Could you use some help?


By David Joel Miller

Why is it so hard to ask for help?

David Joel Miller

David Joel Miller

When it comes to physical, tangible, things most of us are able to ask for help. But when it comes to the emotional and mental problems in our lives we find it difficult if not impossible to ask for help.

If you need to move, you ask your friends to show up and help you carry the furniture. You may even borrow someone’s truck to move you. It is not uncommon for people to borrow money when they can’t pay the rent. Why not ask for emotional help?

Is there some special reason we don’t like to ask for help for our emotional problems like depression or anxiety?

Why avoid help for relationships issues?

Lots of these panic – need to move this weekend, situations, are the result of relationship breakups. Frankly, most of those relationships had problems that could have been treated if one the people involved would ask for help. That is what marriage and family therapists do every day.

Why is it easier to justify borrowing $1,000 to move, but so very few people will spend $100.00 to work on salvaging that marriage in the first place?

Need help with an addiction?

The same is true of other life problems. Someone has a drinking problem. They resist going to treatment, can’t ask for help for that. But after the arrest or they lose their job they will ask to borrow money to pay the lawyer, bail bondsman and the fine.

Help, for the record, comes in all styles and colors. Friends can offer help for emotional problems if you let them. There are self-help groups and there are self-help books. Most of these work on yourself solutions are a lot cheaper than neglecting the problem and then paying the consequences.

Professional help is also often a good investment.  CPA’s are known to refer management of family owned companies for family counseling. It is a whole lot cheaper to work out the conflicts between family members than it is to liquidate the family company.

Self-help groups recognize the need to be willing to accept help. The third step in the twelve steps is, to my way of thinking, primarily about being willing to accept help. So is sponsorship.

Everyone has times in their life when they need help with emotional problems. The smart people are not too proud to ask.

Want to sign up for my mailing list?

Get the latest updates on my books, due out later this year by signing up for my newsletter. Newsletter subscribers will also be notified about live training opportunities and free or discounted books. Sign up here – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings, and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books

Advertisements

18 thoughts on “Could you use some help?

  1. Hello David!

    I always thought it was a weakness to ask for help. I had got this far in life without it , so why ask now? Big mistake… that’s why I had a breakdown. Therapy has pulled me out of some pretty dark places my mind sometimes wants to g

    Like

    • Silly phone!! Sorry!

      Meant to say Go! Lol
      Therapy is worth every cent and more!
      BTW: I am now out of my house and single.
      It feels very strange and I’m taking baby steps! 🙂

      Hugs Paula xxx

      Like

  2. Unfortunately, I think the stigma that is attached to mental illness or any perceived “weakness” in us, keeps many from asking for help. But as you say, the costs are much greater if we don’t…..good post.

    Like

  3. Pingback: Mental Health Monsters – Depression and Anxiety | counselorssoapbox

  4. Pingback: How you can get more A’s, easier B’s, and pass life’s tests in 9 easy steps. | counselorssoapbox

  5. Pingback: When you mind magnifies your problems | counselorssoapbox

  6. Pingback: Just because you can does not mean you should | counselorssoapbox

  7. Pingback: Why do therapists stop seeing you if you aren’t getting better? | counselorssoapbox

  8. Pingback: No one notices the passengers on the bus – they watch the drivers. | counselorssoapbox

  9. Pingback: How can you tell if someone is normal? | counselorssoapbox

  10. Pingback: What do therapists tell the police? | counselorssoapbox

  11. Pingback: Your other relationships are affecting your love life | counselorssoapbox

  12. Pingback: Is it a ritual or a routine? | counselorssoapbox

  13. Pingback: Creating self-healing rituals | counselorssoapbox

  14. Pingback: Without Boundaries your children get lost | counselorssoapbox

  15. Pingback: Can’t find your inner child | counselorssoapbox

  16. Pingback: Youth Mental Health First Aid – ALGEE imposter | counselorssoapbox

  17. Pingback: How is youth mental health treatment different from adults? | counselorssoapbox

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s