Creating stronger relationships.


By David Joel Miller.

Steps you can take to deepen your relationships.

Relationships

Relationships –
Photo courtesy of Flickr (Life Mental Health)

Do you feel that most of your relationships are superficial?  Do you wish that you could have deeper and more meaningful relationships?  Improving relationships take some work.  Whether your relationship is a romantic one or a friendship one, make an effort to strengthen that relationship.  The strongest romantic relationships have a foundation of deep friendship. Here’s a list of some things that you can do to create deeper, stronger, relationships.

Make others your priority.

Good relationships cannot be all about you.  You are responsible for your own self-care.  If you go into your relationships expecting that others will meet your needs you are likely to be disappointed.  To deepen and strengthen relationships make others your top priority.  Going halfway is not going far enough.  Marriage counselors know that 50/50 relationships rarely work.  In successful relationships, both people expect to put in more effort than the other.

Be a good listener.

Communication is far more about listening than it is about talking.  Good listening is not about planning what you are going to say in response.  To be a good listener try accurately understand what the other person is saying.  It is especially important to look for the feelings behind the words.

Let them know you care about them.

Deep relationships form between people who care about each other.  It’s not enough to sort of care about them some of that time.  Make it a point to express to them how much you care for them.

Be interested in their interests.

In strong relationships, the parties are interested in the things that interest their friend.  Make an effort to learn about the things that interest your friend.  Invest some time thinking about and talking about the things that interest them.

Share your feelings.

Strong, deep relationships involve feelings as well as facts.  Take a chance and share with them how you feel about things.  Sometimes sharing feelings can be scary.  Take the risk, invest in strengthening the emotional bond between you.  If you don’t feel you can share your feelings in a relationship, you ought to be questioning how healthy that relationship is.

Share your thoughts.

Deep relationships require getting to know each other well.  A key way to strengthen your relationship is to share what’s on your mind.  Healthy relationships are ones in which people feel safe to share what they think and believe.  Strong relationships are ones in which people can disagree and still maintains a relationship.  It needs to be OK to disagree.

Celebrate their successes.

Make it a point to notice and to celebrate successes with others.  Quality friendships are not built on jealousy.  Others successes do not diminish you.  Make it a point to notice when someone close to you has successes.  Go out of your way to celebrate their accomplishments with them.

Share your happiness and theirs.

Happiness is not reduced by sharing it.  When others are happy, share it with them.  When you are happy, let others around you know.  The more you share happiness, the more you both have.  Deep relationships have a lot of common memories.

Keep up the communication.

Invest some time and some effort in communicating.  Don’t ever stop communicate.  Strong relationships don’t always need words to communicate.  Your failure to communicate can say more than words you might have said.

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For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings, and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

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