Why are we so afraid of feelings?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Man with feelings

Managing feelings.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Fear of feelings?

You would think that feelings were on the banned substance list. So many people are avoiding them. Failure to feel what we feel is at the root of a lot of mental health problems. Still, people go to great lengths to not feel those feelings.

We hear lots of advice about ways to avoid feelings, think logically, pull yourself together don’t let yourself feel that. The forces of logic have won the day and henceforth feelings are banned.

But we know in our gut that sometimes feelings are telling us the truth when our head wants to mislead us.

Some people grew up in homes where their feelings were invalidated. You said you were sad and you were told you are not sad, you don’t even know what sad is. If you feel that way you are being weak or selfish or some other terrible thing.

Numbing out the feelings.

So you avoided feelings, any and all feelings, and eventually, you became numb, chronically unhappy, or unable to feel any real joy. In your flight from feelings, you may have left a lot of love, friendship, and compassion behind. You may have resorted to drugs or alcohol or other addictions to avoid feeling what you were feeling.

Feelings have been blackballed, put on the most wanted list, and hunted down and exterminated whenever possible. We have become so very afraid that someone will get angry, depressed, or anxious and then something bad will happen. So we tell them to pull themselves together, forget that feeling and think logically.

Logical thinking, the scientific method has resulted in a lot of technological advances. We have more stuff than ever before in the history of the world. Stuff exists now that science fiction writers fantasized about just a few short years ago.

What we haven’t accomplished is any real reduction in pain or unhappiness. We have more pain-killing drugs but no less pain. We have more antidepressants but we have more depression than ever. We teach people to be more rational and there are crimes of passion on every corner.

In this process of avoiding being carried away with excesses of feelings, we have lost the ability to use feelings for the intended purpose.

Your feelings brain.

When we talk about using our brains, what is left out of the equation is just how much of our nervous system lies outside our heads. All those nerve cells, the ones surrounding your stomach, and the ones in your neck, they are trying to tell you things also.

Those expressions, someone is a pain in the neck, or that makes me sick to my stomach, those expressions are full of truth. Those bodily sensations are conveying information to the rest of our beings that we just may need to know.

Those other “thoughts” the ones in our feeling systems ought to get more attention. That skill we call intuition may just be those emotional memories of things in the past that are useful for actions in the present.

By avoiding our feelings for so long we have lost the ability to regulate those emotions. When we do feel something, like sadness, we can easily become overwhelmed.

When feelings are strangers we come to fear their presence. So many of us will do anything, drink, drug, numb out to avoid feeling what it is we are feeling. We become afraid that feelings are enemies out to destroy us rather than old friends here to tell us something.

One huge step in recovery is to learn that we can feel feelings, happiness or sadness, excitement, or anxiety without becoming overwhelmed and carried away. Having a feeling is not the same thing as being taken over by that feeling. Joy does not have to lead to an excessive celebration and sadness or anxiety need not lead to another relapse or flight.

One group of therapists talks about the need to learn distress tolerance. I can feel bad some of the time and that is OK. I will not cease to exist because I feel sad or anxious. It is possible to feel unpleasant feelings, ask what that feeling has to tell us, and then, like so many other thoughts, let that feeling move on.

Not every happy feeling calls for action, a celebration of excess that might lead to a relapse into drug use, overspending or inappropriate sexual activities.

It is possible to feel feelings and let them serve and inform us rather than being controlled by what we feel.

How do you feel about your feelings?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Love

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Child and adult on beach

Love.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Thoughts about Love.

There are lots of description for love but despite all the meanings we humans never seem to get enough of this precious stuff.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
―The Complete Works of Lao Tzu: Tao Teh Ching & Hua Hu Ching

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
― Stranger in a Strange Land

“You don’t love someone because they’re perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they’re not.”
― Jody Picoult  My Sister’s Keeper: A Novel

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss’s Beginner Book Collection (Cat in the Hat, One Fish Two Fish, Green Eggs and Ham, Hop on Pop, Fox in Socks)

Quotes from GoodReads.

Hope you have enough love today to be able to spread some around.

What is an Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) meeting like?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

AA big book

Alcoholics Anonymous big book.

What happens at an A. A. Meeting?

This should be an easy question. It’s not. Let me explain what an A. A. meeting is and how very different these meetings can be.

While most people think of Alcoholics Anonymous as meetings you go to, it all started with a book titled aptly enough “Alcoholics Anonymous.” Back then there were few A. A. meetings. Most people learned about Alcoholics Anonymous from buying and reading the book.

Reading the book “Alcoholics Anonymous.”

I continue to recommend that people read the book whether or not they elect to attend meetings.

Over time more and more meetings have sprung up, mostly meetings of people who had read the book and wanted to learn more or get help in participating in the A. A. program of recovery.

With all these groups starting up, they each had to develop their own set of rules. There got to be so many rules that at one point Bill W. one of the two co-founders, said if they followed all those rules, even he could not be a member. The result was that each group or meeting could figure out their own way of doing things as long as their rules did not conflict with the 12 Steps and the Twelve Traditions.

Today there are a whole lot of very different A. A. meetings. Most groups have their meeting times listed and included in schedules and you can find those schedules online or in print form.

Meetings can be categorized by what the program for a meeting will be, who is able to attend, where the meeting is held, and so on. There are also designations for rules for particular meetings.

Types of A. A. meetings.

They can also be categorized by what is on the program at that particular meeting. First the rule types and then the program types.

Smoking and non-smoking meetings.

In the old days, most meetings were smoking allowed. Back then you could tell a good meeting by the full ashtrays. Nowadays more meetings are non-smoking. They may be held in a place that does not allow smoking or the members may have decided to make their meeting a non-smoking one.

Open and closed meetings

There used to be more prejudice about people admitting they had a drinking problem, let alone saying they were alcoholics, so some meetings became closed meetings, meaning that they asked that only alcoholics attend those meetings.

The majority of meetings, especially the large ones, are open meetings that anyone who wants to go can attend. They do ask that if you share, you only talk about alcohol problems and your recovery from alcoholism. Sorry, no commercial pitches or religious and political solicitations are part of this program.

Men’s only or Women’s only meetings

I recommend to female clients that whenever possible they attend a few women’s only meetings. The point of meetings is to work on your recovery not to find a new partner.

Meetings and fellowships

Meetings customarily meet once per week at a particular time and place. They may use any room available; say a church meeting hall, a room at a school, or business. The meeting rents the room from the place and then has its own meeting. The A. A. group may meet at say the Methodist church on Friday night, but it is an A.A. meeting, not a Methodist meeting, so any faith, or those with no faith, are welcome to attend.

A fellowship is a group of meetings that goes in together and rents a room so that there are primarily A. A. meetings in that place. A fellowship might have a morning meeting each day, a noon meeting each day, and one or more evening meetings each day all in the same place.

Go to a fellowship for a few weeks and you will develop a group of clean and sober friends. I encourage clients to try out a fellowship as soon as possible. I also encourage them to try a number of meetings until they find the one that is right for them.

Different A. A. meetings will have different formats.

Speaker meetings

At a speaker meeting, one or a couple of people will get up and talk about their experiences in recovery.

Book studies

At a book study, a portion of the book is read and they people discuss what this means and how they might apply it to their recovery. Books would include the A. A. Big Book, 12 and 12; As Bill sees it, and so on. These meetings do not include reading from any religious books like the Bible or the Koran as that would make the meeting a religious meeting not an A. A. meeting.

Open participation meetings

At this meeting members, (remember you are a member if you decide you want to stop drinking) are encouraged to talk about what is on their mind as it applies to drinking, not drinking, and their recovery from alcoholism.

Meetings, by the way, are not therapy sessions. Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference but the focus of the meeting should be on your problems with alcohol and your efforts to not drink.

The Big Book suggests that people share “in a general way,” what they used to be like, what happened and what they are like now.

So there you have the types of meetings that you might choose to attend, but what will actually happen if you chose to go to an A. A. meeting? If you need to or want to attend a meeting, consider which meeting type you might like to attend or try out several and see what is best for you.

In a future post, I want to describe what the experience of attending an A. A. meeting might be like.

The posts I write about AA are from my perspective as a therapist and clinical counselor and do not necessarily reflect the views of A.A. World Services. For more on A.A. and their program of recovery check out the “A.A. Big Book” titled Alcoholics Anonymous at the links below or contact AA World Services at their website.

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

The classic text on Alcoholism, recovery this is the book that started off the whole 12 step phenomenon.

Alcoholics Anonymous from The Anonymous Press

One of the Kindle editions – At 99 cents this is such a bargain. This edition needed a separate listing. No Kindle reader? No Problem, if you have a computer you can download a free Kindle reader.

http://www.aa.org

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why people are reading counselorssoapbox.com

Counselorssoapbox.com

Why people are reading counselorssoapbox.com

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

For the last 30 days here are the top posts that brought people to counselorssoapbox .com.

In case you missed some of these top posts the links are included.

How much should you tell a therapist?

Levels or types of Borderline Personality Disorder

Do therapists have to report a crime?

Do people really forget what happened when drinking? – Blackouts

Which border is Borderline Intellectual Functioning on?

Are you a Parentified Child?

Do therapists like, fall in love with their clients? Why don’t they tell them?

Reasons Counselors and Therapists Lose Licenses

About the Author – David Joel Miller

Hyperthymia, Hyperthymic Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Happy Holliday

By David Joel Miller

Have a Happy Holiday – And be really safe out there.

Full moon.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

 

Halloween Hates Women

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Witch

Witch.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Halloween has become decidedly misogynistic.

Halloween is just not what it used to be. I suppose people start saying things like this when they get old, and I resemble that, nothing is the way it once was.  But Halloween has changed in some disturbing ways. Modern Halloween does not seem to think much of women or girls for that matter.

When I was younger Halloween was mostly a holiday for children. Today it has become the second-largest holiday. It was the warm-up for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years, those required to cope with winter holidays we needed to cheer ourselves up and to affirm our connection to the rest of our culture.

Halloween is being marketed as an adult holiday. Halloween has grown older but clearly, it has not grown up.

Men are getting to choose between increasing numbers of characters to impersonate. Women are getting stereotyped in one of two roles.

A woman must choose between being a young erotic sex object and being an old ugly hag.

The portrayal of the witch, so often a standard feature of Halloween costumes, as deformed, green skin, with warts and all, implies that women who are not sex objects are despicable.

When I was a child most little boys wanted to be pirates, cowboys, or hobos. Little girls mostly wanted to be princesses. A lot of the costumes were homemade and the goal was to play dress up and pretend to be something you would never be.

Today the costumes are store-bought and the goal seems to be to dress rehearse the things you wish you were doing. Mostly these are things that you would do if you could do but can’t because you might get arrested or lose your job over them.

In the transformation of this holiday, the roles of men and women have changed.

This is not about the macabre or the horror stories. We have always had times when as a people we tried to poke fun at death and the fears of the unknown, the dance macabre, the day of the dead, those sorts of things. Today rather than skeletons people want to dress up as mass murders.

That works for the guys but have you seen the costumes being offered to the women and the little girls?

It does not hurt to sometimes dress up and play roles. We do that a lot with Renaissance Faires, Pirate fairs, and Sci-fi conventions.

I just have to wonder after all the progress on equality between the sexes, how we can continue to encourage women to fit into the dichotomy that either you are a sex object or you are worthless and despicable mold.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

The Blue Jay Mind – Do you have Mind Chatter

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Blue Jay.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Do you have a Blue Jay Mind? Is your mind on overload?

Does your mind feel like it is full? Is your brain always rushing somewhere? Do you sometimes feel like your mind is having a traffic jam?

Have you ever sat outside, a park or the lake, when a flock of Blue Jays or other loud birds had a constant chattering conversation? Does your own mind sound like that sometimes? In meditation, they refer to this as a monkey mind. But we North Americans we don’t see monkeys except in the zoo.

Flocks of loud obnoxious birds; that we see a lot of.

Some days my mind sounds like that squabbling in the tree outside my window.

You know you are not fully crazy; these are not voices in your head. These things that overwhelm you are your own thoughts, but that does not make it any easier to keep that mind of yours under control.

An unquiet mind is an unruly companion.

Some days my brain is just plain full. Is yours? I tell people around me not to tell me one more thing that I need to remember. I say, only half-joking, that if I learn one more thing I will need to forget something I used to know and I am afraid that trying to remember what they are telling me may mean I will forget how to get home tonight.

Do you reach the point of cognitive overload and find that you are working harder and harder to remember less and less? You may be getting old; you may be losing some abilities. If so see your doctor.

There is a simpler explanation.

We only have so many cognitive resources at our command. My computer has just so much storage space and so does my mind.

What we all need to do is reserve some space in our heads for the things that really matter. Learn to simplify our minds and reduce our worries. Less stuff rattling around in our brains results in more calmness, more serenity.

The difficult part of this is to get your mind slowed down and cleared out when you need to. We all can become so accustomed to thinking, thinking, always thinking that for many people it is difficult to shut that mind off when the times come to give your mind a rest.

Some people find mindfulness and meditation training to be helpful to get that mind quiet. Other people need counseling or even medication.

If your mind is constantly racing, if your head is full of noise and most of it is your own thoughts seek help. Just listening to your own thoughts day after day can wear you out.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

That’s not what’s wrong with you!

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Problem and problem solving

Problem-solving.

Are you sure you really know what your problem is?

There has been a disturbing trend lately in the psychotherapy business. To hear some of my colleagues talk, clients do not have a clue what is wrong with them. Worse than that, if the client did know, they are convinced the client would lie to them.

I have to question these premises. First, some fictional examples may help.

A male client goes to see their therapist. The man says he and his wife are quarreling and he is afraid their marriage will end in divorce. The therapist does a full assessment and informs the client that his problem is not his relationship. His problem is he did not have a good attachment to his mother. He needs to work through all his childhood issues of wanting more from his mother than she gave him.

The client, not conscious of psychological principles, continues to insist that he and his mother got along just fine. The client says that it is possible that all men have mother issues they need to work out before they can properly relate to a woman. What does he know about psychological principles?

So the man undergoes a long examination of his childhood and his relationship with his mother. At the end, he sees how he was not really as close to his mother as he thought.

In the meantime, his wife leaves him and files for divorce. As much as it pains this man to lose the relationship with a woman he really loves and he is also sad about losing contact with his children because the wife has moved them to another state where she lives with her parents.

Still, the man now understands how his underdeveloped relationship with his mother has resulted in his attachment issues with women and he now understands why he will never be able to make a woman happy.

Sound far-fetched? I see things like this more often than you might guess.

Second example. A woman comes to see her therapist because she has been out of work for many months. She is discouraged and getting depressed because of her employment situation and her economic troubles. I am thinking either treatment for depression or help with career counseling, but the treating therapist tells me that would be wrong.

The problem here is that this client grew up in a home with an alcoholic parent. This has left all sorts of scars on the client and the client undergoes treatment for her anger towards that alcoholic parent. The client insists that she got over that stuff a long time ago but the therapist informs this client that she is sicker than she thinks and that she will never be happy again until she gets these childhood issues treated.

The client talks with this therapist for a number of sessions, still unconvinced that she has all that big a problem with her childhood. Eventually, the therapist tells the client that this client needs to stop lying about her hatred towards her father.

Clearly, anyone who grew up with an alcoholic parent has been scarred for life and will probably never be able to work again

By the way, these are fictional composite examples so do not go thinking you know the people I am talking about. You would be wrong.

Counter-transference.

The problems these vignettes illustrate are a phenomenon known as counter-transference. The counselor who has had issues in their childhood, or has others in their life with these issues, is insistent that the client must have the issues that the counselor sees and if the client disagrees then the counselor believes the client is lying.

It can also come from a theoretical orientation that asserts that all adult problems are the result of childhood events.

A more productive approach is for the treating professional to consider that some people who had mother problems or an alcoholic parent may be having problems today because of that past, but most people really have the problem they say they have.

I try, in my practice, to always accept that the problem is what the client says the problem is. This can save a lot of time by working on that issue first and then get back to the other stuff if that still needs doing.

I also find that it saves a lot of my time and the client’s time to avoid arguing with the client. If they tell me things I take it that they believe what they are telling me. They may be mistaken but most people really do believe what they are saying.

Certainly, there are times that clients might stretch the truth. Especially if they have something to gain, like child custody or disability. In those cases, where my results will go to another person or agency I ask a lot more questions. But if the purpose of the therapy is to help the client resolve issues or cope with life problems I find it is worth the effort to start from a place of believing the client.

Most of the time the problem that needs treating is the thing the client says brought them to my office in the first place. If your provider is insistent on treating you for their issue instead of yours consider getting a second opinion.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Tranquility

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Tranquility:

free of any disturbance or commotion, free from or showing no signs of anxiety or agitation.

“A lonely day is God’s way of saying that he wants to spend some quality time with you.”
― Criss Jami

“We are not going to change the whole world, but we can change ourselves and feel free as birds. We can be serene even in the midst of calamities and, by our serenity, make others more tranquil. Serenity is contagious. If we smile at someone, he or she will smile back. And a smile costs nothing. We should plague everyone with joy. If we are to die in a minute, why not die happily, laughing? (136-137)”
― Swami Satchidananda, The Yoga Sutras

“Our life depends on the kind of thoughts we nurture. If our thoughts are peaceful, calm, meek, and kind, then that is what our life is like. If our attention is turned to the circumstances in which we live, we are drawn into a whirlpool of thoughts and can have neither peace nor tranquility.”
― Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica, Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives: The Life and Teachings of Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica

“The very secret of life for me, I believed, was to maintain in the midst of rushing events an inner tranquility.”
― Margaret Bourke-White, Portrait of Myself

Quotes from GoodReads 

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the about the author page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings, and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at http://www.counselorfresno.com/recommended-books/

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Is A.A. a religious group?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

AA big book

Alcoholics Anonymous big book.

A.A. describes itself in its literature as a spiritual program, not a religious one.

Members of A.A. are free to practice or not practice any religion they chose. Among the members of A.A., you will find Christians of most all the denominations. You will also find Jews, Buddhists, Hindus, Pagans, and both agnostics and atheists.

How it possible to be a member of a spiritual group and not believe in a specific deity?

The A.A. literature says “God as you understand him.” No particular understanding is prescribed. Clearly, some members are more emphatic about their particular faith and its role in their recovery than others.

“Him” here is in the English language tradition of not having gender-neutral pronouns. Using “They or Them” for God did not work also. So I think that there should be no objection if your understanding of God or your higher power were a she, them, or it.

What does matter is that this “higher power” has some ability to help you live your life on a more spiritual basis.

One member, who described themselves as an atheist reported that they understood their higher power as god, as opposed to GOD. Their higher power was a formula for making better more spiritual decisions.

g = Good

O = orderly

d = direction

Some members in early recovery find that simply checking out decisions with their sponsor or the group can improve the quality of those decisions and help them stay sober. For the time being the group can function as a “higher power.”

There is one other description of this process of making progress in A.A. that might help explain why the program does not insist on any particular religious belief.

If you are on the path to recovery, keep looking, you just might find a higher power.

The posts I write about A.A. are from my perspective as a therapist and clinical counselor and do not necessarily reflect the views of A.A. World Services. For more on A.A. and their program of recovery check out the “A.A. Big Book” titled Alcoholics Anonymous at the links below or contact A.A. World Services at their website.

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

The classic text on Alcoholism, recovery this is the book that started off the whole 12 step phenomenon.

Alcoholics Anonymous from The Anonymous Press

One of the kindle editions – At 99 cents this is such a bargain. This edition needed a separate listing. No kindle reader? No Problem, if you have a computer you can download a free Kindle reader.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

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