By David Joel Miller.
Why do men tell me that the woman they were with only wanted one thing?
Men are convinced that women only want one thing. There may be some truth to this assertion; every good lie has a grain of truth in it.
Men are convinced that the primary reason women get into relationships is to get the man’s money. Women seem to be far more concerned about what a man makes and how much they will be able to spend than what kind of father he will make.
Some scientists and not a few feminists still assert that the primary needed characteristic for a mate and father should be his ability to be a good provider. The man does, after all, make a relatively small contribution to the creation of the child and he is more than willing to make those contributions multiple times with multiple women.
The woman on the other hand has to carry the child for about 9 months and then raise that child for the next 18 or so years. It makes sense for a woman to look for a man willing to make the commitment to stick around for all those years and one with the potential to carry his share of the weight.
Some women appear to be concerned not about getting a good provider but about picking a mate the same way they buy a lottery ticket. Pick the right man and I am set for life and will never have to do anything I do not want to do again.
The changing social landscape has changed a little of this, more women than ever can and do work and many do not want to be dependent on a man. There are also prenuptials that might limit the ability of the woman to cash in so big. Most of the time the man knows that he will still get the bill.
Men report with varying degrees of truth that the ex and kids are living in a nice house with a new man and still she is determined to squeeze every last cent in child support and alimony from him. This can happen even when the man is staying at the homeless shelter and child support has taken his driver’s license for not paying his ex.
When they were together she could work and help out but let the relationship end and this formerly loving woman will use the money as a weapon to punish this man as cruelly as possible.
Men tell me that should they fail to accede to the smallest request of this ex-partner or her new lover then they will be denied the chance to see their kids. This is frequently contrary to the court order but a crafty woman can find all sorts of ways to evade that order, schedule the trip to the theme park on dad’s weekend and then tell the kid’s dad does not care about them, he only cares about getting his visit. You can of course imagine a host of other scenarios.
This is a really bad idea women. First it is customarily contrary to the court order. Second keeping your children from their dad can backfire. When they turn 18 they are off to meet, maybe even live with the dad you never let them know. You become the bad, selfish person in your child’s eyes. That love you were trying to guarantee by keeping the child from their father, your selfishness may cause you to lose that love. If you really love your children, almost all women say they do, then letting them have a relationship with their father is in the child’s best interest.
There is another reason for allowing your child to see their father. Men who stay connected to their children, who see them on a regular basis, are way more likely to spend money to help care for this child they love and know. But once you and the new father figure start playing house and you keep the kids from seeing their dad, what man feels inclined to support you and Sancho and still not get to have a relationship with those kids?
It looks like a really selfish woman who keeps her kids from this man she once said she loved and made these children with but still wants him to send money.
This punishing dad financially for the relationship is fairly easy to see in retrospect. The woman is angry. She wants revenge. But men tell me and so do women that the woman expected this to happen, even planed the relationship so she could maximize the payout.
Women have been known to consult a divorce attorney to see just what they can expect to get if they leave dad now. Then they stay a longer period of time; occasionally even have more children so they can maximize the payout. Some women seem to think of the relationship as their version of a pension. Put up with this guy as long as you have to and then when you can get the cash bail.
Is it any wonder these men think that all the woman ever wanted was a stream of cash flow?
Some women have said that they would prefer if their spouse lived somewhere else, another country preferably, and then just deposit the money in her bank account.
So women is what men say true? Do you only want their money and if they can’t produce the cash then no sex and no love? Are you really aspiring to be the kind of woman who only had sex with this man for the money? You know what we call that relationship, and if that was your motivation, how do you feel about yourself now?
Are men right? Do women only want one thing – the money?
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For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books