About David Joel Miller

David Miller is a California Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Clinical Counselor, faculty member at a local college, certified trainer and writer.

Ways to destroy your relationship.

By David Joel Miller.

Couple not talking

Unhappy relationship.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Easy ways to destroy any relationship.

Every day, everywhere you go, you’re likely to meet someone who is starting a new relationship. Trouble is a lot of those relationships are destined to fail. Making a relationship succeed is hard work. Creating a troubled relationship, one that is doomed to fail, is more natural than maintaining your relationship. Here are some things you may be doing that are destined to sabotage your relationships.

Expecting perfection sabotages relationships.

If you expect people in your life, particularly your romantic partner to never let you down you’re asking for perfection. Since no one is perfect, that expectation guarantees that your partner will disappoint you. People in healthy relationships accept each other’s imperfections and don’t expect more out of their partner than they expect out of themselves.

Never trusting anyone will sabotage your relationship.

It’s hard to have a close relationship with someone you don’t trust. Continually checking up on your partner is a way to sabotage that relationship. Lack of trust in relationships usually stems from unresolved issues we have before we ever enter those relationships. Trust is something that develops over time in a relationship.

Being disrespectful harms relationships.

Treating your partner disrespectfully drives them away. Contempt, harsh words and criticism are the poisons which destroyed relationships.

Insist they change to be like you.

Healthy relationships create room for people to grow. Constant criticism and the insistence that your partner needs to change conveys the message that the way they are is not okay. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t think they are satisfactory.

Focusing on anything but your relationship starves that relationship.

Many couples have so many outside interests that they never have time to spend together. Relationships require maintenance and to do that maintenance you need to put in the time.

Minimize your time together, and your relationship is out of time.

What couples first get together they want to be together every minute of every day. Troubled relationships are characterized by a lack of shared experiences. If you go out of your way to avoid your partner your relationship is doomed.

Avoid communicating, and your relationship becomes distant.

Stonewalling, avoiding talking about problems, creates distance between the two of you. Two kinds of communication destroy relationships, not communicating about things that require discussion and excessively communicating all the negative thoughts and feelings you have about your partner.

Keeping as many secrets as possible leaves your relationship in the dark.

Relationships are like being on a team. Well-functioning teams communicate. When you are keeping secrets from each other trust, and the good feelings erode. We are not talking about the kind of secrets that come with Christmas and birthdays. Those are secrets that you plan to reveal at the proper time. The harmful secrets, the things you keep from your partner which you know they would not approve of, if they found out will damage the relationship.

Hide your spending, lie about finances and the relationship will go broke.

Your partner’s future depends on both the emotional and financial health of your relationship. Hiding your spending or misleading your partner about the state of your finances put you on opposing sides in life struggle. Eventually, your partner will find out about your spending or the state of your finances. If your withholding information jeopardizes their financial security, your behavior has put the relationship in jeopardy. Dishonesty is not only the things you tell people which are false but also includes the things you had a duty to tell them but didn’t.

Don’t plan for a future together and your relationship won’t have a future.

Couples with healthy relationships have planned a future together. Those plans may change over time when couples revise them jointly. But if you are planning for a future after your relationship, you are already planning for the end of your relationship.

Thinking your love is so solid you will not have problems.

The things you don’t talk about at the beginning of a relationship go on to become the major problems later. Believing that you don’t have to discuss things because you’re in love sets up significant misunderstandings. Relationships require maintenance. That initial amount of love you have for each other will not take you very far if you don’t continue to communicate and resolve issues.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Four David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Casino Robbery is a novel about a man with PTSD who must cope with his symptoms to solve a mystery and create a new life.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

SasquatchWandering through a hole in time, they encounter Sasquatch. Can they survive?

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Books are now available on Amazon, Kobo, iBooks, Barnes & Noble, and many other online stores.

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Want the latest on news from recoveryland, the field of counseling, my writing projects, speaking and teaching? Please sign up for my newsletter at – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see my Facebook author’s page, davidjoelmillerwriter.

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Meaning.

Meaning.

Meaning.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Meaning.

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“The language of Friendship is not words, but meanings.”

― Henry David Thoreau, A Week on the Concord and Merrimack Rivers

“An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.”

― Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

“The meaning of life consists in the fact that it makes no sense to say that life has no meaning.”

― Niels Bohr

“The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living.”

― Viktor Emil Frankl

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration

Preventing addiction – video.

Find video on Substance use disorders

Is it possible to prevent addiction, alcoholism, and substance use disorders? What do drug prevention programs do?

Manic relaxation.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Manic relaxation.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Does your weekend disappear in a blur?

For many people, the workweek, whatever days and hours that is for you, drags by slowly. But your weekend disappears in seconds. Frantic weekends can often leave you exhausted when it’s time to return to work. There are always chores to do, taking care of where you live and the necessities of life. There’s also trying to squeeze in as much fun and relaxation as possible.

Can you relax at high speed?

With your life going by at a frantic pace how do you maximize your relaxation? Do you feel like you’re desperately trying to squeeze in time for relaxation and pleasure and the time is gone before it even begins? What you may be doing is manic relaxation, rushing from activity to activity trying to enjoy all the pleasure you can before your time off is gone.

Some people live their lives like racecars. You sit at the starting line with your engine all revved up ready to race all weekend at top speed trying to win the relaxation derby. The result of the rapid pursuit of pleasure may take you nowhere.

Does your manic relaxation lead to Monday blues?

Trying to cram too much fun and enjoyment into your weekend may leave you neither happy nor rested. Relaxation requires taking the pressure off, slowing down the pace and going with the flow.

Having worn yourself out over the weekend trying to do rest and relaxation at warp speed results in a sudden stop come Monday morning. Having raised through the pleasure game you and up hitting the wall. Some people experience Monday morning blues. They are both exhausted from the weekend and down and depressed because they are back to the grind of the week before they’ve even found their pleasure and relaxation.

Overindulgence in pleasure doesn’t help you recover from overwork.

Learning to work to live rather than live to work is good advice. The contrary suggestion is also valid. Overindulgence in pleasure devalues the happy experiences you have. Chasing pleasure during your downtime wears you out. Learn to relax and enjoy the pleasures that come your way. There’s a minimum amount of time that every human needs to sleep and to relax. Make sure you include plenty of rest in that R and R time outside of work.

The human nervous system builds up tolerance. We can develop tolerance to drugs, to alcohol, and to many behaviors. Learn to take your pleasures in small doses.

Have you worn yourself out in the manic pursuit of relaxation?

Instead of wearing yourself out trying to swim against the tide to reach the ultimate pleasure and relaxation try hopping in the inner tube and floating leisurely down the river of life. Relaxation is not something you can guzzle. Relaxation is a healthy beverage that should be patiently sipped.

Have you fallen into the trap of manic relaxation?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Four David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Casino Robbery i

s a novel about a man with PTSD who must cope with his symptoms to solve a mystery and create a new life.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Sasquatch. Wandering through a hole in time, they encounter Sasquatch. Can they survive?

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Books are now available on Amazon, Kobo, iBooks, Barnes & Noble, and many other online stores.

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Want the latest on news from recoveryland, the field of counseling, my writing projects, speaking and teaching? Please sign up for my newsletter at – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see my Facebook author’s page, davidjoelmillerwriter.

Knowledge.

Knowledge.

Knowledge.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Knowledge.

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“No thief, however skillful, can rob one of knowledge, and that is why knowledge is the best and safest treasure to acquire.”

― L. Frank Baum, The Lost Princess of Oz

“An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.”

― Benjamin Franklin, The Way to Wealth: Ben Franklin on Money and Success

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”

― Maya Angelou

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration

Free Scary Book – Today Only

Today Only – Sasquatch Attacks – A Supernatural Horror – Kindle edition is free on Amazon.

Sasquatch Attacks – A Supernatural Horror Thriller

Sasquatch, thought to be extinct, has discovered a hole in time and is preying on humans. Now they are multiplying. Can the Sasquatch be stopped? Will two people lost in the desert survive?

The guests had come to Meditation Mountain to find themselves. Trapped in the Menhirs during a sudden desert storm, two guests move through a porthole in time and encounter long extinct monsters. They want to get back to their own time, but the Sasquatch intends to kill them and become a predator in our time.