April

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April
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April

Inspiration.      Post by David Joel Miller.

“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.”

― George Orwell, 1984

“April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.”

― Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson and Other Tales

“April hath put a spirit of youth in everything. (Sonnet XCVIII)”

― William Shakespeare, Shakespeare’s Sonnets

Since time is such an important part of human existence, humans being finite after all, the passage of time on planet Earth has affected our customs and our thinking. After writing a series of posts about various feelings and, character strengths, and values, I thought it might be worth exploring the connection between the seasons and our experiences and emotions.

Because planet Earth is tilted, the seasons in the northern and southern hemispheres are opposite. How you experience Mother Earth and our changing weather depends on where you’re situated on this planet. My apologies to those who might read this who live in the southern hemisphere, but since I am much more familiar with the weather and the seasons in the northern hemisphere, I’ll am following that system.

Our current calendar is heavily weighted toward the Roman calendar. Originally, there were only ten months with the stormy times after New Year’s left out. Eventually, two more months had to be added to cover what we now call January and February. The Irish calendar, sometimes called the Celtic calendar, begins each of the seasons one month earlier, probably due to the difference in the weather farther north. I hope you find some of these thoughts worthwhile.

Emotions and Feelings.                      Inspiration

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, Please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Happy Easter.

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Happy Easter

Happy Easter.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, Please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Getting clear on your values

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Clear values.
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Getting clear on your values

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Values clarification: what are your values?

By values, I don’t mean things like honesty, bravery, and thriftiness, those abstract qualities we used to attribute to good character or breeding. Those sorts of character values are fleeting and often appear in one situation and not another. What I’m talking about, when I say your values is much more concrete.

In group counseling, we often do an exercise called values clarification. We ask people what the most important thing is to them. We often got a range of answers depending on the population and where we were doing this exercise. Among the homeless or unemployed, the answers frequently are very basic things like housing or food. Some people say that what’s important to them is their job.

Other people will say that the most crucial thing in their life is a member of their family. This comes in the form of my son, my daughter, my husband or wife, my family, and often other relatives and members of their household. For some people, family is a matter of choice rather than genetics.

Eventually, we get around to more abstract qualities such as God, their spirituality or religion, happiness, and so on. If there were a lot of similar items, we combined them into categories. My son, my daughter, and my parents might become family. Physical and mental health can be combined into a single category called health.

Each person gets to make two suggestions, and once all the suggestions are written on the whiteboard, the voting begins. Each individual is given three votes and is encouraged to pick the three most important things on the board, not simply vote for what they had said.

What almost invariably happens is that the very concrete things, like food, a car, and even a house, get relatively few votes. The things that rise to the top invariably are more abstract. Religion, spirituality, family, and physical and mental health get the most votes. Having a lot of money or a fancy car doesn’t cut it if you have nothing to believe in and no one who cares about you.

Do values have anything to do with success?

Actually, values have a very large amount to do with success and being or feeling successful. One of the problems with success is that it very much depends on how you measure it. If you view success as having a lot of money that anything less than reaching that goal makes you feel unsuccessful. But if you value your relationship with your partner children working more hours and making more money take you farther and farther away from the value you hold most dear.

Some people equate success with reaching your goals.

To the extent that the goals you set in life reflect your basic values, than reaching those goals makes you a success. The problem here is to be very sure that your definition of success matches the values that are important to you.

I’ve written quite a few blog posts about success. Forty-four of them so far to be exact.

 

Some people set their goal in life to accomplish something great.

If you value your accomplishments, being a great artist or scientific researcher then you have set one of your life values as measuring yourself by what you do rather than who you are.

I’m not judging whether this is right or wrong but I think it’s important for you to get clear that you have made accomplishment a value rather than relationships.

  Part of life is balancing competing values.

Most people value more than one thing. Having a great job or a successful career is certainly desirable but not if it comes at the expense of your relationships, your physical or mental health. Achieving balance between your competing values is a lot more than just focusing on a work-life balance.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Moody

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Moody
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Moody

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“You can’t take back texts. If you come off all moody and melancholy in a text, it just sits there in your phone, reminding you of what a drag you are.”

― Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl

“Animals don’t lie. Animals don’t criticize. If animals have moody days, they handle them better than humans do.”

― Betty White, If You Ask Me

“They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?”

― Princess Diana

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. I’ve also included some words related to strengths and values since the line between what we think and what we feel may vary from person to person. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings, strengths, and values.

Emotions and Feelings.                      Inspiration

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, Please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

You need to have a time budget.

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Time Budget
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You need to have a time budget.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

How do you budget your time?

Most people are familiar with the concept of a financial budget, though far too few people actually have one either mentally or written down on paper. I hear a lot about keeping your life in balance, but just like money, you only have so much time to spend, and how you spend it determines the quality of your life.

If you woke up at 12:00 AM Sunday morning and lived until 12:00 PM that Saturday night, you would have lived for precisely 168 hours. Every week, we get exactly 168 hours. No one gets any more, and no one gets any less. The only exceptions to that would be the week you’re born and the week you die. But between those two guideposts, during each week, you get your allocation of hours, and how you spend those hours is up to you.

In achieving work-life balance, time is the crucial factor.

Recently, I have been hearing a lot about the issue of work-life balance. It’s a massive problem for many of my clients, some of whom are burning out because of high-stress, high-demand jobs. We thought we got past that issue when we created the forty-hour work week. In some parts of Europe, thirty-two-hour work weeks are typical. Not in the United States.

High-tech and professional jobs assign their professional people, people who work on salary, more work than they can possibly do in forty hours a week. It is the norm now for people to be assigned more work than could possibly be achieved in forty hours. People in many professions tell me that they routinely work sixty or even eighty-hour work weeks.

There’s no way that you can have other parts of your life be in balance when you spend half of your allotted hours each week on work. Especially when you spend time preparing for work, commuting to work, returning home from work, and trying to unwind after work.

Excessive work weeks are leading to physical health problems, relationship problems, and severe mental health issues.

There’s no such thing as making time for the things you want to do.

In order to create more time for family, you have to take that time away from something else. No matter how hard you search, you will never discover any additional time. One of the most important tools for trying to get your overall life in balance is to start by creating a written schedule for your week.

Look at when you get up and when you go to bed. Is there adequate time to actually sleep? Is your sleep so restricted that you must fall asleep the second your head hits the pillow and must be ready to run the second the alarm clock goes off? If so, of course, you’ll be stressed out, and eventually, you will be burned out.

There are two ways we demonstrate what is important to us.

No matter what you say about the importance of your relationship or your family, you won’t participate in these relationships if you don’t spend time with your partner or family. We can quickly tell what’s important to someone; we look at what they spend their time on and how they spend their money. And the two are not interchangeable. You can’t compensate for neglecting your children by working more hours and buying them more things. It takes time to maintain a relationship.

Lots of relationships fail at about the twenty-year mark.

With work and sleep being the two highest priorities, once you spend time with your children, there’s not much left for your primary relationship and even less time left for self-care, however, you define that. We see a lot of relationships that end about the time the oldest child leaves home, either for college or to start a family of their own. This is when couples often look at each other and say, “We have stayed together all these years for the children; is there any reason for us to stay together now?” If you don’t spend time together doing things and talking about stuff throughout your relationship, it’s hard to keep alive when you no longer have a common purpose.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Mischievous

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Mischievous
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Mischievous

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“What does love mean?” Mom asked mischievously. “To discover beauty.”

― Won-pyung Sohn, Almond

“I’m beneath no man!” she replies harshly. Then, with a mischievous quirk to her mouth, she adds, “At least not without dinner and a drink first.”

― M. Leighton, Down to You

“THE MISCHIEVOUS DOG

There was once a Dog who used to snap at people and bite them without any provocation, and who was a great nuisance to every one who came to his master’s house. So his master fastened a bell round his neck to warn people of his presence. The Dog was very proud of the bell, and strutted about tinkling it with immense satisfaction. But an old dog came up to him and said, “The fewer airs you give yourself the better, my friend. You don’t think, do you, that your bell was given you as a reward of merit? On the contrary, it is a badge of disgrace.”

Notoriety is often mistaken for fame.”

― Aesop, Aesop’s Fables

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. I’ve also included some words related to strengths and values since the line between what we think and what we feel may vary from person to person. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings, strengths, and values.

Emotions and Feelings.                      Inspiration

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, Please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

The Introvert’s Roadmap to Self-Care

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The Introvert’s Roadmap to Self-Care                                                                                                Photo via Pexels

Guest post by Jennifer Scott.

In today’s rapid pace, finding serenity seems daunting, especially for introverts cherishing solitude. The key is to find small ways each day to refresh your mind and body, and this is often easier than you might think. This guide, courtesy of Counselorssoapbox.com, shines as a beacon for anyone seeking self-care with genuine intent. Through small changes and mindful habits, introverts can transform their daily routines into sanctuaries of peace and renewal.

Consider Mindful Drinking

Reducing your alcohol consumption can significantly improve your well-being and health. If you find yourself struggling to quit, it’s important to seek support. Consider reaching out to free rehab centers in US cities for guidance and assistance on your journey to sobriety. These facilities can offer personalized treatments that will help you find the best path for your needs. Be sure to do some research on their approaches and read patient reviews before choosing a location.

Explore Your Creative Side

Engaging in creative endeavors is much more than a mere pastime; it’s an avenue for voicing your deepest emotions, thoughts, and aspirations. Activities like painting, writing, or crafting act as potent mediums for self-reflection and stress alleviation. When you immerse yourself in creativity, you unlock a space for introspection that not only aids in understanding oneself better but also serves as a therapeutic outlet for expressing unspoken words and untold stories.

Delve into the World of Books

Immersing yourself in a good book transports you beyond reality into new worlds, perspectives, and ideas. Reading, a favored solo activity for introverts, is key to developing empathy and expanding one’s horizons. Through reading, you traverse imaginative terrains, drawing comfort and inspiration from the narratives and universes of others.

Find Your Balance

For introverts, striking the right balance between social engagements and personal downtime is crucial. It’s imperative to heed your inner dialogue, distinguishing moments to connect with others from times to seek solitude for rejuvenation. This equilibrium is key to maintaining your mental health and ensuring that you have the energy and space to engage meaningfully with the world on your own terms.

Cultivate Gratitude

Adopting gratitude as a daily practice transforms your perspective, shifting focus from what’s missing to the abundance present in your life. By maintaining a gratitude journal, you engage in a reflective practice that fosters a sense of thankfulness and satisfaction. This simple yet profound habit encourages a positive outlook, contributing to an overall sense of well-being and happiness.

Create Your Sanctuary

Establishing a personal sanctuary at home, a space that mirrors your essence and provides a refuge for relaxation, is essential. This dedicated area should be a source of comfort where you can retreat, recharge, and find peace within yourself. Whether it’s a cozy reading nook, a tranquil garden space, or a creative studio, this personal haven is your retreat from the external chaos, a place where you can truly be yourself.

Embrace Digital Detox

Taking regular breaks from digital devices and screens is imperative in the digital age. Allocating specific times to unplug allows your mind to rest and rejuvenate, leading to decreased stress levels and improved sleep quality. This digital detox is crucial for maintaining mental clarity and fostering a healthier relationship with technology, enabling you to prioritize real-world interactions and personal well-being.

Practice Relaxation Techniques

Experimenting with relaxation techniques like meditation, yoga, or deep breathing is key to managing stress and anxiety. Finding the right method can greatly improve your self-care routine, providing ways to relax your mind and body. Such practices foster a deeper self-connection, leading to inner peace and stability.

Embarking on a self-care voyage as an introvert need not be a daunting endeavor. By weaving these mindful practices into your daily life, you can foster a sense of well-being that aligns with your introverted nature. Remember, self-care is not an act of selfishness; it’s a vital component for achieving balance and harmony in your life. Approach these strategies with an open heart and patience, and witness the transformation of your environment into a serene sanctuary, uniquely yours.

Counselorssoapbox.com offers counseling tips and resources from a professional point of view. Have a question or comment? Reach out today.

A special thanks to Jennifer Scott who wrote this guest post.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Mellow

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Mellow
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Mellow

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“Mellow is the man who knows what he’s been missing”

― Led Zeppelin

“Sweet is the memory of distant friends! Like the mellow rays of the departing sun, it falls tenderly, yet sadly, on the heart. ”

― Washington Irving

“One mellows almost without realizing it’s a compensation of age, because anger is exhausting.”

― Robert Galbraith, The Silkworm

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. I’ve also included some words related to strengths and values since the line between what we think and what we feel may vary from person to person. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings, strengths, and values.

Emotions and Feelings.                      Inspiration

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, Please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Keeping your life in balance

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stay in balance

Keeping your life in balance.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Keeping your life in balance

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

There’s more to a balanced life than your work-life balance.

I read and hear a lot about people struggling to maintain a work-life balance. I know it’s getting increasingly difficult to have both. But when we look deeper, there’s a lot more that needs balancing than just work and personal life.

When I first started out in counseling, we were taught a model of a balanced life that is sometimes called the grapefruit or the pie of life. There are also scads of whole-person models. What they all have in common is the idea that your life is divided into segments or activities, and since the total number of hours each week is fixed, time or resources added to one segment must be taken away from another part of your life.

I think of this like those antique bicycles that had a limited number of spokes on the front wheel. You have probably seen pictures of bicycles with one huge front wheel and two smaller back wheels. If some of those spokes are longer than others, then you have a very bumpy ride. Life is like that. If one part of your life gets too much emphasis, all the other parts shrink, and your life becomes extremely unpleasant.

Here are some of the segments of your life that may need attention if you are to achieve a good life balance.

Financial relationships.

This includes work and your other sources of income, as well as how you relate to money. Some people are spenders, some are savers, and some manage their money. If you have a lot of debt, you may feel that money is managing you.

Work or other sources of income.

Most people either have a job or a partner who has a job. The idea that most people would prefer to be on welfare seems untrue to me. If you’ve ever needed public assistance, you might have found that the paperwork and the time you spend waiting for workers is more challenging than showing up for a job if you can find one.

Social relationships.

This segment of your pie of life includes family, friends, and your close sexual and romantic relationships. The topic of intimate relationships is too complicated to go into much detail here. The short part of this is that your relationships probably need more attention than they are getting.

Physical health.

Getting and staying healthy is a lifelong challenge. Diet, exercise, and medical care are all factors in how well you maintain your physical body. Having a chronic illness or disability affects every other part of your life.

Mental health.

How we measure and evaluate mental health has become increasingly complicated. There are over 400 recognized mental illnesses and 400 more “conditions for further study.” But those recognized conditions don’t begin to encompass all of the problems of living that so many people face each day.

Your emotional life.

Beyond the problem of mental health and mental illness are those emotional conditions that are not formal diagnoses of a mental illness but are significant challenges for many people. Anger is a common emotional issue that destroys families and friendships. Loneliness has recently been recognized as a problem that affects both mental and physical health. The impact of loneliness on physical health is as significant as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day.

Religious or spiritual life aspects.

A lot of the popular accounts of religion are oversimplified to the point of being misleading. It’s easy to classify countries as either Christian or Muslim, but there’s ample evidence that Sunnis fight Shiites and Protestants have had wars with Catholics. Because of the almost infinite range of denominations and sects, it’s hard to understand the role religion may play in our society. Increasingly, we see people who say that they are spiritual but not religious. Regardless of how we classify all these things, it’s clear that humans need to believe there is something beyond our species that matters. Having some kind of connection to a higher power is an ingredient in a flourishing life.

The need for self-actualization.

Humans seem to inherently feel a drive or need for such things as creativity, meaning and purpose in their lives, mastery, knowledge, learning, and some level of control over their lives. These self-actualization values often get overlooked in the quest for the basics. When you’re struggling to find food, clothing, and shelter, it’s easy to forget that anything else might matter.

But we see plenty of cases in the world where people will do without food and water and work in adverse conditions through pain and suffering because they believe in a cause or value that they find more important than their own lives.

Recommended Mental Health Books

David Miller at counselorssoapbox.com is an Amazon Affiliate and may receive a small Commission if you purchase a book or product using the link on this page. Using the link will not increase the cost to you.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Mastery

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Mastery
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Mastery

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.”

― Mark Twain

“The secret of joy is the mastery of pain.”

― Anais Nin

“One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself.”

― Leonardo da Vinci

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. I’ve also included some words related to strengths and values since the line between what we think and what we feel may vary from person to person. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings, strengths, and values.

Emotions and Feelings.                      Inspiration

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, Please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel