Shy.

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Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Shy

Shy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Shyness.

“I wondered how many people there were in the world who suffered, and continued to suffer, because they could not break out from their own web of shyness and reserve, and in their blindness and folly built up a great distorted wall in front of them that hid the truth.”

― Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca

“I never wish to offend, but I am so foolishly shy, that I often seem negligent, when I am only kept back by my natural awkwardness.”

― Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

“Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people.”

― Andre Dubus

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Will you regret doing that?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Regrets.

Regret.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Does anticipating regret increase protective actions and reduce risky behaviors?

Regrets happen when you find out, or imagine, that the results would’ve been better if you had made a different decision. What behaviors are you doing today that you may regret in the future? What positive, healthy, activities did you leave undone today that in the future you will wish you had done?

Thinking about the positive advantages of exercise and a healthy diet doesn’t seem to be enough to get many people to engage in these activities. Thinking about the regrets you will have in the future provides additional motivation to do proactive healthy behaviors and to reduce risky behaviors. People who think about the regrets they will have in the morning after casual sex are more likely to alter their behavioral plans.

Will you regret not protecting your health?

People who have thought about the need to maintain good health and could anticipate the regrets they will have in later life for not protecting their health are more likely to make the effort to eat a healthy diet.

We all know that getting more exercise would benefit our health. Being able to anticipate the regrets you will have about your appearance and your health in the future because of not exercising increases the chances that you will exercise today to avoid those painful regrets in the future. It takes a long time for regrets about not protecting your help to develop. People go through life not exercising or eating a healthy diet, telling themselves there’s always time to start healthy living tomorrow. The regrets take up a lot of your time when you’re older and out of time to have lived a healthy life.

There has been a lot of controversies recently about vaccination. Regardless of how you feel about getting your family members vaccinated, it’s important to think about the regrets you might have if you fail to get vaccinated. The larger regret is not that you might catch the flu, but that because you did not get vaccinated, you might transmit an infection to a baby, young child, or an older adult. Thinking about the possible regrets of infecting others might be just the motivation you need to get yourself vaccinated.

Will you regret not helping others?

When you’re busy with your life, you’re likely to forget about donating blood or designating yourself as an organ donor. Thinking about possible regrets you might have because you didn’t donate blood and someone died may motivate you to make that donation.

Will you regret risky sexual behaviors?

Recent research tells us that the possibility of regretting unsafe sexual behaviors has strongly influenced some people’s sexual practices. Thinking beforehand about the possible regretted consequences of unprotected sex, both from contracting sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies increase the chances someone will use protection or abstain.

Will you regret your use or abuse of nicotine, marijuana, alcohol, or other drugs?

Prevention efforts around alcohol consumption and drug use have been generally disappointing. Having people think about drinking or drug use is unlikely to reduce the risk they will consume substances. One promising prevention effort has been having people think about possible regrets. Are there things you might do while drunk or high that you would later regret? As you grow older, raise your children and live your life, will you regret having abused drugs or becoming addicted to them?

Knowing that tobacco consumption is hazardous to your health is almost universal. That hasn’t been enough to keep most young people from trying cigarettes or other products containing nicotine. One promising approach has been asking people early in the nicotine using experience about possible, anticipated regrets. Thinking about health risks off in the future is not much of a deterrent. Thinking about the anticipated regrets from having contracted emphysema, heart disease, or cancer offers a different perspective.

Thinking about anticipated regrets from binge drinking has been shown to reduce the rates of intending to binge drink (Cooke, Sniehotta, & Schuz, 2007). There has been limited recent research on whether anticipated regrets related to substance use changes behavior. What little research there has been, shows that anticipating future regrets increases the intent to avoid or stop using substances.

Will you regret not keeping yourself safe?

In the spur of the moment, it’s easy to ignore the risks from taking a phone call or answering a text while driving. Take a moment to think about how you will feel if your distraction results in an accident and someone loses their life.

When we don’t think about risks, they don’t alter our behavior. Considering possible risks in life and anticipating the regrets you will have from engaging in risky behaviors and neglecting to engage in healthy ones may help you put the way you are living your life in perspective.

Why doesn’t anticipating regrets change behaviors?

People who drive dangerously, speed, or weave in and out of lanes, report they would have severe regrets if that behavior resulted in an accident. Unfortunately, in the moment, the urge to get somewhere more rapidly and the excitement of the speed, outweigh the anticipated regrets of a potential accident. Excitement and pleasure also offset the anticipated regrets from alcohol and drug use.

Any behaviors whose consequences will happen far in the future, such as poor health behaviors, tend to remain unchanged because people tell themselves that they will begin living in a healthy manner in the future.

Potential regrets from risky sexual practices respond poorly to potential regrets when people tell themselves that it will not happen to them, but sex will be less enjoyable when they use protection or that stopping for protection will ruin the spontaneity.

Stop and ask yourself what things you are doing today you regret in the future. Consider the things you’re not doing now which will be major sources of regret as you get older. The more aware you become of anticipatory regrets more likely you will be to change your current behavior.

The things you may be regretting now may be very different from the things you will regret in the future. You might want to look at the things that older people say with their biggest regrets in life which were described in the post – Top 6 life regrets.

You find more about this topic under Regret.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Recommended Mental Health Books

David Miller at counselorssoapbox.com is an Amazon Affiliate and may receive a small Commission if you purchase a book or product using the link on this page. Using the link will not increase the cost to you.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Is catastrophizing ruining your life?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Catastrophizing

Catastrophizing.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What is catastrophizing?

Catastrophizing is a way of looking at life, always searching for the “worst-case” possibilities. In recovery circles, this can be described as having a “magical magnify mind.” There are times when considering the worst possible alternative can protect you from bad life outcomes, other times it can make you miserable. Adopting catastrophizing as your default way of thinking has been tied to pessimism and many mental illnesses.

Wikipedia defines catastrophizing as “Giving greater weight to the worst possible outcome, however unlikely, or experiencing a situation as unbearable or impossible when it is just uncomfortable.”

Catastrophizing and mental health.

Ellis (1962) created the term ‘‘catastrophizing’’ to describe a tendency to magnify a perceived threat and overestimate the seriousness of its potential consequences.

Beck in his work on cognitive behavioral therapy created a list of “cognitive distortions,” which are factors in creating and maintaining some mental illnesses. Recently cognitive therapists, have begun referring to these thinking patterns as “unhelpful thoughts.”

One of these unhelpful thoughts is magnification, a cognitive process in which people who are depressed create exaggerated beliefs which bias their thinking in a negative direction (Beck 1963, 1964.)

When you don’t know what causes bad events, the consequences are magnified. Catastrophizing is an unhelpful way some people use to try to find the causes of bad events in their life and to try to prevent future unpleasant consequences.

Other definitions of catastrophizing.

Catastrophizing involves focusing on the difficulty and negative aspects of a stressor. Catastrophizing is envisaging the worst results of a negative event.

Catastrophizing is an automatic “what if” questioning style, causing an individual to iterate about a particular problem and perceive possible outcomes as threatening (Kendall & Ingram, 1987; Vasey & Borkovec, 1992).

Mental illnesses are connected to catastrophizing.

Many of the things we call mental illnesses lies on a continuum from mild to severe. It’s quite common for people with one mental illness to also show symptoms of other mental illnesses. How a specific mental illness will affect you is also the result of the interaction between that illness and you. Your life experiences, your genetics, your personality, and how you go about thinking about the world, all play roles in your risk for having a particular mental illness and your path towards recovery from that illness. Below is a brief review of some of the research about the connections between catastrophizing and mental illnesses.

Chronic pain is made worse by Catastrophizing.

Many studies have found a connection between catastrophizing and disability from chronic pain. Catastrophic thinking in the pain field was defined as ‘‘an exaggerated negative orientation toward pain stimuli and pain experience’’ (Spevak and Buckenmaier 2011.) Focusing on your pain seems to magnify it. Catastrophizing about your pain, imagining all the possible connections between your pain and serious illness, increases the pain’s impact on your life

Stanford Pain Management Center conducted a pilot program that involved a 2-hour class on pain and pain catastrophizing. The class significantly reduced patients catastrophizing about pain. I have to wonder if more information about mental and physical issues wouldn’t reduce people’s worry and result in significantly less catastrophizing.

The connection between chronic pain and catastrophizing is especially strong in the research on fibromyalgia. “Several factors of pain appraisal contribute to the pain experience. The most outstanding ones are pain catastrophizing, fear of pain, and vigilance to pain. In FM patients, pain catastrophizing has been associated with pain intensity and impairment” (Mart´ınez, S´anchez, Mir´o, Medina, & Lami,2011.)

“Among the most widely researched psychological factors in recent years, pain catastrophizing has shown consistent and robust associations with acute and chronic clinical pain as well as experimental pain responses” (Fillingim.)

Panic disorder is fueled by catastrophizing.

“People with panic disorder misinterpret their physical symptoms as catastrophic and indicative of imminent danger, leading to panic attacks” (Ottaviani and Beck 1987.)

Phobias may be created and maintained by catastrophizing.

The pattern of jumping to the most negative consequences, catastrophizing, is common in social phobia, agoraphobia, and specific phobia. In social phobia, people expect to be judged negatively and are on the alert for clues of rejection. This can result in being socially awkward and creating the social rejection they fear. Agoraphobia, the fear of the marketplace, or the fear of being out in public, is characterized by a fear that something bad will happen and the person will not be able to escape or get help. Specific phobias frequently involve overestimating the chances the thing that scares you will be present or will harm you.

Somatic Symptoms and Related Disorders are connected to catastrophizing.

In the past, this was often called Health Anxiety Disorder. Recently this was reorganized and is now considered a group of disorders. Somatic Symptoms Disorder (300.82) involves a focus on one or two symptoms that the patient comes to believe indicate they have a serious undiagnosed medical illness. Illness Anxiety Disorder (300.7) is a constant preoccupation and worry that you will contract a serious illness. Catastrophic thinking plays a role both in creating and in maintaining all the health-related anxiety disorders. This group of disorders frequently involves intrusive, distressing images of being sick or dying.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder involves catastrophizing.

OCD has two main components, intrusive thoughts, and the need to perform rituals to prevent those imagined consequences. These intrusive thoughts are primarily catastrophic in nature. When you continue to imagine worst-case, dire consequences which can only be prevented by your performing some ritual, it becomes hard to resist the impulses.

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder is connected to catastrophic thinking.

Catastrophic thinking appears to contribute to the creation and worsening of all the trauma and stressor-related disorders. Having experienced a traumatic event, you are more likely to imagine similar events occurring again. Constantly checking your environment for potential danger and then catastrophizing about what you see appears to contribute to the maintenance of PTSD.

Not everyone who experiences a traumatic event develops PTSD. People who habitually practice catastrophic thinking are at increased risk of developing PTSD should they experience a trauma (Bryant, Guthrie, 2005.)

Some studies have reported a connection between catastrophizing and fatigue.

Catastrophizing is often observed in anxiety.

“Chronic worry is known to be a feature associated with most of the anxiety disorders and most specifically with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)” (Brown, Antony, &Barlow,1992).

According to the most recent diagnostic categorization, the cardinal diagnostic feature of GAD is “excessive anxiety and worry (apprehensive expectation) … which the individual finds difficult to control” (APA, 2000, p. 476).

Catastrophizing creates Hopelessness Depression.

Hopeless depression is not a specific diagnosis. Counselors see a great many people who have lost hope. Hopelessness and a sense that the future will never be any better are common symptoms reported by people suffering from depression. Even before it reaches the level of clinical depression, a lack of hope and catastrophizing greatly increase the risk that today’s problems will become tomorrow’s depression.

“Catastrophizing (consistently inferring catastrophic consequences resulting from a negative event), has been posited as a specific risk factor for depression” (Abramson et al. 1989).

Paranoia and catastrophizing.

The emotional regulation strategies “blaming others and catastrophizing were positively correlated with paranoia and anxiety” (Westermann, et al., 2013.)

“Worry is a significant concern for patients with paranoia. Worry in paranoia is likely to be caused by similar mechanisms as worry in emotional disorders. The results support the recent trial findings that standard techniques for treating worry in anxiety, suitably modified, are applicable for patients with paranoia” (Startup, et al., 2016.)

Poor sleep is caused by Catastrophizing.

Many research studies have shown direct connections between rumination, catastrophizing, and impaired sleep. Here are a couple of quotes from the research literature.

“Poor sleep quality, including difficulties falling asleep and waking during the night, commonly occur in early adolescence” (Carskadon, 2010).

“Up to 40% of adolescents experience some form of sleep difficulties at some point during adolescence” (Meltzer & Mindell, 2006)

Rumination magnifies your problems.

If your thinking style involves catastrophizing, looking for the worst-case scenarios, try to limit the time you spend considering alternatives. Unfortunately, people who catastrophize also tend to ruminate, going over and over the same material finding ever-increasing awful consequences. If catastrophize and ruminating are destroying your mental health, consider professional help before the problems of daily living become a serious mental illness.

More information about this topic and related subjects is found under Psychology

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Top 6 life regrets

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Regrets.

Regret.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Will you regret your action or inaction?

Regrets are a common human problem. Some regrets, for some people, are relatively minor, others can cause you a great deal of pain and may require professional intervention. Both economists and psychologists study regret, and they come to very different conclusions about the nature and behavior of regrets. Economist study regrets you might have after making a major purchase, buyer’s remorse, or failing to make a purchase and then seeing that item increased dramatically in price. Most economic regrets fade with time. Emotional regrets, jumping into a relationship, or dropping out of school prematurely, are likely to become more painful as your life progresses.

Lifespan regrets happen when you look back at the past and wish something had happened or you wish that something that did happen had never occurred. Some regrets are a normal part of life others can be destructive of your mental and emotional health.

Troublesome regrets can lead to anxiety, depression, and lowered self-esteem. The most painful emotional regrets are about bad choices, things done and things undone. In the short-term, more people regret taking actions that turned out badly. Pessimists are more likely to accumulate regrets and to judge their action or inaction harshly.

Over the long-term, particularly as people grow older, for many people, their biggest regrets are the things they wish they had done, but their fears kept them from acting.

Unfortunately, sometimes regardless of what you decide, you will face regrets. If you choose to do something you may regret the outcome, and if you choose not to do it you may forever regret not taking action.

Regrets over life’s mistakes, the bad decisions, that involve action fade with time for most people. There are ways to correct or accept the results of many actions. People grow to love their children even when they regret the impulsive sex with an undesirable partner. It’s possible to end most bad relationships; you can break up or get a divorce. Remediating the effects of bad decisions can be painful, but they are possible. The regrets most likely to haunt you, as you grow older, are the regrets over your indecision and inaction.

Healthy regrets or Unhealthy regrets?

Regrets can affect you positively or negatively. Regrets when someone has died remind us of our relationship with that person and can be a normal part of grieving. Regrets can also spur you to change your behavior or move in a new direction. The primary difference between regrets and all other negative emotions is that we regret things about which we had choices. Without a possible choice, you may dislike the outcome, but you are unlikely to regret the choices you made.

Some regrets can be just the push you need to change your course of action. If you regret shopping at a store or eating in a restaurant, you can easily change that decision the next time. Self-blame and rumination fuel unhealthy regrets. Beating yourself up over past choices will lower your self-esteem. In regret, you feel that you have made a bad choice rather than that outside forces have caused something undesirable to happen.

What decisions cause the most long-term regrets?

You are most likely to regret the decisions you made when you had lots of choices (Roese, N., Summerville, A., 2015.) Some choices are irrevocable, like having a child because of impulsive sex. Another major source of regret is those things you always wanted to do, told yourself someday, but just never got around to. Are there things you’re doing now, or things you’ve left undone that will be major sources of regret in the future? Below is a list of the things people frequently report as major causes of regret compiled by adding together the results of multiple studies.

1. Not getting education causes regrets.

In study after study the top regret people report has to do with education. On average one-third of the people surveyed regretted not getting more education They regret not staying in school, not studying hard enough or not pursuing a degree in a subject that interested them. Conflicts between education and finances cause some of these regrets. People drop out of school and take a job because the current income is more attractive than the larger income staying in school might have resulted in.

Many other people regret being seduced by the prospect of making a lot of money in one field, and as a result, pursuing a degree in a field they did not enjoy. They commonly regret not pursuing a degree in an area for which they had a passion. It’s easy to let the cost of more education keep you from following your dream. Following an education in a field because your parents or others talk you into it can also be a huge source of regret. Getting your education in a highly paid field can be a great mistake if you have neither the aptitude nor the interest in that field.

In middle and late-life many people report their greatest life regret is not getting that degree in the subject they were most interested in. One reason, failure to get more education, is number 1 on the list of common regrets is the wide availability in the United States of additional or advanced education. Making the decision not to pursue education is not a one-time decision, but something people must continuously do.

In a survey of senior citizens, the number 1 regret of men was that they hadn’t gotten more education. The primary regret of women was similar; they wished they spent more time developing their mind or intellect (DeGenova MK, 1992.)

Researchers suggest the reason failing to get more education is the number 1 regret in America is because it is seen as the one thing an individual can do that greatly increases their opportunities in all the other life domains.

2. Career choice regrets.

Between 20 and 25 percent of all the people surveyed regretted their career choice. This regret is often linked to failure to get an advanced education or job-specific training. Starting out in life, you need to earn a living. For example, if your uncle owns a landscaping business, you might get a job working for him mowing lawns. After years of doing this kind of work, you may have severe regrets that you didn’t explore other possible career choices.

Other commonly reported regrets about career choices involved letting others talk you out of a career dream. If you always wanted to be an artist, dancer, or another performer, you may have let people talk you out of following your dream. Many people avoid aiming high. Later they regret not having made an effort to become a doctor, lawyer, or other respected professional.

3. Regrets about romantic decisions.

Surprisingly, given all the literature about love, and the number of divorces, only 15 percent of those surveyed reported ongoing regrets about their romantic decisions. One possible reason regrets in this area were less significant may be the frequency with which people can change romantic relationships. Young people were far more likely to express regrets about romantic decisions. Failure to ask someone out or to pursue a relationship with someone were reasons cited for regrets about romantic decisions.

4. Parenting choices can cause regrets.

Parenting choices were a source of regret for 10 percent of survey participants. In studies of the regrets of college students, they were more likely to regret choices involving friendships. As people age, regrets about social relationships become more focused on decisions having to do with children.

5. Self.

Just over 5 percent of people reported regrets in this area. People with regrets in this area are likely to show up in therapy or seek self-help materials to “find themselves.” Losing yourself in relationships and becoming alienated from your feelings can be sources of regrets in this area.

6. Regrets about leisure time activities.

Recreation and hobbies can contribute to good mental health. Surprisingly only about 2 ½ percent of people ever report regrets about their leisure time activities. When I have had clients mention regrets in this area, it usually involved working too much and giving up sports and hobbies that used to bring them joy.

Other areas of regret.

The literature on regret includes six other areas of life about which people sometimes express regret. While these areas can result in painful regrets, they all turned out to be less common than researchers had expected. The other areas of your life that might cause you regrets include finances, family, health, friends, spirituality, and community.

Decisions you are not likely to regret.

When the choice you make seems clearly superior to the alternative, you are less likely to regret that decision. If you fail several classes in your chosen major, you are less likely to regret giving up on that major. When there have been repeated problems in your relationship, breakups, cheating, or violent fights, you are more likely to regret staying in that relationship then leaving it.

Do you have life regrets? Which of those regrets are things from the past you need to accept that which are things in the present you need to change?

You find more about this topic under Regret.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Recommended Mental Health Books

David Miller at counselorssoapbox.com is an Amazon Affiliate and may receive a small Commission if you purchase a book or product using the link on this page. Using the link will not increase the cost to you.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

How to create job burnout.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Match on fire

Burnout.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Some of the things you’re doing can increase burnout risks.

Life can be stressful. Some jobs are more stressful than others. In recent years, job burnout has become extremely common. Once people reached the point of burnout they are likely to quit their job, get fired, or moved to a new equally stressful position. Some people become so burned out they must change careers or may not be able to work at all. While you can’t always control the stresses in your life some of the things you’re doing may be increasing the risk that you will burn out or have a nervous breakdown. How many of the things on this list are propelling you towards burnout?

Sleep less, and you can burn out more rapidly.

People under stress frequently try to do too much. You can’t continue burning the midnight oil for very long before the lack of sleep will wear you out. Not getting a full night’s sleep increases your risk of burnout. If you think you’re too busy to get a full night’s sleep just wait until you crack under the stress. Once you have a breakdown you will have plenty of time to stay home from work.

Increased alcohol consumption leads to burnout.

In the short term drinking alcohol or doing drugs seems like a way to cope with stress. Anesthetizing yourself with chemicals doesn’t allow you to rest, it creates one more stress for your body to recover from. Drinking alcohol does not improve sleep. When you drink alcohol, you end up unconscious rather than sleeping. Your brain does not get a chance to recover. When your liver detoxifies the alcohol, you will wake up. Frequently people who use alcohol to sleep have disrupted sleep, wake up early, and can’t get back to sleep.

Using stimulant drugs to increase your work abilities does not give you an unlimited supply of energy. When the drugs wear off, you crash, and your need for rest becomes even more acute. Abusing tranquilizers and pain medications will catch up with you eventually. You can only walk around with anesthetized pain, physical or emotional, for so long. Eventually, you will collapse into burnout from physical and emotional exhaustion.

Isolating leads to burnout.

Humans are inherently social. People who have a good support system, feel like a part of the team, can cope with stress. As people become physically and emotionally worn out, the early signs of burnout, they often isolate. The more you cut yourself off from other humans, the more rapid the journey toward burnout. If you find yourself too busy to spend time with your family and friends, you are traveling the dangerous road to an emotional breakdown.

Being a perfectionist will burn you out.

B students are happier than straight A students. When a straight “A” student gets even one “B,” they feel like a failure. The “B” student is delighted with the occasional “A.” If your way of coping with stress is to try to do everything perfectly, you are turning up the intensity of your stress and cooking yourself into a burnout. There is such a thing as “good enough parenting” if you do more things right than wrong your children will think you’re a wonderful parent. Try to get everything right, and insisting they be perfect is a recipe for conflicted relationships at home.

Many people who develop job burnout come to work in the morning already emotionally exhausted from relationship problems at home. If your relationships are not supportive, work on improving your home life. Consider counseling, for you, for your relationship, or for your family, before your stress at home destroys your work life and your emotional health.

Having few job prospects leads to burnout.

People who feel trapped in a high-stress job convinced themselves they have no other options. If you’re unhappy while at your job, spend some time deciding what is causing this unhappiness. Is it the job you’re unhappy with? Would moving to a different company actually relieve your stress? Or have you trapped yourself working in a job you don’t enjoy, with few prospects of finding another job? The best time to look for a new job is when you have one.

If however, the problem is not the job, but that what you’re doing for an income doesn’t match with your values, life goals, and ambitions, the way to avoid job burnout is to work on yourself and become the best possible person.

Limited job skills increase the burnout risk.

Lack of variety in anything can take all the pleasure out of what you’re doing. If you have only one skill, that will be all you will ever do. The day you can’t earn a living doing that one skill is the day you become unemployed. Learning additional skills gives you the opportunity to have a more varied day and to be more useful to your employer. Look for opportunities to identify skills you have, but which have not been developed. Growing as a person opens up more opportunities and reduces your risk of burning out doing that one thing you know how to do until you can do it anymore.

The things you are doing may be making the stresses you’re under worse. Your current actions, or inaction, may be accelerating your journey towards burnout and an emotional breakdown.

Check out the other counselorssoapbox.com posts about stress and burnout.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Proud.

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Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Proud

Proud.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Proud.

“Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us.”

― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all others, charity.”

― Benjamin Franklin

“I’m proud of you for the times you came in second, or third, or fourth, but what you did was the best you have ever done”

― Fred Rogers

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Pseudohallucinations – OK to see things?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Hallucination

Hallucinations.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Pseudohallucinations – sometimes we expect people to “see things.”

Sometimes it’s okay to see things that are not really there. When someone is under

the influence of drugs, particularly hallucinogens or powerful stimulants, it is common for them to see things that others don’t.

When crack cocaine first became common, the emergency rooms in large cities experienced a rash of people who were “seeing things.” Many of these people received a diagnosis of schizophrenia or a related psychosis.

The same phenomenon occurred again when methamphetamine became cheap and readily available. More recently we are seeing people under the influence of “bath salts,” who are hallucinating.

None of these drug-induced hallucinations should be used as symptoms for making the diagnosis of schizophrenia or related psychosis.

True hallucinations can be a feature of several mental illnesses. In addition to schizophrenia, people with severe major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, and other mental illnesses may experience hallucinations. Sometimes people with severe mental illness also use drugs that can create Pseudohallucinations. Sorting out the meaning of hallucinations is a job for a professional.

Some authorities differentiate between Hallucinations, Pseudohallucinations, and Parahallucinations.

If someone is experiencing hallucinations and they know it is the result of “good drugs,” this is a Pseudohallucination and likely will be diagnosed as a drug intoxication disorder, Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder F16.983, or stimulant-induced psychotic disorder if the hallucinations continue after withdrawal from a stimulant.

Alcohol can also cause hallucinations.

When chronic alcoholics are withdrawing from alcohol that can experience a condition called delirium tremens or the DT’s for short. DT’s consists of shakes and hallucinations when the level of alcohol in the bloodstream declines. This is a very serious condition and can lead to death. If someone has ever had the shakes or hallucinated while withdrawing from alcohol they should be sent to a hospital to detox. Friends don’t let friends die from DT, s.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Maybe the world needs more dictators.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Dictator.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Has democracy outlived its usefulness?

Recent events, not just here in the United States but worldwide, have me wondering if the idea that decisions should be made to benefit everyone might be an idea whose time has come and gone.

Across the globe, there seems to be a movement toward strong leaders who can take control of the population.

Strongmen everywhere seek to convince the population the elite need to rule.

Is it possible that ending slavery was a mistake?

Is economic slavery any less oppressive?

Shouldn’t the rich and powerful be entitled to more?

We are barely ten years past the last financial crisis and already were moving back towards the good old days when the banks could charge high interest, charge you for accounts you didn’t open, and foreclose at will. As a societal value, the ability of the large banks and corporations to make huge profits seems more important than protecting the wage earner from financial ruin.

The conventional wisdom now appears to be that the rich need to make thousands of times what the average person makes. The emphasis seems to be on enriching those who have and illuminating “wasteful programs” aimed towards those who have the least. To maximize the benefits to society, they cut the taxes on people who are paid by corporations and trust while attempting to reduce the wages, in real terms, of those who try to exist on minimum age. The giveaway to corporate interests is permanent. The tax cut for the middle class looks like a temporary bribe and will expire in a couple of years.

To pay for the perks of the wealthy, those in power propose to reduce the programs for the neediest. Why waste money on food stamps, disability payments, services for children, and homeless when we can increase the availability of expensive furniture, first-class travel, and golf courses for the wealthy?

I believe it was Huxley in Animal Farm who expressed it in the phrase “everyone is equal, just some are more equal than others.”

Are people inherently evil?

The founding fathers of America seem to have made a mistake by trusting the average man to make decisions. Recently I notice some leaders were quick to tell us that left to their own devices people will do awful, terrible things. What we need is a strong government, lots of laws, and a really large number of people to enforce compliance with those laws.

Laws are, of course, designed primarily to regulate the masses who cannot be trusted to control their own lives. Laws, we are told, should be enforced most rigorously on those who are either poor or different.

We have especially been told that those people who leave one country and go to another do so with evil intent. Good people will stay in their country of origin working as hard as possible to make their rulers happy and rich. People who go elsewhere seeking a better life are probably murderers and rapists and a danger to the stability of society. A well-functioning society, so we are told, needs to have a ruling class, who controls the dangerous masses.

Do most people need to stay in their place?

There was a time when the belief was widespread that the nobles were more important than the common man. Some people seem to want to hold onto this idea. Here in America, we don’t use titles of nobility the way they did in medieval Europe. There does seem to be a resurgence in the belief that the poor deserve their state in life. This resistance to raising the minimum wage coupled with the belief that the rich contribute more to society than the average person.

In many ways, our system is designed to keep the poor in poverty, to require the mentally ill to stay sick, and to house large numbers of the poor, minorities, and the mentally ill in criminal justice facilities. The belief that the people at the top of society deserve to be there and those at the bottom need to stay in their place, appears to be the prevailing view these days.

Are we bringing back the era of “law and order?”

I remember, in my younger days, the expression “law and order.” This expression was a particular favorite of some politicians during the Nixon era. Law and order did not mean just and fair rules for all. What it did mean was the suppression of dissent. Increasing efforts to impose rigid rules on society resulted in cataclysmic divisions in society. Remember that Nixon, a veteran of the McCarthy hearings, resigned not because of what he had done or left undone but because in his words “I have lost my political base.” I fear a return to those values. Is it possible that America has forgotten the lessons learned from the incident at Kent State?

Today morality is being defined as telling people their religious faith is the correct one, rather than telling people there are right and wrong ways to treat others. Tell people how great they are, and you get a pass on bad behavior.

Is the right to have lots of guns more important than the safety of the children of the masses?

America’s had a huge problem with gun violence. Sometimes it happens in schools and sometimes on the streets. One way to mitigate the problem of gun violence in schools is to encourage the wealthy to send their children to private schools or educate them at home.

The rest of us are encouraged to buy more guns and shoot it out on school campuses the way they used to settle disagreements in the old West at high noon.

Is the “me too” movement misguided?

I remember a time when a woman who slept with a man outside of marriage was called a great many disgusting names. Men, however, who were able to sleep with a large number of women were idolized. While some men have lost their positions because of their sexual behavior, the more powerful you are, the more likely sexual indiscretions will be forgiven. Inappropriate behavior comes with a price tag and a nondisclosure agreement. Maybe the rich and powerful are entitled to a different standard of justice.

The truth is no longer useful.

Recently someone sent me an email saying that a person who disagreed with them had done all sorts of awful things. A quick Internet check of the “facts” in their email established that none of the things they said had ever happened.

Did they apologize? Not at all. The response to me was “I don’t like him; wouldn’t it be wonderful if all those things were true?” The “truth” has now become a synonym for unconscionable, hate-filled speech. “Truth” is now defined as those things said repeatedly and loudly by the people in control.

Rather than a rational discourse about facts and policy, our public conversations have become the occasion for bullying and name-calling. Want to discredit someone? Call them “fat, ugly, loser.” The bullies no longer run the playground, they run the planet.

Please pause the moment before you reply.

Before you report this post to the “thought-police” asked that it be banned as “fake-news” or frantically search for the phone number of the blacklist committee, there’s something you should know.

A good deal of this post is facetious and sarcastic. If you don’t know what that means, borrow a dictionary from someone who still owns one.

Remember, I’m one of those antique people who still believe in the right to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” The matter how bleak things look right now, whatever your difficulties, I believe you can recover from life’s challenges and have a happy, meaning-filled life.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Pensive.

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Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Pensive

Pensive.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Pensive.

“All this wondering was the weather vane on top of the building of unrest and of discontent”

― John Steinbeck

“Perhaps,” said the Doctor pensively. “It may also be that you Americans are work-cultists, and work is the structure that holds you up, not the joy of pure living.”

― Anaïs Nin, Seduction of The Minotaur

“love is enthusiasm rather than pensiveness”

― Pope John Paul II, The Jeweler’s Shop: A Meditation on the Sacrament of Matrimony Passing on Occasion into a Drama

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Abusing prescription drugs.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Drugs.

Drugs.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Almost 24 million Americans abuse prescription medication each year.

The majority (87%) of the people who get Rx’s use the meds responsible. The abuse is

the result of misuse by the other 13%. Many people underestimate the risks involved in using prescription drugs incorrectly.

Abuse of a prescription drug can result in addiction, permanent health damage, or even death.

Just because you get your drugs with a prescription doesn’t make them safe, particularly when you don’t use them as prescribed.

What meds are abused?

The national survey on drug use and health tracks the abuse of four types of prescription medication. Besides prescription pain meds many other prescription meds get abused. The other big abuse culprits? Tranquilizers (5.7 million) and RX stimulants (4.8 million, and sedatives (1.4 million.) Many other medications can be misused. Prescriptions don’t work well when you take them some days and not others. I’ve learned in working with mental health clients not task them if they are taking their meds. They almost always say yes. If I asked them how many days, they took their meds last week, I get answers like two or three days. Most prescriptions will be effective if you take them sporadically. You can’t make up for missed doses by taking extra on other days.

Pain medication abuse.

One-third of the US adult population, almost 92 million people, use prescription pain meds. Of those 92 million about 11.5 million abused their prescription pain meds. The majority of people (63.4%) who abuse prescription pain medication do so because of physical pain. Given the current publicity the people abusing prescription opiates, this is significant. The main reason people with a chronic pain condition abuse meds is because they are still in pain.

Approximately 40% abuse prescription pain meds for mental or emotional reasons, to relax, to sleep, to get high, or to simply see what it would be like to experiment with the drug. I think it’s important to note that much of the high-powered opiates being abuse are being manufactured or brought into the US illegally.

Even over-the-counter pain meds, while not included in many studies, are subject to abuse. People with emotional pain may experience this as pain in the body. Over-the-counter pain meds are not effective for treating depression or anxiety. Taking excessive amounts of over-the-counter pain medications can result in damage to your liver or kidney.

Abuse of prescription tranquilizers.

About one-third of the people prescribed tranquilizers abuse them. Of those abusing tranquilizers, two-thirds were using them for the reasons they have been prescribed but not in the way the doctor had prescribed them. The remaining one-third of abusers do so for emotional or recreational reasons.

A very dangerous way of abusing tranquilizers is to take them while consuming alcohol. This combination can result in death.

Abuse of prescription stimulants.

The primary legal use of these medications is to treat ADHD. About 30% of those taking prescription stimulant medications abuse them. Weight loss, to help study, or to get high are some of the reasons people reported abusing prescription stimulants.

What are some of the ways prescription meds are abused?

  1. Taking meds prescribed to someone else.
  2. Taking more pills or taking them more often than the doctor prescribed.
  3. Using prescription meds in a way other than the way the doctor recommended.

Over the counter medications were not included in the government’s survey of drug misuse despite the serious health consequences of abusing over-the-counter medications. I’ve tried to highlight some of the issues involved in abusing over-the-counter meds in the paragraphs above.

For more on this issue see SAMHSA report at https://www.samhsa.gov/data/sites/default/files/report_3210/ShortReport-3210.html

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel