When old – you just sit.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

man sitting

When you’re old you just sit.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Has your life become – just sitting?

Recently I have been talking with and hearing from an increasing number of “older people.” In the past, I have steadfastly avoided learning about the elderly in the belief that I did not know any of them. This belief, that neither I nor anyone I know is yet in that elderly class is constantly getting challenged by people who ask “How old are you?” with an incredulous look.

Those annoying people who sell medical insurance continue to force this topic on me by sending me advertisements asking me to switch my old-age insurance to their company. Worse yet they have been sending those notices to me for some years now. One of my life goals has become to outlive some of these annoying insurance companies.

My thinking, at this junction, is that being old is a combination of the effects of the physical process of aging and the mental attitude one takes towards this process. Self-care along the way is certainly a factor. Unfortunately, I learned that life lesson later rather than earlier. While my body may be accumulating aches and pains, defects of the body, I continue to work on keeping my mental faculties working.

I read somewhere that when you get old you just sit.

This was reported in an article about a woman who had passed her hundredth birthday. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I can see that it might be nice to be relaxed and no longer stressed running hither and yon. But then it might also be that once you stop moving, at least mentally, your life loses purpose.

I have forgotten who that woman was or what age milestone she had just passed. This is a shame because I have a long-held belief that once you start school you have to stop counting half-years as in four-and-a-half and you do not get to begin counting those half years again until you pass that hundred mark. Anyone who lives past one hundred years ought to be recognized more than once per year.

You are all invited to my one-hundred-and-a-half birthday celebration. My fervent hope is that I will be able to attend it with you and will be lucid enough to realize what this gathering is for.

It has become apparent to me however that a lot of people entering those golden years have neither gold nor years. In fact, one great loss among the elderly is a loss of purpose. What do you do when you can’t go to school or work?

Young people are rushing to enter their disabled-years.

It is fully understandable that as we age we can accumulate injuries and disorders. As life moves on some people find it hard to get up and move around. For them, life’s high point may well be waking up and being able to watch some video entertainment.

What surprises me is the number of very young people who are resigned to sitting worshiping a talking box or a moving wall image. Have you all not heard the more time you spend seated the sooner that chair may become attached to your anatomy?

Despite all the encouragement to get up, out and exercise, more and more people past the age of 5 seem most motivated to sit as much as possible.

Has exercise become a spectator sport?

Lots of people drive in their cars (seated) to a sporting event where they can watch (seated) athletes perform. This is sometimes called “playing” a game.  Though most sporting events past preschool take on all the playfulness of gladiator bouts.

An oft-heard life plan is to work hard enough to make enough money to be able to sit around and do nothing. Once you retire from the active world of work, it would appear that you have to join a gym, take up golf, or otherwise pay others to allow you to exercise.

Why are there so few hero action figures of old people?

There was a time when old people figured prominently in our culture. Think of father time and the Greek god Zeus. Now that I think of it the Christian deity, when he gets any consideration at all is depicted as an elderly man.

It will soon be Christmas. Santa Clause used to be a prominent personality at this time of year. The last few years Saint Nick, and his propensity for generosity has been losing ground to Ghosts, vampires, turkeys, the babies of the New Year, and cupid. Getting the latest entertainment device has supplanted giving the gift of happiness in our common lives.

My suspicion is that one reason for our cultural shift from old people and wisdom to preschool heroes is that giving required getting up and doing, while receiving can be done passively in a seated position.

If, at this time of year you find yourself  “just sitting”, my hope for you is that this is a reward for a lot of lifetime doing, not the beginning of your resignation to spending the rest of your life in the not doing, seated position.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

The Future

Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

The Future.

the future

Living the Future
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“It’s time to start living the life you’ve imagined.”

― Henry James

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Have you picked the right goal?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Hitting a target

Goal.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Not all goals will work out, here are ways to test your life goal.

You’re told that people who accomplish things pick goals and stick to them. We also hear plenty of stories about those who pursue life goals that take them nowhere and could never have been possible. How can you tell if the goals you are considering are worthwhile goals and the right goals for you?

Goals set the direction for your life. How viable are those goals? To measure anything you need a good ruler. Here is a set of measurement standards to help you decide if the goal you are considering is the right goal for you.

Is this goal consistent with my values?

You can pick a goal because it is popular or because you are told that is the thing you should be wanting, but you need to consider if when you reach this goal will you still like yourself. Will you be the person you would like to be?

It is easy to get caught up in the quest for someone else’s goal. Society talks about goals like popularity and financial wealth. If those goals work for you then go for it. But you need to take a good look at what really makes you happy and what you are all about. It is not success if what you value most is family, but you spend your life making money and mailing it home so your family can live without you.

If I do this will my family or friends be proud of me?

There are lots of goals that you could accomplish. Ask yourself if this goal is something you would want your children to share at school. Would you be proud that you accomplished this thing or is this a goal that needs to remain in the secret darkness?

Is it worth doing?

There are lots of things you might devote your life to. You could set all kinds of world records. But which records will make you feel like you have accomplished something and which are simply records for having done something a minute longer than someone else.

Can it be done? Not what they say but your belief.

Do you really believe in your heart that this is a possible goal? It is possible to trick yourself into believing that if you do this or that then you will be happy. If you are not happy in the process of getting there then you are unlikely to be happy when you reach that goal. Don’t be the little kid in you spending your life digging a tunnel to China. Do find better ways to open up connections to far off places.

Can you do it?

Are you the right person to accomplish this goal? To reach goals you need to believe in yourself. Are you that person now or will you need to change yourself to get there? You may need more schooling or have to develop an underdeveloped strength.

Is it possible for you? Pursuing a sports goal when you are physically ill-suited for the sport may set yourself up for failure. You can hate music and practice but be pursuing a goal of fame by being the rock star on stage. Consider other ways you might achieve that goal of fame that are better suited to who you truly are.

If you find that you are not the right person for pursuing this goal then it is also likely that giving your life in pursuit of this goal is not the right thing for you.

What will get in your way – obstacles?

In selecting goals for yourself one often overlooked factor is the obstacles that will get in your way. How much money will this take? How much time will be needed? Do you have those resources or how will you raise the required money? Are you starting on a goal that will take several lifetimes to finish? What part of your plan will need to be modified or given up in order to overcome this obstacle?

When you develop this plan to overcome the obstacle will you find the effort in overcoming that barrier will have reduced the value of reaching that goal to the point you no longer want to pursue it?

Can I get past the obstacles?

Some obstacles can be overcome and some can’t. Flying to the moon would have been an impossible achievement for someone living in colonial America. This goal required the invention of the airplane, missiles, and lots of other technology before it became possible. It required a large team effort.

Some obstacles can be overcome by you alone, others require help from contemporaries and some goals are just outside the possibilities of things as they are now.

Will the goal be worth the cost?

Reaching any goal requires expenditures and sacrifices. Always consider how much time, how much money, and how much pain and effort will be required to reach your objective. Just make sure that once you are there that reaching this goal will have been worth the sacrifices.

If you fail (Don’t make it) can you still be happy?

You want to be a great author and you write your whole life. No one may read that epic in your lifetime. Will it still be worth it? What if you wanted to play in the majors and you spend years trying. Will the journey be its own reward or will your life be ruined because you never made it to that goal?

If the pursuit of your objective is worth the effort by itself this is a great goal. If only the achieving will be worthwhile consider carefully what you will have given up or have lost in the pursuit of an unattained goal.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Friendship

Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Friend.

Friendship

Friendship
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”

― Elbert Hubbard

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

How much baggage are you carrying?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Baggage

Baggage.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

You don’t realize how much stuff you are carrying until you empty that bag out.

So much emotional baggage around these days. Most of the time when we say baggage, people think about past relationships and the scars left from those relationships. When you reach the point you are ready to move on in your life you might be amazed at all the emotional baggage you have stored away in your cupboards.

If you have reached the time of starting over in life, of reinventing yourself, here are some types of baggage you may need to go through and see what you can dispose of. That extra baggage can weigh you down badly and keep you from ever reaching the happy, recovered life you deserve.

Some people find they can dispose of this unwanted baggage all by themselves. They use acceptance, radical acceptance even, to get rid of unwanted emotional luggage. Other people find that it helps to get professional help. For a house, you might need the help of a cleaning crew or an exterminator. For emotional things consider getting help from a counselor or therapist. Here are a few of the things that people have found they needed to get rid of if they wanted to move on in their lives.

Childhood hurts that keep you from moving forward.

One serious form of emotional baggage that brings people to therapy, or should anyway, is those hurts from childhood or early adulthood that you can’t seem to let go of. If someone let you down, or they were not capable of meeting your needs back then you need to find ways to make sense of this and stop demanding that somehow the past needs to change for you to be able to be happy in the future.

One reason that childhood hurts can linger on is that we learned those pains from the child’s perspective. Now that you are grown you need to take another look at those life lessons and see if you want to reexamine the meaning of things that happened or didn’t happen way back when.

Some of you have life blueprints you learned way back when that are not suited for a happy adult life.

Negative self-beliefs are terrible burdens.

If you have negative beliefs about yourself, that you are not good enough or don’t deserve something, those will drag at you and keep you stuck in place.

We used to talk about self-esteem a lot. There are plenty of ways to boost your self-esteem. One primary way is to do more things you can be proud of.

Other ways to avoid the trap of negative self-beliefs are to work hard on self-acceptance. However, you are is acceptable. Cut out that constant self-evaluation, stop rating yourself, and move on with life.

A counselor can help you with this, so can self-help books and positive affirmations.

Failed relationships don’t have to hold you back.

If you look at relationships that are no more and see them as failures, then you lose the lessons you needed to have learned. Process this experience with someone trustworthy and then see how much of that pain and suffering you are ready to let go of.

People come into and out of your life, for better or worse. That one relationship ended does not mean another cannot be. What you need to do is take a look at that past relationship. See what you can learn from it and see how it has made you who you are. From that vantage, you can decide where you want to go.

What you need to avoid is thinking that everything that went wrong was someone’s fault. Learn from the experience. Why did you pick them? What should you be looking for in the future?

Self-doubts are like a chain holding you back.

Stop doubting yourself. You are who you are. You need to try. You will accomplish some things and others will not happen for you. The only way to avoid failure would be to never try and that is the worst form of failure. Pick goals carefully and then aim high.

For a more fulfilling life let go of those doubts. No one knows how the game of life will turn out until it is over. Don’t let ruminating about what might happen to keep you from living in the present.

Unfinished business keeps you looking back over your shoulder.

It is hard to drive looking back over your shoulder. You can’t get on in life if your primary focus is on the past. Shift those experiences into memory and use the major part of your brain to keep your eyes on the present and the future.

Have unfinished business? Finish it! Write a letter to the past and then destroy it. Apologize or make amends. Please do not say that you can’t move on until someone else does something. Do your part to solve things and let the past go. Sometimes the only way to finish that unfinished business is to accept that what happened is the whole story and stop insisting that there should be another ending. Write “the end” and find your peace.

Addictions and bad habits own you.

If you have an addiction work on ending it. Bad habits will continue to hold you back until you toss them. Overcoming an addiction is not easy, but it has been done over and over. Look for help. Get support from a community of others that are seeking recovery and you will find that letting go of an addiction is the greatest achievement you can have.

Having gone through that baggage and tossed the things that are holding you back you will be ready to move on to the best possible future.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Is Recovery Practical?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Ball recovery

Recovery and Resiliency.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

We may need to rethink what recovery really is.

Just returned from a really great training titled “Making Recovery Practical.” The most important part of this training was its clear declaration that recovery is possible. Those of you who have been readers here for a long time know that I am a strong proponent of the concept of recovery.

In my professional life, I have seen many people recover. Unfortunately, many professionals still act as if people do not and should not recover. This prompted me to think I needed to write a few more posts about what recovery is and how it is that people do recover.

The presenter of this training was Dr. Mark Ragins, who is the medical director of the –MHA Villages Integrated Service Agency. Mental Health America Los Angeles is an affiliate of Mental Health America.   The particular training I attended was sponsored by the Fresno County Department of Behavioral Health.

Dr. Ragins covered a great amount of material in a very short time. If you ever get a chance to hear Dr. Ragins speak I would highly recommend him. While I won’t be able to say it the way Dr. Ragins did, in this and upcoming posts I would like to explore some of his “Making recovery possible” themes with all of you. What follows are my thoughts on the subject inspired by Dr. Ragins presentation but not specifically the material from his presentation.

The world changed and our approach to mental illness needs to change.

Societal responses to problems are most often about reacting to an immediate critical problem. It is much easier to motivate help for people impacted by flooding or hurricane damage than it is to do projects to prevent flooding. We typically do many things to cope with a recession after it happens, bail out the banks, and spend money to create jobs. It is hard to develop the political will to make structural changes that would prevent future bubbles from bursting and creating the next recession or depression. We now know that waiting for a serious mental illness to develop is waiting too long.

Our approach to mental illness has been largely the same. Wait for someone to “get sick” send them to a doctor or hospital and expect that they will “get fixed.” If mental illness is a disease why can’t the doctors “cure” them?

The diseases doctors treat have changed.

The medical model, like the financial model, the employment model, and so on is based on treating acute problems, not chronic illnesses. Break a leg and you get a cast, maybe surgery and medications and the leg heals. Medicine is good at treating acute problems. It is not so good at treating chronic problems.

Most medical and mental illnesses these days are chronic problems.

Doctors spend most of their time these days managing chronic illness, diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, and its related complications. Same thing is true of mental illnesses. We are better at treating sudden issues like suicidal thoughts than we are at treating chronic conditions like depression or anxiety. Psychosis is all too often treated by the “put them on meds and then tell them to stay home and let others run their lives approach.”

Helping people manage their symptoms too often turns into professionals trying to manage people.

Black and white thinking does not work well in a colorful world.

We, as in professionals, used to think there were two kinds of people, the mentally ill and the “normal” people. Recently we have realized that most of those things we call mental illnesses and substance use disorders are chronic conditions, not acute ones. You may become more depressed or less depressed depending on other factors in your life. Substance abuse gets better if you stop drinking and using but being dry or putting down the drugs is not the same thing as being really sober or recovered.

Recovery means different things to different people.

Recovery from a chronic disease or disorder is not about a cure. It is about managing your life to have the best life possible regardless of whatever challenges someone is facing. The psychiatrist’s idea of recovery might be not hearing the voices and taking their meds as prescribed. Your idea of recovery might be having a relationship, a place of your own, and being able to engage in productive activates regardless of whether you hear the voices or not.

We need a new focus in the treatment of mental and emotional issues.

Rather than so much focus on the disease model and what disease does that person have? What is sorely needed is a focus on wellness, resiliency, and recovery. How can someone having had an episode of this thing we are calling mental illness learn to increase their wellness and live the manner of life they chose to live.

For far too long we have focused on what the mentally ill can’t do and the result has been convincing ourselves, the mentally ill, and society that they will never get better. As we shift the focus from expecting a full, complete “cure” to learning how to reduce or manage the symptoms of a chronic condition it becomes increasingly clear that recovery and a full life are possible.

Stay tuned and in future blog posts, we will talk again about wellness tools and how to make recovery possible.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Joy- Inspiration

Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Joy.

Joy

Joy Grows
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.”

Guatama Buddha

“Joy springs from within; no one makes you joyous; you choose joyfulness.”

Unknown

“True joy results when we become aware of our connectedness to everything.”

Paul Pearsall

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Time Change

Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Time.

Time Changes

Time Change
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“How did it get so late so soon?”

― Dr. Seuss

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”

― Mother Teresa

“Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door. ”

― Coco Chanel

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”

― Andy Warhol, The Philosophy of Andy Warhol

Some thoughts about that process we call time on the day we change our clocks.

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Why do successful people have coaches?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

coach

Coaching.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

The more successful you are the more likely you will have a coach.

Have you ever noticed that the top contenders have the top coaches on their side? You don’t find very many Olympic athletes who will go it alone. Top business executives look for executive coaches to help them take their game to a higher level. So why are people whose lives are not working so resistant to getting help?

In my counseling practice, I hear repeatedly that, I don’t need to see a counselor, I am not crazy. People who have serious substance use disorders will tell me they do not need rehab, they can quit on their own.

Couples do not have the time and do not think they need to spend time on marriage counseling. Later on, they will spend ten times as much money and time on the divorce but till then they are all convinced they can do it alone. They do not see how counseling could help.

Why is it that a coach or in the emotional realm a counselor can so be helpful? Many of my clients are smart, and some are financially stable. What they can’t do is see their own situation accurately. How do counselors help people if you have already tried everything there is and your life is still not working? Here are some ways that counselors or life coaches can help even before your life comes apart.

You can’t see your own swing.

You may be making the same mistakes over and over. If you do not see the areas of your life that could be improved on you may not work on making those changes that could take your life to a whole other level of happiness until something breaks or crashes and burns.

Humans tend to do the same thing over and over. We develop habits because it saves time and keeps us from having to figure out how to get out of bed each morning. Many of these habits just are. Your parents did it that way. You did it that way once and have been doing it that way ever since.

You may not question those entrenched behaviors. You may not recognize ways you can improve what you have been doing. A professional can help you look for improvement opportunities.

You can’t see what is behind you no matter how you turn.

Sometimes we have things from our past that we think we are over but they keep cropping up. Finds may see this but they will be reluctant to tell you. If you hear bad news too soon, you may think that the other person is jealous. Bad news from a friend can damage the friendship. A counselor has an obligation to tell you.

Sometimes there are patterns in your life. When you tell your life story to someone else that person can see how when you get to a certain situation you give up or make a bad choice. You may be picking bad partners or you may be applying for the wrong kinds of jobs. Getting a second opinion can help you make decisions and plan your future course.

A counselor or coach can give you the straight scoop. You pay them for their ability to give you another point of view. You can take their opinion into consideration or not.

You don’t know what you don’t know.

Identifying those gaps in your life blueprint can help you develop the happy life skills you need. Your parents may have been great, perfect even. But if you are like most students in the school of life you did not get a hundred percent on any of life’s tests. Say you only got an 80%, a coach can point out the places you need to develop.

What if your parents were less than perfect? A whole lot of people came from dysfunctional homes. You may not have learned some life skills because your parents or other caregiver did not know these skills either. Identify the gaps in your life knowledge and work on those gaps.

It can feel uncomfortable to give yourself praise.

Just as we are often blind to our errors we can also fail to identify our strengths. You go farther in any endeavor if you can make the best use possible of your strengths. A good coach can often see that you have a talent for a function you have never considered. More than one famous athlete was switched from a position at which they were average to a new position by a coach who saw they had an unrecognized talent. Making that switch took their game and their life to a much higher level.

It helps to know what is ahead.

You are living this life. You probably have limited knowledge about what will happen in your life and when. Not that every life is predictably the same, but most of us have some common experiences.

I see people who graduate from high school and then go looking for work. The only thing they know about the world of work is the kind of part-time jobs a high school student could get and that is where they start their search.

As you move through life at different points that life will change. You start your career and your family. Your children grow up and your career goes where it goes. Then what? Is your career stuck? Do you know how to keep developing it? What will happen when the kids leave the house?

When you retire your life will change. What will happen when you retire? Some people have a great time. Others find that they don’t have the money to do those things they always wanted to do. They may not be healthy enough to do things in their retirement.

Counselors and coaches study a thing called lifespan development, what most people can expect to have happened, as they follow their life path. We also talk with a lot of people we hear their life stories, common themes emerge. We don’t tell you those other people’s secrets but a counselor can tell you the patterns of life we see.

Getting some Intel on things that may happen to you, what is normal and what is not, may help you have a better life.

Would seeing a counselor or life coach help you in navigating your life? No, you don’t have to be sick to go to see a counselor. You just need to be willing to spend the time that is needed to work on how you are going to live that life.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

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Fun!

Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Fun.

Having fun

Fun.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

When was the last time you had this much fun?

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.