The perspective of age
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

The perspective of age.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Things look different as you drive farther down life’s road.

When I’ve gone on long trips, I’ve noticed that the mountains off in the distance don’t seem that far away, but after driving for several hours, those mountains don’t appear to be getting any closer. It’s not until you get to the foothills and start climbing up and down, and up again, that you begin to experience going over those mountains for real. The journey of life is a lot like that trip. As you age, things will look differently.

Your perspective will change as you live life.

I remember being young and anxious to grow up. Getting some of the pleasures of adulthood seemed very attractive. I remember how important it was to me to get first, my learner’s permit and then my driver’s license. Now that I’m past 70, I must retake the driving test in person. I know the numbers are different in other states, but the principle is the same. Eventually, when you get old, you start to lose some things you have become accustomed to.

Moving from one grade to another seemed like such a huge accomplishment. Leaving elementary school for middle school was a giant step. Leaving middle school for high school opened up new horizons. Then came college and graduate school.

When I was young, there was so much to do.

When I finally graduated from high school, the road suddenly took a sharp turn. I hadn’t seen all of the obstacles that would loom ahead of me in life while I rode along on the educational train. Suddenly, I face the challenge of finding a job or going to college. I have embraced lifelong learning, having gone to school for more than 70 years, both as a student and as faculty. Some semesters, I’ve been both taking a class and teaching one. I do a little bit of life coaching in addition to my counseling and therapy work, and I find coaching a lot like teaching a class only to one student at a time.

Only one of my four grandparents had graduated from high school. I don’t believe I had known anyone other than my teachers who had been to college. My conversations about going to college consisted of about fifteen minutes with a high school counselor who wanted to know what college I planned to attend.

With no real plan other than a love of learning, I enrolled at the community college more to avoid giving up going to school than because I understood what college would involve or how having a degree might affect the rest of my life.

Along the road of life, the scenery changed.

First, I got married. Then I went looking for a job. The next thing I knew, I was a father working to support my wife and child. Along that road, there were twists and turns. I got old enough to drink alcohol. Being twenty-one meant I was an adult.

Eventually, I discovered that being an adult meant watching my child grow up, get married, and see my grandchild be born. I also discovered that being an adult meant realizing my drinking was causing me problems and required me to break up with my long-term friend, Ethel, ethyl alcohol.

Growing old is not synonymous with growing up.

Growing old largely depends on the number of trips you make around the sun. Each year, the Earth makes one long rotation around that sun. I think that after a certain number of trips, you start to get dizzy, and it feels like each succeeding trip is moving more rapidly.

Looking back on my life, I realize the tremendous number of things I have had to learn and an even larger number of things I could have learned but haven’t mastered yet. The growing old part is relatively easy. The growing up part, that is hard. Despite being past retirement age, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

The body becomes high mileage as you age.

I like to think of my body as a vintage car. All the parts are still there, and they work most of the time, but they don’t always work as well as they used to, and sometimes, more than one part is giving me problems at the same time.

The longer you live, the more wear and tear there is on your body. I feel undeservedly lucky that despite my poor care of my body, I am in as good a shape as I am at this age. Eventually, the body begins to accumulate problems. Some people must face more medical challenges than others. Things that were only minor inconveniences can turn into major health challenges.

One thing you see from the perspective of age is that more and more of your life is behind you, and less is ahead. The biggest regrets for most people when they grow old are the things they always wanted to do but never found the time for. Try to live your life so that you have a minimum of regrets when you get to the end.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay counseling and therapy clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Recently, I began working with a telehealth company called Grow Therapy. If you’d like to make an appointment to work with me, contact them, and they can do the required paperwork and show you my available appointments. The link for making an appointment to talk with me is David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC. 

Life coaching clients must be working toward a specific problem-solving goal. Coaching is not appropriate if you have a diagnosable mental health problem. Also, life coaching is not covered by insurance. If you think coaching for creativity or other life goals might be right for you, contact me directly.

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