By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Ways to create a better life.
Have you ever felt like your life is stuck?
Time is passing and you are just standing still, going nowhere and wishing that your life had more meaning and purpose?
Getting your life on track requires a shift in how you see and do things. Here are some ways you can start creating the life you want.
Inventory what you have not what is missing.
If you spend all your time looking at the things you want and do not yet have you can get discouraged easily. Make sure you count up all the things you have accomplished. Emphasize what you have and the shortages will seem less overwhelming.
Keep your eye on the future, not the past.
Let things go. Always looking over your shoulder at the “good old days” can result in losing the present. Bemoaning what you had that is no longer in your life can take the pleasure of those experiences from you. Value what has been a part of your life rather than sit and cry over what has gone. Don’t lose the joys when it is time for something or someone to leave your life.
Plan to be in a good place.
Expect to have a good day. Plan on an excellent day and see if you do not attract more of them into your life. If you expect to have a bad day your brain will willingly create one for you.
Victims wait for things to happen to them, winners plan for the best while preparing for all eventualities.
Start doing more positive things.
Do more positive things and life becomes more positive. Do for others. Be of service. Do things you can be proud of and watch your self-esteem soar.
Say goodbye to unhelpful urges. – don’t give in.
One hallmark of addictions and dysfunctional behaviors are the cravings. Giving in to that desire may seem like the way to reduce the discomfort in the short-term but over the long-term resisting urges will grow your inner strength.
Rethink your life rules. Who says you have to be that way.
What you tell yourself about you becomes who you are. Tell yourself often enough that you can’t do something and you make it true. What are those unhelpful rules you find yourself living by? Who told you that you were just that way and needed to accept things the way they are?
Clean out the unhelpful activities.
Are there lots of busy activities that are filling up your time? It is not just garages, drawers and closets that need spring cleanings. Our lives can fill up with habits and activates that result in a cluttered, stuck life. If you find yourself out of time each and every day to do those great things start cleaning out the unhelpful activities and make room for the future.
Get rid of toxic friends.
Good friends can help you build your life. Toxic friends poison your environment. Getting unstuck involves looking at your life and deciding what to keep and what to jettison. Unhelpful thoughts and draining friends need to go.
Stop worrying about what others think and say. Make your own decisions.
Do the things you believe in, they matter. Others opinions shouldn’t matter. Decide what is right and act on that view. This doesn’t mean that you should be selfish. It does mean that you need to follow your dreams and live your life rather than curtailing your hopes and dreams to fit others preconceived beliefs about how you should be.
Be careful who you listen too.
Get good advice from those who want the best for you. There is lots of advice around. Much of it free, but beware those who tell you what to do because it benefits them. True experts can give you facts and options, not answers to how you should live. If you want to get that life of yours moving in a positive direction seek out a coach or mentor, work with a counselor. Look to see what changes in you will produce the changes you want in your life.
Be open to new experiences.
Everything in life does not need to go as planned. Opportunity does not always knock, not loudly anyway. Sometimes the greatest opportunities in life go to those who put themselves in new situations and learn as a result.
Let go of resentments. No more blame.
Whose fault things are matters far less than whose responsibility is it to change things. If you want to get going stop blaming others for steering you wrong. Take back control of your life’s steering wheel.
Emphasize experiences and people, not things.
Things wear out and break. The latest fashion goes out of fashion, but the things you experience are with you for a lifetime. You will forget about those things you bought but you will treasure the memories of what you did.
Tell doubt to shut up. Do not listen to that committee in your head.
There are always those thoughts in your head. “You should do this” and “what about that.” Ignore those limiting voices. Heed the conscience but not the chorus of doubts. Be careful about believing your own thoughts, not everything you think is true. Those voices in your head, sometimes they lie to you.
Start with small steps, one day, one hour at a time.
Do not put off life improvements till you have the time. You get 168 hours a week like everyone else. There will never be a week with more hours or a year with more days. Start now going where you want your life to go and a little at a time you will get there.
Do nothing and ten years from now you will still be where you are now, stuck! Do some small thing to improve that life each day and in ten years you can look back and marvel at how far you have come. Most great projects can be broken down into a series of small baby steps. Take them one step at a time and see where it gets you.
Ask instead of waiting for someone else to take the first step.
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking others should anticipate your wants. There are very few mind readers around in spite of the large number who think they can read minds. If you expect others to know what you want, if you wait to be asked, you may miss out. That other person may be wanting for you to say something first.
Look for supporters, not obstacles.
Do not focus on the people or things that could get in your way. Look for those people who will be allies in your progress. Build bridges, not walls. There are all kinds of things that could hold you back but as long as you look around for obstacles you will miss identifying those who could truly help you get where it is you want to go.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Two David Joel Miller Books are available now!
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Casino Robbery is a novel about a man with PTSD who must cope with his symptoms to solve a mystery and create a new life.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller
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For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see my Facebook author’s page, davidjoelmillerwriter. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com.