Tag Archives: Jobs

Life is choked with transitions.

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Hallway of transitions
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Life is choked with transitions.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist, Counselor, and Certified Life Coach.

Over the last few years, my practice as a therapist and counselor has shifted. Some of that is because of COVID and learning to work remotely online, doing telehealth. I’ve found that my practice has shifted from working mainly with young people starting out in life to serving an ever-increasing number of older people.

I hesitate to call these people elderly since most of them are younger than me, but I’m sure that I am the exception that proves the rule. I feel fortunate that, despite being 77 years old, I can still work and be productive.

Two things stand out in my online practice, which are different from what I saw when I worked for the county or in an office in private practice. I am seeing far fewer children or couples, and many more single adults and older adults. While the specific mental health diagnoses vary a great deal, what I see most often is people struggling with life’s transitions.

When the challenges life throws at you are overwhelming, you’re very likely to develop high anxiety, severe depression, a substance use disorder, or some kind of dysfunctional behavior.

For better or worse, I have personally gone through a pretty large number of life transitions. I tell my clients that I have learned a lot more about life’s problems, particularly aging, than I ever wanted to know. I’ve spent a lot of time studying the challenge of transitioning from one thing to another, both by reading the research and by living the experience.

I mentioned these things not because I want anyone to feel sorry for me, but because I’ve developed a special sensitivity to the role that transitions play in all our lives.

There are certainly developmental transitions, and some people experience difficulty navigating those. Progressing through school involves its share of developmental challenges. Graduating, whether it’s from high school or college, and then entering the workforce can be a major transition for many people. In my role as a clinical counselor, I have studied career counseling and the challenges of finding the right job. That task deserves an entire series of posts.

Getting into and out of relationships involves a great many painful as well as joyous transitions. I believe that the increasing lifespan has led to more people ending one relationship and starting another than at any other time in human history. I intend to talk about the changing nature of human relationships in an upcoming post.

At some point, most of us will go through conflicts with our spouses, and some people will experience breakups or divorces. If you live long enough, you may experience the death of a spouse. An increasing number of family members are struggling with a loved one who is in Hospice and dying, or living in a long-term care facility. There’s also the transition of the person who loses individual functioning. Dementia has become more common and causes a great deal of suffering both for the person with dementia and for those who encounter the dementia sufferer.

For something to be considered a mental illness, it has to affect a person in four basic areas. If your problem interferes with social functioning, your ability to have relationships with family and friends, including your romantic partner, then it’s a reason for your problems to be considered a mental illness. Any problem which is severe enough to interfere with occupational functioning is also diagnosable. By occupation, we don’t just mean paid employment. We also would include school or the duties of parenting if that were a full-time activity.

The third criterion for diagnosing someone with a mental illness is that it causes them subjective distress. If something is so upsetting to you that you just can’t stand it, and the pain of this event or condition is unbearable, then we call that a mental illness. And lastly but not least, if what you’re dealing with interferes with your ability to function in some other area that is important to you, even if it is a hobby or a recreational activity, it may qualify as a mental health diagnosis.

From that brief description of reasons why something might be diagnosed, I think we can all see that transitions or changes in any one of those areas can be overwhelming.

Eventually, I will probably get around to discussing most, if not all, of these issues. But being very action-oriented, I thought I’d start with a brief description of what I understand to be the main ways in which people cope with and sometimes overcome the challenges of life’s transitions.

The next stop in our journey of understanding the nature of life transitions and how to overcome them will be a brief review of the two major theories about how to navigate life transitions.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Recently, I began working with a telehealth company called Grow Therapy. If you’d like to make an appointment to work with me, contact them, and they can do the required paperwork and show you my available appointments. The link for making an appointment to talk with me is: David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC 

Life coaching clients must be working toward a specific problem-solving goal. Coaching is not appropriate if you have a diagnosable mental health problem. Also, life coaching is not covered by insurance. If you think life coaching for creativity or other life goals might be right for you, contact me directly.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Navigating life’s transitions.

