By David Joel Miller
How many of these relationship mistakes do you make?
Thinking that relationships should be easy is a mistake.
Life is difficult sometimes, so are relationships. If there are tough times in your relationship that does not mean that this is a bad relationship. Any relationship you will ever be in will have rough patches.
Some people think that a great relationship should always be good. When the bad times come they mistakenly believe this means the relationship was never good. Having struggles does not mean the relationship is doomed.
Believing the other person can make you happy is a mistake.
Two unhappy people do not make for a happy relationship. Learn to be happy by yourself and then in a relationship you can have even better times. Thinking that it is your partner’s job to make you happy is a recipe for disaster.
Occasionally someone can help you feel happy for the short run but in the life long time frame you need to work on your happiness and your partner needs to work on there’s. Together two happy people can be even better.
Don’t think that one mistake and the relationship is over.
No one will ever be perfect. If you jettison your partner over a single mistake you will run through a lot of partners. Some “mistakes” may be on your no-way list. Make these clear to your partner early on. But if your partner turns out to not be perfect at everything on your wish list, this means that they are human, not that the relationship is hopeless.
Don’t think that you have to trust completely about everything.
There are levels of trust. Set your expectations too high and you will set yourself up to feel like you can’t trust your partner. You should be able to trust that your partner cares and that they will make a good effort at the relationship but if they forget an appointment or they do not remember something important to you this does not mean you can’t trust them.
If you have trust issues look at yourself and decide if you would trust you. Many people find they have set the standard for others above what they expect from themselves. Set your expectations for other humans too high and you are engineering failure.
Avoid thinking that you need to tell your partner everything.
Too much honesty can be a relationship wrecker. You do not need to tell your partner all the things they do wrong. (See the post – Just being honest – 5 times telling the truth is a bad thing .)
There are some things you partner can bear to hear. If you run to them with every hurt and disappointment you may overload them. If you have personal issues you need to work on, consider seeing a therapist. Your partner is too involved in your life to be able to listen to all your past issues.
Your partner should always be there for you.
Life is compromises. We expect our partners to be there for us during the big things but remember that your partner needs to balance the other parts of their life. Most partners come with families, friends and hopefully jobs. While you should be your partners top priority that does not mean that they can drop everything and be at your beck and call. People who expect too much togetherness set the relationship up for failure.
Trying to fit your partner in between other things doesn’t work.
Just like you can’t expect your partner to always be there, relationships do not work if that partner is never there for you. Make sure you are each other’s top priority. Family and friends have their own lives. Jobs will come and go. Eventually, the children grow up and start their own lives. A life partner should be there the whole way.
Make sure the two of you carve out time for the couple relationship.
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For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books
Take a look at your relationship and see if you are making any of these mistakes.