Tag Archives: death

Life is choked with transitions.

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Hallway of transitions
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Life is choked with transitions.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist, Counselor, and Certified Life Coach.

Over the last few years, my practice as a therapist and counselor has shifted. Some of that is because of COVID and learning to work remotely online, doing telehealth. I’ve found that my practice has shifted from working mainly with young people starting out in life to serving an ever-increasing number of older people.

I hesitate to call these people elderly since most of them are younger than me, but I’m sure that I am the exception that proves the rule. I feel fortunate that, despite being 77 years old, I can still work and be productive.

Two things stand out in my online practice, which are different from what I saw when I worked for the county or in an office in private practice. I am seeing far fewer children or couples, and many more single adults and older adults. While the specific mental health diagnoses vary a great deal, what I see most often is people struggling with life’s transitions.

When the challenges life throws at you are overwhelming, you’re very likely to develop high anxiety, severe depression, a substance use disorder, or some kind of dysfunctional behavior.

For better or worse, I have personally gone through a pretty large number of life transitions. I tell my clients that I have learned a lot more about life’s problems, particularly aging, than I ever wanted to know. I’ve spent a lot of time studying the challenge of transitioning from one thing to another, both by reading the research and by living the experience.

I mentioned these things not because I want anyone to feel sorry for me, but because I’ve developed a special sensitivity to the role that transitions play in all our lives.

There are certainly developmental transitions, and some people experience difficulty navigating those. Progressing through school involves its share of developmental challenges. Graduating, whether it’s from high school or college, and then entering the workforce can be a major transition for many people. In my role as a clinical counselor, I have studied career counseling and the challenges of finding the right job. That task deserves an entire series of posts.

Getting into and out of relationships involves a great many painful as well as joyous transitions. I believe that the increasing lifespan has led to more people ending one relationship and starting another than at any other time in human history. I intend to talk about the changing nature of human relationships in an upcoming post.

At some point, most of us will go through conflicts with our spouses, and some people will experience breakups or divorces. If you live long enough, you may experience the death of a spouse. An increasing number of family members are struggling with a loved one who is in Hospice and dying, or living in a long-term care facility. There’s also the transition of the person who loses individual functioning. Dementia has become more common and causes a great deal of suffering both for the person with dementia and for those who encounter the dementia sufferer.

For something to be considered a mental illness, it has to affect a person in four basic areas. If your problem interferes with social functioning, your ability to have relationships with family and friends, including your romantic partner, then it’s a reason for your problems to be considered a mental illness. Any problem which is severe enough to interfere with occupational functioning is also diagnosable. By occupation, we don’t just mean paid employment. We also would include school or the duties of parenting if that were a full-time activity.

The third criterion for diagnosing someone with a mental illness is that it causes them subjective distress. If something is so upsetting to you that you just can’t stand it, and the pain of this event or condition is unbearable, then we call that a mental illness. And lastly but not least, if what you’re dealing with interferes with your ability to function in some other area that is important to you, even if it is a hobby or a recreational activity, it may qualify as a mental health diagnosis.

From that brief description of reasons why something might be diagnosed, I think we can all see that transitions or changes in any one of those areas can be overwhelming.

Eventually, I will probably get around to discussing most, if not all, of these issues. But being very action-oriented, I thought I’d start with a brief description of what I understand to be the main ways in which people cope with and sometimes overcome the challenges of life’s transitions.

The next stop in our journey of understanding the nature of life transitions and how to overcome them will be a brief review of the two major theories about how to navigate life transitions.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Recently, I began working with a telehealth company called Grow Therapy. If you’d like to make an appointment to work with me, contact them, and they can do the required paperwork and show you my available appointments. The link for making an appointment to talk with me is: David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC 

Life coaching clients must be working toward a specific problem-solving goal. Coaching is not appropriate if you have a diagnosable mental health problem. Also, life coaching is not covered by insurance. If you think life coaching for creativity or other life goals might be right for you, contact me directly.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Wrapping up 2025 and my life

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Changing your life

Time for a life change?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Wrapping up 2025 and my life.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist, Counselor, and Certified Life Coach.

There is less than a week to go in 2025, and I’m already thinking about all those things I wanted to do this year that didn’t get done. I’m also very mindful of all the things I hadn’t planned on that I did, or that happened to me.

Since I was born before 1950, I’m painfully aware that the century of my birthday disappeared long before I was ready to leave it and that my time on earth may well be running out. That started me thinking about the meaning of life and all the things that I have learned while making this journey.

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m in no rush to exit this earth. I have told my romantic partner that I have definite plans for my 100th birthday and that she is an essential part of those plans.

There are two contrary forces setting the course of our lives as we age. We have that process of constantly learning new things and having new experiences. At the same time, aging results in some very necessary losses.

Having passed my 75th birthday and rapidly approaching my 80th, I am acutely aware that some things will become more difficult and some things may well become impossible. I’m not especially resigned to that process.

I have told my clients over the last year, and those few friends who will listen, that I have been learning far more about the process of getting old than I ever wanted to know. Entering is just the most recent change in a long string of life changes I’ve experienced. Because people are living longer and the percentage of older people in the population has been growing, there’s more notice being paid to these issues. Still, the principles involved in undergoing change are remarkably similar regardless of what change you are experiencing.

Within that process of aging, each person undergoes certain transitions. Of course, the process of undergoing transitions is not limited to the old or the almost old. The events that happened during COVID. Since roughly 2020, the process of transitional change has accelerated.

In my work as a therapist and counselor, many of my clients are undergoing life transitions. I wanted to get a head start on the blog posts for the year 2026 with this introductory post. During the coming year, as time permits and as my own life transitions allow, I want to talk some more about transitions, navigating those transitions, and, as always, how to have the best life possible.

Life essentially is one transition after another. Each person undergoes transitions as they move from one age group to another. Some people move from house to house or even from family to family. It’s common to move from school to school. And in this process, we undergo a series of new relationships.

Life will also bring economic transitions. There are major life milestones like graduation from school, job and career changes, and achieving certain privileges, such as a driver’s license. Somewhere in the later years, a time we rarely want to think about until it’s forced upon us, sooner or later, most of us will lose abilities and those privileges we worked so hard to achieve.

I thought I would recap for you what I’ve learned about navigating life’s transitions, from my own experiences, the experiences of my clients, and the books and research I have read. Forgive me if this doesn’t progress smoothly and if I take some detours into areas of knowledge I think might be useful to others undergoing one of life’s transitions. Along the way, I would like to share some of the lessons I’ve learned, in the hope that they might be helpful to someone else who is moving along life’s journey.

If any of these topics are relevant to you or to someone in your life, I hope you’ll read these blog posts and share your comments.

Best wishes to everyone in the year 2026 and beyond.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Recently, I began working with a telehealth company called Grow Therapy. If you’d like to make an appointment to work with me, contact them, and they can do the required paperwork and show you my available appointments. The link for making an appointment to talk with me is: David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC. 

Life coaching clients must be working toward a specific problem-solving goal. Coaching is not appropriate if you have a diagnosable mental health problem. Also, life coaching is not covered by insurance. If you think life coaching for creativity or other life goals might be right for you, contact me directly.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller.

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel.

Navigating life’s transitions.

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Transitions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Navigating life’s transitions.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Life is time headed in one direction, followed by a transition.

First, you are a child, then you become a teenager, and then, presumably, you become an adult. Some people move through these processes of change smoothly, and other people experience bumps and scrapes along the road. As you pass through life’s various rooms, you can only guess what lies ahead. It’s challenging to think about what comes next when you are busy where you are.

Transitions are hallways between one life room and another.

When I think about life’s transitions, the image I see is one of stepping out of a familiar room into a hallway, not knowing which direction you’re going. If you have spent a lot of time in one familiar situation, followed by transitioning to another place, relationship, or stage of life. It can be very challenging.

You can get lost transitioning from one situation to another.

When you’re not sure what the next stage of life will look like, you can spend a lot of time standing in the hallway looking around. Some people go down the hallway, opening doors and glancing inside, not sure which direction their life should go. Here are some of the major life transitions that may be difficult to navigate.

Leaving the family you grew up in.

Moving away from your parents and getting your own place, with or without a partner, may be something you look forward to, or it may be a traumatic loss. There was a time several hundred years ago when it would have been common for children to leave home between sixteen and eighteen to make their way in the world.

Now, with people living longer, the average thirty-year-old has moved out of their parent’s home “forever” at least three times by the age of thirty. Adolescence has been stretched from a brief period of a couple of years to several decades.

Some people get out on their own right away, and others must experiment before they find their way in life. Some people never do find that adult situation and end up living at their parent’s home until their parents die.

Starting and ending relationships.

In your teens, most people begin dating. You have to explore your sexuality and who you’re attracted to. Sometimes, that first love stays with you, living in your memory for the rest of your life. People get together, and they break up.

Children may enter your life whether you’re in a relationship or not. It’s a huge transition, going from a single person to someone responsible for caring for a younger human. Shifting your focus from your own wants and needs to your children’s needs is challenging. If you haven’t yet established a career and are low-income, the transition to being a parent can be even more difficult.

Finding a job or selecting a career.

Your first job might be the result of a referral from a friend or family. Maybe will answer an ad in the newspaper or spend a long time applying. Some people’s lives get stuck in neutral when they can’t find that first job. Other people settle for what they can get and stay in that type of work for the rest of their lives.

Changing jobs.

People leave jobs for a variety of reasons. If it was a summer job and you are returning to school, it is a happy occasion. You might decide to quit that job, or you might be fired. Companies lay people off, downsize, and sometimes go out of business and close altogether.

You may decide that the job or the career field you’re in is not the right one for you. Many people go to school thinking that it will put them into a better paying job or at least help them find one. The connection between education and employment is a complicated subject. That topic could fill an entire book. When I do career counseling, the connection between education and jobs is something I explore with clients in detail.

Experiencing losses.

Along the road of life, you will gain things, and you will lose things. People enter your life, and they leave again. You’ll make friends and often drift apart; sometimes, you will reconnect, and sometimes you won’t.

People in your life will exit it forever.

Experiencing the death of people close to you is a part of the flow of life. When you lose older relatives, it seems expected. When you lose people who are your own age or younger, it is usually a surprise. It’s extremely hard to lose someone younger than you. Even when a celebrity we don’t know well suddenly dies, it impacts all of us.

You will gain things, and you will lose them.

Things come and go in your life. A new house can be a dream. Losing that house in foreclosure is a nightmare. You buy cars, and eventually, they get old and break down. When you get to the end of your life’s journey, you will have forgotten many of the things you acquired and may have a lot left that you can’t remember why you wanted them in the first place.

Approaching the end of your own life.

Most of our attention is focused on the young, the new, and the things that are growing. As you move through life, you will encounter grief and grieving. Some of your dreams will die. You will lose jobs and relationships, and along the way, you will lose people. Eventually, you will have to face the loss of your own life.

How do you cope with all of these life transitions?

While transitions in life are inevitable, how we each cope with those transitions is a very individual thing. Your religious and spiritual beliefs and values should illuminate your journey through life. If you have a philosophy, it should illuminate your journey. People who have something that gives their life meaning and purpose have a roadmap to follow.

How are you handling your life transitions?

I’d love to hear from some of you readers who have gone through major life transitions, both the joyful and the painful types. Feel free to leave a comment.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Recently, I began working with a telehealth company called Grow Therapy. If you’d like to make an appointment to work with me, contact them, and they can do the required paperwork and show you my available appointments. The link for making an appointment to talk with me is: David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC 

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Avoiding the Grim Reaper.

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Avoiding the Grim Reaper
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Avoiding the Grim Reaper.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

The Grim Reaper’s handiwork is everywhere.

Being one of those older people, I become increasingly conscious of the Grim Reaper and his handiwork. For those unfamiliar with this persona, the Grim Reaper is that long-standing picture of the ways of death stocks humankind just waiting for his opportunity to take one of us.

There was a time in history when the Grim Reaper frequently passed through the human village. I read that in the early eighteen hundreds in the American Midwest, as many as 30% of the people in a town might die every spring. We had a variety of names for the Grim Reaper’s tools. Sometimes, we would call it cholera, yellow fever, scarlet fever, or tuberculosis.

When I was a young person, the Grim Reaper frequently used the disease named polio, which left his victims unable to breathe until they finally died. I remember being among one of the very early groups to receive the polio vaccine, and gradually, this disease, like so many others, disappeared from the front pages of the news.

Gradually, the specter of the Grim Reaper’s nightly visit faded. Rather than a fear of diseases, we have come to fear wars, guns, gun violence, and those various diseases that were uncommon simply because humans had the good sense to die before reaching old age. In some parts of the world, this taker of life still uses wars and famine to reap his harvest.

Covid and other new evolving diseases have ripped the mask off the Grim Reaper.

Covid was definitely a shock to those of us who thought that modern medicine had largely tamed the area of infectious diseases, leaving the Grim Reaper to work only through the disorders of the elderly. Eventually, I expected that cancer, dementia, or some other disease of aging would get me. But if you were like me, you were totally unprepared for the onslaught of Covid and other new infectious diseases.

My strategies for keeping ahead of the Grim Reaper.

For most of my life, I simply ignored the Grim Reaper and lived my life as if Death would have difficulty finding me. I did take some simple precautions. I will describe here my choices and I am not trying to make a political statement about what I think others should do. Personally, I always wear my seatbelt when in the car. I get my vaccines. And when my doctor prescribed some medication for me, I attempt to take it as prescribed.

Beyond those simple precautions, as I have accumulated additional birthdays, I have begun to pay more attention to things I can do to maintain my physical health. Some of those supposed remedies have proven to be either allusive or ineffective.

One thing I have tried to do is to keep moving as much as possible. I think being active certainly keeps me out of the reach of the Grim Reaper for longer than sitting on the couch waiting for his visit. I recently underwent surgery for a problem I had neglected a great many years, and this forced me to take a further look at other things I might do to improve my health.

Walking appears to be mandatory for humans.

After my surgery, my doctor suggested that I should be walking at least 8000 steps a day. I believe that’s a reduction from the previous prescription of 10,000 steps per day. Initially, I thought this would be impossible, but I started with the modest goal of walking 4000 steps per day, which proved quite doable. Over time, I’ve increased that goal and am now routinely walking 4 miles per day, and on a good day, I may walk six or 7 miles.

Walking every day won’t keep me out of the Grim Reaper’s grip forever, but I’m going to make him work to catch up with me.

There is another significant benefit of walking.

I have read repeatedly, and I’ve told many clients my conclusion that walking outdoors, particularly where there are trees and greenery, improves your mental health. Walking outdoors for 15 to 20 minutes a day, five days or more per week, is just as effective at treating depression as taking some antidepressant medications.

Please, however, if you are currently on an antidepressant, don’t stop taking it and turn to walking. Antidepressant discontinuation syndrome, problems you will experience if you suddenly stop taking your medication, is a very real thing. Talk to your doctor before you stop any medication. However, I believe that in addition to medication, changes in behavior, such as walking and changes in thinking, which come from therapy, all work together to reduce depression and may also benefit many other mental health problems.

My attempt to lose weight was delusional.

Somewhere I had gotten the idea that I should lose weight. In fact, three doctors in a row had suggested that I needed to control my weight. Not that it was seriously out of control, but over the years, my weight gradually crept up from being a skinny person first to normal and then to being overweight. My past efforts to lose weight were ineffective, probably because I thought about it while sitting in my desk chair eating a package of cookies.

I somehow mistakenly thought that all this extra walking I had begun to do would miraculously result in weight loss. It didn’t. What it may well have done is convert some of the fat I had into muscles.

On a recent visit to the doctor, I told him I had tried losing weight but to no avail. His answer was that he no longer thought I should attempt to lose weight. I read now that older people, presumably those beyond retirement age, may actually be somewhat healthier if they are slightly above the BMI suggestions for normal weight.

It turns out that all people fall; some of them fall a lot, and a few extra pounds can be some padding. This is certainly no excuse if your blood sugar is out of control, but barring type II diabetes, I think a few extra pounds are not a problem for someone my age. Don’t take my word for this; however, make sure you consult with your personal physician.

Eating a healthy diet has proved to be more elusive.

I’m definitely not a nutritionist and hesitate to give you any advice in this area. I have learned, however, that becoming overly concerned about your diet in your past retirement life may be a mistake. Nutrition is a whole lot more complicated than switching to only eating vegetables. Balance in nutrition is just as important as it is in many other parts of our lives. Some of those foods we think of as unhealthy” when eaten in small amounts, may be beneficial for maintaining a balanced diet. My suggestion is not to go on a crash diet, trying to eat healthy and end up with nutritional deficiencies. Talk to your doctor or a nutritionist before you eliminate food from your diet that you have been eating for a long time.

So those are some of my thoughts and experiences now that I’ve reached a point in life where I am focusing more on trying to stay healthy and keep my life in balance. Comments are welcome. Hope you will continue to read this blog.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel