Buying happiness.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happy children

Happy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Just how do you go about getting happiness?

Happiness seems to be so much harder to get than misery. In a previous post, I wrote about 13 ways to make yourself miserable. Finding ways to make yourself happy seems so much more difficult. It appears there are only a couple of ways we humans go about trying to acquire happiness. I did an internet search and found mostly things to do, places to go, to make me happy. There were also some sites devoted to treating unhappiness based on the assumption if we are less miserable we must then be happier.

Lots of people try to make themselves happy by buying. Despite more goods available now for purchase than ever before these things have not resulted in a universal reduction in unhappiness. More stuff and still we are unhappy.

More money does not make us happy, hence the old saying “money does not buy happiness.” Is that so? Then why do we keep spending money trying to become happy?

People also try to find happiness in frantic doing. The paradox here is that the people who do the most seem to be the least happy.

There are times when buying and doing do make people happy. Maybe the difference is in the way we spend our money and our time.

1. Doing for others makes us feel good.

Have you ever done something for a little child or a sick person? How did it make you feel to help someone else? Did you feel bad? Did you feel good? Most people tell me that helping a child makes them feel good.

This is a major part of the twelfth step as those who have been around a twelve-step group can tell you. Sponsors offer to help newcomers because it feels good to help. Anytime we are thinking about others and not ourselves our problems shrink. Twelve-step sponsors work with newcomers because it keeps them sober.

The joy of helping others sure looks like happiness to me.

2. The way we spend our money determines if it makes us happy or not.

Michael Norton has done a wonderful video on how the way we spend our money affects our happiness, more on Michael Norton at the end of this post.

People, who spend money on others, most often feel happier about the purchase than people who spend the money on themselves. Norton has done a lot of research on this. The results seem to be the same almost everywhere on the planet.

Donate money to charity and you will feel better. Spend it on yourself and the pleasure will last a very short time. Now, this does not say to neglect ourselves or that it is wrong to do nice things for ourselves. What he does point out is that money spent solely for the purpose of making ourselves happy is likely to fail.

The size of the purchase does not seem to matter. One huge donation to a charity, while commendable does not create the long-term happiness that developing a habit of being helpful or of service to people will create.

The conclusion I take from all this is that developing a habit of caring about others and spending your time and money on doing good, creates more happiness. Grow the habit of selfishness and spending on your own pleasure and no amount of time or money can make you happy.

About Mr. Norton, you can see the video of his presentation on the TED site. For those of you not familiar with TED it is an organization devoted to “ideas worth spreading.” This is one online video source worth watching. Here is the link.

Michael Norton TED – Ideas worth spreading

Any of you have stories about the way in which you spent your time and money and how those expenditures influenced your happiness?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Top blog posts for April 2012

Counselorssoapbox.com

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Here it is – The Best of Blog Recap for April 2012 –

Just in case you missed some of these, this is a second opportunity to check out some of the best posts as measured by reader views.

This month also, a new feature, “My favorite posts.” This category is my chance to mention some older posts and some that may have gotten missed because they were posted early in the blog or at times when many of you readers were away, Tax Day had a lower than normal readership for example.

Top read blog posts of April 2012.

1. Grandma is the Drug Connect

2. How much should you tell a therapist?

3. 13 Ways to make yourself miserable

4. Millions about to Catch a Mental Illness

My favorites, in no particular order

1. Why Can’t We Forget the Painful Past?

2. The Ambulance at the Corner

3. People are like them Trees

4. Bury the Past – Put it in a box

This month has been so gratifying. Thanks to all of you. April has been another record month for views. To date, there have been readers in over 35 countries. Many of you have emailed me to tell me you enjoyed a post. Please feel free to comment on any post. Reader comments help to make this blog more useful to all of us.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

8 warning signs you have PTSD.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Words about PTSD

PTSD.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Could you have PTSD?

There is a whole lot more Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) around than we would like to recognize. People struggle with the symptoms, sometimes for a lifetime. Often they think they are weak or crazy when in fact they have a recognized illness. PTSD is treatable if only those who have it would seek help.

There are three main causes of PTSD. One huge source of the illness is living through the horrors of war, either as a combatant or a civilian in a war zone. The recurring theme of so many young Americans sent off to wars in distant lands guarantee’s that we will be seeing an expanding number of PTSD cases for years to come.

Other large groups with PTSD are children who were abused and those who have been victims of domestic violence. There can be other sources of PTSD, such as witnessing a violent death or living through a natural disaster.

So what are the warning signs that you or someone you know has PTSD?

With PTSD you relive the horror day after day.

If the memory never goes away, you have recurrent thoughts about that time, that place, and it upsets you, these are all signs of PTSD. The key here is, are the thoughts intrusive? Some people especially young children get “stuck” they relive the events over and over, incorporating the things they have experienced into their play and their daily routines

The pain of PTSD follows you into your dreams.

We all have dreams; the mind tries to work out problems and save memories. Dreams in PTSD are different. The same dream recurs. It is as if you are living through the event all over again. People with PTSD can wake up screaming. If you are afraid to go to sleep for fear you will have that dream again or you don’t remember the last time you had a full night’s sleep you should be checked out for PTSD.

The feeling that the trauma is still happening is a sign of PTSD.

The trauma does not slip into the past. Every day you live through it again. This feeling of reliving the horror can be heightened by alcohol, some drugs, or a new traumatic event.

If you avoid feelings, thoughts and can’t talk about the trauma it may be PTSD.

Many returning veterans have never been able to talk about the things they experienced. When they do talk, it is usually only with other military veterans who have had similar experiences. Many with PTSD are never able to talk about their trauma outside a peer group.

Avoiding anything that reminds you of the trauma is a symptom of PTSD.

Holiday celebrations, people who wear particular cultural styles of clothing, smells, and ethnic foods, all of these can trigger a recurrence of symptoms. These recurrences are not just memories but reliving both the facts and the feelings of the first event. People with PTSD may panic and be unable to be around particular things that remind them of the traumatic incident.

Blackouts and memory gaps are common in people with PTSD.

People with PTSD may be horrifically frightened of things that remind them of the trauma but unable to recall large parts of the incident. Frequently important facts are forgotten. They see small details with great accuracy but other important parts of the story are lost in the fog.

With PTSD you experience a loss of connection.

People with PTSD lose interest in people and things around them. They find it difficult to participate in activities with others. They may become detached or unable to feel. They don’t see themselves as having a future, no family, no career. They don’t expect to live long.

Lots of episodes of sudden excessive emotions may be PTSD.

If you have PTSD you may suddenly become angry. You may be extra anxious, jump at the smallest sound. You may have trouble concentrating, be irritable, and unable to relax or sleep.

A precise diagnosis of PTSD should be made by a professional. There are other illnesses and problems that could resemble this condition. But if you experienced trauma you probably recognized yourself in this list.

For more information on Stress and PTSD see:

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder – PTSD and bouncing back from adversity

Posttraumatic Growth (PTG) vs. Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

Acute Stress Disorder vs. PTSD 

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Millions about to catch a mental illness – The DSM-5

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Medical record

Diagnosis.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

UPDATE – changes in the DSM-5

You can erase some of this post from your memory. Non-suicidal self-injury, Cutting did not make it and is stuck in the back – maybe section. During the process of updating the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) from the DSM-IV to the DSM-5 a lot of things were proposed. Some of those suggested changes were instituted and others were left out. This post includes mostly ideas that did make it to the final DSM-5. Because these ideas were included in a lot of research articles and other blog posts I have left the post up but need to tell you that some of this information is now out of date.

Will you be cured or struck with a new mental illness next year?

The way we understand mental illness is about to change. When the DSM-5 is published about May of 2013, millions of people will find their mental health diagnosis suddenly shuffled. Several conditions that bring clients to therapy every day, that didn’t used to be disorders, will suddenly appear. Some old disorders will disappear or become merged with others. This happened before when Manic Depressive Disorder disappeared and the Bipolar Disorders in all their shades took its place.

We Counselors don’t write the book so we don’t get much say on these changes but in order to get our clients the help they need we have to play along with the changes the Psychiatrists make in the rule book. These new rules include the latest research and hopefully refine and improve the system we use to figure out what mental, emotional or behavior problems the client has.

The new book, DSM-5 is still under review but from the version on-line we can see a lot of the directions the new version will take. There is still time for some revisions to the new DSM, but most of these changes look pretty certain.  I have been reading the new version on-line trying to get myself mentally prepared for the changes. Here are some trends I see.

Anger becomes a Disease – sort of

We know that anger and the loss of control that comes with excess anger is a serious problem. There is a huge group of people who have been required to take an anger management class. So far anger has not been a diagnosis. We have tried to force the angry client into other existing diagnoses. Some people with anger are depressed, some are anxious some are just bad people, and so on.

Cognitive therapists have been saying for years, and I agree with this, that most anger management classes fail because they seek to teach clients how to control their anger after they are already angry. Having the person who is furious count to ten only delays the explosion. The time to intervene is teaching the client not to “anger themselves” in the first place. You read that right. Others do not “make us angry” we “anger ourselves” when they don’t do what we want them to.

So we need a specific diagnosis for people who anger themselves too much and then lose control.  With kids we were calling this “Disruptive Behavior Disorder” or “Oppositional Defiant Disorder” sometimes this means blaming them as in “bad kid” diagnoses. We need to try to find ways to help kids learn new approaches. With adults, they became “depressed or anti-social, or worse.

The new label for this problem will become “Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder”

Cutting and Self Mutilation becomes a disorder.

Cutting and all the other self-mutilating behaviors are a huge problem. Parents call or bring their kids in because of this all the time. There are hundreds of books on the subject and lots of research that says this is a distinct, separate disorder. But up till the DSM-5 we had to shoehorn this into something else.

The confounding issue here is that most self mutilators do not want to die. This is most often not a suicide attempt. It is also most often, though not always, not an attention-seeking behavior. Self mutilators do it repeatedly and in places where others can’t see. They use this behavior to regulate emotions.

The confounding problem, self mutilators feel bad and sometimes they do decide to commit suicide.

This problem seems destined to soon become a disorder all on its own called “Non-suicidal Self Injury.”

In the future, you won’t outgrow your diagnosis

We have had separate names for the problems that children get. Sometimes the problem stays the same but every few years we change the diagnosis. We have had a whole chapter of problems that get first diagnosed in infancy, childhood, and adolescence.  This will go away. Yes, kids can be depressed. I have seen video footage of a new-born in the hospital who showed significant sadness when mom and dad stopped paying attention to him. So if parents were to neglect a child, could the child become depressed? Sure they could. The more the parents neglect the more depressed the child becomes.

So rather than separating childhood depression and anxiety, we can think of them as the same as grown-up mental illnesses only in children the symptoms may look a little different. When they are sad the child cries and dad drinks, two different behaviors but the same emotion.

Asperger’s is about to be cured.

Suddenly in one day, everyone with Asperger’s will stop having Asperger’s. The same thing will happen to Pervasive Developmental Disorder NOS. Don’t get too excited. Within minutes they will all have caught Autism.

Why this change? Researchers have come to doubt this pigeonhole approach. The characteristics of lots of the mental illnesses we think of as separate conditions are in fact just varying degrees of symptoms of the same disorder. So rather than splitting hairs on which name we call this, we are going to think of this as a continuum and say all these people have more or less similar symptoms just some are more serious and profound than others.

So in the future, all these people will have one diagnosis but we will look at the way the symptoms affect the individual. We hope this is progress. One problem though. In the past, the treatment, especially who would pay for treatment, depended on the label. Schools, insurance companies, and regulators may need to figure this one out. How will they decide how severe your autism needs to be before someone will pay to get you treated? We think we know that the sooner this condition gets treated, even mild cases, the better the child will do throughout their whole life.

That’s enough of this for one post, more about the DSM-5 to come in the future.

Bottom line, the DSM-5 in mid-2013 will make some changes to the way we think about mental illnesses and possible the way they get treated.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Licensed Professional Clinical Counselors (LPCC) in California

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counseling questions

Counseling questions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

LPCC’s off to a slow start.

LPCC licenses are being issued. My notice arrived in the mail this week. My license number LPC-15.

I had expected a much higher number. My Marriage and Family Therapist license is number 45390. I feel sure the number of Licensed Clinical Social Workers is a lot higher than that.

We sure seem to be off to a slow start. But when I consider that California is the last state to begin to license LPCC’s or any other kind of Professional Counselor it is not surprising that there are so few to start. I think there is a difference in the things the two specialties do and so evidently does the licensing board.

The differences between the professions are the reason why I elected to apply and test for a second license despite having my LMFT license. To those of you outside California, this probably all sounds a lot strange.

