Tag Archives: how to be happy

The Paths to a Happy Life.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happiness

Thoughts to make you happier.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

The Pursuit of Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

There are many paths that may take you to happiness. The trail that takes one person there may not work for someone else. One of the surprising things about happiness is, it’s less about the specific road you’re traveling and more about the way you take the journey.

You don’t reach happiness by traveling the road of misery. Those people who enjoy what they’re doing and do what they enjoy collect happiness along the way. If you spend your life wallowing in misery, don’t expect to arrive at happiness.

Learning to recognize happiness makes you a happiness expert.

Every day has little happy moments that come and go. People walk right past a beautiful flower in bloom and never notice it. If you want more happiness in your life, you need to become an expert at recognizing those little happy moments.

You can increase your happiness in life by practicing recognizing happiness when it is in front of you. Rushing from place to place looking for happiness is probably taking you right past the thing you’re looking for.

Belonging matters more than belongings in creating happiness.

Acquiring things, ownership for its own sake generally results in a short-lived burst of pleasure. Then the joy fades quickly. Relationships, healthy and happy ones, maximize your happiness over the long run. When you look back on your life, you’re more likely to fondly remember the experiences you shared with others than the things you bought.

Accumulate emotional wealth to expand your happiness.

Too much emphasis on accumulating financial wealth results in you becoming an unhappy miser. Grow your financial assets for what you can do with them. People who use their time and money to create positive experiences accumulate emotional wealth, the kind that isn’t taxed.

Late in life, when people reflect on what they remember and what they regret, most common regrets are the things they always said they wanted to do but never did.

You must give it away to keep it. Being selfish reduces happiness.

Doing things for others can bring you great joy. Being selfish emphasizes what you lack not what you have. Do what you can for others, and their happiness will be added to yours.

Doing for the joy of it multiplies happiness.

The most delightful job on earth is the one where you do something you absolutely love, and they pay you to do it. Whatever you do try to find positive in everything you do. Happily doing the simplest task with a positive outlook can increase your happiness.

The happy life stays in balance.

A little water quenches thirst; too much will drown you. The human body needs exercise, but it also needs rest. The happy life is one that strives for balance rather than believing that a large amount of one item will make up for all the other deficits. Balance your work and your leisure. Take care of your physical body. Get plenty of sleep, exercise, and eat a healthy diet. Balance the time you spend with others and the time, you reserved for yourself.

Happiness requires doing, act.

Reaching happiness requires a journey. Try each day to do one thing worth doing. You can think about what you’re going to do forever, but it’s only a fantasy. To make your dreams come true, you must act. Avoid excessive judgment and give yourself credit for things done.

Maximize your contentment by wanting less.

Wanting is a mirage. The more you want, the less you value what you have. Happiness that comes from contentment has a long shelf life. Satisfaction comes from appreciating what you have and limiting your wants to those things you’re willing to work for.

Cultivate gratitude, and you will become happier.

People who are grateful find it much easier to be happy. Gratitude is the kind of tree that requires nurturing. The more you grow your gratitude, the more fruit it will bear. Focusing on what you don’t have can lead to depression. When you are grateful for what you have you then you will feel energized to continue along the paths which lead to permanent happiness.

Stop comparing yourself to those with more.

If you constantly compare yourself to those who have more than you do, you will always come up short and unhappy. The more you feel empathy for those who have less than you the more you will appreciate what you do have.

I realize those directions are a little sketchy, but I believe that if you follow these paths, you will have a productive life full of opportunities to pursue happiness.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Three David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Casino Robbery is a novel about a man with PTSD who must cope with his symptoms to solve a mystery and create a new life.

Sasquatch. Wandering through a hole in time, they encounter Sasquatch. Can they survive? The guests had come to Meditation Mountain to find themselves. Trapped in the Menhirs during a sudden desert storm, two guests move through a porthole in time and encounter long extinct monsters. They want to get back to their own time, but the Sasquatch intends to kill them.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Books are now available on Amazon, Kobo, iBooks, Barnes & Noble, and many other online stores.

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

Want the latest on news from recoveryland, the field of counseling, my writing projects, speaking and teaching? Please sign up for my newsletter at – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see my Facebook author’s page, davidjoelmillerwriter. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com.

Free happiness hacks.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Add to your happiness a little at a time.

Being happy doesn’t require a lot of money. It requires developing a few happiness skills. Happiness doesn’t come from accomplishing one grand goal.  You build happiness a little at a time each day.  Try adding a few of these happiness hacks to your life each day, and watch your total happiness grow. Which of these happiness skills should you be practicing?

Get adequate sleep.

People who fail to get enough sleep become irritable and grouchy.  Lack of sleep is a prime cause of mistakes.  People who get enough sleep are better able to handle life’s problems as they come along.  People who are chronically sleep-deprived are at increased risk for depression and other mental health issues.  You will spend more time sleeping than you will expend on any other activity in your lifetime make sure you do a good job of sleeping.

Love what you do.

Second, behind sleeping will be the amount of time that you will spend working.  All other activities will receive smaller amounts of your time.  If you enjoy what you do for a living it will go a long way toward making your life happy. Don’t expect those few other hours of your life to generate enough happiness to make up for working at a job that makes you miserable.  People who work a job they enjoy are doubly blessed.  They get to enjoy what they do while at work and they get to enjoy the things that the money they earn at work will provide for.

Become a happiness expert.

Happiness is one of those emotions that may be hard to spot if you haven’t made a habit out of recognizing it.  There’s a thing called the expert effect which says that it’s hard to recognize something if you don’t know what it is.  To have more happiness in your life, make it a project to study happiness so you will recognize it when it crosses your path.

Make lists of what you have, not what you are missing.

Many people have long lists of things that they don’t have.  If you stay focused on the things that are missing in your life you create a life full of scarcity.  The happiest people are the people who spend the time to notice all the wonderful things they do have.  Make it a point to develop a gratitude list.  Give thanks for the wonderful things that you do have in your life no matter how small those things are.  People who are grateful for what they do have, find that they can be happy even in tough times.  Those who are focused on what they don’t have will find that they will never have enough things to make them happy.

For more happiness be yourself.

Happy people are fully themselves.  Learn to accept yourself the way you are.  Do not try to be someone else.  People who are genuine and authentic find it easy to be happy.  Those who are constantly trying to be someone are something other than themselves find the task impossibly discouraging.

Let others be who they are.

Happy people are able to accept others as they are.  If you’re constantly insisting that other people need to change for you to be happy you are creating your own unhappiness.  Accept other people as they are.  That does not mean that you need to let everybody into your life or associate with them.  Just accept people for who and what they are and stop upsetting yourself when they don’t meet your expectations.

Plan on having a good day.

If you tell yourself that you will have a bad day you will create that bad day.  Tell yourself that you plan to have a good day and no matter what happens you are likely to recognize those small pleasant events.

Stop comparing up.

Stop comparing yourself to other people.  There will always be someone richer, more powerful, or smarter.  Be OK with who and what you are.  Let other people be who they are.  You should not compare yourself in your gardening outfit was someone dressed to attend a fancy event.

Embrace your flaws, stop trying to be perfect.

You are a human being.  You are required to do things, make mistakes, and learn from those mistakes.  Nowhere in the rule book on being human does it say that anyone is expected to be perfect.

Stay in the present.

Avoid focusing on the past, it is gone.  People who stay stuck in the past are unable to live in the present.  The more you ruminate about the past, what shouldn’t have happened, the more depressed you become.  People who are constantly thinking about the future, what might happen, become highly anxious and unable to be happy in present.  People who are successful and living in the present are the happiest people.

Do more of what’s working.

Unhappiness comes from not learning from your mistakes.  Happiness is a result of discovering those things in your life that are working and doing more of them.  Constantly be on the lookout for those things that you are doing that are creating positive results.

Find your passion.

In your work, your relationships, hobbies, and all other activities pursue your passions.  People who devote themselves to the things that they feel passionate about derive great pleasure from doing them.  Whenever it is that turns you on, as long as it does not harm others, do more of it.

Allow others to be wrong.

Happy people are content to allow other people to be wrong on occasion.  Keep open the possibility that there are times you will believe something which later turns out to be incorrect.  Let other people be wrong also.  Don’t feel the need to correct others.

Pick wise goals.

Before you give a lot of time and effort to pursuing a goal make sure that goal is worthwhile.  Turns out that happiness is more about achieving good goals than about accomplishing everything.  Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.  When your goals are good and wise, any progress you make towards them will make you happy.

Keep your life in balance.

A happy life is a life that is in balance in all areas.  No one part of your life should take over.  Keep your work, your family, your self-care, and all other parts of your life in their proper balance and you make it easier to have a happy life.  In other posts, we will talk more about the various parts of your life and how to keep those all in balance.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Free things that make you happy

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happiness.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Can free things really make you happy?

We hear that money can’t buy happiness but we all know that a lack of money can bring you down.

Turns out that happy people are more successful in life, but success, especially money, does not by itself make you happy.

Here are some things that are free but can greatly improve your happiness if only you would use them.

Going outside increases happiness.

Spending more time outside, in nature makes people happy. The beach, the mountains, almost any place but the city makes most people feel happy. Despite all our desires to have bigger houses and more things, being away from those things man makes has turned out to make people happy in study after study.

Plan a trip to the country. Visit a local park or just walk along some local streets. Make sure you pay attention to the trees, the birds, and the flowers to increase your happiness.

The ideal happy temperature is 57 degrees Fahrenheit.

Strengthen happiness by getting more exercise.

Walking can improve your mood as well as, sometimes more than, most medications. A goal of many treatments for depression is to get people to the point that they are able to get up and get moving.

Exercise does not need to be strenuous to make you happy. Just simply moving around can begin the process. Consider taking up yoga. Look for events that get you moving. Sharing that exercise with other people can increase the happiness benefits.

Get more sleep for more happiness.

Most of us are chronically sleep-deprived. Not enough sleep results in depression, poor memory, and impaired learning abilities. Sleep is not a bank account where you make a deposit one night a week and then live off that sleep all week. Think of sleep more like food you need to eat a healthy diet every day rather than bingeing on food.

There is one form of depression in which people eat and spend too much time trying to sleep, that is not because of too much sleep. What happens is that when depressed you may find it difficult to get out of bed and do anything. If you are in bed a lot of hours and still feel tired try getting up and doing something and see if your mood doesn’t improve.

Socialize more for more happiness.

Spending time with family and friends should not cost you. If it is, take another look at that relationship. The more time you spend with others the more likely you are to create a happy life.

Friends can give your happiness a real boost. Don’t have many friends you can spend time with? Get involved in something and you will make new friends. Most friendships begin around shared activates. You make friends at school, your place of religious practice or the places you do your sports and hobbies.  Join a group, take up a new activity, look for ways to meet new people, and in the process, you can make some new friends.

Let go of the past to increase your happiness.

Holding on to the past, ruminating about those things that made you unhappy in the past is a sure way to prevent happiness in the present. Let the past go and you will see improvements in the now.

Hard to stop thinking about the negative? Train your brain to avoid those repetitive memories. When your thoughts head down a bad street, tell your mind to knock that off. Make a conscious effort to stay in the now and focus on the positive. What you look for expands. Look for happiness.

Happiness is contagious – get infected.

Being around happy people makes you happy. Read funny things, watch happy videos, and laugh all you can. Share those cute-cat-videos with your social media friends. Spread wanton happiness wherever you go.

Slow your pace down and savor the happiness you do find.

Become a happiness watcher.

Happiness is all around you but may go unnoticed if you are not on the lookout. Just like people watch for birds and find them, you need to be on the lookout for happiness and throughout your day you are likely to see small snippets of happy all around you.

Get a pet to share your happiness.

This may not be totally free but it is certainly reasonably priced for most people. Having an animal in your life makes us all feel a little more loved. Get a dog, a cat, or some other creature and see if your happiness does not improve.

The size or breed does not appear to make a difference. You do need to think ahead though because while you may get a pet for little or no outlay over their life they will require some food and other expenditures.

Doing something for someone else can make you happy.

Being of service can boost your happiness. Recovering people know that happiness is one of those things you need to give away to keep. Anytime you have done something for another, not for what you will get out of them but for the sheer pleasure of being helpful, you will become happier.

A warning. Do not do for others expecting them to appreciate you. Things done because you want others to like you will leave you feeling cheated when others do not appreciate what you have done as much as you expected. Things done for the pleasure of doing them always pay dividends.

There is my list of mostly free ways to increase your happiness in the place you find yourself. Being happy where you are has some side effects. You may find yourself more energetic and productive and your life may start to change for the better.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Happy life skills.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happy faces

Happiness.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Want a happier life? Learn these skills.

A happy life does not just happen by chance. Happiness is not a commodity that can be bought with large quantities of money. Having good skills to manage your money can make life less stressful. Having good happy life skills can increase the level of happiness in any life. Here are some happy life skills you may need to practice until they become automatic parts of your life.

Treasure life’s imperfections to increase your happiness.

Some scratches, dents, and dings do not render a life worthless, defective or ruined. Those imperfections, far from being flaws, are the things that make your life unique. Treasure your life’s imperfections. Those trials have made you who you are.

Accept that sometimes things happen that are not in the plan, experiences you would have preferred to avoid, but continue on your life journey, lessons learned. You are in the process of becoming a valuable antique.

For more happiness end things that are over.

Cluttering up your life with things that no longer meet your needs takes up room that is needed for the new things in life.

If your job has become boring or stressful now is the time to look for another. Do you have habits that served you well in your teen or college days? Are some of these habits getting in the way of living a happy adult life? Weed them out.

Are their friends that are harmful? Relationships that are toxic? It may be time to move on and make new friendships.

Do you have habits you have outgrown? Time to declutter your life and make room for new experiences.

Don’t keep fixing things that are beyond repair.

It is common for people, especially people in early recovery to keep fixing a car when it would be far cheaper to get rid of it and replace it with a new ride. Learn what can be fixed economically and what needs to be replaced. Also, learn what you or a friend can fix and when it will be cheaper, in the long run, to get the repairs done by a professional.

Stop trying to control the uncontrollable.

Most of the things in our lives are out of our control. We can prepare ourselves, we can buy insurance or try to reduce risk, but in the end, most things happen whether we try to control them or not.

The majority of the things people worry about, 75% by one estimate, never happen. Spend your time, money, and effort working to improve things that have a high chance of success.

Worrying that a family member will get sick will not keep them healthy. Getting your children vaccinated, living a healthy lifestyle, and exercise, those will improve your odds.

For maximum happiness, restrict your worrying to only a few high probability events. Better yet, skip the worry and just do the things you need to do to maximize your chances of success when rough times come along.

You will be happier if you admit your faults and mistakes.

Hiding your mistakes takes a lot of effort. Happy people are able to admit when they are wrong. Recognized your error and move on. Do not waste time on making excuses. It does not matter who else contributed to your mistake.

Learn from the things at which you are less than perfect. Improve your game. If you miss the shot or the deadline, accept the responsibility. In the long run, you will have less to worry about and will be happier.

Do not volunteer to be the victim – not everything is your fault.

Do not accept the blame for things that are not your fault. Do not apologize for what others do. Don’t keep putting yourself in situations where you try to rescue others. Trying to control the uncontrollable sets you up to live the unhappy victim’s life.

Stretching your comfort zone enlarges happiness.

Avoiding risks does not keep you safe. It keeps you living in a very small place worrying about what might happen. Stretch that comfort zone. You do not necessarily need to demolish it and move to the middle of a war zone. What you should be doing is stretching it out a little each day of your life.

Happy people are able to take some risks, manageable risks, and they enjoy new experiences.

For more happiness like yourself – do not call yourself names.

Think well of yourself. Do not call yourself names or put yourself down. There is no evidence that calling yourself stupid will make you smarter. What it can do is make you feel bad about yourself. Happy people like themselves and their life regardless of the situation they may be in right now.

Parents who only see the flaws in their children raise kids who do not believe they can do very much. Use positive affirmations, tell yourself that you can. If you did not get positive strokes growing up, learn to give them to yourself as an adult. The result will be that you will accomplish more and be happier along the way.

Accept that things take the time they take.

Cut yourself some slack. Do not tell yourself that you should have more or be more at this point in your life. Some things take longer than others. Plenty of very successful people did not find their niche in life until they are older.

I have seen couples meet and develop wonderful relationships in their retirement years. It is never too late to create the happy life you want. Some doors may close but others open if you watch for them.

10. Watch where you are going – plan the future and forget the past.

Happy people do not try to drive looking over their shoulders at where they have been. Periodically you may need to look back just to see how far you have really come. Climbing a steep trail can feel like you are getting nowhere but a glance over your shoulder will show you what you left behind.

If you have wreckage in your past, work on cleaning it up and then get moving again. Do not continue to dwell in the land of the past.

11. Do not push yourself till you drop.

Hard work is necessary to accomplish things in life, too much hard work is more like self-abuse. Happy people learn that you can’t give at your peak if you do not replenish what you have. Happy people take time out for rest and relaxation. Life needs to be fun, not an incredible grind that you endure until you reach the end of your life all used up.

Learn to practice good self-care if you want to maximize your happiness.

12. Believe in yourself.

If you believe in yourself you will get more done. People who think they can’t won’t. If you believe you can and that you are worth it, you will go a lot farther in life and you will be happier along the journey.

Practice these happy life skills each day and watch your life improve.

Have you developed happy life skills?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Do you believe these happiness lies ?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happy children

Happy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Do you tell yourself happiness lies?

Most of us have some lies we tell ourselves every day. You may have been told these lies by others. Some are little ones and keep up hope. The big ones can make you miserable unless you face them.

When it comes to happiness lies a few of these critters can wreck your happiness. How many of these happiness lies do you tell?

Once X happens then I will be happy.

More money, a new relationship or finally reaching a goal all sound like things that should make you happy. The truth is more like, if you are not happy while traveling to this place, you will not be happy when you get there.

Learn to be happy while you are working to earn that money and then you can enjoy the happiness and the money. If you are miserable on the way to the money you will still be miserable when you arrive.

Once you become a success nothing bad will happen.

One thing people in recovery learn is that life keeps happening. You work hard on your issues and then life gets better. But then something else happens and things get tough again. Successful people still get sick. Their families break up and their children get in trouble.

Plenty of highly successful people develop addictions or get arrested. There is nothing out there you can get that grantee’s permanent happiness unless maybe that thing is a proper attitude towards life.

Life is fair or someone should make it fair.

Life is not always fair. Bad things happen to good people. No one can make life be fair. What you can do is learn the skills to get through hard times and how to keep a positive attitude when things look darkest.

There is something you can do to guarantee safety.

You can be constantly on the lookout for danger and still it can overtake you. It is reasonable to take precautions and watch out for danger, but do not fall into the trap of thinking that there are things you can do that will assure your safety. Insurance does not stop accidents it just pays you money to compensate for your losses. Excessive worry about what might happen robes you of the happy moment now.

Not taking chances will keep you safe.

Everything in life requires a measure of risk. Apply for a job and you may not get it. Avoid falling in love and you will not have to go through a break-up. You will also never know the joys of being in love.

If you want to have the good you need to accept the risk of things not always going the way you want them to.

You are or should be in control of everything.

The great illusion of control takes many forms. One is the belief that if you work hard enough and insist loudly enough you can get control over everything and everyone in your life.

No one ever has control of life. It rains whether you want it to or not. Weather happens. People in your family get sick whether you eat the right foods or not. No matter how hard you try to control your children some of them will turn out well and some will not.

You are in control of anything.

No matter what thing you believe you have reduced to your control that control is probably temporary. The only thing that may, in fact, yield to your control is your attitude towards the uncontrollable.

You are not good enough.

You are plenty good enough. We all can do better but do not tell yourself that the fault is that you are inherently defective. This belief is just a sneaky way of letting yourself off the hook and allowing you to stop trying.

The whole world is no good.

There are good people and bad people. Sometimes good people do bad things and bad people do good things. Things keep changing. There is good all around if you look for it. The most beautiful flower may have some dead leaves. Even a weed can have beautiful blooms.

Believe in your worthwhileness and accept yourself scars and all.

The future will never be any better.

There will always be another tomorrow. Some of those will be better and some few may be worse. Do not create a negative future by only looking for the defective. You will find what you are seeking but only if you believe that happiness is out there just waiting for you to find it.

You are the only one with this problem or issue.

Hang out in any recovery program and you begin to swear those people were following you around recording your story. Troubles seem to come at one point or another to most of us. Listen to the ways in which others have struggled and you may decide that you are not so different from others.

You should not have to tell others what you need.

People stay hungry or unloved because they don’t talk up. No matter how hard you try you will not always know what others around you need and want. They will not be able to read your mind. Give yourself permission to ask for what you need. Telling those in your support system what your needs are, helps them to be able to feel the joy of knowing how to help you.

You can’t take any more or can’t stand this situation.

If you say you can’t – you won’t. Most of us can take more than we think. Tell yourself that this too shall pass and much more becomes bearable. If your situation is intolerable take action to change it. Can’t change all of your life obstacles? Work on the changes you can make first and then reevaluate.

Your happiness depends on people, places, or things.

Happiness is an inside job. You can be happy no matter where you are if you permit it. You may wish things were different. You might prefer them to be different, but your ability to find happiness does not depend on having the right things or places in your life. No matter how much you miss someone who was in your life and is now gone out of it, do not let that absence rob you of the good times that you had. Do not let the loss of one person cheat you out of the relationship with the other people who could enrich your life.

Some other posts on finding and keeping a happy life are listed below

5 mandatory skills for a happy healthy life

16 Ways to create a happy life

17 Habits of unhappy people

Pretending to be happy?

How to be Happy

Find out the truth about happiness and stop telling happiness lies.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

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