By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Are you stuck in a routine? Maybe you need more rituals.
Families that have specific family rituals often are happy and more cohesive. Nowadays most families have abandoned rituals and are stuck in stagnant routines.
What’s the difference between a ritual and a routine?
A routine is defined as (From Encarta) repetitive, a usual pattern of activity, even part of a computer program.
A ritual is something else. It involves following a set pattern, ceremonies and may include set forms of communication. Let’s look at some differences and why they may be affecting you and your family.
Rituals mark transitions in time and space.
Think of this as the difference between the last day of school each year and a graduation ceremony when you complete your education.
Routine – You come home from work, your kids come home from school. People get hungry so they go in the kitchen and eat. Maybe what mom or dad made, maybe something else. Food in the after-the-work hours is every man or woman for themselves.
The result is often a kitchen that is a mess, dirty dishes scattered throughout the house, and people coming and going as they please. Other results include a family that doesn’t feel like a family. No one belongs and they are each doing their own thing. There is also probably a lot of fighting over who does what and why the kitchen and the rest of the house is such a mess.
For some families, dinner is a ritual rather than a routine.
Dinner is served with everyone seated around a common table. No one starts till everyone gets there. (Oh the social pressure if you are the last in and keeping the rest of YOUR FAMILY from eating.)
The meal may start with a prayer or other opening words. There is likely to be a custom of people talking to each other, asking about each other’s day, and sharing what is going on in their life.
The result of transforming evening eating into a family dinner results in some positive benefits.
Families that regularly eat together, 4 or more nights per week, their kids get better grades. People are more likely to feel like they are all connected and belong as opposed to those people who feel more like guests in their own home.
Rituals include some symbolic elements. By doing this and saying that we are affirming we are part of something, belong to something, and that what we are doing has a greater significance than just getting through life.
Dinner, the meal, becomes dinner, the time we all spend together, and affirm we are a family.
Making meaning in your life.
If your life seems routine and boring, consider the meaning behind the things you do. Leave out the meanings and the rest of life is just going through the motions.
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Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
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