By David Joel Miller.
Are you making your own drama?
Do you find yourself saying that there is way too much drama in your life? Feel like you live in a soap opera? There are ways you can turn the drama down even if you live in a drama filled environment. There are also ways you may be the architect of your own drama.
Here are some ways you may be the creator of your own life soap opera.
You stick your nose in other people’s business.
Do you spend a lot of time telling others what they should and should not do? Any surprise that they are paying you back? If you want to avoid drama in your life avoid interfering in others lives. You may think that you family member or friend is making wrong choices but if you get involved in the choices you also get involved in the drama.
Live your life and let them live theirs. People who keep poking around in others’ lives become a part of that other person’s drama. Want less drama in your life? Focus your attention on your life and let others live theirs.
Doing too much creates drama.
If you say you will do something do it! Making commitments and then backing out is a sure way to increase the drama in your life.
The things you committed to are the things others expect of you. Promise too much and do not deliver and you invite other people to be angry with you.
When you run from one thing to another you risk being perpetually late and not meeting your commitments. You also start to feel overwhelmed. All of this creates extra drama. Want a relaxed world? Reduce the things you do every day. Give yourself breaks between things.
Reducing the “must’s” and the “should’s” reduces drama.
Those rules you set for yourself become cruel taskmasters. Let go of all those “Musts” and “Should’s” and just relax and enjoy the ride. Some things, like right and wrong and moral values, are major big things and yes you should expect yourself to live up to those things. But if your list of things you have to do to be an OK person gets too long you are creating a drama filled life.
Let the little things go.
Telling the truth reduces drama.
Some people lie to get away with things. Others lie because they do not want to disappoint people. The more you mislead others, regardless of the reasons, the more you invite their anger or hurt when they find you out. Tell the truth when possible and if it is not possible try saying little or nothing.
Being dishonest with others is a huge drama maker.
You do not need to answer every social media post.
Lots of people post lots of trivial stuff on-line. Do not get sucked into answering every post you see. Ignore the comments that do not make your life better. Use social media to connect with friends and have fun but beware the trolls.
Some people say things just to start an argument. Some comments are hurtful. If you disagree you do not need to argue with every person out there. Read things carefully. Plenty of drama filled exchanges begin when one person misunderstands what another is saying and then begins to argue with a statement that was never made.
You do not need to become a part of the thought police.
Let others be wrong some of the time.
You do not need to correct everyone’s errors. Allow others to be wrong some of the time. Pointing out others mistakes invites them to retaliate and point out your flaws. Finger pointing can consume all your time and is a huge drama machine.
Feel better about yourself and finding others mistakes becomes less important. Humans make mistakes, some by accident and some intentionally. You will make errors in tour life, let others have the same privilege.
Stay out of the gossip to reduce the drama.
Sharing about other people is tempting. Spreading that gossip “Have you heard what SHE did?” sucks you into the gossip vortex. Once you start going around and round that circle the drama accelerates.
For less drama stop trying to change others.
Most efforts to change others is doomed to failure. The more you try to manipulate others and get them to live the way you want them to the more drama you create. For people you can’t agree with the best option may be to cut them out of your life. If you can’t do that, some family members may refuse to go away, you can reduce your contact with people who are not good for your mental health.
Trying to make others change to suit you invites them to push back. All that pushing and pulling is the stuff that drama is made of. Live your life and extend that same privilege to others.
Let sick people be sick. It is not about you.
Some people are just mean. Some are thoughtless or rude. Do not get into conflicts with people who are not capable of being any different than they are. It is not your job to change them and the more you insist that they be other than they are the more drama you create.
Do not upset yourself when other people are imperfect. You may need to set a boundary. You may even need to call the police. But do not get sucked into a long-term feud with people whose life-style or behavior does not suit you.
Are you ready to make the move from a drama filled life to a happy life?
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For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books