Tag Archives: indoor mountain climbing

Is your life where you want it to be?

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Climbing Life’s Mountains.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Climbing Life’s Mountains.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Is your life where you wanted it to be?

Many of the people I talk to in my therapy practice who are in their twenties, thirties, and even forties, men and women both, tell me that they are not where they should be in life. While there can be many reasons for that, I wanted to talk to you today about some of the more common reasons people fail to reach their goals, and even when they do, they don’t feel that they are successful enough.

In a previous post, I talked about how I view my personal process of setting and achieving goals as being metaphorically like an Indoor Mountain Climber. For this post, I will use that metaphor and expand on it. Whether the mountain you’re trying to climb is outdoors or a challenge in your home or work life, there are some questions you need to ask yourself.

How did I pick that goal?

Most people spend more time shopping for a used car than they do picking out a college major or a life partner. Not knowing the person you’re moving in with and not knowing what you will be doing once you get your degree and are working in that field leads to a lot of disappointment.

It’s common to underestimate how hard it is to climb the mountain you have chosen. People who have been in a career field for ten years often compare themselves to people who have been on the job for thirty or forty years and feel they have a lot of ground to catch up. When you have been climbing your mountain for a few hours, and you look up towards the summit, it can easily look like you have not gotten anywhere.

Most overnight successes spent years developing their skills before they got their big break. When you’re partway into your career, don’t complain that you’re not yet at the top of your profession. Take a good look around at how long those people above you have been climbing. It also helps to prevent discouragement to look at those people who are just starting out and realize how far you’ve come.

Did you pick the wrong mountain to climb?

Many people reach a point where they look around and say to themselves, “I think I’m climbing the wrong mountain.” A lot of people discover that the career they are pursuing doesn’t provide the rewards they’re looking for. What you learn in school are the basics. What you learn on the job is the reality.

Lots of things are fun when you’re first learning a new subject. Especially if you are like me and love learning just for the sake of learning. However, once you get on the job, those abstract theoretical questions can become the drudgery of doing the same task over and over. If you are going to spend all day filling out forms, you need to enjoy that process, or there needs to be some other reward in your outside of work life to keep you doing it.

Making a large salary won’t make you happy.

Studies of happiness tell us we have made a mistake in how we evaluate happiness. Happiness and unhappiness are not at opposite ends of a spectrum. Happiness is one feeling, and unhappiness is another. When life is hard, if you live in poverty and struggle to provide the basics of life, it’s likely you will be unhappy. But even in unhappy circumstances, when your partner or children hug you and tell you how much they appreciate you, it makes you happy.

This separateness of happiness and unhappiness explains to me why more money can reduce unhappiness but it will not by itself increase happiness. Spending money on things only makes you happy for a very brief period of time.

If you don’t have a car, buying one that runs makes you less unhappy. Buying a brand-new fancy prestige car may make you happy for a while, but that happiness is off, and you must keep trading up for the newest and latest prestige item.

Everyone needs something that gives their life meaning and purpose.

If you can find and pursue the one thing that gives your life meaning and purpose, you are much more likely to find happiness. For some people, their work is a way to earn enough money so that on their time off, they can do those things that give their life meaning and purpose. Other people are able to find a job which in and of itself fills their life with meaning and purpose.

Have you achieved the right balance between things that support you physically and those activities that give your life meaning and purpose?

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Recently, I began working with a telehealth company called Grow Therapy. If you’d like to make an appointment to work with me, contact them, and they can do the required paperwork and show you my available appointments. The link for making an appointment to talk with me is: David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC 

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Are you an indoor mountain climber?

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Are you an indoor mountain climber?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are you an indoor mountain climber?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

I think of myself as an indoor mountain climber.

As a child, I was sick a lot and was always skinny. I was not particularly good at sports, but that didn’t keep me from seeking out challenges. I don’t especially like cold and snow or heat and dehydration either, for that matter. Skinning my knuckles, breaking bones, or falling long distances to the rocks below has never particularly appealed to me.

When I first began applying the mountain climber metaphor to my life, I was thinking mainly of intellectual and creative challenges. More recently, I have begun to see how the idea of starting from nothing, achieving some level of success in a particular field, and eventually watching my abilities decline as I aged might be an apt metaphor for the entire process of living life.

My interest in intellectual challenges began in elementary school.

I think one of the great turning points in my life was the time my class went on a field trip to the school library. All the other students seemed to know just how to select a book. I had come from a home with virtually no books. What few books we had in our household were religious volumes, not especially suited for a child.

As the other students checked their books out, my teacher watched me with looks somewhere between annoyance and downright anger. Finally, in desperation, the teacher walked over, pulled a book off the shelf, and handed it to me. That book, part of the Laura Ingalls Wilder Little House on the Prairie series, got me started on nonstop reading.

In the early grades, I devoured largely fiction.

Throughout most of my elementary and middle school years, books were my primary friend. I recall several years when I read one book a day on average. Those books were largely escape fiction, and they fueled many of the constant daydreams I explored when I was supposed to be listening to the teacher in class.

In high school, teachers sparked my curiosity about nonfiction topics.

Gradually, I began to read about more and more subjects. Whether I started with the love of learning or it developed in me as a result of reading so many varied books, I can’t be sure. But what I am sure of is that while I struggled with the required subjects in high school, I developed a strong interest in pursuing whatever eclectic subject most interested me.

My college career resembles a hike across an unexplored continent.

I have said many times, and I’m only half joking, that I have been going to school for over 70 years. College extended from the time I was 18 until the present day when I am 76. Throughout most of that time, I have been taking classes, teaching classes, or often doing both at the very same time.

Along the way, my majors have changed repeatedly.

I have, in no particular order, studied natural history, art, business, economics, psychology, both normal and abnormal and a host of other topics too long to list here. But what I mainly discovered was that among my top character strengths were, love of learning, curiosity, and creativity. I am happiest when I am learning something new and sharing it with others, something that gives my life meaning and purpose.

Sixty-plus years later, my interest returned to fiction when I started to write my own novels. For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

Sitting safely at my desk, I seek out challenges.

Now, in my seventy-sixth year on this planet, I continue to think of myself as an indoor mountain climber. The mountain climber metaphor applies to a lot of people. Some people invest in stocks, and others invest in vintage cars. Your meaning and purpose in life may lie in discovering a new bacteria, proposing a new theory of economics, or learning to rebuild an engine. Most any pursuit can be worthy if it interests you and doesn’t harm others. That not harming others, therein lies the rub.

The process of aging looks a lot like the process of climbing a mountain.

Recently, I realized that mountain climbing as a metaphor not only fits the pursuit of new knowledge and skills but it also fits many of the things that have happened to me, and that seem to happen to almost everyone as we grow older. I can’t say that I’m an expert on geriatrics. I’ve purposely avoided learning more about that topic than I had to. But recent events, both personally and professionally, have forced me to learn a lot more about some of the things that might happen mentally and physically as I and others accumulate more trips around the sun.

When time permits, I want to tell you about how my life of pursuing various goals has affected my way of looking at the process of aging.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Recently, I began working with a telehealth company called Grow Therapy. If you’d like to make an appointment to work with me, contact them, and they can do the required paperwork and show you my available appointments. The link for making an appointment to talk with me is: David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC 

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel