Category Archives: Self Help

When You Fall Get Back Up.

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Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Falling down

When you fall get back up.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

It’s about getting back up.

“There is no disgrace in being knocked down, there is only shame in not getting back up; never quit!”

― Ken Poirot

“We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.”

― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Getting your life unstuck.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Life stuck

Getting your life unstuck.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Ways to create a better life.

Have you ever felt like your life is stuck?

Time is passing and you are just standing still, going nowhere, and wishing that your life had more meaning and purpose?

Getting your life on track requires a shift in how you see and do things. Here are some ways you can start creating the life you want.

Inventory what you have not what is missing.

If you spend all your time looking at the things you want and do not yet have you can get discouraged easily. Make sure you count up all the things you have accomplished. Emphasize what you have and the shortages will seem less overwhelming.

Keep your eye on the future, not the past.

Let things go. Always looking over your shoulder at the “good old days” can result in losing the present. Bemoaning what you had that is no longer in your life can take the pleasure of those experiences from you. Value what has been a part of your life rather than sit and cry over what has gone. Don’t lose the joys when it is time for something or someone to leave your life.

Plan to be in a good place.

Expect to have a good day. Plan on an excellent day and see if you do not attract more of them into your life. If you expect to have a bad day your brain will willingly create one for you.

Victims wait for things to happen to them, winners plan for the best while preparing for all eventualities.

Start doing more positive things.

Do more positive things and life becomes more positive. Do for others. Be of service. Do things you can be proud of and watch your self-esteem soar.

Say goodbye to unhelpful urges. – don’t give in.

One hallmark of addictions and dysfunctional behaviors are the cravings. Giving in to that desire may seem like the way to reduce the discomfort in the short-term but over the long-term resisting urges will grow your inner strength.

Rethink your life rules. Who says you have to be that way.

What you tell yourself about you becomes who you are. Tell yourself often enough that you can’t do something and you make it true. What are those unhelpful rules you find yourself living by? Who told you that you were just that way and needed to accept things the way they are?

Clean out the unhelpful activities.

Are there lots of busy activities that are filling up your time? It is not just garages, drawers, and closets that need spring cleanings. Our lives can fill up with habits and activates that result in a cluttered, stuck life. If you find yourself out of time each and every day to do those great things start cleaning out the unhelpful activities and make room for the future.

Get rid of toxic friends.

Good friends can help you build your life. Toxic friends poison your environment. Getting unstuck involves looking at your life and deciding what to keep and what to jettison. Unhelpful thoughts and draining friends need to go.

Stop worrying about what others think and say.  Make your own decisions.

Do the things you believe in, they matter. Other’s opinions shouldn’t matter. Decide what is right and act on that view. This doesn’t mean that you should be selfish. It does mean that you need to follow your dreams and live your life rather than curtailing your hopes and dreams to fit other’s preconceived beliefs about how you should be.

Be careful who you listen too.

Get good advice from those who want the best for you. There is lots of advice around. Much of it free, but beware those who tell you what to do because it benefits them. True experts can give you facts and options, not answers to how you should live. If you want to get that life of yours moving in a positive direction seek out a coach or mentor, work with a counselor. Look to see what changes in you will produce the changes you want in your life.

Be open to new experiences.

Everything in life does not need to go as planned. Opportunity does not always knock, not loudly anyway. Sometimes the greatest opportunities in life go to those who put themselves in new situations and learn as a result.

Let go of resentments. No more blame.

Whose fault things are matters far less than whose responsibility is it to change things. If you want to get going stop blaming others for steering you wrong. Take back control of your life’s steering wheel.

Emphasize experiences and people, not things.

Things wear out and break. The latest fashion goes out of fashion, but the things you experience are with you for a lifetime. You will forget about those things you bought but you will treasure the memories of what you did.

Tell doubt to shut up. Do not listen to that committee in your head.

There are always those thoughts in your head. “You should do this” and “what about that.” Ignore those limiting voices. Heed the conscience but not the chorus of doubts. Be careful about believing your own thoughts, not everything you think is true. Those voices in your head, sometimes they lie to you.

Start with small steps, one day, one hour at a time.

Do not put off life improvements until you have the time. You get 168 hours a week like everyone else. There will never be a week with more hours or a year with more days. Start now going where you want your life to go and a little at a time you will get there.

Do nothing and ten years from now you will still be where you are now, stuck! Do some small thing to improve that life each day and in ten years you can look back and marvel at how far you have come. Most great projects can be broken down into a series of small baby steps. Take them one step at a time and see where it gets you.

Ask instead of waiting for someone else to take the first step.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking others should anticipate your wants. There are very few mind readers around in spite of the large number who think they can read minds. If you expect others to know what you want, if you wait to be asked, you may miss out. That other person may be wanting for you to say something first.

Look for supporters, not obstacles.

Do not focus on the people or things that could get in your way. Look for those people who will be allies in your progress. Build bridges, not walls. There are all kinds of things that could hold you back but as long as you look around for obstacles you will miss identifying those who could truly help you get where it is you want to go.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Happy Valentine’s Day.

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Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine’s Day.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Happy Valentine’s Day.

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”

― Elbert Hubbard

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

― Lao Tzu

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Dream On!

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Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Dream On!

Dreams

Dream On!
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“There is nothing like a dream to create the future.”

― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

“It is a happiness to wonder; — it is a happiness to dream.”

― Edgar Allan Poe, Complete Stories and Poems of Edgar Allen Poe

“Nothing happens unless first a dream.”

― Carl Sandburg, The Complete Poems

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Be optimistic.

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Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Optimism

Cardinal in winter.

Be Optimistic.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Be Optimistic.

“What day is it?”

It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.

My favorite day,” said Pooh.”

― A.A. Milne

“It’s snowing still,” said Eeyore gloomily.

“So it is.”

“And freezing.”

“Is it?”

“Yes,” said Eeyore. “However,” he said, brightening up a little, “we haven’t had an earthquake lately.”

― A.A. Milne

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

7 Top self-improvement mistakes.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Mistakes.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

7 Top things to avoid in recovery and self-improvement programs.

Whether you are in recovery or just thinking that this would be a good time to make some changes in your life, it helps to develop a self-change plan that has a chance of working. Resolve and willpower will only take you so far. You will need to watch out for some self-change mistakes that doom your change project before it ever gets off the ground.  Here are some common beginner’s mistakes that may undermine your self-change program.

1. Losing hope reduces possibilities.

One of the hallmark characteristics of depression is feeling hopeless.  Nurture your hopes and dreams. By hope, I am not suggesting that pie in the sky thinking will get you where you want to be. What you do need is the belief that this goal you are pursuing is possible. Hold on to the hope that a better future is possible.

There will be setbacks, learn from them. Do not stay focused on what did not happen. Just because everything did not get done the first week does not mean that things will never happen. Have a well thought out plan for what you want to change and how you will do this self-improvement project and then stick to it. Believe that things can get better and work to make those positive events a reality.

2. Cultivating hope is a critical part of any change process.

Encourage and nurture hope in your life. Select friends and allies who have hope for you enough to share. Surround yourself with others that will encourage your hope. What you attend to you get more of, make sure that you are keeping your eyes on the end result and not down at the dirt along the way.

Change cannot be all negative and suffering. You need to build rewards and encouragement into your program to keep growing your hope and self-confidence.

3. Negative self-talk is a recovery barrier.

Tell yourself you can’t and you won’t, tell yourself that this thing is possible and you are already headed in the direction of self-improvement. What you tell yourself has a powerful impact on the successes of your efforts to change. Tell yourself that you can and you make it so.

Your brain holds onto self-talk and works overtime to make those things you are thinking about happen. Be sure you have given your unconscious thoughts the right goal to focus on. Do not ever call yourself names or beat yourself up for mistakes. Learn from missteps and keep moving forward.

4. Excuses keep you stuck– too old etc.

We can all find plenty of excuses for why we can’t do things. You can say you’re too old. Say it to yourself often enough and you make it so. Remember that old children’s story about the wee engine. Tell yourself you can and you are halfway there.

Setting low expectations and collecting alibis do not get things accomplished. Do not look for the reasons you can’t do something. Look insisted for the things that you can do and get those done.

For every excuse you use to avoid trying and failing, there are people who refused to think that way. Because they did not know they couldn’t do something they accomplished it.

5. Expecting results overnight will discourage you.

You have decided to get in shape. You start dieting and exercising, some of the time, and then when a week or two goes by, you are feeling tired and see no change in weight. It would be easy to give up and fall back on those old excuses. Change of any sort takes time and it takes rehearsal. Humans revert to their usual and customary ways of doing things. To make a change and have it stick you need to practice that new way of being long enough that it becomes your default setting.

To perfect a skill takes many long hours of dedicated work. It may also require working with a coach or adviser who can see the things you can improve on. Improvement comes in small increments. Have patience with yourself and the process, but always keep moving towards those goals.

6. Going too fast – overdoing things will undermine your efforts.

You decide you want to change yourself and change your life. You get a new job, go back to school, and start a new relationship, all in the same week. A common recovery mistake is to try to change everything all at once. Working on too many goals all at once results in none of them coming to be.

Prioritize, work on the important things first. Do those “must do’s” and check them off your list. Set goals for the steps along the way so you can see the progress, not the distance that still remains. Include time to savor the results of your efforts. As time passes you will be able to add more to your goals.

Having a list of accomplishments that you can reflect back on and feel pride can fuel your future change process.

7. Thinking that believing in yourself means being selfish.

You are far more likely to be affected by a case of self-doubt than by a case of too much confidence. Taking good care of yourself is not being selfish, neither is believing in yourself.

The winners always have self-confidence. That self-confidence does not come from bragging or expectations of successes without work. True self-confidence consists of setting challenges for yourself, acknowledging your progress, and then setting a new goal.

To build self-esteem do positive things and give yourself credit for what you have accomplished.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Taking chances.

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Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Getting out of your shell.

taking chances

Taking chances
Getting out of your shell.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“Make your mistakes, take your chances, look silly, but keep on going. Don’t freeze up.”

― Thomas Wolfe, You Can’t Go Home Again

“In case you never get a second chance: don’t be afraid!” “And what if you do get a second chance?” “You take it!”     ― C. JoyBell C.

“I’ve found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more

chances, Be more active, Show up more often.”     ― Brian Tracy

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Overcoming your fears.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Fear.

Fear.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Ways to keep fear from controlling you.

Don’t let your fears hold you back. Fear is a hard friend to have. It tells you to play it safe and not try or you might fail. Fear and its cousins, anxiety and worry, can rob you of the meaningful life you were meant to have.

If fear has been your all too frequent companion and is keeping you from creating the happy life you would like to have here are some tips for quieting those troublesome fears. Tell yourself these fear busting principles and see what other possibilities open up in your life.

Most of the things you are afraid of will never happen.

Many of the everyday fears you commonly have are very unlikely to happen. People who spend a lot of time entertaining fear and anxiety, continually expand the list of things that they worry about. Most of those things have a low probability of ever happening. For a maximally happy, productive life spend your time on the things that you have control over not the uncontrollable events that are unlikely to happen.

The things that happen in my house are far more important to my well-being than the things happening half a world away. Yes, care about others and do what you can to make the world a better place, but know your worry will not accomplish great things.

Shift your focus from what awful things might happen that you can worry about to the things you have control over, and if you are like me you will find that most of life is outside your control.

Many fears are irrational. Because it scares you does not mean it is dangerous.

Remember the cat that was scared of its own shadow? Many scary things in life turn out to be far less awful than we think they will be. Just because something scares you does not mean it is dangerous.

Motion dissolves the paralysis of fear.

Walk towards that hissing monster of fear and what you will find is your courage. Courage will tell you that fears shrink as you take action. It is common to be afraid of things that are different. Don’t let fear tell you that something is scary only because you have never tried it.

It may be hard, but you can get through it.

Courage is not a lack of fear, it is doing the scary stuff anyway. Great things can happen when you do something worthwhile despite the fear. If you say you can’t do something you are creating it being so. Continue to tell yourself you can get through it and you will. Once you have tackled a scary situation and overcome it, it becomes less daunting from then on.

The fears you beat make you stronger.

Unconfronted fears grow and take over your life. Confront your fear and conquer it and it will not return to haunt you. Each thing you try and endure will make you a stronger more purposeful person. Strength comes from successfully overcoming life’s obstacles and learning in the process.

Many of the things you avoid you can do just fine.

Often times people let their fear of things they have never done keep them from trying something new. Many of the things you are afraid of trying for fear of failing will, in fact, turn out just fine. You do not need to be perfect at things to enjoy new experiences.

You may have hidden talents and unknown strengths just waiting to be discovered. Try something new and see if you can’t surprise yourself by discovering a new ability.

The best way to beat fear is to do more stuff.

The wider your experiences the more life skills you will develop. Seeing how others do things gives you options for your own life. Be a keen observer of the novel. Try more things and you will discover that you have many underdeveloped talents. You will never find your greatness if you never attempt new things.

It is absolutely OK to fail some of the time.

Failure in many people’s minds is as simple as aiming for a target and missing it. Better to have made the effort and had the experience than to let fear keep you out of the game altogether.

Recognize your successes. Enjoy the applause and accept the compliments.

Many people hold onto the things that they are less than perfect at but ignore their successes. Learn to recognize and build on the things you do well. Accept the compliments, give yourself a round of applause for things well done, and build on those accomplishments.

Fear is a robber who takes the life you should have had.

Live your life. You are the only one who can. In a few short years, we are all gone and no one will remember the things you didn’t do. Your bloopers can get you on a T. V. show but the things you didn’t do? No one will notice them.

Do not let your fears and anxiety keep you from taking the chances on which a joyful life is constructed. How have you overcome a fear? How will you get the upper hand on those anxieties of yours?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

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Inspirational    Post  From David Joel Miller.

MLJ Day 2015

Today we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. Day

Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

“I have decided to stick to love…Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

― Martin Luther King Jr.

“We must come to see that the end we seek is a society at peace with itself, a society that can live with its conscience.”

― Martin Luther King Jr.

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Experiencing Change.

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Sunday Inspiration.   Post By David Joel Miller.

Change.

Change

Experiencing change.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Change can be scary, frightening, until after you experience the results.https://counselorssoapbox.com/category/self-help/self-help-skills/

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

― Lao Tzu

“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby – awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”

― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.