The growing recognition that mental health is a vitally important field and we need a lot more practitioners has resulted in the creation of new specialties and licenses. The names and the regulations vary a lot from state to state and country to country.

Let us only hope that the creation of more titles does not confuse the clients.

If you have questions on the various mental health professions please ask and I will try to answer them to the best of my abilities.

With the issuing of these licenses does it make sense that in California Substance Abuse Counselors are only registered not licensed? And why does it look like no one regulates “Life Coaches” despite the apparent similarities to therapy in what they say they do?

I am guessing that someone is likely to propose licensing Substance Abuse Councilors and Life Coaches soon.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Is it Complex Grief, Depression or Bereavement?

Bereavement

Bereavement, grief, and loss.
Picture courtesy of Pixabay.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Just what is Complex Grief, compound grief and why have people been asking about them recently?

Complex grief is also called complicated grief, traumatic grief, prolonged grief, chronic grief, or extreme grief.

The Idea behind Compound grief and its many other labels is that while most everyone experiences grief at some point in their life, sometimes that grief becomes debilitating and people with these issues need help. The questions become, is this a mental illness and how should people with severe grief issues be helped.

One thing therapy shouldn’t do is turn everyone into a mental patient and start requiring treatment for all. In professional lingo, this is called pathologizing clients. There is plenty to do helping people who genuinely need help so we don’t need to enlarge the number of disorders just to keep counselors busy.

Grief is a normal part of life. People we love die. The loss of a close family member should make you sad. When does this move from a normal part of life to a disorder requiring treatment? And who should pay for this? Insurance companies may cover necessary treatment but they will draw the line if normal human emotions become the subject of treatment. The more diseases we create the more health care will cost. Besides if someone really has an extreme impairment as a result of bereavement that becomes Major Depression and gets treated right? Not exactly.

Currently, grief is excluded from the DSM-4 criteria for depression. The reasoning for this was that if everyone is likely to experience this sooner or later, then it is not a mental illness. Just how much the death of a family member is expected to affect us is mostly a result of culture. Some cultures mourn for a year or more. The widow or widower wears black and is granted time to grieve their loss.

In western society, we limit grief to 60 days. Many other acute life events are limited to 30 days. After that, you are supposed to get back to work and living. Since the DSM guide to mental illnesses is published by the American Psychiatric Association it reflects American and western values. That may not be appropriate for people of other cultures regardless of where they live.

Currently, the loss of a close person is included in the DSM as V62.82 Bereavement. V codes normally are not covered by most insurance plans. At least two factions are working to change this.

Those who are working on the new DSM-5 report that Complex grief is a disorder proposed by groups outside the APA which is being considered. Additionally, people within the APA have suggested removing the exclusion for grief from the definition of Major Depressive Disorder. That would result in more people who have severe symptoms as a result of grief getting treatment under the Depression code. I suspect that in practice most clinicians, after a while, go ahead and give the diagnosis of depression, grief, or no, after the client has had problems for a while.

But there is another problem with all this increasing of treatment for grieving people. A specialty is growing up of practitioners who say they specialize in “grief counseling.” The research has not been kind to some of those “Grief counselors.” Some grief counseling seems to do more harm than good.

Personally, I am all for helping people who need help but the idea that we might evolve a subspecialty of counselors who are doing harm not good worries me. Complex grief is not the only area where we have a risk of doing more harm than good.

Some of the treatments for PTSD and other trauma counseling have the potential to make the victim relive the experience, rather than allowing them to heal. The repeated exposure to the trauma may retraumatize the client and makes them worse.

Not everyone who experiences the loss of a loved one has symptoms we might call complex grief. People with a past history of Major Depression are more likely to become depressed again if someone close to them dies. So is this a new disorder “complex grief” or is this a reemergence of Major Depression? Add a second stressor like financial problems, divorce, alcoholism, or addiction and the loss of a loved one is more likely to affect people’s functioning.

People with multiple losses are more at risk and so are people who have a loss in early life and then experience a loss again. If you lose a parent as a child, are you more likely to feel sad when someone else dies in your life? Does that make the second loss a mental illness?

Men and women differ in the way they show grief, so do people of different cultures. We would want to avoid creating a mental illness that only one sex or culture gets diagnosed with. But then we already have several that are more likely to be given to women than men.  Does that mean that there is a difference in the mental health of one sex or the other or only that we are defining the emotions of women and ways they express them as a mental illness?

Professionals don’t all agree on this.

So what do I think will happen? Wish my crystal ball was clearer. My guess is that we will not add complex grief as a new disorder. The APA looks poised to soften the criteria for Major Depression and let some people who are suffering from depression as a result of a traumatic loss get more help.

I also expect to see more peer and self-help groups with or without professional assistance.

So what do you think? Is complex different from normal grief? Should it be a separate diagnosed mental illness or is it a normal human emotion?

This post was featured in “Best of Blog – May 2012

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

People are like them trees.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Tree

Tree.

“People are like them trees,” the old man said as he pointed out the window. I must have looked at him like he was crazy because he started to explain.

“Ain’t a one of them that grows straight up to the sky, not one! Some of them look straight from far off but when you get to looking right up close they everyone gots their scars.”

“They start off all looking straight; we stake them up nice and neat but sooner or later we takes the stakes off and then the tree has to grow on their own. People try to do that with their kids, stake them up, fence them round and keep them growing up on the straight. But eventually, the parents got to back off and let the kids grow on their own just like we do them trees.”

“Trees grow for a while and then they take off in one direction or other, eventually they end goin off this way or that and then they head back towards the light and grow a different way. Lots of twists and turns in direction we all have.” Had to agree with that one, not many people grow up and grow out in the same direction I thought. “We need to change direction from time to time just like them trees.”

“Sometimes them trees get pruned back, branches cut off. Life done pruned me some, recon it pruned you too” he said and gave me a glance. I had to agree my life had changed direction, been pruned a few times too. Some of that pruning hurts at the time even when it makes you grow straighter, I thought.

“Look at that one there,” he said, pointing to one large tree with a lot of branches going every which way. “He been reaching out for a long time trying to find the sun when all the time it is up there above him. We peoples look all around for happiness and don’t even know it is there like the sun for the taking long as we don’t keep grown after every which way thing.”

The longer I looked the more I could see how he was right. Trees have knots and scars just like us. But they keep on growing, growing towards the light. Trees like people grow up or we die.

“What kind of tree are you?” He asked. I said I didn’t know exactly, just one that kept changing direction looking for the light.

Never thought about it that way I said to the old man. Mind if I share the “people are like trees” idea with some other folks? “Go right ahead,” he said. “Can’t recall who told me.”

Ever since our talk, I have been thinking about the way my life keeps changing direction but keeps reaching for the sky. What will this tree of my life look like when it is done growing?

Say what do you think? What kind of tree are you?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What is Reactive Depression?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Depressed person

Depression.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Do you have Reactive Depression?

Reactive depression is one of those terms, like Manic-Depressive Disorder, that still gets used even though we have come up with new, presumably more precise names. The underlying assumption, which is often hiding here, is that if we could find ways to categorize the various mental, emotional and behavioral problems, we should be able to find precise treatments, medication, or therapy for your specific ailment. If only it was that simple.

The Reactive Depression terms meaning has changed over time. Most recently it was in use to describe times when a person became depressed as a result of a specific stressor. Say you lose your job, that loss might make you sad. A small amount of sadness for a while is normal. Staying a lot sad for a long time is excessive and so you are sort of depressed. In this view reactive depression is depression caused by your specific reaction to an identifiable event. That event might be a one-time thing or it might be repeated exposure to the same sorts of events. Some people have called this Situational Depression.

This is not the same thing as Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD.) A person with PTSD may or may not have depression but Depression is not part of the definition of PTSD. People with PTSD can’t get the thoughts of the event out of their heads. It is as if they are continually re-experiencing the trauma. Anything that reminds them of the trauma is upsetting and they will try to avoid things that trigger those reminders. PTSD usually disturbs sleep. Other symptoms include disturbing dreams, nightmares, trouble falling asleep and more trouble staying asleep. PTSD is an ANXIETY disorder as opposed to an Anxiety disorder. It also includes a lot of stress and trauma-related features.

There is another idea, similar to reactive depression, currently called Minor Depressive Disorder which is currently listed as a disorder listed for further study. While Reactive Depression is in response to something that happened to you, Minor Depressive Disorder is a sad or depressed period with some symptoms but it is just not as deep or severe a depression as a Major Depressive Disorder. So far neither of these ideas is an accepted diagnosis under the current text, the DSM-4-TR. Some of these ideas will change when the DSM-5 comes out but that is very controversial at this time.

There is another name and criteria set that we are currently using to cover both of these issues. We call this disorder or group of six disorders – Adjustment Disorders. There are good reasons why people might suffer from adjustment disorders and need treatment but still not have all the symptoms of Major Depressive Disorder or Bipolar Disorder.

In my experience, Adjustment Disorders result in more people in crisis than most of the other disorders. By definition, Adjustment Disorders should be time-limited. If it goes on too long after the event or if the symptoms continue to be severe or worsen, then the diagnosis will get increased to Major Depressive Disorder.

That does not mean that a Reactive Depression or Adjustment Disorder is not dangerous. People, who find out their partner is leaving them or has cheated or those who lose a job or house they love, can and sometimes do get violent towards themselves and others.

So let’s return to the person who just lost their job, or spouse or has a sick family member. Might that make them sad? Might they be scared and anxious? Hey, what if they got both depressed and anxious?

This is why we have diagnoses of Adjustment Disorder with Depressed Mood, with Anxiety, and with Anxiety and Depressed Mood. What else might happen?

Could a person who lost their spouse start drinking and get arrested?  Maybe a teen that fails a class or gets in trouble might run away from home or get mad and break windows? So one reaction to a problem, one adjustment difficulty, could be to behave in ways that make society disapprove of you. We would call that Adjustment Disorder with Disturbance of Conduct.

Think about this for a moment. That teen, might he be depressed, anxious, and act badly? What about his unemployed father who gets scared he won’t find another job, starts drinking, and gets into a fight. We call these sets of behavior Adjustment Disorder with Disturbance of Emotions and Conduct. Lots of names for the ways in which adjusting to a problem could affect someone.

If you have been counting that is only five diagnoses and I promised you six.

We always need a loophole. We call that Adjustment Disorder Unspecified when we can’t figure out which other one it is.

Regardless of the name the preferred treatment for these issues in counseling. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or solution-focused counseling is recommended. The main direction of this kind of therapy is on problem-solving and changing the ways in which you think about your problems.

So whether you call it Reactive Depression, Minor Depression, or an Adjustment Disorder, the way we react to life’s stresses can result in crises that require and often bring people to counseling.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Where do you belong?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Family of teddy bears.

Belonging.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“I don’t belong here.”

Lots of people say they don’t belong here. Have you ever felt that way? Sometimes people who say and think that, mean here, now, in the present situation or place. Sometimes they mean on this earth.

When you don’t feel like you belong it is hard to be motivated, to have a purpose. Some people despair of ever finding a place where they can belong.

We talk about our “belongings,” the things we own. But feeling like someone’s possession, that can’t make us feel like we belong. Feeling that you are where you should be is not about things.

For some people belonging is about being tucked safely and securely in a close affectionate group. It might also mean feeling like we are the same as those around us. For other people belonging is being surrounded by people who accept us for who we are and encourage us to be ourselves even if that self is different from the self they have.

Some kids who have moved a lot tell me they feel this lack of belonging. People from families that never accepted them for whom and what they are; say they don’t feel like they belong also. If your family does not affirm you or if you have no friends it is not likely you can feel that you belong there. But where do you belong?

When you are always moving, starting over with new friends, new routines, it is hard to feel like you fit in. Some people find that right place, that time they fit in, early in life. Some of us spend our lifetimes looking for that place.

It is not just kids; adults say the same thing. They have spent their lives looking for that one place they fit in, that belief, cause, or activity that makes them feel that this is their one special place, the place they belong, the place they ought to be.

Sometimes it is a relationship where we belong, which gives out lives meaning. But relationships can end and then we ask if we still belong.

Elizabeth Lesser in her book Broken Open says it this way. “The first time I assisted at a birth, I had that feeling that I belonged exactly where I was, that there was nowhere else I would rather be.”

Some of us grow up not knowing where we ought to be. We may travel the world only to return to the place where we started and find there the place we always belonged, the place we needed to be.

Others of us travel and somewhere in those moves we find a place where we finally can say this is where I belong.

People will tell us that they find that belonging feeling in a spiritual place, a church, temple, mosque, or a clearing in the woods. We might find the place we belong in a cause or political movement. Why it is that one person feels at home in one place and another in a quite different setting I cannot say.

Recovering people have told me that the first time they ever felt at home, like they belonged there, was in a twelve-step meeting, among other people who understood their struggles and who welcomed them home.

Many among us will work their whole lives at a job so that they can finally retire and go on their quest for the place they belong, the thing that gives their life meaning. Others find that calling early in life and belong doing what they do their whole life. Sadly some people never do find that place where they belong.

Have you found that place where your life has meaning and purpose, a place where people accept you, that one place where you belong?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Think yourself sick – Nocebo Effect

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Woman thinking

Thinking.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

The Nocebo Effect.

Did you know that thinking you will get sick, can make it so? Most of us are familiar with the Placebo effect in which someone who thinks they are taking powerful medication will get better even if the pill has nothing in it. There is an opposite but not so equal effect called the Nocebo effect in which we can make ourselves sick when the risk factors say we should not have gotten ill.

In one study of women with a family history of heart disease, women who expected to have heart problems – eventually developed them.  Thinking they were prone to heart disease made them four times more likely to develop the disease than those who did not think they would get it. That difference persisted even when we compared the results of diet, exercise, weight, blood pressure, and cholesterol.

This does not mean you should give up efforts to control your weight or improve your health. What it does tell us is that while positive thoughts can make you happier, negative thoughts can kill you.

Doctors have known about the existence of the Nocebo effect for a long time. Surgeons know that people who do not expect to survive an operation are much more likely to die. If the patient has had a loved one who died recently and they want to be with that loved one, the risk of death increases dramatically even when the operation is not that risky. Still, it is hard to measure something that makes the body sick but is centered in the mind, not the body.

Is this a new idea? No, not really. We have all talked or thought about someone who “makes me sick.” Brian Reid wrote an interesting article called The Nocebo Effect: Placebo’s Evil Twin for The Washington Post on April 30, 2002. He is not the only one to tackle this subject. Penny Sarchet discussed research on the ‘Nocebo’ effect in her winning essay for the Wellcome Trust science writing prize in November of 2001. There have been lots of other references to this phenomenon but it hasn’t been widely noticed.

One reason is that we like to give people credit for healing themselves through their beliefs or positive thinking but we are reluctant to criticize someone for having negative thoughts. Depressed people, for example, can’t be positive. Acknowledging the Nocebo effect feels like blaming the victim.

Many of the side-effects reported for medications may be the result of Nocebo effects. Burns, Meichenbaum, and others have talked about the way in which beliefs about the effectiveness of a medication or negative beliefs about the med can change the results of studies even when there are no active ingredients in the pill. For example, always buy multi-colored capsules if you can; they work better than white tablets regardless of what is in them.

Reid also pointed out in his article that doctors don’t like to warn patients about potential side effects because telling the patient about that side-effect makes the patient much more likely to have that side effect.

We know that thoughts are transmitted in the brain chemically. Now with various sorts of brain scans, we can see what happens in the brain. Tell someone that the medication they are taking will have a painful effect and the parts of the brain that process pain will light up.

We also know that what you are thinking, good or bad has an effect not just on your thoughts and mood but also on the production of chemicals that make you better or worse.

Have you ever awakened one morning and thought you were going to have a bad day? Have you known someone who was always negative and expected the worst? How does it usually turn out? Expecting the worst increases the chances that you will experience it.

Thinking is not a substitute for proper medical treatment, but your attitude towards that treatment may influence the effectiveness of the treatment no matter what your doctor does. Your thoughts can influence the results.

So how do you banish Nocebo?

Try to keep your thoughts positive. Read inspirational books. Spend time with friends. Having positive people around you can make you more positive. If you don’t have a positive support system, develop one. Go to religious services, do hobbies and activities where you might see people and make friends. Having good friends can lengthen your life.

Pay more attention to the benefits of things than the negative. Whatever you focus on you will get more of. Constantly worrying about side effects will make them larger. Focusing on any progress no matter how small will magnify that progress.

If something is concerning you, capture that thought, write it down, type it on the computer whatever it takes to get it recorded, and then out of your head. Trying to remember for a month all the things you need to discuss with your doctor will keep you focused on your pain and symptoms. Writing it down gets the disturbing thought out of your head and gives you something to take with you when you talk to your provider.

Work with a counselor or therapist on improving your outlook. Self-help groups, religious leaders, and trustworthy friends can also be helpful in banishing negative thoughts.

Be aware of the Nocebo effect and don’t become its next victim.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel