Tag Archives: making new friends

How full is your life bus?

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Life is a lot like a bus ride

How full is your life bus?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How full is your life bus?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Life is a lot like a bus ride.

A metaphor I frequently use for my own life is how it has resembled a bus ride. Throughout life, as we ride along, people get on the bus, and they get off the bus. The longer you ride life’s bus, the emptier it gets.

Did you start life with a full busload of people?

If your life has been anything like mine, and the lives of most other people I know, you started with some people riding the bus with you. Initially, you probably had a mother, a father, and maybe some grandparents. Unless you were the first or only child, you had older siblings, brothers, and/or sisters.

Did you start your life journey on an empty bus?

Some people begin life on a close to empty bus. You might’ve grown up in a home with a single mother or father or been raised by a grandparent or even a nonrelative. When you were first born, there may have been other people in the home taking the ride of life with you. But some of those people may have gotten off your bus even before you were old enough to remember them.

When you went to school more people came into your life.

When you begin school, other people come into your life. I remember going to kindergarten and first grade. I made some new friends. Then we moved, and those early friends left my life. The more you move, the more people come and go, and the fewer people ride through life with you.

Sometimes, people get off the bus, and you never see them again.

Typically, the first people to get off the bus are grandparents or great-grandparents if you are fortunate enough to have had the chance to meet them. Gradually, other older relatives exit your life. Sometimes, one or even both of your parents leave your life. When people leave because of death, you don’t see them again, at least not in this life.

Sometimes, people come back into your life.

Sometimes, a person who has ridden partway on the journey of life comes back into your life. I moved several times and more than once ended up meeting people at another school that I had gone to school with earlier. Sometimes, you are disconnected or alienated from a parent or grandparent and reconnect later in your life. Some people even reconnect with an old boyfriend or girlfriend from back in the day. It can be a very happy occasion when you reconnect with someone. But sometimes, you only reconnect for a short ride.

The people around you may keep changing.

One constant in life seems to be the way people come into your life and exit it. Some people you share the ride of life with are a joy to be around. Some people are a real pain. Well, you know what I mean.

Changing the route you travel in life means you ride with other people.

Family members may move away. You may get into relationships, and you may get out of them. Close friends may die or move away. Moving because of work changes your social circle. If you stop riding the same route, work a different job, or attend a different school, you probably lost contact with old friends forever.

As you get towards the end of the line, the bus gets empty.

One of the great challenges of accumulating more miles on your journey, adding more years to life’s tally, is that the life bus gets emptier. It takes a lot of effort to stay connected to other people. Unless you periodically invite more people to share your life’s journey, you may find yourself driving the bus all alone.

One way to avoid the loneliness that comes from traveling through life all alone is to make an extra effort at every stop to invite other people into your life. Sometimes, it pays to greet them at the bus stop and invite them to join you in your travels.

Making new friends and keeping your life full of companions requires a particular set of skills we call “making friends.” Whether you’re good at making friends or it’s a challenge, you must continue adding people to your life. Having friends and a support system is the best cure for loneliness. Loneliness is, after all, the result of having many people leave your life but not being able to invite more people to join you on the next leg of your life journey.

More on the topic of making and keeping friends can be found at: Friends

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Recently, I began working with a telehealth company called Grow Therapy. If you’d like to make an appointment to work with me, contact them, and they can do the required paperwork and show you my available appointments. The link for making an appointment to talk with me is: David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC 

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

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For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

9 Ways to make new friends.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

group of friends.

Friendship.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Getting good at making new friends.

Many people find that it’s very hard for them to make friends.  Very few people tell me that they have too many friends.  Making friends is a skill and like any other skill, you can learn or improve your ability to do this.  If you have ever thought that you would like to have more friends take a look at the list below of ways to improve your friend-making skills.

1.  Friends are made around shared activities.

Want friends, you need to get out there. Most friends in life are the result of things that you do with others.  People make friends and schools from kindergarten all the way through graduate school.  Sometimes we make friends at work.  The who join a club or have a hobby often make friends as a result.  If you decide that you would like to have more friends than the first step is to get out there and be in places where you will meet people who might become friends.

2.  Introduce yourself if you want to make friends.

If you want to make friends don’t hold back waiting for others to approach you.  The fastest way to break the ice and create friendship opportunities is to be the one that puts your hand out and introduces yourself.  Remember there may be other people there who would like to find new friends also.  They’re waiting for you to be the one to make the first move.

3.  Asking people about themselves starts friendly conversations.

Most people’s favorite topic is themselves.  One really quick way to get a conversation started is to ask someone about themselves.  Try to avoid overly personal questions.  Ask simple and easy questions that might get the conversation rolling.  Good conversations develop and strengthen friendships.

4.  Give others sincere compliments.

Make it a point to give sincere compliments when you see someone or something that you like.  Avoid overly sugary and insincere sounding compliments.  Letting someone know that you like are appreciate what they have done is a great way to open up a conversation.  Don’t be stingy with sincere compliments.  Develop a reputation as someone who appreciates what others do for them.

5.  Hear them out to create friendships.

Make it a point to listen to what the other person is saying.  Make sure they’ve finished their statement before you interrupt and begin to comment.  People who are good communicators develop friendships.  The key to the art of communication is to understand what the other person is saying, not to force them to understand what you mean.

6.  Get clarification.  Don’t assume you know what they are talking about.

In any kind of conversation, it’s very important to be sure you accurately understand what the other person is saying.  Ask for clarification.  Sometimes it helps to summarize what they are saying.  Pay special attention to the feelings behind the facts.  Knowing why someone feels what they feel will help you to understand them as a person.

7.  Ask potential friends about their opinion.

In the beginning of a relationship, it is more important to ask other people about their opinion that it is to express yours.  Find out what this other person thinks about things.  This will help you decide if this is someone you want in your life or someone who you should avoid.

8.  Stay in contact to strengthen friendships.

When you meet someone you think is a potential friend don’t let it end with that first meeting.  Make an extra effort to get their phone number or other contact information.  Find a reason to make a second contact.  Look for other opportunities to do something together again.  It takes repeated contact to turn an acquaintance into a friend.

9.  Give as much as you take to maintain a friendship.

At the beginning of new friendships, it is important that they be reciprocal.  Make sure to avoid relationships with people who may be out to use you.  Be careful about pursuing friendships when you’re only desire is to get something from that other person.  The best friendships are ones where you would feel comfortable doing for them and expect that they would do the same for you.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

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For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel