By David Joel Miller.
The way you treat yourself is the way others will treat you.
Feeling loved begins with learning to like and then to love yourself. Loving yourself means you are gentle and caring towards the person you will spend your life with – you. Children who grow up never being shown they are loved may find it hard to think that they deserve love. Here are some ways you can create that feeling of being a valuable loved person.
1. Turn off the noise – disconnect from social media and others opinions.
A sad fact of modern life is that with more ways to connect people are feeling less and less connected. Frantically posting and liking people on social media can create a false sense that your worth as a person is dependent on how many people like you and your posts.
The person whose opinion about you most matters is yours. What other people think about you is not something you should be focused upon. Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop rating yourself. Work on doing more things that you can feel proud of.
2. Spend some quality time with yourself.
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that your happiness will come from the time you spend with others. Balance your time with others and your time alone. Being alone should not be the same thing as being lonely. Work at making your alone time an opportunity to rest, recharge and work on yourself.
3. Make meal time an adventure not a chore.
Think about all the times that you have shared food with someone else. Shared meals are a part of many celebrations. Couples go out to dates over dinner. Family share meal time. Share some time with you. When you eat invest some time in making special things for yourself, experimenting with new foods and making your individual meals something special.
4. Make bedtime and sleep important.
Sleep is an important component of the happy life. Not getting enough sleep will leave you grumpy and irritable. Value yourself enough to make rest an important part of your daily routine. Staying up late doesn’t make for a happier life. Putting off bedtime is trying to borrow hours from tomorrow to extend today. The consequence of this is you shortchanged your tomorrow.
5. Maintain your body; you deserve it.
Take good care of herself. Beyond the sleeping and eating part get plenty of exercise. Do those things each day that make you feel valued and loved. Pamper your body.
6. Stop and savor the good things.
Difficult, painful times will be easy to remember. The happy events in life are harder to capture. Make sure you spend the time observing and studying the good things that happen in your life. Commit the flowers, the sunrises and the sunsets to memory. Make a point of noticing and returning each and every smile you receive. Share all the happiness you can, and you will never run short.
7. When you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up.
Be kind to you. The evidence tells us that beating someone up will not make them a better person. A little bit of kindness for yourself and others goes a long way. Compassion spent on yourself is never wasted.
8. Save some treasured mementos.
It is rarely the expensive things in life that bring the great joys. Hang onto those little keepsakes that remind you of the fabulous adventures of life. Those little pictures that your child draws, the craft projects they make in school, all add meaning to your life.
9. Learn to laugh.
Laughter is not frivolous. The more you laugh, the more your soul matures. People who smile and laugh more become happier. Don’t wait to be happy to laugh, laugh to be happy. Time invested in watching comedy, swapping jokes and gaiety will yield great dividends.
10. Have time to play.
Time spent playing is fundamental to creative pursuits. Playing was someone can develop and strengthen relationships. Play with your child. Play with your friends. Make having fun part of your time budget.
11. When something is wrong, take care of it.
People who love themselves do not hide from life’s problems. When there something wrong the sooner you take care of it the better.
12. Save your stories.
As you move through life, you will experience things. These become your life stories. Hold on to those stories. Retell them as you can. Writing out the stories of your life can become very good therapy.
Try to do some of these self-loving activities each and every day.
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For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings, and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books