Category Archives: Self Help

Confidence.

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Sunday Inspiration.   Post by David Joel Miller.

Confidence.

Confidence

Confidence.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“Relentless, repetitive self-talk is what changes our self-image.” — Denis Waitley

“You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.” ― Olin Miller

“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.” – Will Rogers

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Ways to take back control of your life.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Control

Self-Control?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Taking control of your life is a choice, not an accident.

Do you ever feel that your life has gotten out of control? Would you like to find a way to get some of that control back? Here are some principles you need to apply to your life to get it back in your control. Some of these are easy, you just make the decision and then do it. Others are skills you need to learn and practice until they become automatic. Either way here are my tips for getting your life back in control.

Learn when to take advice.

When things are going out of control it can be hard to admit that you have lost it and need help. The first step in getting your life under control may be looking for and accepting the need to get some good sound advice.

This does not mean letting your family or friends tell you what to do. Have money problems, get financial advice. Have legal problems, get legal advice. Having career problems talk, with someone who has worked in your field for a while and who can offer you some sound advice.

If you are in recovery you might well find that your sponsor or mentor can share with you some personal experiences and a different viewpoint. A support or 12 step group cumulatively can offer you a better perspective than a single individual.

Being able to recognize when you need the advice of experts and experienced people and then using that advice is a practice that can help you get where you are going in life.

Decide when to steer your own course.

As much as you need to be able to accept needed advice there are times when you need to steer your own course. Don’t try to live your life headed to someone else’s dream. The job that was right for a family member may not be a good fit for you.

Spend some time getting clear about what your values are and then set some goals. If you let others be in control of your life you end up where they would go not where you wanted to be.

Learn to like yourself.

If you do not like yourself you make it hard for others to like you. We teach others how to treat us. You need to be your own best supporter and friend. Caring about you is not being selfish. It is being the captain of your own life.

Insecure adults who do not like the person they have become, contribute to the development of children who do not feel good about themselves and have low self-esteem.

You can’t please everyone – please yourself.

Trying too hard to please everyone leaves no one happy, especially you. Think carefully about what you want from life. Make sure you are not living someone else’s life. Do not be influenced by passing fads and fancies which come and go. Living well is timeless.

Doing what everyone else is doing creates a poor copy of others. Be yourself, be unique and you will create a life that you can be proud of.

Other people’s opinions of you matter very little.

You know in your heart if you are living your life. Do not be easily swayed by others. It is very reasonable to consider other people’s opinions but the final decision is yours. Do the thing you feel is right not the popular or expedient thing.

Learn when to say no.

One sure sign of an out of control life is someone who can’t say no. You need to decline offers and invitations that are not good for you. You should not be doing things only to please others. If you have to go along with things that make you uncomfortable for others to like you they are users, not friends.

Learn when to say yes.

Don’t let fear and reticence keep you from doing things that might do you some good. Many older people have reported that their great regrets in life were not the things they did but the things that they passed on that they now wish they had tried.

Do not let fear, timidity, or the opinions of the crowd keep you from the things that may bring joy to your life.

Keep your self-talk positive.

Negative self-talk creates a negative life. Don’t do that to yourself. Use positive self-talk. A good morning affirmation can set the whole day off on the right course. Tell yourself you can, you will, and that you deserve a good life and see what you create.

Get clear on your values.

There are lots of things you will be tempted to do. Ask yourself how this relates to your values. Do not do things that are objectionable to you just for the approval of those around you. Values determine how you will take this trip we call life.

Set some goals. Don’t be a victim.

Without goals, your life will wander aimlessly. Decide where you want to go, today and in the distant future. When it is done what do you want your life to be about? Set big goals then break them up into smaller sub-goals. Take the little steps each and every day and you will find you have traveled a long way in the right direction.

Be OK with disagreement.

You do not need everyone to agree with you. Accept that not everyone will agree with you. You do not need the agreement of the crowd to be good with yourself.  The more you stand for something, the more you accomplish, the more people will criticize you and disagree. Great people follow their own vision despite others urging them to take the easy path where no one criticizes.

Accept yourself warts and all.

Do not pretend to be more than you are. Accept yourself. However, you are is just fine. After accepting yourself think about those improvement opportunities. How you are is fine but how would you like to improve? Self-acceptance is the starting place on the path to being the best you can be.

Dream big.

If you set your sights low you end up in the dirt. Set high sites and even if you do not reach the moon you may well wind up in the sky.

Stop trying to be perfect and please everyone.