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Transitions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Navigating life’s transitions.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Life is time headed in one direction, followed by a transition.

First, you are a child, then you become a teenager, and then, presumably, you become an adult. Some people move through these processes of change smoothly, and other people experience bumps and scrapes along the road. As you pass through life’s various rooms, you can only guess what lies ahead. It’s challenging to think about what comes next when you are busy where you are.

Transitions are hallways between one life room and another.

When I think about life’s transitions, the image I see is one of stepping out of a familiar room into a hallway, not knowing which direction you’re going. If you have spent a lot of time in one familiar situation, followed by transitioning to another place, relationship, or stage of life. It can be very challenging.

You can get lost transitioning from one situation to another.

When you’re not sure what the next stage of life will look like, you can spend a lot of time standing in the hallway looking around. Some people go down the hallway, opening doors and glancing inside, not sure which direction their life should go. Here are some of the major life transitions that may be difficult to navigate.

Leaving the family you grew up in.

Moving away from your parents and getting your own place, with or without a partner, may be something you look forward to, or it may be a traumatic loss. There was a time several hundred years ago when it would have been common for children to leave home between sixteen and eighteen to make their way in the world.

Now, with people living longer, the average thirty-year-old has moved out of their parent’s home “forever” at least three times by the age of thirty. Adolescence has been stretched from a brief period of a couple of years to several decades.

Some people get out on their own right away, and others must experiment before they find their way in life. Some people never do find that adult situation and end up living at their parent’s home until their parents die.

Starting and ending relationships.

In your teens, most people begin dating. You have to explore your sexuality and who you’re attracted to. Sometimes, that first love stays with you, living in your memory for the rest of your life. People get together, and they break up.

Children may enter your life whether you’re in a relationship or not. It’s a huge transition, going from a single person to someone responsible for caring for a younger human. Shifting your focus from your own wants and needs to your children’s needs is challenging. If you haven’t yet established a career and are low-income, the transition to being a parent can be even more difficult.

Finding a job or selecting a career.

Your first job might be the result of a referral from a friend or family. Maybe will answer an ad in the newspaper or spend a long time applying. Some people’s lives get stuck in neutral when they can’t find that first job. Other people settle for what they can get and stay in that type of work for the rest of their lives.

Changing jobs.

People leave jobs for a variety of reasons. If it was a summer job and you are returning to school, it is a happy occasion. You might decide to quit that job, or you might be fired. Companies lay people off, downsize, and sometimes go out of business and close altogether.

You may decide that the job or the career field you’re in is not the right one for you. Many people go to school thinking that it will put them into a better paying job or at least help them find one. The connection between education and employment is a complicated subject. That topic could fill an entire book. When I do career counseling, the connection between education and jobs is something I explore with clients in detail.

Experiencing losses.

Along the road of life, you will gain things, and you will lose things. People enter your life, and they leave again. You’ll make friends and often drift apart; sometimes, you will reconnect, and sometimes you won’t.

People in your life will exit it forever.

Experiencing the death of people close to you is a part of the flow of life. When you lose older relatives, it seems expected. When you lose people who are your own age or younger, it is usually a surprise. It’s extremely hard to lose someone younger than you. Even when a celebrity we don’t know well suddenly dies, it impacts all of us.

You will gain things, and you will lose them.

Things come and go in your life. A new house can be a dream. Losing that house in foreclosure is a nightmare. You buy cars, and eventually, they get old and break down. When you get to the end of your life’s journey, you will have forgotten many of the things you acquired and may have a lot left that you can’t remember why you wanted them in the first place.

Approaching the end of your own life.

Most of our attention is focused on the young, the new, and the things that are growing. As you move through life, you will encounter grief and grieving. Some of your dreams will die. You will lose jobs and relationships, and along the way, you will lose people. Eventually, you will have to face the loss of your own life.

How do you cope with all of these life transitions?

While transitions in life are inevitable, how we each cope with those transitions is a very individual thing. Your religious and spiritual beliefs and values should illuminate your journey through life. If you have a philosophy, it should illuminate your journey. People who have something that gives their life meaning and purpose have a roadmap to follow.

How are you handling your life transitions?

I’d love to hear from some of you readers who have gone through major life transitions, both the joyful and the painful types. Feel free to leave a comment.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Recently, I began working with a telehealth company called Grow Therapy. If you’d like to make an appointment to work with me, contact them, and they can do the required paperwork and show you my available appointments. The link for making an appointment to talk with me is: David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC 

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

How to avoid taking a job you will hate

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Job application.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How long before you hate that job?

Some jobs are terrible at first look. You can tell you will hate them from a distance. But a lot of other jobs fool you. You think they will be “OK.” But after a few weeks or months, maybe years, you discover you hate this job.

But a lot of other jobs fool you. You think they will be “OK.” But after a few weeks or months, maybe years, you discover you hate this job.

After a few weeks or months, maybe years, you discover you hate this job.

How can you avoid a job you will hate?

One important factor is the fit between the job and the person who fills that position. Here is an example of how a job fit affects loving or hating your job.

A large company had a number of jobs available. One was in the data entry department. The person who gets this one will sit all day in a cubicle and enters data on a computer screen. Most of the time they will work from a large stack of forms and there is little interaction with others.

The other position is a data collector. This person walks up and down a mall and asks people if they will be willing to answer a few questions. When someone says yes, they then spend the next few minutes asking that person questions, getting their opinions on things.

Some of you have already decided which job you want just from the descriptions.

So, one person, let’s call him Bob, comes for the interview and this person is very shy. Bob hates being around crowds. He gets nervous just talking to strangers.

The second applicant, Let’s call her Nancy, loves talking to people. Someone new is the high point of their day. The thought of having to be cooped up in a cubical all day sounds like Nancy’s idea of hell.

So what would happen if outgoing Nancy gets the job to enter the data, and shy Bob gets assigned to go to the mall?

Would things work better if Shy Bob gets the computer job and outgoing Nancy gets the interview job?

This example illustrates two things at work. The fit for the job is the best predictor of how happy the person is likely to be on the job. Job satisfaction is also a big predictor of how well that employee will perform.

The second thing this example illustrates is how important it is to pick people for the qualities they really have not for stereotypes.

It would be easy to expect Bob, the man, to be better at going out and meeting people and Nancy, the woman, to be the shy one who would want to stay in the office.

This fallacy results in some people getting hired because they look or act a certain way, rather than because they are the best person for the job.  So a good way to avoid a job you will come to hate is to take a hard look at yourself, what you like and do not like, and aim for the job that will make the best use of your talents and will not ask you to do things that are among your least favorite things-to-do list.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

That Jobs thing – Is anybody working?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Dream job sign

Dream job.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Why do we have a system where people can’t work?

The questions and queries about work and recovery keep showing up in the search terms.

Can a mentally ill person work?

What kinds of jobs are suitable to employ the mentally ill?

How can a person in recovery find a job?

How can anyone find a meaningful job that pays enough to live on?

What is the difference between a job and a career?

Looks like most everyone is unable to work anymore. We read that the disabled can’t work, despite the Americans with Disabilities Act. More and more people are being discouraged from working. A lot of non-disabled people are getting discouraged from looking for work also.

Everyone seems worried about the mentally ill. They can’t be trusted to work. This despite the fact that they are us. In their lifetime half of all Americans will experience an episode of a mental or emotional disorder. Other countries may have slightly lower rates, but not that much lower.

The only jobs available to the majority of people who have experienced an episode of substance abuse are to become professional inmates in our jails and institutions.

Those of you who have read my blog before should know that I am a firm believer in recovery. People with grave mental and emotional disorders do recover. That includes substance abuse and yes Virginia, which includes people with Schizophrenia.

The idea that because you are knocked down once means that you forever need to stay down is not one I am buying into.

People with mental illness can and do recover.

One major vehicle for recovery is jobs. Nothing so increases a person’s self-esteem as finding a job that makes them feel useful. For some that is volunteer work, but for many, this is the ability to engage in paid employment.

Those employers who know the value of good mental health include that coverage in their employee benefits. Soon it will become mandatory for most plans to cover some level of mental health treatment.

What we don’t need is a system that traps people in “hopeless programs” and penalizes them for seeking to become meaningfully employed.

Over the next few weeks, I want to put up some posts on the whole subject of work and how you – that includes most all of you – can find meaningful employment. We also may need to tackle the question of why if you accept government aid when you are not working they seem to want to discourage you from ever working again. (That is political I know, but we gotta talk about it anyway.)

So from time to time, I will try to put up some posts on this whole jobs issue.

I noticed that a lot of you read this blog Monday through Friday. I hope you have not come to think of reading my blog as your primary occupation, flattering as that would be. If you are reading this blog at work I suggest that you read it on your lunch hour or breaks but that is your call. Feel free to recommend counselorssoapbox.com at any time of the day or night.

Starting next week I will try to work the series of posts on Jobs, Careers, and recovery into the stream of posts. Stay tuned for those posts. Thanks for reading.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

How safe is your job?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Filling out a job application

Job application.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

The story of the Cordwainers, Redsmiths, and the disappearing jobs.

Did you get a job once and plan to work at that job, maybe even that company, for the rest of your life? Then one day the company went out of business. When that happens to you what do you do?

There was a time when most people learned their trade from their parents or underwent an apprenticeship and then worked at that trade for the rest of their life. Not anymore.

The career landscape has been completely reshaped in recent years. Some people lose their job and no matter how much they look they can’t find another job in their field. Our countries unemployment has continued to stay stuck at an unacceptably high level. Some places have higher unemployment than others, but even when you are willing to relocate – what if you can’t find a job that matches your skills? What if you are approaching retirement age?

It may be because of the Cordwainers and Redsmiths!

As a Professional Counselor, I see clients who are in that situation. I warn them about the Cordwainers and Redsmiths.

Check any help wanted ad. Look through the listings at your state’s employment development office, Can you find a help wanted ad for a Cordwainer? I have looked more than once. I can’t find one. Did you know there was a time when Cordwainer was a common occupation in America?

Cordwainers were leather workers. Mostly they made shoes from leather supplied by the factory owner. They formed one of the first unions in America. The Cordwainers strike in 1805 set a precedent for labor law for most of the early part of American history. It was big news. Today they are almost all gone. Most shoes are massed produced in factories overseas. Over time the old Cordwainers had to take other jobs. Not good-paying jobs, not jobs in their trade, but they took whatever work they could find. Not just a job or a company went out of business but a whole occupation essentially ceased to exist.

Does this story sound frightening? Does it sound familiar? What did you say you did for a living? Could that occupation cease to exist also?

What about the Redsmiths?

Have you seen any job openings for them? They have mostly come and gone like the Cordwainers. You have heard of blacksmiths, right? And goldsmiths? Redsmiths worked on red metal, copper, and brass. Some of them made their living traveling around in their wagon to the farmhouses where they repaired broken copper pots and kettles. Fixing copper vessels used to pay. Today we throw those old pots and pans out and buy new ones. The Redsmiths got thrown out also. Like most of the repair and fix-it shops.

Think about someone who lost their job as a Cordwainer’s and retrained to become a Redsmiths. That had to be a traumatic experience.

Could that happen to you? Sure it could.

The typical skilled worker will need to retrain for a different job 3 to 5 times in their lifetime. That has been getting harder not easier to do.

See also: Degree but can’t find a job?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel