Climbing Life’s Mountains.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
Climbing Life’s Mountains.
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.
Is your life where you wanted it to be?
Many of the people I talk to in my therapy practice who are in their twenties, thirties, and even forties, men and women both, tell me that they are not where they should be in life. While there can be many reasons for that, I wanted to talk to you today about some of the more common reasons people fail to reach their goals, and even when they do, they don’t feel that they are successful enough.
In a previous post, I talked about how I view my personal process of setting and achieving goals as being metaphorically like an Indoor Mountain Climber. For this post, I will use that metaphor and expand on it. Whether the mountain you’re trying to climb is outdoors or a challenge in your home or work life, there are some questions you need to ask yourself.
How did I pick that goal?
Most people spend more time shopping for a used car than they do picking out a college major or a life partner. Not knowing the person you’re moving in with and not knowing what you will be doing once you get your degree and are working in that field leads to a lot of disappointment.
It’s common to underestimate how hard it is to climb the mountain you have chosen. People who have been in a career field for ten years often compare themselves to people who have been on the job for thirty or forty years and feel they have a lot of ground to catch up. When you have been climbing your mountain for a few hours, and you look up towards the summit, it can easily look like you have not gotten anywhere.
Most overnight successes spent years developing their skills before they got their big break. When you’re partway into your career, don’t complain that you’re not yet at the top of your profession. Take a good look around at how long those people above you have been climbing. It also helps to prevent discouragement to look at those people who are just starting out and realize how far you’ve come.
Did you pick the wrong mountain to climb?
Many people reach a point where they look around and say to themselves, “I think I’m climbing the wrong mountain.” A lot of people discover that the career they are pursuing doesn’t provide the rewards they’re looking for. What you learn in school are the basics. What you learn on the job is the reality.
Lots of things are fun when you’re first learning a new subject. Especially if you are like me and love learning just for the sake of learning. However, once you get on the job, those abstract theoretical questions can become the drudgery of doing the same task over and over. If you are going to spend all day filling out forms, you need to enjoy that process, or there needs to be some other reward in your outside of work life to keep you doing it.
Making a large salary won’t make you happy.
Studies of happiness tell us we have made a mistake in how we evaluate happiness. Happiness and unhappiness are not at opposite ends of a spectrum. Happiness is one feeling, and unhappiness is another. When life is hard, if you live in poverty and struggle to provide the basics of life, it’s likely you will be unhappy. But even in unhappy circumstances, when your partner or children hug you and tell you how much they appreciate you, it makes you happy.
This separateness of happiness and unhappiness explains to me why more money can reduce unhappiness but it will not by itself increase happiness. Spending money on things only makes you happy for a very brief period of time.
If you don’t have a car, buying one that runs makes you less unhappy. Buying a brand-new fancy prestige car may make you happy for a while, but that happiness is off, and you must keep trading up for the newest and latest prestige item.
Everyone needs something that gives their life meaning and purpose.
If you can find and pursue the one thing that gives your life meaning and purpose, you are much more likely to find happiness. For some people, their work is a way to earn enough money so that on their time off, they can do those things that give their life meaning and purpose. Other people are able to find a job which in and of itself fills their life with meaning and purpose.
Have you achieved the right balance between things that support you physically and those activities that give your life meaning and purpose?
Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?
Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.
Recently, I began working with a telehealth company called Grow Therapy. If you’d like to make an appointment to work with me, contact them, and they can do the required paperwork and show you my available appointments. The link for making an appointment to talk with me is: David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC
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