Author Archives: David Joel Miller

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About David Joel Miller

David Miller is a California Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Clinical Counselor, faculty member at a local college, certified trainer and writer.

17 Ways to Boost Your Self-esteem.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

High self-essteem

Boost your self-confidence.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Common sense ways to increase your self-esteem.

Feeling badly about yourself? If you have low self-esteem this does not need to hold you back. There are many things you can do to crank up your belief that no matter where you have been or what your life has been like, you can move forward and accomplish good things. If “low self-esteem” has been getting in the way of having the life you want, here are seventeen ways to change your thinking and behavior and start creating a life you can be proud of.

1. Stop comparing.

Who you are is not some sort of contest. You do not need to be better than others to feel OK about yourself. One of the fastest routes to improved self-confidence is to accept yourself as you are and stop comparing yourself to others.

Most people have the bad habit of comparing up. You know that you do not look as good as someone on the red carpet. People with only a thousand connections on social media compare themselves to someone with 15,000 connections. More connections do not make you a better person. Life is not a popularity contest.

2. Hang out with confident people.

Hang out with insecure and non-affirming people and you become insecure. Want to be a winner? Hang with the winners. (No comparing now.) Associating with happy people and their happiness will rub off. You become, over time, like the people you hang with.

3. Build on your strengths.

Everyone has strengths. Find the things you are good at. Identify and name those strengths and then emphasizes those things that allow you to make use of your best qualities.

4. Develop your undeveloped strengths.

Some strengths are developed, more or less, and others you still need to discover. Look for strengths and then practice them. Try out new things. You do not need to be great at every new thing you try. Some will not be your cup of coffee. But among those things you try, you may discover the strength that can build you a better life.

5. Study successful people.

Study those people who have overcome adversity and achieved noteworthy things. Read books about those who had great accomplishments. Those people’s journey can inspire you to be the best you can be.

6. Look for “improvement opportunities.”

Reframe every undesired outcome. When you try and do not reach your goal this is a chance to learn more and practice some new skills. No matter where you start out life requires all of us to keep working on our skills and on ourselves.

7. Work with a coach, counselor, or mentor.

No one is instinctively perfect. Most “naturals” got to be good by years of practice. Practice alone will not get you there. Not if you keep making the same mistakes over and over until they become automatic. You can’t see your own swing, but a coach can. An outside opinion, counselor, or peer can help you find more “improvement opportunities.”

8. Do good stuff.

The more positive things you do the better a person you become. Think of this as moral or karmic exercises. Good people do not become good by doing one great perfect task after a life of awful actions. Little random acts of kindness and positivity nurture a positive person.

9. Make positive self-talk the rule.

Calling yourself names will not make you work harder or build self-esteem. What you tell yourself your mind will try to make come true. Use positive affirmations, what you tell yourself becomes who you are. Remember to tell yourself you can and then go out and see how much you can do today.

10. Get acquainted with your feelings. Call them by their real names.

Feelings are not evil creatures to be banished. You fear is telling you something, so is your irritation. Learn to recognize and listen to what information those feelings are giving you, but do not let their voices drown out your thinking. If you are afraid examine this carefully. Is this really a dangerous situation or are your childlike feelings just needing reassurance that you are in control?

11. Life is about the journey, not the contests you win.

No one wins everything every time.  In life, there will be some second and third places and sometimes you may finish last. Those are not failures. Not being the best at something this time does not mean that you are flawed. Accept that life is about trying on new activities to see which fit you. You do not need to win every game to enjoy playing.

12. Enjoy being a beginner.

One way to cripple yourself self-esteem is to expect to be great at everything the first time. You learn a lot more by being the beginner and mentally observing yourself developing skills.

13. Be proud of your scars.

Victories come with a price. Sometimes that is pain, sometimes you have to fall down and get back up. Love yourself scars and all. You will have life experiences that are painful. You may not want to repeat some experiences but accept that they made you who you are.

14. Work hard at being you. Do not live to fulfill someone else’s dream.

Be sure that the yardstick you use to measure yourself is yours and not someone else’s. Better still toss those yardsticks and stop the measuring. Explore life and get acquainted with you. Live to be you not to fulfill someone else’s ambitions.

15. Stop hiding your mistakes.

Mistakes and imperfections do not diminish your value as a person. Don’t be afraid to look at your shortcomings and to admit them. Especially admit them to yourself. Looking at these less than perfect outcomes can help turn them into improvement opportunities.

16. Remember to love yourself.

You don’t take good care of things you don’t like and you shouldn’t be spending a lot of time with people who dislike you. You will spend the maximum part of your life with you. Make sure you grow to enjoy your company. Mostly that will happen when you stop criticizing you and begin to accept that however you are is perfectly fine.

17. Take good care of yourself, you deserve it.

This one got left for last. It could easily have been first on the list. Others will not treat you any better than you treat yourself. If you want to feel better about yourself start treating yourself better. You deserve to be treated well.

Self-worth is something you should have regardless of what you do. Remember you are a human being, not a human doing. You are more than the list of things you do.

There you have it, some of my suggestions for giving up self-judging and looking at yourself in a more positive way. Try these on and see if you don’t begin to feel just fine about yourself.

Check out the other counselorssoapbox.com posts on Self-esteem.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Today is Spring.

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Sunday Inspiration.   Post by David Joel Miller.

Spring.

Spring is here. Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Spring is here.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“It is spring again. The earth is like a child that knows poems by heart.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke

“It’s spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you’ve got it, you want—oh, you don’t quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!”

― Mark Twain

“Spring work is going on with joyful enthusiasm.”

― John Muir, The Wilderness World of John Muir

Today is the first day of spring. Officially, here on the west coast of the U. S., it started at 9:31 last night but it is hard to see spring after dark. Let’s hope this Spring is a good one for you.

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

What is Bulimia Nervosa? (Was 307.51 now F50.2)

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

What is

What is Bulimia Nervosa? (Was 307.51 now F50.2)
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

When eating and avoiding weight gain collide.

Bulimia Nervosa, Bulimia for short, is one of the feeding and eating disorders and is diagnosed about 4 times more often than Anorexia Nervosa according to the DSM-5. For the full description consult the DSM-5, what follows is my simple language version of this disorder and my experiences in seeing clients with these issues.

Women are ten times as likely to receive this diagnosis as men. Bulimia has three defining characteristics, “pigging out” and extreme measures to make up for that episode of excessive calorie intake as well as self-esteem or self-worth that is excessively based on weight and body type. These three characteristics make Bulimia sort of like Anorexia Nervosa on the one hand and Binge Eating Disorder on the other.

Pigging out is more than just liking to eat.

What makes the pigging-out or “binge eating” different in this disorder is the feeling of loss of control. In Bulimia, the client will eat far more than would be normal and do this in a relatively short time. The official definition sets this time limit more or less at 2 hours.

So binge eating is not snacking all day or having a big appetite. It is a loss of control over how much they eat and once they start the eating run it goes on until something interrupts the binge. Some have described these loss-of-control episodes as “spacing out” or dissociating. What they binge on can be very individual and can vary from episode to episode.

This loss of control is very similar to what we see in Substance Use Disorders. Turns out that about 30 % of those with Bulimia also develop a substance use disorder. Mostly this will be alcohol which is readily and legally available and can temporarily dissolve the guilt that comes from overeating. The other common drug of choice among many people with Bulimia is a stimulant use disorder. Start off on the “Jenny-Crank” diet to lose weight and you too may develop a Stimulant Use Disorder.

Once the guilt sets in you try to undo the binge.

A characteristic of Bulimia is the use of unhealthy ways of offsetting the excess calories consumed on the binge.  Those with Bulimia may force themselves to vomit to get rid of the over-full feeling and to lose weight. They also can try laxatives, water pills (diuretics), and extreme episodes of fasting. Those fasts by the way often end with another binge.

In Bulimia, self-worth is based on weight.

All this pigging-out style overeating and then trying to make up by extreme measures is hard on the self-esteem and self-confidence. Those with Bulimia base their self-esteem and self-worth on their weight and or body. So when they put on weight, they feel bad about themselves.

Bulimia is not something that just happens during Thanksgiving week.

To be defined as Bulimia we expect this person’s dance with overeating to go on for say three months or more and they will probably be binging at least once per week. In Bulimia the revolving pattern is binge, feel bad about yourself, and then do the extreme measures to keep the weight off. The recurring story the person with Bulimia tells themselves is that if they were just thinner they would feel better about themselves and others would like them more. Unfortunately, the only way to discharge the anxiety around food is with another binge and purge.

