By David Joel Miller
Ways to be better liked
Some people are just easier to like than others. No, likeability is not genetic. Likeable people have certain skills that they excel at. Even if you did not pick these skills up unconsciously you can learn them. Want to be one of those very likable people? Here are some skills you can practice to improve your likeability index.
Look for the bright spot in everything.
Likeable people are positive. The see good in every situation. People who only see the problems and the difficulty are downers. To be likable you need to pull others up not push them down.
Look at every situation and ask yourself “what is the good I can find in this situation?” Practice finding the good everywhere you go and people will invite you to go with them.
Look for the good in people.
Popular people have positive attitudes about those around them. They encourage others to be the best they can be rather than pulling them down. To improve your likeability look for the good in others. What you look for you will find. People like to be around others who like them.
Good leaders look for the skills in people and “encourage their strengths.” Encourage the best in others and you may become their best friend.
Be curious about others.
To become more likable think less about yourself and more about others. Cultivate a curiosity about others. What do they enjoy? Where do they like to go? Learn about their hobbies and their interests. You may find that something they care about interests you also. The best way to develop more friendships is to find interests you have in common. Shared activities build strong friendships.
Don’t look for someone to blame.
Avoid blame when things go wrong. Take responsibility for your errors and try to remedy the situation. If things go wrong look for alternative solutions, not someone to blame. People who are willing to help when things are off kilter are more likable. Those who are always looking for someone to blame drive others away.
Practice patience to become more likable.
Impatient people are annoying. Patience people give others time to explain what they mean. Patient people are just easier to be around. Let everyone talk at their comfortable pace. Give others the time they need to learn a new skill.
Walk in their shoes.
Think about what the other person is going through. Why do they see things the way they do? There are often two, or more, ways to see things. Look at it from the other person’s perspective rather than asking why they don’t think and do things the way you do.
Let people see the real you – do not be fake.
Trying to be something you are not is not the route to popularity. Be the real you. Those who like you will be attracted to you. People who do not are just not the ones you need to attract.
Improve yourself – Be the kind of person you would like to be around.
Work on being the best you possible. Do not work on making others like you. Work on being the best possible person you can be and those who matter will want to hang out with you.
Look for the characteristic that you find admirable in others. Develop those characteristics in yourself. Become your own best friend and others will want you for a friend.
Have a clear moral compass.
Likeable people have a clear understanding of right and wrong. They do not need others to agree with them to feel confident in their beliefs. Do not change your beliefs to please those you are around. Learn from all the people you meet but be a consistent you.
Be willing to try something new.
Popular people are not set in their ways. They are willing to try new things and explore new ideas. This does not mean you should do things that you feel are wrong only because others are doing them. But do not close your mind just because the situation or the person is different from what you expected.
Say what you mean in a clear way.
Do not be wishy-washy. Likeable people are able to communicate well. They know what they want to say and they say it. Avoid “weasel words” and take a position. Do not keep others guessing about your true intentions.
Care about others.
Likeable people are not all about themselves. They care about others. Develop your caring skill and you will encourage others to care about you. If everything you do is about you, then you will be cultivating friends who are selfish and only care about themselves.
Practice these methods and develop the skills you need to become a more likable person, likable to yourself and likable to others.
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For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books
Learn these skills to be a more likable person.