There are no perfect people. You cannot please everyone. Be the best you there is and do the best you can. Accept how you are and you will discover that you, not someone else, is in control of your destiny.

Get the bad, negative stuff, out of your life.

If you are controlled by addictions, bad habits or negativity get that self-limiting stuff out of your life. Addictions can take over control of your life. You won’t get back in control until you clear the negative influences out.

When will you get your life back under your control?

You may want to check out the other counselorssoapbox.com self-help posts.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

17 Ways to Boost Your Self-esteem.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

High self-essteem

Boost your self-confidence.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Common sense ways to increase your self-esteem.

Feeling badly about yourself? If you have low self-esteem this does not need to hold you back. There are many things you can do to crank up your belief that no matter where you have been or what your life has been like, you can move forward and accomplish good things. If “low self-esteem” has been getting in the way of having the life you want, here are seventeen ways to change your thinking and behavior and start creating a life you can be proud of.

1. Stop comparing.

Who you are is not some sort of contest. You do not need to be better than others to feel OK about yourself. One of the fastest routes to improved self-confidence is to accept yourself as you are and stop comparing yourself to others.

Most people have the bad habit of comparing up. You know that you do not look as good as someone on the red carpet. People with only a thousand connections on social media compare themselves to someone with 15,000 connections. More connections do not make you a better person. Life is not a popularity contest.

2. Hang out with confident people.

Hang out with insecure and non-affirming people and you become insecure. Want to be a winner? Hang with the winners. (No comparing now.) Associating with happy people and their happiness will rub off. You become, over time, like the people you hang with.

3. Build on your strengths.

Everyone has strengths. Find the things you are good at. Identify and name those strengths and then emphasizes those things that allow you to make use of your best qualities.

4. Develop your undeveloped strengths.

Some strengths are developed, more or less, and others you still need to discover. Look for strengths and then practice them. Try out new things. You do not need to be great at every new thing you try. Some will not be your cup of coffee. But among those things you try, you may discover the strength that can build you a better life.

5. Study successful people.

Study those people who have overcome adversity and achieved noteworthy things. Read books about those who had great accomplishments. Those people’s journey can inspire you to be the best you can be.

6. Look for “improvement opportunities.”

Reframe every undesired outcome. When you try and do not reach your goal this is a chance to learn more and practice some new skills. No matter where you start out life requires all of us to keep working on our skills and on ourselves.

7. Work with a coach, counselor, or mentor.

No one is instinctively perfect. Most “naturals” got to be good by years of practice. Practice alone will not get you there. Not if you keep making the same mistakes over and over until they become automatic. You can’t see your own swing, but a coach can. An outside opinion, counselor, or peer can help you find more “improvement opportunities.”

8. Do good stuff.

The more positive things you do the better a person you become. Think of this as moral or karmic exercises. Good people do not become good by doing one great perfect task after a life of awful actions. Little random acts of kindness and positivity nurture a positive person.

9. Make positive self-talk the rule.

Calling yourself names will not make you work harder or build self-esteem. What you tell yourself your mind will try to make come true. Use positive affirmations, what you tell yourself becomes who you are. Remember to tell yourself you can and then go out and see how much you can do today.

10. Get acquainted with your feelings. Call them by their real names.

Feelings are not evil creatures to be banished. You fear is telling you something, so is your irritation. Learn to recognize and listen to what information those feelings are giving you, but do not let their voices drown out your thinking. If you are afraid examine this carefully. Is this really a dangerous situation or are your childlike feelings just needing reassurance that you are in control?

11. Life is about the journey, not the contests you win.

No one wins everything every time.  In life, there will be some second and third places and sometimes you may finish last. Those are not failures. Not being the best at something this time does not mean that you are flawed. Accept that life is about trying on new activities to see which fit you. You do not need to win every game to enjoy playing.

12. Enjoy being a beginner.

One way to cripple yourself self-esteem is to expect to be great at everything the first time. You learn a lot more by being the beginner and mentally observing yourself developing skills.

13. Be proud of your scars.

Victories come with a price. Sometimes that is pain, sometimes you have to fall down and get back up. Love yourself scars and all. You will have life experiences that are painful. You may not want to repeat some experiences but accept that they made you who you are.

14. Work hard at being you. Do not live to fulfill someone else’s dream.

Be sure that the yardstick you use to measure yourself is yours and not someone else’s. Better still toss those yardsticks and stop the measuring. Explore life and get acquainted with you. Live to be you not to fulfill someone else’s ambitions.

15. Stop hiding your mistakes.

Mistakes and imperfections do not diminish your value as a person. Don’t be afraid to look at your shortcomings and to admit them. Especially admit them to yourself. Looking at these less than perfect outcomes can help turn them into improvement opportunities.

16. Remember to love yourself.

You don’t take good care of things you don’t like and you shouldn’t be spending a lot of time with people who dislike you. You will spend the maximum part of your life with you. Make sure you grow to enjoy your company. Mostly that will happen when you stop criticizing you and begin to accept that however you are is perfectly fine.

17. Take good care of yourself, you deserve it.

This one got left for last. It could easily have been first on the list. Others will not treat you any better than you treat yourself. If you want to feel better about yourself start treating yourself better. You deserve to be treated well.

Self-worth is something you should have regardless of what you do. Remember you are a human being, not a human doing. You are more than the list of things you do.

There you have it, some of my suggestions for giving up self-judging and looking at yourself in a more positive way. Try these on and see if you don’t begin to feel just fine about yourself.

Check out the other counselorssoapbox.com posts on Self-esteem.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Today is Spring.

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Sunday Inspiration.   Post by David Joel Miller.

Spring.

Spring is here. Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Spring is here.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“It is spring again. The earth is like a child that knows poems by heart.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke

“It’s spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you’ve got it, you want—oh, you don’t quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!”

― Mark Twain

“Spring work is going on with joyful enthusiasm.”

― John Muir, The Wilderness World of John Muir

Today is the first day of spring. Officially, here on the west coast of the U. S., it started at 9:31 last night but it is hard to see spring after dark. Let’s hope this Spring is a good one for you.

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Anger Burns.

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Sunday Inspiration.   Post by David Joel Miller.

Anger Burns.

Anger burning

Anger Burns the Holder.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Holding on to anger burns the holder.

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

― Mark Twain

“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”

― Aristotle

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

What is Anorexia Nervosa (307.1, F50.01 or F50.02)

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

What is

What is Anorexia Nervosa (307.1, F50.01 or F50.02)
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Anorexia is an eating disorder that is about more than food.

Anorexia Nervosa, Anorexia for short, is one of the Feeding and Eating Disorders that are officially recognized as a mental disorder in the DSM-5. Anorexia has recognized “subtypes.” Like that of many other mental health disorders, these subtypes may over time change enough that a person might get several different diagnoses during their life.

There have been several prominent people who have suffered from Anorexia and death is a possible outcome of this disease. This disorder affects women about ten times as often as it does men. Researchers and writers have compared this disorder to OCD and addiction. Similar pathways in the brain may be affected in all these conditions. More information on the alteration of the brain’s functioning in these disorders is likely to become available in the future.

The big three Anorexia symptoms.

There are three significant symptoms that professionals look for in diagnosing Anorexia. These include how the person with Anorexia sees their body, similar to the distortions we see in Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Also on the symptoms list is how the client feels about their body weight and lastly comes the result of this distorted body image and their altered feelings about body weight. This post as other posts on counselorssoapbox.com is my simplified, common language description. For the full text check out the DSM-5 by the APA.

People with Anorexia think they are fat even when the mirror disagrees.

It is common for those with Anorexia to report they dislike themselves because they are “fat” or overweight. They will persist in believing they are fat even when told by their doctor or other professional that their body weight falls below the minimum needed for health.

When asked about their weight they will often report that they need to lose a few pounds even when they are experiencing medical issues from malnutrition.

Some may only report that one part of their body is too large or misshapen. The solution to this oversized body part in their mind is extreme weight loss.

In Anorexia weight gain is more feared than death.

Someone who has Anorexia will demonstrate an extreme fear of gaining weight. They continue to assert that if they eat they will become “fat” and will go to extreme lengths to avoid weight gain.

A dislike of the self because of this distorted view of their body is common. Even when they know that this self-view is unrealistic they can’t seem to shake the belief that if they could just lose some more weight than they would be acceptable,

Using more calories than you take in is the continual goal.

Someone with Anorexia will attempt to reduce the calories taken in each day below the amount they need to maintain a normal weight. This is done not simply to prevent weight gain but to result in a loss of weight. This is nothing like typical dieting where the goal is to maintain a healthy weight. The goal here, presumably, is to continue to lose weight even when they are already thinner than a healthy weight.

Because of the two criteria above the person with Anorexia continues to think of themselves as fat and to fear any weight gain no matter how low the body weight may go.

In children or young adults, this may manifest more as a failure to grow and put on weight during the growing years rather than a measurable loss of weight.

There are two recognized types of Anorexia, although this may change over time.

Restricting type Anorexia.

In this condition, the person avoids taking in calories as much as possible. They may avoid eating around others, say they are full or not feeling well, or otherwise try to avoid even a minimal amount of calories.

Binge eating and purging type Anorexia.

In this subtype of Anorexia Nervosa, the person with Anorexia may give in to the look or taste of food and eat. When they do this it is like the alcoholic who just relapsed. Any food in sight is fair game. But as soon as they have eaten, they are overcome with an intense fear of weight gain and guilt. At this point, they will use extraordinary efforts to get rid of the unwanted calories.

These compensatory efforts may include purging, self-induced vomiting, or the use of laxatives to produce intense diarrhea. Some will resort to strenuous exercise in an effort to atone for the eating binge.

The primary distinction between Anorexia and Bulimia Nervosa is that the person with Bulimia looks like they have a normal body weight. They may even be a few pounds over and they eat well, just they use the compensatory methods to avoid weight gain.  Those purging binges can damage their health. In Anorexia the risk is that the damage to health may be more rapid and may result in death. More on Bulimia Nervosa in an upcoming What is. post

Risk factors for developing Anorexia include having currently or in the past had an Anxiety disorder, as well as cultures, occupations, or activities that emphasize being thin.

FYI these recent “What is” posts are based on the new DSM-5, some of the older posts were based on the DSM-IV-TR, both published by the APA. The descriptions are largely my own plain language versions.

For more on this and related topics see – Feeding and Eating Disorders.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

The hidden cause of stress.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Stressed

Feeling stressed out?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Why are you stressed out if things are going so well?

Stress is epidemic in our modern world. Everyone has heard about stress management classes and tools. Everywhere you go these days people are talking about their stress levels and how hard their life is. We live in a world with more material comforts and technology than ever before. Why is everyone so stressed?

What comes as a surprise many times is that the people who are reporting the most stress are not the people who are going through the roughest times. Now we know that hard times are not always apparent. Some people have really difficult things going on in their lives and they never mention it. But what is so amazing is how people who for all apparent evidence are doing well, have so much stress.

Being unemployed is stressful but working can be even more stressful. Someone has a good job, one that pays well, and they work every day but the work is stressing them out. They have a relatively new car and the payments on that car are stressful. Frankly, the biggest stressors in life are often not the things that are the most harmful or the most painful. Why when so many people in the western industrial world have so very many things that look like advantages do we also have the corner on the world’s inventory of stress?

You can end up stressed out even if nothing bad ever happens.

What has largely gone unnoticed is that you can be so stressed out even when nothing bad ever happens. See it is not the actual event that is stressful. The fear you will lose your job can be more stressful than the actual loss. People live for years worrying that the place they work at will close or downsize and they will lose their job. That is stressful. Then the closure happens and life changes.

People can go through life always on edge, always stressed even when none of the bad things that should be the cause of their stress ever happen. Sometimes when it happens it is even a relief. At least once the shoe drops you can start making plans for the rest of your life.

The threat is more stressful than the event.

Stress is not about the actual event, at least most of the time it isn’t. Once the bad event happens people go through the grieving and adjusting process and then they get to work fixing things and rebuilding things. People who are out of work and unemployed may even go about the process of reinventing themselves.

Worry about the end of a relationship can be stressful, the thoughts about why and how come and what will you do next. But once you are convinced the relationship is in fact over and gone you can let go of the stress and start moving forward finding out who you are outside of that relationship.

Even good things can be very stressful.

The first week at a new job many people get sick. Trying to learn that new role can be stressful. You want to do well. Weddings and the birth of a child can all be extremely stressful. So can falling in love. Happy things can cause lots of stress.

What causes stress is not the reality. What is stressful are the expectations about what will or might happen. Uncertainty is stressful. Not knowing and worry wear you out.

Stress is about anticipation.

Turns out in the end that the major factor that decides if something will cause you stress is what you anticipate happening. Worry works the stress hormones over time. Fear and anticipation take their toll. Holding on to expectations, especially negative, fearful, possible results of things makes even the best of situations stressful.

It is the things we worry about, the things outside our control that are the most stressful. We can’t control the future. The most we may be able to do is to be prepared and work to influence the outcomes.

Are you ready to give up your expectations and let life be what it is? When will you be ready to release the stress?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Self-Forgiveness.

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Sunday Inspiration.   Post by David Joel Miller.

Self-Forgiveness.

Self-Forgiveness

Self-forgiveness is the best present you can give yourself.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

To be happy you need to forgive yourself. When you hate you keep the pain with you.

Letting go is where the healing happens.

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.”

― Martin Luther King Jr.

“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.”

― Rita Mae Brown

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Tranquility.

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Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Tranquility.

Tranquility.

Tranquility.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Only the development of compassion and understanding for others can bring us the tranquility and happiness we all seek.”

― Dalai Lama XIV

“And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me, shine until tomorrow, let it be”

― The Beatles

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Has Negativity take over your life?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Negativity

Is Negativity taking over your life?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How can you tell that negativity has taken over your life?

Negativity is a trap. If you are around others who are negative they can sap you of all your strength. Your own negativity can undermine your life goals. Sometimes that negativity beast creeps in without you noticing. If negativity has taken up living in your family, your home, or in you, then you need to recognize it and banish it from your life.

Here are the top 14 ways to spot negativity camped out in your life.

1. You can’t stop worrying.

If you find that you are worrying all the time and about everything your world has turned negative. A little worry may protect you, but only if after considering the possible problems you take action. Constant ongoing rumination about what could go wrong is guaranteed to keep you living negatively.

2. Your life is run by should and have to’s.

A life ruled by the “should’s” and the “have-to’s” is a life drained of joy. Take another look at all these rules you are living by. Where did the “should’s” come from? Consider if you reached a point in your life where you have outgrown living by other’s rules.

3. You’re always on high alert – hypervigilant.

People who are ruled by negativity are often excessively jumpy. Do you startle at the least little noise? Do you frequently find that you have been startled by something that others would ignore? It is likely that you are on the high alert for the things that can go wrong in life.

This hyper-vigilance, rather than keeping you safe is misdirecting your attention away from the good and the beautiful to the scary and the negative. Work on becoming a happiness expert.

4. You are afraid to let people know the real you.

In negativity land, people hide their real selves, constantly afraid that if others knew who they really were they would be rejected or attached. Hide the real you from others long enough and you may discover you have lost you.

5. You are always expecting the worse.

Are you the person who can always see the gray part of every cloud? Once negativity moves into your life it obscures every positive thing. If you are always looking for the negative you will find it. When the good things walk by, you will neglect to invite them in.

6. You are always looking for bad news.

People who have become slaves to negativity are always looking to see what other misery they can find. Misery not only loves company it goes out of its way to create it in every life. When you spend all your time looking for the bad news you are sending the good news down the block to visit someone else.

7. You are very sensitive to criticism.

If you are mistaken about something and someone points that out you can take this as helpful, you now know something you didn’t know before. Negative people think that if they do not know everything they are failures. Being wrong about a fact makes them a “wrong” person.

If criticisms are valid, then take it to heart and use this as an improvement opportunity. If it is incorrect let it go and find the home it needs to live in. Do not adopt every critical comment and make it a permanent part of your emotional family.

8. You can’t accept a compliment.

Related to being overly sensitive to criticism is the converse behavior, rejection compliments. If you are so negative you can’t allow a positive feeling in your life you will reject any compliment offered to you.

Rejecting compliments does not make you modest. Accepting compliments does not make you arrogant. Constantly rejecting other’s compliments does make you insufferable.

9. Everything is yes-but, no-but.

If you are one of these people who sneaks a yes-but or a no-but into every conversation what you are doing is making excuses for why you want things to stay in the negative realm.

10. Any change is undesirable.

Negative people are terrified of change. They will assert that no matter how horrific things are now if they were to change then things will only get worse. Intractable people are in love with their misery and afraid that they do not deserve for things to get better.

Which do you prefer, the misery you have now or the risk of taking an action and having your life become unpredictably happy?

11. You don’t try because you might fail.

Negativity tells you don’t try you might fail. Negativity lies to you. Not trying does not protect you from failure, it guarantees you will not accomplish anything. You miss all the shots you do not take.

12. Nothing gets you excited.

Live without passion is life in the negativity zone. Caring about something, anything brings positivity into your life.

13. You’re afraid of good news because something will go wrong.

Negativity tells you to be skeptical of anything positive because good things come to an end. Negative things in life can be dragged out for as long as you want them to last. Letting go is the first part of moving on.

14. You have stopped caring about others.

Negative people can’t care about others. People who genuinely care about others find themselves becoming less negative. One of the fastest ways of getting out of self-negativity is to do something for someone else.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

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