Which eating disorder is which?

Bulimia is separated from Anorexia mostly by the person’s body weight. In Anorexia they weigh significantly less than they should and are trying to stay that way or lose even more. In Bulimia, the person weighs about normal or even a little beyond but they are defiantly not obese. In Bulimia, the main difference is that they binge and then feel they have to do extreme measures to compensate. In Binge Eating Disorder there is still the binging and the feeling bad but no compensating behaviors.

For more on this and related topics see – Feeding and Eating Disorders.

FYI These “What is” sometimes “What are” posts are my efforts to explain terms commonly used in Mental Health, Clinical Counseling, Substance Use Disorder Counseling, Psychology, Life Coaching, and related disciplines in a plain language way. Many are based on the new DSM-5, some of the older posts were based on the DSM-IV-TR, both published by the APA. For the more technical versions please consult the DSM or other appropriate references.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What is Caffeine Withdrawal?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

What is

What is caffeine withdrawal?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

You can get sick when you stop caffeine.

There are five distinct symptoms that people often develop when they suddenly stop taking in caffeine, and yes those symptoms can get severe enough that the person reports they are sick. Caffeine withdrawal is extremely common. About 70% of those who try to permanently stop consuming caffeine experiencing this illness.

Caffeine is used more commonly than any other psychoactive drug. By psychoactive we are talking about a drug that changes the way you think, feel, and behave. Increasingly counselors in the substance use disorder field are looking at commonly used drugs like tobacco and caffeine and their impact on the client’s recovery from alcohol and other drugs.

Absolutely your body can get used to having caffeine in your system and there are physical withdrawal symptoms when you stop using caffeine. This problem is severe enough that in the DSM-5 it is a specific diagnosis Caffeine Withdrawal (F15.93.)

Caffeine use is more common than one might think. It is not just adults who are using caffeine and experiencing caffeine withdrawal. The DSM-5 reports that 85% of U. S. adults and CHILDREN use caffeine daily.

Drug and alcohol texts (Maisto, Galizio & Connors, 2015) report that worldwide 90% of the population uses caffeine. Aside from adults, the group receiving the highest daily dose are young preschool children. Caffeine is commonly found in sodas and energy drinks, both favored beverages among the very young. One has to wonder how this universal use of caffeine is affecting children’s thinking, feeling, and behavior.

Caffeine withdrawal sneaks up on you.

Many people are surprised when they experience caffeine withdrawal. The most likely times to have this disorder are when there is a sudden change in your routine. Weekends, vacation times, hospitalizations, travel, all are potential caffeine withdrawal experiences.

Caffeine withdrawal starts twelve to twenty-four hours after your last dose. The worst of the symptoms peak one or two days after you stop taking in the caffeine. Headaches from caffeine withdrawal have been reported up to three weeks after the last dose.

You do not have to be a daily or heavy caffeine consumer to experience caffeine withdrawal, though the more caffeine you take in each day the more likely you are to experience caffeine withdrawal. More important than your daily intake in the equation is how regularly you use caffeine and the suddenness of your stopping.

People experiencing caffeine withdrawal are likely to misattribute their symptoms and think it is the flu or another illness. The result is those withdrawing from caffeine use a lot more pain relievers than normal.

How do you know you have caffeine withdrawal?

To receive this diagnosis you need to have 60% or three of five of the possible symptoms, though each person may have a different group of symptoms. The hard part sometimes is to be sure all of these symptoms are the result of caffeine withdrawal and not some other issue.

One way to be sure your problem is caffeine withdrawal is to take in some more caffeine. That should work in an hour or less.

What are the five symptoms of caffeine withdrawal?

  1. Headaches
  2. Tired, fatigue, or drowsiness.
  3. Bad mood, unhappy, depressed, irritable. As a side note, people who consume a lot of caffeine can become very anxious.
  4. Concentration or attention issues.
  5. Is this a virus? Caffeine withdrawal can include muscle pain, nausea, and even vomiting that are characteristic of the flu.

As with all the other things that make it into the DSM, Caffeine intoxication only gets diagnosed if it interferes with your work, school, relationship with family and friends, causes you excessive discomfort, or makes you give up things you used to like to do. You also should not blame it on not having your coffee if this is better explained by another mental illness or the effects of another drug.

Terms and their meaning can differ with the profession using them. The literature from the Rehab or AOD (Alcohol and Other Drug) field may be very different from that in the mental health field. There is still a large gap between recovery programs, AOD professionals and the terms and descriptions used in the DSM.

FYI, these “What is” sometimes “What are” posts are my efforts to explain terms commonly used in Mental Health, Clinical Counseling, Substance Use Disorder Counseling, Psychology, Life Coaching, and related disciplines in a plain language way. Many are based on the new DSM-5; some of the older posts were based on the DSM-IV-TR, both published by the APA. For the more technical versions please consult the DSM or other appropriate references.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

om.

Therapy room secrets.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Therapy

Therapy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What do people get out of therapy?

Therapy room secrets.

Therapy room secrets.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

People who have been to see a counselor or therapist, those who have gone long enough to see the results, know some secrets about the process that most other people never find out.

Counseling should help you create the life you want, not confirm someone’s opinion that there is something wrong with you.

Going for therapy does not mean you are crazy or a mental case. Plenty of people see a counselor to work on their life skills.

Being in therapy does not mean you are and will always be mentally ill. The point of counseling is to move you from being overwhelmed by life’s problems to a place where you can handle them.

Therapy should be about wellness, not sickness.

The really sick people don’t go for treatment even what they need it because they are afraid that getting treatment means they are ill. This is the equivalent of trying to not “give in to cancer.”

You can learn that what you are dealing with is normal.

We hear in the counseling room from a lot of people that they thought they were the only ones who felt that way or had that problem. Turns out that most of life’s problems are common, so is suffering in silence. It can help a whole lot to know that what you are going through happens to lots of people at a particular point in life. It can also help to hear how others have solved this problem. This is one reason that group therapy is extra helpful.

Sometimes you just need to talk it out.

Family and friends find it difficult to just listen. They want to fix you or tell you what to do. It pains them that you are having problems and they just want to stop hearing your pain. Talking too much about life’s problems with family and friends can burn them out.

Sometimes all you need to do is just talk this problem through with an objective person who will not judge you or tell you not to feel what you feel. Your partner can’t always be objective and hear you talk.

It helps to have someone listen to you.

They probably didn’t teach you about emotions in school.

Feelings are a taboo subject in many homes. You may have been taught that you should not have feelings or that it was not OK to express them.

Learning how to feel, recognize that feeling, and then give it a name, can help you learn to regulate your emotions. If you have unrecognized feelings, therapy can help you learn to manage those feeling inside you.

Therapy can de-stress you.

Sometimes therapy makes you really face your problems. People come in depressed and after explaining their life to the therapist they decide that their life is a mess. Then they have a choice, do the hard work of changing things or leave things as they are, depression and all.

There may be gaps in your life skills inventory.

Mostly what you know about life came from living the one life you have had so far, yours. There are all kinds of life skills you need and it is hard to pick them up while rushing through your daily activates.

Your counselor can help you with the life skills you may have missed out on. Making friends, regulating emotions, and getting things in perspective all require skills and practice.

It helps to have supporters.

You need supportive people in your life. Your therapist should be on your side. This does not mean that they will always agree with you or tell you that you are right. You need them to be honest if they are really supporting you.

They also should not try to make you dependent on them. You will need supporters after you are done with therapy. Helping you design a plan to create a support system is another thing your counselor may be able to do to help you get your life on track.

You can get a more objective opinion.

Friends tell you what they think you want to hear. Family members may want to influence you, get you to do things that are in their best interests or right for them but may not be good for you. A counselor can be really honest. They may slip up on that honesty, looking for a way to tell you things in a kind or gentle way, but know that at heart they want you to know exactly how things are.

You need to work on the things you are afraid of.

In the counseling room is one time you can really talk about the things you were afraid to tell anyone. This is the place to let your secrets out and know that this person will do all they can to maintain your confidentiality. Yes, there are a few things, like your being suicidal or abuse of a child they have to report, but most everything else they will keep to themselves.

If you have questions about this look at some of the other posts on counselorssoapbox.com about what is and is not confidential. It also helps to ask your counselor and see how they answer this question.

Change is a process.

In the therapy room, you learn about the course of change. You can experience change a little or a lot at a time. We all move through our change process at our own rate. Sometimes you need to change a little and then change some more.

Prevention is important.

Sometimes it pays to go in and talk with an expert when you are faced with issues. This can help you to cope with a problem before it swamps you. Sorting things out can prevent your struggle from becoming overwhelming.

This is one place you can really be you.

You do not need to worry about pleasing the counselor or if they will like you. This is a consulting relationship, not a long-term friend one. You should not need to worry about being judged. This is the one time you get to really “tell it like it is.”

Unpacking your baggage is painful and needs help.

Working through old issues, getting that baggage unpacked and sorted through, is something that happens often in the therapy room. This should be a safe place to work on those old hurts and pains that you can’t talk about anywhere else. This is one place you ought not to get judged.

Counseling should be taken as needed.

You may need to attend every week or every few weeks. Some people go for a while, take a break, and return as their life changes. This does not mean you are weak or can’t handle life. What it does means is you know how to make use of professional help as needed.

Counseling helps you find and accept you.

Working on me and trying to find myself are common themes in counseling. This is the time and place to explore your inner self and really get to know those parts of yourself that may be hard to stop and take a look at.

Your therapist is on your side.

Your therapist is an ally in your self-change and self-exploration. They really want the best for you and will do what they can to help you get there. If you don’t feel this then this is one of the first things you should talk about.

For more on this topic see:     Counseling and Therapy

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Anger Burns.

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Sunday Inspiration.   Post by David Joel Miller.

Anger Burns.

Anger burning

Anger Burns the Holder.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Holding on to anger burns the holder.

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

― Mark Twain

“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”

― Aristotle

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

What is Anorexia Nervosa (307.1, F50.01 or F50.02)

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

What is

What is Anorexia Nervosa (307.1, F50.01 or F50.02)
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Anorexia is an eating disorder that is about more than food.

Anorexia Nervosa, Anorexia for short, is one of the Feeding and Eating Disorders that are officially recognized as a mental disorder in the DSM-5. Anorexia has recognized “subtypes.” Like that of many other mental health disorders, these subtypes may over time change enough that a person might get several different diagnoses during their life.

There have been several prominent people who have suffered from Anorexia and death is a possible outcome of this disease. This disorder affects women about ten times as often as it does men. Researchers and writers have compared this disorder to OCD and addiction. Similar pathways in the brain may be affected in all these conditions. More information on the alteration of the brain’s functioning in these disorders is likely to become available in the future.

The big three Anorexia symptoms.

There are three significant symptoms that professionals look for in diagnosing Anorexia. These include how the person with Anorexia sees their body, similar to the distortions we see in Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Also on the symptoms list is how the client feels about their body weight and lastly comes the result of this distorted body image and their altered feelings about body weight. This post as other posts on counselorssoapbox.com is my simplified, common language description. For the full text check out the DSM-5 by the APA.

People with Anorexia think they are fat even when the mirror disagrees.

It is common for those with Anorexia to report they dislike themselves because they are “fat” or overweight. They will persist in believing they are fat even when told by their doctor or other professional that their body weight falls below the minimum needed for health.

When asked about their weight they will often report that they need to lose a few pounds even when they are experiencing medical issues from malnutrition.

Some may only report that one part of their body is too large or misshapen. The solution to this oversized body part in their mind is extreme weight loss.

In Anorexia weight gain is more feared than death.

Someone who has Anorexia will demonstrate an extreme fear of gaining weight. They continue to assert that if they eat they will become “fat” and will go to extreme lengths to avoid weight gain.

A dislike of the self because of this distorted view of their body is common. Even when they know that this self-view is unrealistic they can’t seem to shake the belief that if they could just lose some more weight than they would be acceptable,

Using more calories than you take in is the continual goal.

Someone with Anorexia will attempt to reduce the calories taken in each day below the amount they need to maintain a normal weight. This is done not simply to prevent weight gain but to result in a loss of weight. This is nothing like typical dieting where the goal is to maintain a healthy weight. The goal here, presumably, is to continue to lose weight even when they are already thinner than a healthy weight.

Because of the two criteria above the person with Anorexia continues to think of themselves as fat and to fear any weight gain no matter how low the body weight may go.

In children or young adults, this may manifest more as a failure to grow and put on weight during the growing years rather than a measurable loss of weight.

There are two recognized types of Anorexia, although this may change over time.

Restricting type Anorexia.

In this condition, the person avoids taking in calories as much as possible. They may avoid eating around others, say they are full or not feeling well, or otherwise try to avoid even a minimal amount of calories.

Binge eating and purging type Anorexia.

In this subtype of Anorexia Nervosa, the person with Anorexia may give in to the look or taste of food and eat. When they do this it is like the alcoholic who just relapsed. Any food in sight is fair game. But as soon as they have eaten, they are overcome with an intense fear of weight gain and guilt. At this point, they will use extraordinary efforts to get rid of the unwanted calories.

These compensatory efforts may include purging, self-induced vomiting, or the use of laxatives to produce intense diarrhea. Some will resort to strenuous exercise in an effort to atone for the eating binge.

The primary distinction between Anorexia and Bulimia Nervosa is that the person with Bulimia looks like they have a normal body weight. They may even be a few pounds over and they eat well, just they use the compensatory methods to avoid weight gain.  Those purging binges can damage their health. In Anorexia the risk is that the damage to health may be more rapid and may result in death. More on Bulimia Nervosa in an upcoming What is. post

Risk factors for developing Anorexia include having currently or in the past had an Anxiety disorder, as well as cultures, occupations, or activities that emphasize being thin.

FYI these recent “What is” posts are based on the new DSM-5, some of the older posts were based on the DSM-IV-TR, both published by the APA. The descriptions are largely my own plain language versions.

For more on this and related topics see – Feeding and Eating Disorders.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What are Alcohol-Related Disorders?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Liquor

Alcoholic beverages.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Alcoholism is not the only problem alcohol causes.

Most of the time when people think of the problems that could be caused by alcohol they think of the “chronic” alcoholic. A lot of what people “know” about alcohol-related issues turns out to be untrue.

Most people who have the problem we used to call Alcoholism, and are now calling a moderate to severe alcohol use disorder, have full-time jobs. About 90% of those who are dependent on alcohol physically or mentally work full-time. They may have trouble keeping those jobs but they can go on getting and changing jobs for a long time.

Someone does not have to be an alcoholic or even have an Alcohol Use Disorder to experience an alcohol-related problem. If a surgeon shows up drunk to do your heart surgery, do you really care if this is the only time it happened? A pilot flying drunk even once is one time too many.

Because alcohol disinhibits and impairs coordination people do things when drunk they might not do when sober. They also fail to do things they should, like stop for an oncoming car. You will find a number of other posts at counselorssoapbox.com on the problems drugs, alcohol, and mental illness cause. The “What is.” This series of posts includes a number of posts on this topic and more will be published soon. If you want to see those other posts the best way is to subscribe or follow counselorssoapbox.com

Here is the short list of 5 problems that together make up the Alcohol-Related Disorders. This is based on the new DSM-5 but it parallels other classification systems and ways of thinking about Alcohol-Related problems.

Alcohol Use Disorder (F10.10 or 10.20.)

This used to get divided into Alcohol Abuse and Alcohol Dependence, then we started looking at the difference between physical dependence, psychological dependence, alcoholism, and Chemical Dependency and the lines got blurry depending on who was describing the problem. Now we think if when you drink you have a problem, you have an alcohol use disorder, which can come in mild, moderate, or severe. More on Alcohol Use Disorder in an upcoming post.

Alcohol Intoxication (F10.129, 10.229, or 10.929.)

This is not funny the way some entertainers portray it. When drunk, people can get distorted thinking. Being intoxicated increases the risk you will do something you would not do sober. Drunk people hurt themselves and others, both directly on purpose and in unintended ways. You only need to drive drunk once if you kill someone, and you have destroyed their life and yours. This, when you drink it is a problem, qualifies as an Alcohol Use Disorder.

It is also possible to drink enough to die if you run that blood alcohol level up high enough and fast enough.

Alcohol Withdrawal (F10.239 or F10.232.)

A well-kept secret is that you can die detoxing off alcohol, especially in combination with other drugs in your bloodstream. The experience of a hangover is so common that you will find lots of online hangover remedies. (Hint here, only not drinking and lots of time after drinking have been proven to treat hangovers.)

Alcohol withdrawal gets treated medically sometimes and in detox facilities a lot. Facilities that treat alcohol withdrawal are the busiest substance abuse treatment facilities there are.

Other Alcohol-Induced Disorders (lots of codes depending on what the alcohol induces.)

Sometimes things that look like a mental illness are caused by prolonged drinking. This can be a lifetime of prolonged drinking or just a single run. Contrary to popular opinion it is not necessary to make people sober up and get thirty days or any other period of time sober before assessing or treating them for other problems. It just takes a lot more effort and skill on the staff’s part.

Unspecified Alcohol-Related Disorder F10.99.)

This gets used when a clinician thinks that Alcohol may be the cause of or may have contributed to your problem but you do not have symptoms that match any of the other diagnoses close enough to get that other label. Yes, I know that these labels can be somewhat subjective. Despite the best efforts to create very precise categories for issues, there are some problems that just do not fit the existing categories. Still, Professionals need some sort of label for what they are treating, and not every client fits these labels exactly.

Those are the five Alcohol-Related disorders. More on this and related topics coming up in the “What is” series of counselorssoapbox.com blog posts.

FYI. These “What is” sometimes “What are” posts are my efforts to explain terms commonly used in Mental Health, Clinical Counseling, Substance Use Disorder Counseling, Psychology, Life Coaching, and related disciplines in a plain language way. Many are based on the new DSM-5; some of the older posts were based on the DSM-IV-TR, both published by the APA. For the more technical versions please consult the DSM or other appropriate references.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

The hidden cause of stress.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Stressed

Feeling stressed out?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Why are you stressed out if things are going so well?

Stress is epidemic in our modern world. Everyone has heard about stress management classes and tools. Everywhere you go these days people are talking about their stress levels and how hard their life is. We live in a world with more material comforts and technology than ever before. Why is everyone so stressed?

What comes as a surprise many times is that the people who are reporting the most stress are not the people who are going through the roughest times. Now we know that hard times are not always apparent. Some people have really difficult things going on in their lives and they never mention it. But what is so amazing is how people who for all apparent evidence are doing well, have so much stress.

Being unemployed is stressful but working can be even more stressful. Someone has a good job, one that pays well, and they work every day but the work is stressing them out. They have a relatively new car and the payments on that car are stressful. Frankly, the biggest stressors in life are often not the things that are the most harmful or the most painful. Why when so many people in the western industrial world have so very many things that look like advantages do we also have the corner on the world’s inventory of stress?

You can end up stressed out even if nothing bad ever happens.

What has largely gone unnoticed is that you can be so stressed out even when nothing bad ever happens. See it is not the actual event that is stressful. The fear you will lose your job can be more stressful than the actual loss. People live for years worrying that the place they work at will close or downsize and they will lose their job. That is stressful. Then the closure happens and life changes.

People can go through life always on edge, always stressed even when none of the bad things that should be the cause of their stress ever happen. Sometimes when it happens it is even a relief. At least once the shoe drops you can start making plans for the rest of your life.

The threat is more stressful than the event.

Stress is not about the actual event, at least most of the time it isn’t. Once the bad event happens people go through the grieving and adjusting process and then they get to work fixing things and rebuilding things. People who are out of work and unemployed may even go about the process of reinventing themselves.

Worry about the end of a relationship can be stressful, the thoughts about why and how come and what will you do next. But once you are convinced the relationship is in fact over and gone you can let go of the stress and start moving forward finding out who you are outside of that relationship.

Even good things can be very stressful.

The first week at a new job many people get sick. Trying to learn that new role can be stressful. You want to do well. Weddings and the birth of a child can all be extremely stressful. So can falling in love. Happy things can cause lots of stress.

What causes stress is not the reality. What is stressful are the expectations about what will or might happen. Uncertainty is stressful. Not knowing and worry wear you out.

Stress is about anticipation.

Turns out in the end that the major factor that decides if something will cause you stress is what you anticipate happening. Worry works the stress hormones over time. Fear and anticipation take their toll. Holding on to expectations, especially negative, fearful, possible results of things makes even the best of situations stressful.

It is the things we worry about, the things outside our control that are the most stressful. We can’t control the future. The most we may be able to do is to be prepared and work to influence the outcomes.

Are you ready to give up your expectations and let life be what it is? When will you be ready to release the stress?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Self-Forgiveness.

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Sunday Inspiration.   Post by David Joel Miller.

Self-Forgiveness.

Self-Forgiveness

Self-forgiveness is the best present you can give yourself.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

To be happy you need to forgive yourself. When you hate you keep the pain with you.

Letting go is where the healing happens.

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.”

― Martin Luther King Jr.

“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.”

― Rita Mae Brown

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.