Ways to perform well when you’re under pressure.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Performing well under pressure.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How do you perform when you’re under pressure?

Are you one of those people who are at your best when under pressure? Or are you one of those people who choke when the pressure is on?

People who perform well under pressure have developed the right mindsets, attitudes, and skills. Challenges don’t derail them; they energize them. You too can learn to perform well under pressure. Here are some of the techniques that will help you do better when the pressure is on.

Giving yourself as much time as possible reduces the pressure.

Some people delude themselves into believing that the way to get something done is to wait until the last possible minute. They tell themselves that they perform better under pressure. Unfortunately, what many people do when the pressure is lower their standards. Students who wait until the night before the paper is due can get an essay written in a very short amount of time. They also often do poorly and then use the lack of time as an excuse. Start as soon as possible on any new project. That allows you to correct mistakes. Build some extra time in your plans for those tasks, which ended up taking longer than you expected.

Practice skills beforehand reduce the pressure.

When under pressure, humans tend to revert to their usual way of doing things. To be able to make use of skills you are learning, you need to over-practice those skills until they become automatic. The better prepared you are for the challenge, the less stressful it will be. If you have thoroughly practiced a necessary skill, your muscles will remember it and perform that task automatically.

Use positive affirmations to reduce stress.

Putting yourself down will damage your performance. People who believe in themselves do better. Positive affirmations shouldn’t be a matter of lying to yourself. Tell yourself you can do it, and you probably will be able to. Tell yourself this will be the best performance anyone has ever done, and your brain will know you’re lying and try to sabotage you. Positive affirmations are a way to psych yourself up and maximize your performance.

Developing a positive stress mindset improves performance.

Viewing the task ahead as stressful makes it more challenging to accomplish. Looking for opportunities to grow and develop improves your performance. People with a positive stress mindset are energized by opportunities rather than being exhausted by them.

Tell your inner critic to shut up.

The evidence from psychology tells us that self-criticism is rarely helpful. Everyone has an inner critic telling them they can’t do this, or they’re not good enough. Some people are so used to listening to the inner critic that they find daily life stressful. Other people have practiced ignoring that inner critic enough that they rarely hear the inner critic’s voice anymore. The time for evaluation of what you have done is after everything is over, not before. Don’t start making excuses before you even begin the project.

For more on this topic see this article.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Learning

Learning.

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

― Maya Angelou

“Once you learn to read, you will be forever free.”

― Frederick Douglass

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration

 

Thanksgiving Day.

Thanksgiving Day.

Post by David Joel Miller.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Today is the traditional Thanksgiving Day celebration here in America. Mostly it is celebrated with lots of food, some family, and assorted other traditions.

For some people, this is a time to eat a lot and watch sports. Other people are planning their “Black Friday” Christmas shopping for tomorrow. A few of us old dinosaurs are remembering that today was created to think about all the things that we have to be grateful for and how this country almost didn’t make it, a couple of times.

Below are a few quotes that remind me of things to think about today.

“After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”

― Oscar Wilde, A Woman of No Importance

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. ~Irv Kupcinet

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder

None is more impoverished than the one who has no gratitude. Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves, and spend without fear of bankruptcy. ~Fred De Witt Van Amburgh

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. ~Johnny Carson

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. But these were all I could find. Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Trying.

Trying.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Trying.

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”

― Albert Einstein

“Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!”

― Dr. Seuss

“Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.”

― Maya Angelou, Letter to My Daughter

“These are the times that try men’s souls.”

― Thomas Paine, The American Crisis

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration

Do you worry too much?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Man worrying,

Do you worry too much?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Not everyone means the same thing when they say they worry.

Pretty much everyone “worries” at one time or another. When some people say worry, they mean they are concerned about something. People worry about having enough money for retirement, and that may motivate them to save more. It’s reasonable to be concerned and take action if you don’t have money or a job. People who are high in anxiety may worry unreasonably about everything. If you worry repetitively, and you worry about things that have a low probability of happening, you may be suffering from a serious mental illness called Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Worry means more than just being concerned about something.

Dictionary definitions for the word worry include to give way to anxiety or unease, to dwell on one’s difficulties or troubles, a state of anxiety or uncertainty about one’s troubles, either actual or potential. Problematic worry involves worrying excessively about your problems rather than taking action to solve them or spending a great deal of time thinking about possible problems in the future even when the chances that will come to pass are very small. Ruminating about the future can make you more anxious and results in mental health problems.

Some worry is normal.

Doubts, worries, and anxieties are normal. Being concerned about something, having a real worry or anxiety, should motivate you to take action to prepare for possible negative outcomes. Buying insurance is one way of reducing your worries.

Worry and Anxiety can become your friends or your enemies.

How worry and anxiety affect you depends on your stress mindset. We all experience some stress before a novel experience. Going for a job interview, giving a speech, and athletic competition, taking a test, or a first date, can all be stressful. Some people interpret the butterflies in their stomachs as excitement and the second themselves up to do better. Other people become so anxious they avoid these kinds of situations.

How can you tell if you’re worrying too much?

Constant or excessive worry takes its toll on your physical and emotional health. Worry can interfere with your sleep and your ability to relax. If you’re not able to rest up between episodes of stress, you’re at high risk of developing burnout. Uncontrolled excessive worry can leave you unable to cope with life.

One sign of excessive worry is having constant negative, unhelpful thoughts. If worry becomes persistent, you’re worrying too much. People with uncontrolled worry begin to worry about every possible what-if.

Using drugs and alcohol to treat worry makes it worse.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that alcohol or drugs can help you cope with worry and anxiety. Unfortunately, substances only work for a very short time. Once the alcohol wears off you will experience rebound anxiety, which will be stronger than before. Using substances may help you forget about your worries temporarily, but they will interfere with your ability to take action to solve those problems.

Unexplained physical ailments are a sign your worry is out of control.

Worry leads to anxiety, and anxiety leads to a host of physical ailments. Excessive worry is a common cause of tension headaches. Worry can also lead to gastrointestinal difficulties, both constipation, and diarrhea. Worry increases the stress hormones in your bloodstream. If you’re in real physical danger and need to run for your life those stress hormones can be useful. But if your worry is creating those stress hormones, you’re going to feel it everywhere in your body.

People worry excessively are more likely to experience muscle aches and pains even when they haven’t used those muscles. Worry can also impair your concentration leading to poor performance at school or work. Worry leads to irritability, which can damage your relationships with family, friends, and coworkers.

You can learn to control your worrying.

Somehow you learn to worry, and you learn to stop worrying so much. Changing the way you think about worry, and eliminating unhelpful thoughts will reduce your worry. If worry is impairing your happiness or making you sick you may want to work with a counselor who can teach you techniques to reduce unnecessary worries.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Impatient.

Impatient.

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Impatient.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“It’s a universal law– intolerance is the first sign of an inadequate education. An ill-educated person behaves with arrogant impatience, whereas truly profound education breeds humility.”

― Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn

Impatience, on the other hand, is a symptom of selfishness. It is a trait of the self-absorbed. It arises from the all-too-prevalent condition called “center of the universe” syndrome, which leads people to believe that the world revolves around them and that all others are just supporting cast in the grand theater of mortality in which only they have the starring role.”

― Dieter F. Uchtdorf

“Experience has further taught me this, that we ruin ourselves by impatience.”

― Michel de Montaigne

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration

Service.

Service.

Service

Service.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

“Everybody can be great…because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”

― Martin Luther King Jr.

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.”

― Booker T. Washington, Up from Slavery

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration

Warning signs you’re overtired and stressed out.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Stress person

Stress.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Stress can be either physical or emotional.

Some stress is more harmful than others. Physical stress wears out the body, but it also makes it harder to regulate your emotions. Emotional stress makes it difficult for you to think and can also interfere with sleep, appetite, and mood, leading to depression and anxiety. One of the early symptoms of job burnout is feeling both physically and emotionally tired and not being able to rest up during your hours away from work or stress. Below is a list of symptoms that may mean you are overtired, stressed out, and headed for long-term physical and emotional problems.

You have stopped feeling pleasure.

Loss of pleasure, particularly the inability to feel pleasure, is one of the warning signs of depression. If things that used to make you happy no longer do, you’re headed for problems. Life is a mixture of the good and bad, but if you’ve reached a point where you no longer can recognize and enjoy the good things when they happen, something is wrong.

If you can’t sleep, stress may be the cause.

The inability to sleep, or poor sleep quality, can be the result of many things, very few of which are good. Sleeping far too much or inability to sleep is a symptom of depression. Lying awake at night unable to fall asleep because your mind is racing and you’re full of anxiety should tell you that something is wrong. It’s possible to be too physically tried to fall asleep. But more often, the cause of an inability to sleep is stress, anxiety, depression, or an even a more severe mental illness.

Stress can cause weird, upsetting dreams.

Today most therapists spend far less time on dream analysis than we did in the past. What a dream means to one person and what it means to someone else may be very different. But if you’ve noticed a change in your dreams, you need to look at what else is going on in your life. If your dreams are upsetting, you start by examining what is going on in your life. Weird upsetting dreams are one sign that your stress levels are just too high.

Tight, aching muscles can be a sign of stress fatigue.

If your muscles are tight, aching, and you haven’t recently put them under physical strain, probably excess stress is the cause. With any physical symptoms, it’s always a good idea to see a doctor and rule out an organic cause. But if your body is complaining, and you can find a physical reason why stress is the likely culprit.

Falling asleep in the daytime is a sign of fatigue.

Sleeping during the daytime suggests you’re not getting enough rest at night. Emotional stress can be just as exhausting as physical activity. If your spending enough time in bed, but still tired during the daytime, stress, and pressure are likely reasons.

Brain fog can be a sign you are overtired.

Being overtired and stressed out can result in cognitive challenges. If you find you are walking around in a fog, having difficulty making decisions, stress is a likely culprit. Like a computer that is unable to take in new input until it processes something, your brain can be so overloaded with stress that it is unable to function efficiently.

Irritability is a symptom of excessive stress.

When a baby doesn’t feel well, they become irritable. They may try to push caregivers away. If you find that you are becoming more irritable, more temperamental, or shorter with those around you, it’s essential to pay attention to how much stress you are under and what is causing it. There are lots of techniques you can use to reduce stress, but you must practice stress reduction before you break. Once your irritability has caused problems in your relationships with others, you may not be able to repair the damage your irritability has caused.

Cravings can be the result of being stressed out.

People who are under a lot of stress often find that there eating changes. Rather than craving healthy foods, you may begin to crave carbohydrates and sugar. People with a history of using drugs and alcohol discovered that constant cravings for drugs and alcohol are often the result of stress. Pay attention to your cravings; they’re trying to tell you something beyond just that you want that food or drug.

Stress causes headaches that won’t go away.

Lots of things can cause headaches, and it’s important to rule those physical causes out. But if you suffer from chronic headaches, and your doctor hasn’t found a physical reason, a likely culprit is stress, particularly stress of the emotional kind.

Digestive upset is a sign of stress.

Pressure and stress can also upset your digestive system. Episodes of both diarrhea and constipation can be the direct result of stress. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. It’s important to re-examine your life and find out whether your life is that stressful or if some of your reaction to stress is the result of a negative stress mindset.

Being chronically thirsty may be a sign of excess stress.

If you’re experiencing chronic thirst, and it is not caused by either physical dehydration or medical problems such as diabetes, it may be the result of high levels of stress.

If you recognize several of these symptoms of excess stress and they are interfering with your quality of life, now is the time to re-examine your life and reduce your stress. You may want to learn and practice some stress reduction techniques. For the emotional varieties of stress, consider working with a counselor on shifting your stress mindset.

For more on this topic see:     Stress

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Challenge.

Challenge.

Challenge.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

― Martin Luther King Jr.

“The best antidote I know for worry is work. The best cure for weariness is the challenge of helping someone who is even more tired. One of the great ironies of life is this: He or she who serves almost always benefits more than he or she who is served.”

― Gordon B. Hinckley, Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can prove useful information. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration

Recommended Mental Health Books

David Miller at counselorssoapbox.com is an Amazon Affiliate and may receive a small Commission if you purchase a book or product using the link on this page. Using the link will not increase the cost to you.

Are unhelpful thoughts causing you problems?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Woman thinking

Unhelpful Negative Thoughts.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What are unhelpful thoughts?

Unhelpful thoughts are part of some people’s self-talk. What you tell yourself often enough becomes automatic thoughts. Becoming aware of the negative messages you’re giving your brain and challenging those messages is a part of the process of change that we call Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

In the early days of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), researchers and theoreticians noticed a connection between the kind of automatic thoughts or self-talk that some people engaged in and the development of severe mental illnesses, particularly depression and anxiety. Originally, these kinds of thoughts were described as irrational thoughts or dysfunctional thoughts. Those labels seem to me to be judgmental. Recently, I’ve noticed therapists using the term unhelpful thoughts, and I believe that’s a much better way to describe these automatic thoughts.

Most of these unhelpful thoughts are the result of one or more informal logical fallacies. When you think unhelpful thoughts, they seem true to you, but when an outside observer looks at the evidence, these unhelpful thoughts don’t hold up. These categories of unhelpful thoughts may be called by different names, but here is my version.

All-or-nothing thinking is unhelpful.

This unhelpful thought involves looking at things in black-or-white or yes-or-no categories. For the person with all-or-nothing thinking, there is no middle ground. They tell themselves, “I must be perfect, or I’m a failure.” This type of thinking has led to an increase in depression and even suicide attempts at some of the prestigious colleges where students fall into the trap of believing there are only two grades: an A or a Not-A. This is a form of perfectionism in which one flaw makes the person worthless. While striving for self-improvement is worthwhile, believing that you must be perfect or you’re no good will undermine your self-esteem and lead to depression.

Overgeneralization from a negative experience is an unhelpful thought.

This unhelpful thought involves the belief that one negative experience predicts the future. The person tells themselves, “I didn’t get hired for this job. I’ll never get any job.” If you get turned down for a date, you tell yourself no one will ever like me, and I will be alone for the rest of my life.

Having a negative mental filter creates unhelpful thoughts.

Someone with a negative mental filter never sees their accomplishments but only their mistakes. The student who gets one question wrong on a test believes that that means they’re stupid, despite the overwhelming number of correct answers.

A person with a negative mental filter fails to get a promotion or is turned down for a raise, and they believe that means they are no good at their jobs and are at risk of being fired.

Discounting the positive is a common, unhelpful thought.

Someone with this unhelpful thought might apply for a job and get hired, but rather than believing this is because they were a good candidate, they will tell themselves they only got hired because nobody better applied. No matter how many successes this person has, they only remember their failures and expect to fail the next time they attempt something.

Mind-reading is a very unhelpful way of thinking.

People who practice mind-reading believe that when someone doesn’t return a phone call, this means that that person hates them. The mind reader is continually telling themselves that something terrible is about to happen. Since they always predict the worst, they see the worst in every person and situation they encounter. Expecting your partner to be a mind reader is an unhelpful thought that comes up often in couples counseling.

Jumping to dire conclusions is an unhelpful thought.

The jumping to conclusions unhelpful thought takes you from the weather report saying it will rain tomorrow to canceling your camping trip because you’re sure there’s likely to be flooding, and lightning might strike your camp.

People with this unhelpful thought process always expect the worst possible outcome. It won’t invest in a retirement account because the stock market might crash. They don’t want to go on a vacation because the plane might crash.

Emotional reasoning will mislead you.

Feelings can be a useful source of information, but not everything you feel is real. Just because something scares you does not mean it is dangerous. Feeling embarrassed about something you did doesn’t mean everyone else noticed and is judging you. Question whether your feelings are providing you with accurate information, or are you assuming that because you feel something, that makes it accurate?

Trying to live by a long list of absolute rules is unhelpful.

Holding yourself to a strict list of what you should and shouldn’t do and beating yourself up if you break any of the rules is a very unhelpful way of thinking. “I should never have said anything to her. I’m such an idiot.” Trying to live by an arbitrary list of “should’s” and “musts” can result in a lot of emotional problems.

Negative self-labeling is unhelpful.

If you make a mistake or your performance is less than you would like it to be, don’t call yourself stupid or clumsy. Telling yourself you’re a failure creates failure.

Trying to control things that are not in your control is unhelpful.

If you’re one of those people who believes that everything that goes wrong is your fault, you have developed a very unhelpful way of thinking. Don’t try to control or protect other people by anticipating what could go wrong in their lives. You can plan, but don’t fall into the trap of thinking that your planning and worrying will somehow make everything come out the way you want it to.

What should you do if your life is full of unhelpful thoughts?

If you find that you fall into frequent use of these unhelpful thoughts, begin to challenge those anxiety-producing thoughts. Ask yourself what the evidence is that this thought is true. Get a second opinion from a friend. You may find self-help books based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy especially helpful. Consider working with a counselor or therapist. A good coach can help improve an athlete’s performance, and a good counselor can help you overcome the problem of frequent unhelpful thoughts.

Recommended Mental Health Books

David Miller at counselorssoapbox.com is an Amazon Affiliate and may receive a small Commission if you purchase a book or product using the link on this page. Using the link will not increase the cost to you.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seems like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents: The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime, and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel