Transitions.
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Navigating life’s transitions.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Life is time headed in one direction, followed by a transition.

First, you are a child, then you become a teenager, and then, presumably, you become an adult. Some people move through these processes of change smoothly, and other people experience bumps and scrapes along the road. As you pass through life’s various rooms, you can only guess what lies ahead. It’s challenging to think about what comes next when you are busy where you are.

Transitions are hallways between one life room and another.

When I think about life’s transitions, the image I see is one of stepping out of a familiar room into a hallway, not knowing which direction you’re going. If you have spent a lot of time in one familiar situation, followed by transitioning to another place, relationship, or stage of life. It can be very challenging.

You can get lost transitioning from one situation to another.

When you’re not sure what the next stage of life will look like, you can spend a lot of time standing in the hallway looking around. Some people go down the hallway, opening doors and glancing inside, not sure which direction their life should go. Here are some of the major life transitions that may be difficult to navigate.

Leaving the family you grew up in.

Moving away from your parents and getting your own place, with or without a partner, may be something you look forward to, or it may be a traumatic loss. There was a time several hundred years ago when it would have been common for children to leave home between sixteen and eighteen to make their way in the world.

Now, with people living longer, the average thirty-year-old has moved out of their parent’s home “forever” at least three times by the age of thirty. Adolescence has been stretched from a brief period of a couple of years to several decades.

Some people get out on their own right away, and others must experiment before they find their way in life. Some people never do find that adult situation and end up living at their parent’s home until their parents die.

Starting and ending relationships.

In your teens, most people begin dating. You have to explore your sexuality and who you’re attracted to. Sometimes, that first love stays with you, living in your memory for the rest of your life. People get together, and they break up.

Children may enter your life whether you’re in a relationship or not. It’s a huge transition, going from a single person to someone responsible for caring for a younger human. Shifting your focus from your own wants and needs to your children’s needs is challenging. If you haven’t yet established a career and are low-income, the transition to being a parent can be even more difficult.

Finding a job or selecting a career.

Your first job might be the result of a referral from a friend or family. Maybe will answer an ad in the newspaper or spend a long time applying. Some people’s lives get stuck in neutral when they can’t find that first job. Other people settle for what they can get and stay in that type of work for the rest of their lives.

Changing jobs.

People leave jobs for a variety of reasons. If it was a summer job and you are returning to school, it is a happy occasion. You might decide to quit that job, or you might be fired. Companies lay people off, downsize, and sometimes go out of business and close altogether.

You may decide that the job or the career field you’re in is not the right one for you. Many people go to school thinking that it will put them into a better paying job or at least help them find one. The connection between education and employment is a complicated subject. That topic could fill an entire book. When I do career counseling, the connection between education and jobs is something I explore with clients in detail.

Experiencing losses.

Along the road of life, you will gain things, and you will lose things. People enter your life, and they leave again. You’ll make friends and often drift apart; sometimes, you will reconnect, and sometimes you won’t.

People in your life will exit it forever.

Experiencing the death of people close to you is a part of the flow of life. When you lose older relatives, it seems expected. When you lose people who are your own age or younger, it is usually a surprise. It’s extremely hard to lose someone younger than you. Even when a celebrity we don’t know well suddenly dies, it impacts all of us.

You will gain things, and you will lose them.

Things come and go in your life. A new house can be a dream. Losing that house in foreclosure is a nightmare. You buy cars, and eventually, they get old and break down. When you get to the end of your life’s journey, you will have forgotten many of the things you acquired and may have a lot left that you can’t remember why you wanted them in the first place.

Approaching the end of your own life.

Most of our attention is focused on the young, the new, and the things that are growing. As you move through life, you will encounter grief and grieving. Some of your dreams will die. You will lose jobs and relationships, and along the way, you will lose people. Eventually, you will have to face the loss of your own life.

How do you cope with all of these life transitions?

While transitions in life are inevitable, how we each cope with those transitions is a very individual thing. Your religious and spiritual beliefs and values should illuminate your journey through life. If you have a philosophy, it should illuminate your journey. People who have something that gives their life meaning and purpose have a roadmap to follow.

How are you handling your life transitions?

I’d love to hear from some of you readers who have gone through major life transitions, both the joyful and the painful types. Feel free to leave a comment.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Recently, I began working with a telehealth company called Grow Therapy. If you’d like to make an appointment to work with me, contact them, and they can do the required paperwork and show you my available appointments. The link for making an appointment to talk with me is: David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC 

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