Can you talk to your therapist on the internet? Online dual relationships

Online dual relationships.

Computer

Internet.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Update.
This is an older post from 2013. As a Rural result of the COVID pandemic counselors and therapists have had to learn to do a lot more online, distance counseling work. This post reflects the thinking back in 2013 but I feel sure the use of the Internet in counseling will continue to grow, and change in the future.

Has the internet changed relationships between clients and therapists?

A member of an online group to which I belong sent in this question

“Is it ever proper for a life coach or therapist to invite their clients to an online group, or for a client and therapist to be in the same group, or work on online projects together?  Can that cause a lot of problems?”

How this affects life coaches and how it might affect therapists and counselors are miles apart.

This is a problematic area for therapists and counselors. We are taught to avoid “Dual relationships” with clients. Some of these issues are pretty clear, dating, sex, borrowing money, and so on. Some dual relationships are easy to see and clearly, can cause problems.

The goal of avoiding dual relationships is to avoid harming the client, once you see the client outside the office there are risks for the client and the therapist.

We do not want to do or say things outside the office that identify this client as a patient in a mental health treatment setting. Sometimes there is just no way of avoiding the client when we are out in the community, so in those settings, most therapists will not say anything to the client and wait for them to say something first. That way they do not identify this person as a patient.

The smaller the town the more the risk of a second relationship. I live in Fresno; my clients live in Fresno, so far no problem. They shop at the same grocery store as I do.  I do not need to stop shopping there but I do need to not make the first move to say hi and especially we do not talk about their therapy in the store.

Then let’s say I go visit a new church. I run into a client there. Now can I talk to them? Maybe. I do not think I need to avoid churches or schools or civic organizations because my client might attend. What I do need to avoid is getting into a close friendship relationship with a client.

What happens when we both belong to a local group, say, NAMI and then we end up on a committee together? This may begin to create problems. I need to remember what they said in therapy and keep that separate from what they told me at the group meeting.

In that kind of situation, I might consider not being on the committee or ending therapy with the client so we do not have two separate relationships going. At this point, no matter what I do there are ethical implications. Dropping a client to be on the committee is a problem, being on together is a problem, telling the client they can’t be in this group is a huge problem.

Therapists need to consult.

Once these problems begin, or that possibility crops up, we therapists should get an opinion from our colleagues, maybe from a lawyer, and we may talk this over with the client.

Some therapists try to avoid these things by not joining or attending meetings, but you can only go so far with that before you give up your right to have a life.

Some therapists have tried to avoid these problems by not being online or having a social media account. While this may prevent some problems it can create others.

The hard part is keeping all your separate roles or “hats” separate.

Lots of therapists teach classes. We may see current or former clients there. I do trainings, Mental Health First Aid for example. Good chance that a former or current clients could show up there. I do not cancel the class or throw the client out of the training because they have seen me for therapy, but it can be a challenge if they start asking questions and I know this is an issue we have worked on in therapy.

The internet has changed all that.

Millions of people all over the world are now connected. I can run into clients current and former and not even know it. So we need to work on making sure that while we all engage in those activates nothing I do might harm any client’s current past or even a potential future client.

So here are some suggestions for both therapists and counselors and clients on the multiple relationships that can form on the internet. Let’s get specific with this reader’s questions.

Is it ever proper for a life coach or therapist to invite their clients to an online group?

Therapists should not be maintaining email lists of clients and then start mailing anything to them. If they happen to subscribe to my blog or a list of trainings or classes I treat them just like any other subscribers, not like clients.

For a client and therapist to be in the same group or work on online projects together? 

If they join a group and I join, so be it. I do not suggest this as a rule but if they are interested in homelessness and so am I, then I might give them the information about an online group. What they do with that web address is up to them.

Working together on an online project sounds like something I would not do until a lot of time had elapsed between them being a client and the project. If I had a client who was a web designer I would not pull out his file and call him for some help on my website.

If someone who worked with me got a list of designers and called him, then next session I would need to discuss this with him and we would need to decide if we were going to end therapy or he would not be able to also be working for me.

Can multiple relationships cause a lot of problems?

Yes having multiple relationships can cause lots of problems. I do not let that keep me from writing a blog or teaching classes but I am always looking out for these possible conflicts and avoiding them whenever I can.

Therapists and clients do run into each other, in the community and on the internet. The rules are essentially the same.

Do not get into a second relationship that will harm the client. Do not do things to identify them as clients or to violate their confidentiality and treat you various roles professionally and appropriately.

About life coaches.

There is no licensing for life coaches that I know of. Some have taken classes, anything from a one hour webinar on up. Some join coaching associations and they may or may not have codes of ethics. But coaches do not get confidentiality and you get no privilege in talking to them. They can say and do what they want and they may engage in all sorts of multiple relationships. If they hurt you really badly you have to sue them. It is common for coaches to keep mailing lists of former clients and to keep trying to sell you things and they can use your name or story in their materials or trainings. While there are some good coaches out there, coaching is not meant to help you with emotional problems that might include a mental illness.

I am sure that this will not be the last time we need to look at how the internet, blogs, and social media are changing relationships and how that might affect clients and therapists, but at least it is a start.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why memories keep changing

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Old pictures

Memories.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

You think your memories don’t change?

What if memories were like time travel in the science fiction stories? Every time you visit them there is a risk that you will do or say something that could change that memory and as a result, your personal history would change?

Researchers in memory quote Endel Tulving as saying that is exactly what is happening to many of us much of the time. Those memories we think were exactly so, they have changed for us every time we revisit them. Let me explain how this works.

We have some things stored in our memories as pictures. That place you worked at, the people who worked with you, what your office looked like. Years later you might remember that setting. Or do you?

Over time the office changes. You move furniture around, the company gets a new copier and then a newer computer system, your brain stores those new pictures. It updates the scene “what the office looks like.”

During this time your coworker may change her look. She gets a new hairstyle and wears different clothes and then gains or loses weight. Your brain tries to keep up but it can’t remember all those outfits your coworker wore so it stores a few “typical” outfits for her.

Your brain also stores some stories. The time someone important visited, the conversation you had about that new book you had read, and so on.

One day years afterward you go to tell another mutual friend about this incident you and your coworker had with that one, particularly difficult client. Your brain pulls up the story and you are ready to go.

One problem here, the brain may not have an accurate description of where things were that day and what she was wearing. So it pulls up one of the other pictures it has stored and fills in the missing details. Did the customer pull on that necklace she was wearing? What if she didn’t get that necklace until a few years later? What was it that customer grabbed? You can’t be sure.

Your brain will try to fill in enough details to make this story work using pictures from other times. So we can’t be sure what your coworker was wearing or even where the copier was situated when this incident happened. But we do now have the story of the incident freshly relieved in our mind.

Each time we revisit this story our mind may update the memory adding new pictures of your coworker and the office. What if she changes her hair color? Your memory may begin to include her as a blond in the old pictures because that is the way she looks now. After a few visits back to these old memories we can’t be sure when she changed her hair color. So now when asked to describe the incident and we are told that the person who was assaulted was the blond, was that our coworker or was this someone else who was there that day?

See how memories might change with the retelling of the story and the retrieval of the memories?

Now add drugs, alcohol, or high levels of certain stress hormones and the way in which the memories were stored and retrieved will be affected. Feelings we have now will affect the memories and now we begin to think that person must have looked really scary because remembering the incident scares us.

Each time we recall the memory some part is at risk of changing.

Eventually, if we revisit this memory enough times it gets stored completely like a movie and from then on it is less likely to change by repeated viewing.

Adding to this problem is the brain’s ability to confuse things we imagine vividly with things we actually saw. Writers and hopefully their readers can describe in vivid detail characters from the novels they have written or read. These images are so clear it is as if they have really met that person. Only, as many a writer will find, the way the reader experienced that character and the way the author saw them are very different.

While recalling that memory, if you tell it to someone else and they ask you questions, your brain will begin to look for answers to those questions and add that information to the memory clip. This is a problem for people in therapy when the brain begins to mix up memories of different times and places.

If the therapist asked you if you were ever abused you might say no and fully believe this. But if a psychologist were to test you and then tell you that your personality scores suggest that you were molested and that most people who had this experience forget that experience you may now question your memory.

Our brains will revise memories if we see alternative explanations for why we are the way we are or how something may have happened. These memories are at extra risk of revision if the person offering the explanation is an important respected person and if they offer you an explanation of why you might have forgotten the experience or that detail.

This whole idea that memories are changeable and that revisiting them may change them may scare some people. Realize that our minds are constantly trying to make sense of things whether they are happening today or happened years in the past.

Don’t start doubting all your old childhood memories just be aware that some of the details may not be the way you remember them and that there may have been other explanations for what you thought happened and how you felt.

Make your memory your employee not your boss.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

How many senses do you use? Mindfulness and memory.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness.
Photo courtesy of pixabay.

A mindfulness exercise for all the senses to improve mental efficiency and memory.

Most people rely on one or two senses to do all the work. How many do you routinely use?

One reason memories fade over time is our excessive reliance on one or two senses to store and anchor information. You were probably taught to remember things by converting them to words and then creating a story about the person or thing you needed to remember.

Memory functions better when you use more than one sense to store that memory.

Writers struggle with this problem frequently. We envision a scene; paint it with colors and plenty of verbal descriptions. We describe the shape of things, the size, and arrangement. With all that description, the scene should come to life. It doesn’t. Our scene is flat.

What has gone wrong?

Life is more than shapes and colors. Visual is important, ask any photographer. There is more to a life event than what is customarily captured in a two-dimensional picture.

Here is a simple mindfulness exercise to help you improve your powers of observation, use of multiple senses, and improve your memory as a result.

Take a walk. Find a place where you can pause to explore your situation without the use of your eyes. A park bench, bus stop or seating areas at public buildings make great places for this exercise.

Sit with your eyes closed, or if safety is a concern look down and focus on something small and plain. (Check my post on Shrinking the World by Staring at a Rock.)

Don’t try to figure things out, simply experience them.

What smells do you smell? Are they constant or do they fluctuate? Can you identify them? Are they pleasant or disturbing? How would you name them?

What are the sounds you hear? Without looking can you identify what is creating those sounds? Can you imagine the bird making that song? As you concentrate on the sounds you may well find that you notice more sounds and that they vary in pitch and intensity.

If you hear traffic, is it a car, truck, or bus? Which direction is it traveling? If there are people nearby what are they talking about? With whom?

What sensations do you feel on your body? Can you feel the wind on your skin? Where is the sun? Find the sun by feeling not by looking.

What tastes are you sensing? Was this something you brought with you, part of your breakfast or lunch or does this place have a taste as well as a smell?

Notice, but do not dwell on what your mind is thinking. If thoughts come racing through your mind let them go in peace. If you must capture that thought and not let it go I find that having a pen and paper in my pocket allows me to write the thought down and get it free of my mind, and then I return to my mindfulness exercise.

Do not allow yourself to judge your senses. Unless a professional has told you that there is some reason for a deficit in one of your senses it is likely that you can improve your underutilized senses by practice and by being more observant of the things they try to tell you.

Pay special attention to the times your senses of smell, taste or hearing disagree with the story your eyes told you about this place when you sat down here. Sitting by a fountain can be especially helpful here.

I once sat on a bench by the fountain on the college campus where I teach. There are many fountains down the center of that walkway. I had walked by repeatedly and seen only fountains that constantly throw water in the air. This day seated and experiencing the fountains I discovered that they each had a cycle, the flow fluctuated and with that fluctuation, the sounds varied. At length, I realized I could predict when the fountain nearest me was about to subside by a faint feeling of spray on my cheek even before the fountain had dropped in volume.

The constant pattern of fountains masked constant changes in the same way our over-reliance on sight may mask the changes in smells and sounds that go unnoticed in our daily life.

Learn to rely on more senses and you will find that your mental efficiency grows and your memory improves.

Photo courtesy of Flickr.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Increase mental efficiency – Remembering people better.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Brain

Memory.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How to improve mental efficiency and rev up the memory.

Improve your mental efficiency and improve your memory by practicing skills of observation. Becoming more observant is a skill you can learn.

Before you can remember someone you first need to get a good look at them. You need to be really observant.

There is an exercise that can help you with your ability to observe and remember people. It is an old exercise, from back in the pre-computer age, but still, one worth doing.

Think of a person you know socially but not necessarily well. Try to visualize this person. Get out a piece of paper you can save and write the answers to the following questions down.

Briefly, who is this person and how do you know them?

Male or female?

How old do you estimate they are? What would you guess their weight to be? How tall are they?

What is their hairstyle? Identifying hairstyle may be a challenge for some men. As we saw in a previous post about the expert effect if you don’t know what to call a particular hairstyle you may have trouble remembering it.

If they are a male do they have a beard? A mustache? How long are their sideburns?

How are their nails done?

What do they usually wear?

What did they wear the last time you saw them?

What are some of their common expressions? If you received a note from them that was unsigned could you pick it out from the handwriting or from expressions they use?

What is their predominant mood?

Repeat this exercise for at least three people including at least one man and one woman.

Next time you see this person check back and see how much you got correct. What did you have wrong?

Repeatedly practicing this exercise will improve your powers of observation. It will sensitize you to individual variations and make you more aware of the people you meet.

How well did you do at remembering other people? Can you see the value of practicing to improve your mental efficiency and memory?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

3 reasons why people keep telling you that.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Writing through a flood

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

Everyone seems to keep telling me the same thing!

Ever had this experience? All over town seems like you keep hearing the same things. You go to your friend and they tell you something. Later that day a parent or spouse tells you something very much like what your friend says. When you ask your counselor they tell you more or less the same thing again. What is going on here?

Clients frequently remark to me after I have made a statement, “that what my — said.” There are some therapists who never tell clients anything. They just ask “how does that make you feel” and sit back and listen. I can’t and don’t do it that way. But I do sometimes provide the client with some information or my opinion.

We professionals try or should try to avoid telling clients what to do. It is your life not mine that we are talking about and what is right for me is not necessarily right for you. But sometimes clients are missing what is going on and I owe it to them to tell them if I am seeing something in them they don’t. That can be a good or a bad thing I see.

Plenty of clients come in depressed and discouraged. They don’t think they can do much of anything. I often see the potential. I also see what they would need to do to reach that potential. I think they need to know both that I think they could accomplish a goal if they tried and also what trying for one goal might cost them in other opportunities given up. The choice is of course up to them.

When professionals do this sort of suggesting, we try to make it clear that this is your life and you are stuck with the results. You better make the decision that is right for you. Other people in your life may not be thinking that way.

So when you hear the same thing over and over you may need to consider who is saying it and why.

There is a saying in recovery circles that if several people tell you the same thing you need to take a serious look at that. There may be three reasons or more that this keeps happening.

1. We are never very objective about ourselves.

We tend to get into a rut in our thinking. We think we are doing things correctly. Not just you and I but people in general. So when someone says we should be doing things in our lives differently we tend to discount that advice.

If several people tell us this same thing they may be seeing something in us or in our situation that we have not been able to see. Take a look at how they perceive the situation. If these are friends or other recovering people they may be trying to be helpful by telling you the way you appear to the world. Quite often we do not look to others anything like we think we do.

Sometimes the worst kinds of secrets we have are the ones we keep from ourselves. These are things we do not want to recognize about ourselves but they are painfully obvious to others around us. These kinds of truths are agonizing to hear but the worst kinds of lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

Don’t keep things about yourself a secret from you.

2. You may now be ready to hear this information.

Remember the old saying “When the student is ready the teacher will appear?” Sometimes we have not been ready or able to hear something, especially something negative about ourselves and our lives. Once we become open to hearing this sort of feedback people become more open and willing to tell us like it really is, not the way we would like to hear them say things are.

Your friends and family may try to avoid telling you things because they think you are not ready to hear them. They may also avoid telling you the truth because people who are not ready for the truth are likely to get angry or hurt.

3. Sometimes the people who are telling us things have ulterior motives.

If your drug-using friends tell you something, they may want you to stay sick and using. Misery does indeed like company, especially if that miserable person can get something out of you.

People who are abusive or want to keep you from trying will be glad to point out all your faults. They usually do this by way of discouraging you from trying.

People who want you to be your best will not only point out your faults but may be willing to make suggestions on how you can overcome those obstacles.

If the message you are getting is don’t try, you will never be successful, discount that message. If the message you are hearing is that you have some defects of character that are holding you back, then seriously consider if those are things you are ready and willing to change about yourself.

If you have been hearing the same thing from multiple sources, take some time to consider if this is useful information that you need to hear.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

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Are you a Mind Reader?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Fortuneteller.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How good are you at reading minds?

I see a lot of mind readers and would be mind readers every day. I also see a lot of people in relationships that seem to believe their partner should be able to read their minds. These folks think they know what other people are thinking. These are amateur mind readers or spouses of amateur mind readers.

We are not talking here about the professional mind readers. The ones who study nonverbal communication and can tell about your feelings from your behavior. Professionals use intuition, that mix of gut felt-sense and small clues, which let them read the person in front of them. They couple that with some standard lines, some stage presence, and a lot of luck and skill.

Amateur mind readers are neither skilled not willing to practice reading others. They just assume that they know what everyone else thinks about them. They are sure that no one likes them; everyone is talking about them and that the world is out to get them.

These would-be mind readers also believe that everyone else can, or should be able to, read their minds. They love to say. You know what I mean – without further explanation. If questioned they are indignant that you don’t know what they mean and will tell you that you should know how your speech and actions will affect them.

Mind readers are also quick to tell you that if they have to explain something to you then you wouldn’t get it anyway. There are also surprised at how often people just don’t get them. Their thinking goes that since you should know what they want and how what you say and do is affecting them, you must be doing things deliberately to hurt them.

Mind readers make serious efforts to guilt people into behavior. When that effort to guilt you into knowing their wants and needs fails to work, they are quick to tell you that if they have to explain it then you wouldn’t be able to get it anyway. You, of course, know what I mean?

Mind reading, the belief that we know what others are thinking about us, is one of those “cognitive distortions” that result in maladaptive or irrational thoughts. As we have seen in previous posts (see – Are they laughing at you) if you believe that others do not like you or disapprove of you, and you look for evidence of that, you just might find it.

These mind-reading problems result in a lot of couple’s relationship problems. One partner believes that the way the other acts or something they say “means” that they don’t like you, don’t want to be with you, and so on.

Occasionally these beliefs turn out to be correct not because of this current situation but cumulatively a person’s behavior and statements can give you that gut feeling we call intuition.

One thing that amateur mind readers fail to do is directly check out this belief about why others are saying and doing the things they do with the person involved. Getting couples to talk to each other and really hear what the other partner is saying and feeling, is a large part of couples counseling.

Despite what most mind readers believe, most partners have no idea what the other partner is talking about a good part of the time. They are often not attaching the same meanings to the words they say. (See post on Denotative and Connotative meanings of words.)

Continuing to act as if the person has the feelings and motives you have assigned to them creates actions that can bring this to reality. Remember when we talked about how thinking you are sick can actually make you sick? (The Nocebo effect) The same thing happens in relationships if you practice this amateur mind-reading.

Your partner walks in the door, there is a disgusted look on their face. You realize that there are some things in the living room that you did not get picked up. You KNOW that they are thinking that you are a slob, they hate you and they wished they had never married you.

Your response to this partner’s look of disgust is to start to cry followed by a loud outburst. “I hate you.” Men skip the crying part and just storm out of the room.

The key problem with mind reading is that we decide what the other person is thinking without getting information from them. We also make the mistake of thinking that what others think and do is somehow about us. Often the others in our lives are preoccupied with their own problems and issues.

That partner of yours, they may have had a really bad day at work. Something went wrong and they are thoroughly disgusted with a coworker. They came home expecting to tell you the story. They were expecting some support from you. But your mind-reading, your belief that everything the partner does is about you, has resulted in your statement “I hate you.”

Mind readers need to learn to check out these thoughts and beliefs at a calm rational time. We also need to stop thinking that everything others do is somehow about us and that others are responsible to do and not do things that might upset us.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

How far is it to Contentment?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Contentment

Contentment
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

We know about wants and needs, pain, and suffering but what about contentment?

Contentment has been defined variously as “calm satisfaction” or the feeling you get when you reach your destination. Some say it includes ease of mind making it a very rare commodity indeed.

One traditional belief was that you worked hard here on earth, lived correctly, and then when you died you go to heaven, or something like that, where you are allowed to finally be happy and contented. With the decline in religious beliefs, it is becoming difficult for people to fathom the idea of waiting until you die to finally be happy or contented.

There are some who would argue that contentment is not a good thing. Contented people are happy where they are. Contented people enjoy the journey and are in no rush to reach their destination. Most of us live life as if we can’t wait for it to be over.

There are those who argue that human progress is dependent on pain. That without an unhappiness people would become lazy and unmotivated. There is no denying that pain can motivate. Some find it hard to give up their belief that we need to be in pain and suffering. They tell us that it is part of the human condition. In truth, the pain may happen to all of us but the suffering is optional.

Two people can live is similar life circumstances, experience similar pain or trauma and one is able to maintain their attitude while the other suffers. The difference is not in what they experience but in their attitude towards the events of their life.

One source of unhappiness is the constantly moving expectations we set for our lives and ourselves. When your goal is “more” no amount of having can get you there.

Many a person who has struggled to reach a goal finds a deep depression after their accomplishment. They lack the ability to appreciate what they have accomplished, always wanting more.

Contentment is the emotional equivalent of eating. Some people are driven to eat long after the hunger has been satiated. You can feel intense pain if having arrived at a goal you are unable to enjoy that success and need to constantly be chasing the next one.

Those who do things because they love what they do, in addition to finding they may be paid to do what they would want to do anyway, also find that they are happy and content because they are enjoying the journey not fretting about the goal.

One great source of contentment is having friends and a positive support system. People who have supportive others in their life are more likely to be content. Extroverts find it easy to be with and around others and are often happy as a result. But introverts who make conscious efforts to develop and maintain a positive relationship with others are also more likely to be content.

Reaching a goal that you have set for yourself is extremely important in achieving happiness and contentment. People who have struggled to reach a goal in order to please a parent or other person in their life are frequently disappointed when reaching that goal is hollow and emotionally unrewarding. Make sure the goal you are working on is one that matters to you.

While poverty may make us unhappy, no amount of money seems to make people content. As our income or wealth expands beyond our basic needs so do our expectations. The wealthy pay larger bills than the poor but are often no more content. As you climb the pyramid the danger of being pushed off rises. The truly content person is able to pause and enjoy the things they have accomplished, the friends they have, and give themselves credit for what they have accomplished along the way.

Contentment we find is not so much a feeling as it is a skill that you can practice any time or place you find yourself.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Alexithymia – the disease of feeling labels

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Man with feelings

Managing feelings.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

So you have a feeling but what is it?

Alexithymia is defined as the inability to recognize feelings or to be able to identify what it is that you are feeling. Texts report that this is largely a disorder characterized by men who the authors tell us, prefer taking action over having feelings.

This personality disorder has not yet risen to the level of a recognized disease that insurance will cover but I expect that as soon as a researcher does enough work in the area it may well be.

This is not a disorder of numbing. We do believe that a normal response of the brain to severe physical and emotional pain is to numb out and not feel. Numbing is related to dissociative identity disorder and trauma.

Alexithymia is NOT related to dissociation in any meaningful way I am aware of. I put NOT in the sentence to confuse those people who like to leave comments saying “you said A was the same as B.” I also put that in tests for my students some of whom insist on missing the question anyway and tell me they missed the word “NOT.”

So since we now know what Alexithymia is Not – what is it.

Well, it is best described as the inability to know what you are feeling and if you do feel something, then you just don’t have a word to describe that feeling. Men are mostly prone to this disorder.

Most men have three feelings. They also have about 6 colors. For men, it is either Red, Blue, or maybe a shade of purple. Women have wisteria, plum, fuchsia, and a whole lot more colors between Red and Purple. Also Red, for the record, is a lot closer to Crimson than to the blood color we men think it is.

So men recognize three feelings GOOD, BAD, and Pissed off. Pissed off comes in three shades loud, louder, and loudest. This results in a lot of conflict between men and women. Women want men to share how they are feeling. Men believed “we shared that on the first night we were together when we said we felt GOOD.” There should be no need to report on a feeling again until that GOOD turns into BAD or pissed off.

So one thing that people with Alexithymia need to do is go to a color mixing class. Not literally but figuratively.

So how many shades of good are there?

I have seen “feelings wheels” and charts but they just do not capture those levels of intensity. There are some differences between being irritated, upset, angry, and ENRAGED.  Men are prone to describe this as moving from Bad to PISSED-OFF.

How does happy look? Is it closer to the color of contentment or ecstasy?  So as we begin to learn new feeling words we increase not only our feelings vocabulary but also our ability to recognize these feelings as they occur.

We do not expect everyone to progress in this getting to know feelings at the same rate. Some of you are in feelings kindergarten and others of you have been to a feelings graduate school. I am aware some of you majored in one feeling, say ANGER, to the exclusion of all others.

I did not say anything about sharing your feelings just yet. You can’t share anything about a subject you don’t understand. So the process goes, feel what you are feeling, identify what this feeling is, decide what to do with this feeling, and lastly, if you chose to share with someone, do so in an appropriate way.

Women complain that men are emotionally unavailable. This is often true. We are also menstrual and makeup unavailable. We are also more willing to learn about makeup than feelings most of the time. If you grew up, as most men do, believing that men are tough and do not have feelings, learning to be emotionally available is like learning to take torture in a foreign language.

Now ladies, don’t go getting superior on me. Remember that the man you are with, the emotionally unavailable one, he learned about feelings and how to deal with them from – did you guess?

We guys learned that stuff mostly from our mothers who were just as quick as our fathers to tell us that men did not cry and that we should just get back into that soccer or football game anyway.

Having not learned to recognize and make use of feelings we guys miss out on a lot of valuable information that we should have recognized. If this business deal feels risky, that may be because our gut is telling us things our brain wants to ignore.

People who do not listen to their feelings can make really bad decisions. We can work or play on an injured limb. You may win this game but permanently harm that joint.

Come to think of it, you ladies do the same thing sometimes. You marry that guy anyway even if something about him feels wrong, thinking that he will change, love will conquer all, and that wishing and trying will make it so. You know you do those things, don’t you?

Some of you are sharpening your pens right now to tell me all men are not like and that there are women who have no feelings. I know all that. These are generalities; sometimes the pumps or work boots are on the other foot.

The point is that if you never learned to identify and make use of feelings this can all seems strange. Believe me, learning to recognize, identify, and then make proper use of feelings can be well worth the effort.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Becoming wealthy is easier than you think

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Cash

Money.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

In the wealthiest country on earth, most Americans are poor.

What does it take to become a wealthy person? Getting into that top one percent may be difficult but moving up the wealth ladder takes a whole lot less than you might think.

Poor may be easier to define than wealthy. The poor can’t afford much of anything.  By most economic measures the majority of Americans are poor. I will emphasize Americans in this post because most of the rest of the world thinks of us as wealthy, we know better.

Two-thirds of all Americans live paycheck to paycheck.

Most of us are one paycheck away from homelessness. The only thing saving a lot of us is the slow speed of eviction and foreclosure.

Absolutely having an income is important. We will return again later to the theme of the connection between having a job, any job, and having hope and good mental health. But once you have that income coming in, what will it take to start moving up into the ranks of the “wealthy.” Probably way less than you think.

Over one-fourth of Americans have no savings account. Open a savings account of any amount and you move into the upper 75 % of all Americans in wealth. Better open that account with a credit union. In what I see as amazing cynicism most U. S. banks will charge you so much for “maintaining an account” those fees will drain the account dry in a matter of months.

Want to do better than that? Let’s say you want to join the upper 50% of the wealthiest Americans, you need to reach a balance in that savings account of just $500. That’s right folks; to enter the ranks of the wealthiest half of all Americans you need just $500 in savings.

You are saying that it must be more complicated than that. Well yes, there is a little catch. You can’t count yourself wealthy if you don’t pay your bills to collect up that saving account balance. But don’t worry about that one too much. Turns out most Americans have bills that exceed their savings account balance. So yes even with balances on your credit cards you can make the 50 % most wealthy Americans list with just $500 in savings.

Want to bypass all that middle of the road stuff and make the upper crust? The wealthiest one-third is your goal? The amount you need in Savings will need to reach the astronomical figure of $1,000.

This is mind-boggling. Most of us will spend thousands on a big screen or a new computer but can “spend” $1,000 by placing it in a savings account for later use. How much is peace of mind worth? If you lose just one night’s sleep worrying about paying bills having that $1,000 cushion will be worth the effort to save it up.

Unless, big warning here, if you are one of those people who the minute you get some money in the bank you increase your spending to use that money up. To get into the top one-third in wealth is a lot easier than to stay there.

What about credit cards?

We need to talk about the average American now, not the upper or lower anything. Calling anyone average is a stretch, especially when we are talking about money. The average family had 2.3 children at one point. No one has “point anything” kids. You either have two or three or you belong in an institution for the criminally insane.

Take one person walking down Wall Street; he has one hundred million dollars in the bank. Now average his bank balance with the nine homeless people in that Occupy encampment. What is the result? The AVERAGE bank balance will be ten million dollars. No one in this example has that amount.

This trying to average Billionaires and people making minimum wage is one reason Washington keeps getting us into trouble. If you take away everything the Billionaires have and leave them homeless you still won’t get enough to make the homeless into millionaires. On the other hand, if the Billionaires don’t kick in and kick in good there will be no one to buy from their companies and they will not feel safe walking the streets. Trickle-down economics only works when the flow rate increases way beyond a trickle. But I digress.

How do credit cards figure into this becoming a wealthy person?

Credit cards have their place. I am not urging you to return to the depression era economics and go completely without the existence of credit. I keep some in case my car breaks down in the middle of the desert and I need to get it repaired to get out of there. I do not move to the desert and try to live by using my card instead of working.

The way some card companies market their products is the equivalent of that chocolate cake on the healthy eating list. Sympathy for those card companies is like caring for sharks by keeping some in the community pool. I am all for conservation but it does not include a shark in my pool thank you very much.

So what is the relationship between being a wealthy American and credit cards?  Wealthy people do not carry balances on credit cards. If they have them and use them they pay them off as quickly as possible.

This keeps most Americans out of the “Wealthy” club. The “Average American” has $3,800 in their bank account but they have $2,200 on their credit card. If they were to pay that credit card off there would not be even one month’s living expenses left for that “average” American.

The net result is that they will end up using that card again. They get to pay and pay that balance over and over and still never get out of debt.

Want to be a wealthy American no matter how much you make? Save up some money in an emergency savings account, pay off those credit cards and then scale back your spending to match your income.

You can’t afford the bare necessities you say? We need to talk about the difference between necessities and luxuries, between wants and needs. But this post has run over so I will save that for another time.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Are they laughing at you again?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Laughing.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Why are people watching you and laughing at you?

If I started off by suggesting that people were following you around and were out to get you most of my readers would think that this was paranoia and say “no not me.” But a great many of you are convinced that others are laughing at you a lot. I have to admit I have shared that thought also a few times.

Most people worry in social situations. We want others to like us. Being liked and included has had evolutionary survival value. When the tribe likes you they share their food, shelter, and fire with you. If they don’t like you the result may be being banished to the jungle or forest. In some more rural cultures, the mentally ill are still sent out into the jungle to live. The attitude is better they get eaten than the healthy ones in the village.

The more sensitive and insecure you are the more likely you are to be constantly vigilant to see if you are being accepted. People with high anxiety are constantly monitoring the environment to see if others like them. There is a big problem with all this insecure monitoring.

That problem is called confirmatory bias.

If you think that people laugh at you a lot, as you are walking through the mall you hear a sudden burst of laughter. You look around and see a group of people all laughing and they are looking at you. That confirms it. A group of total strangers is laughing at you. Once you catch them at this, they all turn and walk rapidly away. At least that is what you think.

That is not what happened at all.

An independent observer who was sitting on the bench watching this unfold would have a different story. A group of people was standing around talking. Someone told a joke and they all laughed. At that point, someone walking through the mall stopped, turned, and stood there staring at the group of people. They became nervous and looked back. When this stranger continued to stare they decided to get out of there before that crazy person did something and they walked as quickly as they could towards an exit.

See how this confirmatory bias works?

If you think that others are looking at you when you look around there will be some people looking at you. That confirms what you thought. All other evidence gets ignored as you are not currently looking for people who are ignoring you.

One hard thing for people who are anxious or depressed to do is to realize that most of the rest of the world is not motivated by you. Frankly, they are, most of the time, not laughing at you. They are in fact not even looking at you.

This bias comes from the belief that you somehow are responsible for what the rest of the world is feeling, that if they are sad or angry or hurt that it is somehow you doing and therefore your fault.

One thing I have learned from my time here on earth is that most people are way too interested in themselves to pay any real attention to what I am doing. A lot of times that I felt embarrassed or worried because a made a mistake there in public, it turns out no one noticed because they were all too preoccupied with themselves.

So next time you become nervous and think that others are looking at you because of something you did or said, consider that they may be looking at you because they are afraid you just noticed what they did.

One other thing I have learned? To not take myself so seriously. Sometimes I realize I did something that even I should laugh about.

Hope you are learning to accept yourself however you are and moving towards the happiest life possible.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel