By David Joel Miller.
How to avoid doing anything that might change your situation.
Stay in the problem.
Spend all the time you can rehashing the pain of the past. Remember every slight and daily tell everyone who will listen why your current situation is someone else’s fault. Feel helpless and overwhelmed and never, I say never, do anything that might change the way you feel or the things you do.
This is your problem, you earned it and you deserve to roll around and wallow in it until everyone feels appropriately sorry for you.
Look for evidence you are right.
Since your problem is someone else’s fault you need to gather evidence of why they are wrong, why they should not have done that, and why it is all their fault. Do not ever consider that you could have made any contribution to the problem.
If you stayed in a bad relationship, then, of course, you had to stay and it is all their fault that you never made any changes.
Focus on your failures.
You are in pain, your life is a mess, of course, you are a failure. You never had a chance and as above it is all someone else’s fault.
Look for all the things you have done wrong. Turn them over and over in your mind and never let them go.
Discount any possible successes. Those things you did that other people would think were successes; you know they were no big thing. Your one failure cancels out anything that you could ever do to be a success.
Remember and relive your failures daily until you are firmly convinced there is no point in trying anything as it will all turn out badly anyway.
Relive your tragedies.
Never let a tragedy go. Revisit them daily, more often if possible. Take that bad memory out and turn it around. Look for more ways to feel bad about it. Gather more evidence of how you are worthless and how it is all someone else’s fault. Magnify you failings and insecurities. Rewrite that event if possible to add more guilt, shame, and helplessness than before.
Turn the magnifier on any problem you find.
Do not be content with one or two problems. Spend all day, every day, looking for things that can turn out badly.
What is the worst possible case? Can you make that outcome even worse? Say you find some money, it might be counterfeit, you might get arrested; better not pick that money up.
Never try anything new – stick to what does not work.
Stay with the familiar even if it is not working. Do not ever vary from the path to failure. Tell yourself over and over there is no point in trying anything new as it will only turn out worse than the awful way things are now.
If something does not work do more of it more often.
Whatever is wrong in your life has to be bad luck and the fault of others. You need to keep doing the things you have been doing over and over. Sooner or later you will prove that it is not your fault and there is no point in you trying at all.
Avoid learning any new behaviors.
Do not ever learn anything new. There is a risk that this new thing will change your situation and you have by now convinced yourself that all change is bad and that things can only get worse.
Stay focused on the pain of the past.
Do not ever take your eyes off the past pain. Revel in it. Wear that pain as a badge of honor. You deserve to suffer, your suffering is noble and no one need take that pain away from you.
Your continued suffering proves that it is not your fault, it is someone else’s fault and you want the whole world to envy how much you suffer.
Never live in the present or plan for the future.
Avoid people and things that might be pleasurable. Ruminate on the past as a way to stay stuck in the problem. Let today take care of its self. Since you do nothing to plan or prepare for the future you will be able to stay in this pain and add more as things continue to go wrong.
Practice quitting and giving up.
If anything starts to go well quit immediately. There is no use getting your hopes up. You know that by not trying you can stay where you are, and having anything change in your life for the better would be just too scary. You know things are so bad they can only get worse. Savor that pain and suffering.
Do not seek out advice or new knowledge.
These are your problems, never share them with anyone. Hide your issues, suffer in silence and you already know all you will ever need to know to maintain the suffering. Never ask for help or look for solutions.
You have established that you need to suffer until the person whose fault this all is has been thoroughly punished by having to see you suffer.
Stick to one thing and don’t try anything else.
What you are doing is the best you could ever do. Stay stuck. No point in trying anything else.
Avoid anything that would be work.
If anyone suggests a solution for your problems search diligently for all the reasons that this new solution might fail. Greet every suggestion with a “NO, But” or a “Yes, But” response. Be ready to explain why nothing could possibly help you as your problems are insurmountable.
Take the easy way out whenever possible.
If anything would require effort do not do it. Always take the easiest way out. Exercise is beyond you, so are making positive changes in your life.
There you have it – 15 ways to avoid recovery.
What you say? You want recovery? You do think you deserve to get better and have a happy life? Then just turn these recovery prevention plans around and do the opposite and you may find that as you make changes and seek help your life gets a whole lot better.
- Five ways to sabotage your self-improvement or recovery program (counselorssoapbox.com)
- When Mindfulness makes you feel worse – about pain (counselorssoapbox.com)
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Two David Joel Miller Books are available now!
You can recover. Your cruising along the road of life and then wham, something knocks you in the ditch. If you have gone through a divorce, break up, or lost a job your life may have gotten off track. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Casino Robbery is a novel that explores the world of a man with PTSD who must cope with his symptoms to solve a mystery and create a new life.
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For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page or my Facebook author’s page, David Joel Miller. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com.