By David Joel Miller
Are you making yourself miserable?
Life can be hard, things happen that are out of your control. The things you do in response to life’s ups and downs can make things better or they can keep you stuck in a downward spiral. Bad life habits can create more misery. How many of these misery creating habits have you drifted into?
You believe one thing and do another.
Discrepancies between what you believe in and what you are doing cause a great deal of misery. If you find you are not practicing your religious or ethical values take another look at your life. How much unhappiness are you creating by excusing your failure to do the things you believe you should be doing?
You lie to yourself.
If there is one person on earth you need to be ruthlessly honest with it is yourself. Those lies you tell yourself often enough become part of your core schema, the way you look at life. Do not make excuses for your mistakes. Do not blame others for the things that go wrong in your life.
Begin today to recognize the things you have influence over and can change. Work on your part in things and do those things you know you need to take care of.
You avoid feelings.
Feelings have a purpose. They convey valuable information to you. Get in touch with these feelings. Learn what makes you happy. Stop doing the things that make you sad. Recognize that if a thing feels wrong it probably is.
Avoiding feelings and numbing out does not protect you from life’s pain, it can keep you stuck there.
Putting happiness off till someday keeps you miserable.
Someday never comes. It is always today. Everything that happens to you happens in the now. Work on becoming more present in everything you do. Waiting for someday keeps things from happening for you.
Take small steps today and every day and those small steps will mount up. Fail to take action now while waiting for someday and when that anticipated day arrives nothing will have changed. Why live less of a life now while waiting for that someday which may never come?
You tell yourself you can’t.
Do you believe that saying you can’t protects you from feeling bad when things do not go your way? Not trying guarantees you won’t feel any better. The consistent quality of winners is that they believed they could.
Tell yourself that you can and you will make a lot more progress towards your goal.
You avoid anything new or difficult and stay in misery.
People who avoid the new and different become stagnant. Those who grow embrace challenges. This does not mean you need to chase every momentary fad. Be consistent in your efforts to grow, learn and improve the most valuable resource you have –you.
We all have our comfort zones. Staying in the center of your comfort zone keeps you stuck. Move towards the edge of that place of comfort and see if you can stretch out your places of comfort. Keep expanding that comfort zone to take in new things and new people.
Everyone falls into some of these misery creating habits occasionally but if you find that you are doing many of these or that you do them often take another look at how you are living your life.
Start today creating the best life possible, the one we might call your “happy life.” Take a few self-change steps and see how much more happiness and how much less misery you can place in your life.
Want to sign up for my mailing list?
Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam and you can unsubscribe at any time.
For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books
Are you done creating misery and ready to be happy?