Ways you create a miserable life.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Are you creating a miserable life?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are you making yourself miserable?

Life can be hard, things happen that are out of your control. The things you do in response to life’s ups and downs can make things better or they can keep you stuck in a downward spiral.

Bad life habits can create more misery. How many of these misery creating habits have you drifted into?

You believe one thing and do another.

Discrepancies between what you believe in and what you are doing cause a great deal of misery. If you find you are not practicing your religious or ethical values take another look at your life. How much unhappiness are you creating by excusing your failure to do the things you believe you should be doing?

You lie to yourself.

If there is one person on earth you need to be ruthlessly honest with, it is yourself.  Those lies you tell yourself often enough become part of your core schema, the way you look at life. Do not make excuses for your mistakes. Do not blame others for the things that go wrong in your life.

Begin today to recognize the things you have influence over and can change. Work on your part in things and do those things you know you need to take care of.

You avoid feelings.

Feelings have a purpose. They convey valuable information to you. Get in touch with these feelings. Learn what makes you happy. Stop doing the things that make you sad. Recognize that if a thing feels wrong it probably is.

Avoiding feelings and numbing out does not protect you from life’s pain, it can keep you stuck there.

Putting happiness off till someday keeps you miserable.

Someday never comes. It is always today. Everything that happens to you happens in the now. Work on becoming more present in everything you do. Waiting for someday keeps things from happening for you.

Take small steps today and every day and those small steps will mount up. Fail to take action now while waiting for someday and when that anticipated day arrives nothing will have changed. Why live less of a life now while waiting for that someday which may never come?

You tell yourself you can’t.

Do you believe that saying you can’t, protects you from feeling bad when things do not go your way? Not trying guarantees you won’t feel any better. The consistent quality of winners is that they believed they could.

Tell yourself that you can and you will make a lot more progress towards your goal.

You avoid anything new or difficult and stay in misery.

People who avoid the new and different become stagnant. Those who grow embrace challenges. This does not mean you need to chase every momentary fad. Be consistent in your efforts to grow, learn and improve the most valuable resource you have –you.

We all have our comfort zones. Staying in the center of your comfort zone keeps you stuck. Move towards the edge of that place of comfort and see if you can stretch out your places of comfort. Keep expanding that comfort zone to take in new things and new people.

Everyone falls into some of these miseries creating habits occasionally but if you find that you are doing many of these or that you do them often take another look at how you are living your life.

Start today creating the best life possible, the one we might call your “happy life.” Take a few self-change steps and see how much more happiness and how much less misery you can place in your life.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Three David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Casino Robbery is a novel about a man with PTSD who must cope with his symptoms to solve a mystery and create a new life.

SasquatchWandering through a hole in time, they encounter Sasquatch. Can they survive? The guests had come to Meditation Mountain to find themselves. Trapped in the Menhirs during a sudden desert storm, two guests move through a porthole in time and encounter long extinct monsters. They want to get back to their own time, but the Sasquatch intends to kill them.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Books are now available on Amazon, Kobo, iBooks, Barnes & Noble, and many other online stores.

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

Want the latest on news from recoveryland, the field of counseling, my writing projects, speaking and teaching? Please sign up for my newsletter at – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see my Facebook author’s page, davidjoelmillerwriter. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com.

Conquer Your Fears and Anxieties

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Fear.

Fear.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How do you get past those fear and anxiety feelings?

Fear likes you to think it is a roaring lion.

We all have our fears, but some people let fear stop them while others do things in spite of those fears. Here are some tips to help you manage your fears and anxieties. These are techniques you might use to go about shrinking those anxieties down to kitten size roars.

1. Take a close look at the fear – what are you really afraid of?

Many fears are vague fuzzy creatures. You feel if you do something or don’t do something else, then for sure, something bad will happen. Take another look. What are you really afraid of? If you can’t identify specific, high probability bad possibilities, the chances are that what you are really afraid of is change and the unknown.

What is the worst that could happen? What is the best that might happen? Is it worth the risk?

Take another look at that fear and you may find that it is nothing you really need to let stand in your way.

2. Make an inventory of your fears and anxieties.

If you find that you have lots of fears and anxieties you need to start by learning to identify them. Write them all down by name. What are you afraid of? Give them ratings. How much do you fear each item you have listed? Arrange them in order and start by challenging the least terrifying fear. As you work your way up the list you may find that you were fearing things that are not scary once you bring that fear out of its dark hiding place into the light.

3. Is anxiety telling you the truth?

Challenge each fear. Is it telling you the truth? Just because something seems scary does not mean it is really dangerous. Gather evidence about the real risks of this thing that scares you. Do your friends and other supporters have this same fear? How do they cope despite those fears?

Fear tries to manipulate you by telling you lies. Cross-examine that fear and present it the evidence you have gathered on why this thing is not the awful calamity it pretends to be.

4. Keep your eye on the goal of being fear-free.

When you have your mind set on getting something you will find that fear will get out of your way. Want to help or protect your child from danger, then you will have less difficulty with your anxiety.

How much do you want or need that job? Keep reminding yourself of your goal and the importance of getting where you need to go. Keeping your eye on the prize keeps you moving forward regardless of the fear.

5. Keep stretching your comfort zone.

Our anxieties are at their worst when you get too far outside your comfort zone. Think of the things that you have done in the past that you did not feel comfortable doing, but because of a friend’s encouragement or a real desire you did it anyway.

Having stepped a little outside your comfort zone and realizing things went well can stretch your confront zone.

Keep stretching out that comfort zone a little at a time and see how brave you will become.

6. Do not let fear steal your life.

Fear is a thief. Anxiety is a bully. They want to take your life away from you. Keep control of your life and let your fears and anxieties know that you are in charge. You can choose to do or not do something, but no fear or pint size anxiety will keep you from having the life you want and deserve.

7. Use positive self-talk.

Keep telling yourself that you can. Remind yourself of what you want and why. Words matter. We humans think in words and what we think tends to come true. Tell yourself you can’t and you create the failure. Tell yourself that you will give it your best effort and see what happens.

Occasionally you will give it the best shot you have and something will still turn out badly. Do not take this as a confirmation of your fears. Believe that no one hits 100% but that if you keep on going despite those fears there is no limit to how far you will go.

What have you done recently to give your fears and anxieties the boot? Leave a comment and let the rest of us know what works to keep the anxiety beast at bay.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Two David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Casino Robbery is a novel about a man with PTSD who must cope with his symptoms to solve a mystery and create a new life.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

Want the latest on news from recoveryland, the field of counseling, my writing projects, speaking and teaching? Please sign up for my newsletter at – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see my Facebook author’s page, davidjoelmillerwriter. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com.