Happy Labor Day.
Happy Labor Day.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
Today here in the United States it is Labor Day.
Can any of you history buffs tell me why?
Happy Labor Day.
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Shy.
Shy.
Sunday Inspiration. Post by David Joel Miller.
“We look at each other with shy relief. It’s the look two odd socks give when they recognise each other in the wild.”
― Fiona Wood, Six Impossible Things
“When a shy person smiles, it’s like the sun coming out.”
― Anita Diamant, The Boston Girl
“He was painfully shy, which, as is often the manner of the painfully shy, he overcompensated for by being too loud at the wrong times.”
― Neil Gaiman, Stardust
Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.
Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.
Happiness.
Happiness.
Sunday Inspiration. Post by David Joel Miller.
“Happiness is a warm puppy.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
― Marcel Proust
“Take responsibility of your own happiness, never put it in other people’s hands.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.
Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.
Unique.
Unique.
Sunday Inspiration. Post by David Joel Miller.
“The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique.”
― Walt Disney
“You have to be unique, and different, and shine in your own way.”
― Lady Gaga
“Books serve to show a man that those original thoughts of his aren’t very new after all.”
― Abraham Lincoln
“Books are a uniquely portable magic.”
― Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft
Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.
Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.
Egotistical.
Egotistical.
Sunday Inspiration. Post by David Joel Miller.
“Conscience makes egotists of us all.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
“The common idea that success spoils people by making them vain, egotistical and self-complacent is erroneous; on the contrary, it makes them, for the most part, humble, tolerant and kind. Failure makes people bitter and cruel.”
― W. Somerset Maugham, The Razor’s Edge
“Happiness is egotistical.”
― Alexandre Dumas
Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.
Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.
Waking up early reduces depression.
Sleeping person.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
When you wake up matters when it comes to depression.
We used to think that the critical factor connecting sleep and depression was the total number of hours of sleep. But when you go to bed and when you get up may also affect your mental health. It is true that people who get inadequate sleep, however much that is for them, are more likely to become depressed. Depending on your genetics and the amount of energy you expend every day, we expect people to need between seven and nine hours of sleep each day. Deviations from this norm may be connected to mental health issues.
Not enough sleep affects your mood.
Waking up tired makes you grouchy and leads to depression. The idea that you can be more productive by reducing the number of hours of sleep you get each night has turned out to do more harm than good. Being chronically sleep-deprived interferes with mental processes.
Not enough sleep makes you irritable and adds to depression. Even the traditional all-nighters before exams may be resulting in lower test scores, not better grades. Students who lay off the books the night before finals and get a good night’s rest often do better than those who try to stay up all night studying but took the test with a foggy head.
Not needing much sleep can also be a problem.
Some people have a genetic disposition that requires them to sleep less than their fellow humans. But when someone routinely sleeps less than six hours and wakes up with plenty of energy, this may be a sign of a developing mental illness. Sleeping less than normal is a key indicator for either cyclothymic disorder or one of the bipolar disorders. In those disorders is not just the reduced need for sleep; however, that makes the diagnosis. These high-energy people also act impulsively or irresponsibly and may have driven uncontrollable behavior. The lack of sleep doesn’t get them into trouble directly, but what they do while awake does.
It’s not just how much sleep but when.
Recently I’ve seen several studies tell us that night owls are more likely to be depressed. Late risers are twice as likely to become depressed as the early birds. Early risers are also more likely to be happy and optimistic. But these characteristics are not fixed. People who suddenly must stay up later at night and begin sleeping in may experience a decline in mood. This relationship works in the other direction also.
Becoming an early riser can help improve your mood.
For most types of depression, many things can help. Medication can help temporarily, but so can increasing physical activity and exercise. Changing your thinking, a major part of cognitive-behavioral therapy, can also reduce symptoms of depression. Recently we discovered that being an early riser can also reduce depression.
Deliberately shifting your sleep schedule can also improve your mood.
People who begin to deliberately get up earlier each morning and then go to bed earlier report seeing an improvement in their mood. If they suffer from some types of depression, it gets better. How much of a shift do you need to make? Waking up one hour earlier results in a significant improvement in mood.
During the pandemic, many people shifted to online schooling or working from home. There’s been an increase in people working later into the evening and then sleeping later in the morning. Surveys suggest that those people who stayed up the latest felt the emotional impacts of the pandemic more than those people who stuck with a schedule that mirrored the sun. As we get back to normal, moving back to an early to rise and early to bed lifestyle may be just the boost your mental health needs.
Sudden sleep changes may also be a sign of an oncoming mental illness.
The condition we call depression comes in two major forms. In melancholy depression, people can’t sleep. But in atypical depression, the depressed person begins to sleep for extended periods but is still tired. Of course, reduced need for sleep is often tied to a bipolar person moving into a manic or hypomanic episode.
The idea that this connection between sleep and significant emotional problems or even a mental illness can work in both directions hasn’t seen enough attention in the past. While changes in your sleep may indicate an oncoming mental illness, deliberately shifting your sleep schedule as much as possible to be an early riser may also have significant mental health benefits.
Genetics certainly play a role in both sleep cycles and the risk of developing depression. But it’s possible that something as simple as gradually shifting your sleep cycle so that you get more hours of daylight and sleep during the darkness may help improve your mood and may even reduce or prevent some forms of depression.
Have you noticed a connection between your bedtime and your mood? If you have seen an impact of sleep cycles on your mental health, please leave a comment below.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now! And more are on the way.
For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller.
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel.
Greedy.
Greedy.
Sunday Inspiration. Post by David Joel Miller.
“Here is your country. Cherish these natural wonders, cherish the natural resources, cherish the history and romance as a sacred heritage, for your children and your children’s children. Do not let selfish men or greedy interests skin your country of its beauty, its riches or its romance.”
― Theodore Roosevelt
“Be Fearful When Others Are Greedy and Greedy When Others Are Fearful”
― Warren Buffett
“Of mankind we may say in general they are fickle, hypocritical, and greedy of gain.”
― Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince
Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.
Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.
Do you have imposter syndrome?
Imposter syndrome.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Could you have imposter syndrome?
Imposter syndrome is a term probably everyone has heard recently. The term, and probably its prevalence, is a lot more common now than in the past. One way to understand this is to imagine someone who looks like they have a skill, they know they’re wearing the uniform of the job, but they don’t actually know how to do what they’re supposed to do. Many people with professional credentials or who have been hired to do a particular job may feel like imposters because they lack confidence in their ability to do the job adequately.
Imposter syndrome is a common reason people seek counseling.
Officially imposter syndrome is not a recognized diagnosis. But imposter syndrome and some related conditions result in high levels of anxiety and often depression. What we used to think was that it was primarily a problem of women working in male-dominated professions. We now see this phenomenon almost universally. We find similar insecurities among children and adolescents who feel they don’t measure up and have the abilities of their classmates.
In the past studies of several professions, we found that almost 100% of people in a given vocation rated themselves as above average. However, because of higher job stress and the increasing rate of burnout, we find more people today who believe they are in over their heads and don’t measure up to the abilities of their colleagues and coworkers.
Imposter syndrome is common.
One survey concluded that roughly 75% of people in certain occupations feel like they are imposters pretending to be competent at their jobs but not really having the skills they require. Of course, many professional licenses or certifications call for only a minimum level of competency. So, when the people in a profession compare themselves to famous practitioners, they are likely to feel that they don’t measure up.
Even at elite universities and colleges, students feel like imposters. They can see other students getting all A’s apparently with these. While they may have gotten admitted, the students frantically study, trying to keep their grades up to the level of their peers. The saying at some colleges is there only two grades. You either get an A, or you get the other grade. In this way of thinking, if you’re not a straight-A student, you’re a failure.
Imposter syndrome is more than a fear of failure.
Many people experience a fear of failure. Even the most talented people sometimes fail. People with imposter syndrome not only feel like a failure, they believed they don’t measure up. The belief that you don’t have the skills or talent needed to perform the job you’re doing satisfactorily is a significant part of imposter syndrome. People with imposter syndrome believe they are essentially defective.
People with imposter syndrome feel like frauds.
They often suffer from a high level of anxiety about their job performance and life in general. Since they don’t feel capable of doing the jobs they are performing, they live in constant fear of being found out.
Imposter syndrome has increased with more online work.
Constantly being on camera, whether working from home or being a student taking online classes, has created an incredible pressure to always be perfect. Many clients I’ve worked with have reported that the stress of working online has been overwhelming. I’m hearing increasingly common reports that students become so self-conscious that they will turn their cameras off and would rather take a failing grade than have to be constantly in the view of all their classmates. Getting teased and bullied about your appearance also contributes to an increase in anxiety.
Online work isn’t the only reason for an increase in imposter syndrome.
As more and more people become accustomed to working online were developing new skills and competencies for doing work this way. I’ve seen some outstanding teaching and counseling being done in the online virtual format. I was hearing of cases of imposter syndrome well before the Covid pandemic. With 24-7 media coverage and the ability to live stream, everything anyone does can be quickly recorded and rapidly disseminated. This feeling that you can never make a mistake or misspeak has resulted in many people feeling inadequate for today’s world.
Comparing up is one reason you may experience imposter syndrome.
Social media has been especially damaging to self-esteem. Someone with ten friends on social media compares themselves to someone with 500 or 1000. That upward comparison makes you feel inadequate. Very few people ever compare themselves down to someone who only has one friend.
You can overcome imposter syndrome.
Even in high-stress jobs, people do overcome their feelings of vulnerability and beliefs that they are inadequate for the job they’re doing. Counseling can help. Working on improving your skills also contributes to overcoming the feeling. And most importantly, accepting that you’re a fallible human and sometimes will make mistakes can take you a long way towards overcoming imposter syndrome.
In an upcoming post, I want to talk to you in more detail about specific techniques you can apply to overcome insecurities, feelings you don’t measure up, and overcome imposter syndrome.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now! And more are on the way.
For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller.
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel.
Exertion.
Exertion
Sunday Inspiration. Post by David Joel Miller.
“I have no faith in human perfectibility. I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is now only more active – not more happy – nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago.”
― Edgar Allan Poe
“Don’t mistake activity with achievement.”
― John Wooden
“Human beings can always be relied upon to exert, with vigor, their God-given right to be stupid.”
― Dean Koontz
Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.
Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.
Surviving the relationship breakup blues.
Relationship Break up Blues
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
How do you cope with Break–up sadness?
Whatever a relationship ends, there’s bound to be sadness. Even in those unhealthy relationships that have been bad from the beginning breaking up can be a mixture of relief that you’ve gotten out of the relationship and sadness that the relationship you wanted wasn’t what you got. The longer the relationship, the more difficult this can be. In this post, I’m going to talk mainly about relationships that break up during the dating or living together stage. Once two people have gotten married or had a child together, there’s likely to be a whole lot of additional wreckage that needs to be cleaned up. These are some of the things you need to do to recover from the emotional part of the relationship.
It’s okay to grieve.
Whenever a relationship ends, it’s normal to experience sadness. Even the relationships we know will end, like four years of college, are often followed by a period of emotional letdown and sadness. Ending a relationship you thought would be forever can be catastrophic. Don’t think you should be over it in a day or two. Allow yourself the time to process the changes. Humans change when we are in relationships. When you’re newly single, you’re going to have to shift back. It’s okay to experience a period of sadness as long as that feeling does not turn into depression which interferes with the rest of your life.
Try not to lose the good parts just because the relationship has ended.
You went to someplace new with the person who is now your ex, and you had a good time. That doesn’t mean you will have to avoid that place forever. Initially, going back to that “our favorite restaurant” can be difficult. It can be a reminder of your loss. After waiting a time, try revisiting that restaurant with a friend. Let yourself remember the good parts.
Don’t start assessing blame.
It’s easy to blame your former romantic partner. You can probably think of dozens of reasons why this breakup was their fault. You may also want to blame yourself. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. If you did have ongoing problems within the relationship, consider getting some counseling. If you have had more than one failed relationship, don’t automatically look for what’s wrong with you. But do consider why you keep picking potential relationship partners who are not a good match for you.
Try something new.
Vary your routine. Don’t do a geographic and think that moving to a different city will solve your problem. Don’t think that rushing into another relationship with a new partner will make you happy. Do try out some new activities, hobbies and visiting some new places. Consider taking a class just for the fun of it. The time between relationships is an excellent opportunity to develop new interests.
Don’t torture yourself.
Avoid staying connected to your old partner on social media. Stop asking your friends what your ex has been doing. Some people find it helpful to remove their former partner’s phone numbers and emails from their contact lists. Don’t be tempted to reach out and try to reconnect when you’re feeling down or even a little tipsy.
Stay busy.
You don’t have to be frantically active, but you do need to use the time you would have spent with your former partner to good advantage. Reconnect with old friends. Pick up a book you’ve always wanted to read. Do some of those things you had been putting off because your partner didn’t like them, or you didn’t think you had the time.
Learn the life lessons this experience taught you.
Not learning a life lesson when it’s presented dooms you to repeat the lesson. The lessons we don’t learn when we are young continued to repeat themselves. This is especially true of feelings and relationships. If you have been in a relationship of any kind that has ended, there are sure to be critical life lessons you need to learn. Be careful about jumping to the easy conclusions. Failed relationships are rarely the fault of only one person. Look at your contribution to making the relationship succeed or fail. Also, examined the reasons you chose to enter a relationship with this person and whether you would want to do the same thing again.
Show yourself some Self-Compassion.
Don’t beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made and resolve to do better in the future. There’s no evidence that being hard on yourself or wallowing in self-pity will reduce the suffering or prevent this from happening again. Treat yourself with kindness and take good care of yourself. Healing from a breakup is going to require all the Self-Compassion you can muster.
Stay single for a while.
Rushing into a new relationship, whether it’s a committed one or just casual sex, can create even more wreckage. The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is the one you have with yourself. People fresh out of a relationship are encouraged to stay single and work on themselves for a while. People in early recovery from substance use disorder realize they had fallen in love with their drug of choice. We encourage them to stay single for at least two years to avoid substituting a romance or sexual activity as another way to make themselves feel good.
Don’t expect anything from your ex.
Some people hope to still maintain a friendship with their ex. Just because you try to do this, don’t expect your former partner to be willing to stay friends. For some people, it’s simply too painful to be in contact with a former partner.
Also, don’t keep hoping for some form of closure. Don’t expect them to tell you why they made that decision or to apologize for things they did while you were together. It’s also not a good idea to apologize to your former partner for the things you did wrong. Offering an apology and getting it rejected can create more wreckage that’s even harder to recover from.
Don’t think you have to be self-sufficient.
Just because you’re out of a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t reach out for support and help. While your romantic partner may be the closest person to you, they shouldn’t be the only person you connect with. It’s recommended that everyone have at least five people in their support system. That might be friends, parents, siblings, other relatives, or even professionals. Don’t be ashamed if you must ask other people to help you with some of the things that your ex used to do.
What do you think?
Have you recently gone through a relationship breakup? What did you find most helpful? Consider leaving a comment to share your experiences with others. If you’d like to contact me directly, please use the contact me feature on this blog.
I’m looking forward to hearing what worked and what didn’t for each of you.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now! And more are on the way.
For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
counselorssoapbox 