. But even the simplest tasks may be overwhelming if you don’t see a good reason to do what you’re doing. Another name for your meaning or purpose might be your passion. Is there something that you are passionate about?

A few people are fortunate; they discover their meaning and purpose for life early on and then devote the rest of their days to pursuing that purpose. Some people find their life purpose after a series of trials. I think it’s sad when I see people who have lived their whole life and never discovered anything that gave their life meaning or purpose. If you haven’t put some time into thinking about this, I would encourage you to do so.

The work you do may give your life its purpose.

For some people, the work they do is their life’s purpose. Other people work a job, so they have enough money to support themselves and their family, and then they spend every available moment pursuing their passion. Your life’s work doesn’t necessarily have to be the same thing you do for your paycheck. Just make sure that what you devote your life to doing has some meaning.

Relationships are an important source of meaning and purpose.

Caring for others can give your life its meaning. This can be a child, a pet, or an older person. Caregiving, loving, and being loved are significant sources of meaning. Few relationships will be with you your whole life. Make sure you put effort into maintaining your relationships with partners, family, and friends. However long that relationship is a part of your life, it needs to be nurtured. When you look back on the life you’ve lived, ask yourself, “have my relationships been a source of meaning and purpose?”

Religious or spiritual beliefs can guide you to life’s meaning.

For some people, the anchor that holds them to a purposeful life is their spiritual beliefs. If this life is all there is, then it’s essential to live it well. But if you believe in a life after death, then this life should be a process of growth and perfecting yourself. Do your best to live your life in a manner that is consistent with your spiritual beliefs. Feeling connected to something greater than yourself is a significant contributor to a life full of meaning and purpose.

More things don’t equate to a more satisfying life.

In this era of rampant consumerism, it’s become apparent that having more things does not equate to more happiness. Having more resources certainly provide you with more options. But money and things do not equal happiness. Every day you hear about some rich and famous person whose life was empty and meaningless. It’s not the things you have but what you do with those things that matter.

These days people are focusing more on getting rid of things, decluttering, than on accumulating them. Once a year, our city has a citywide cleanup day. On that one day, the city residents pile all their unwanted items out onto the street to be hauled away to the dump. One curious feature of this free trash removal day is at the piles of refuge are higher and wider in the poorer parts of the city. The pleasure you get from buying things is temporary.

Volunteering can be better than having.

Doing for others can be a significant source of life’s meaning. Being of service to others pays dividends long afterward. The things you buy can end up owning you, but the acts of kindness you give away will be with you forever.

Have you found your life’s meaning and purpose? If not, don’t you think it’s time you started your search?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seems like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel