What have you lost?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Bereavement

Bereavement, grief and loss.
Picture courtesy of pixabay.

We have lost more to the coronavirus than we may realize.

Real, profound losses don’t heal in an instant. The losses from coronavirus continue to add up. I suspect it’s going to be a long time before we, as a society, feel the full impact of those losses. Some of those losses we can attribute directly to the virus. But other losses will linger and won’t be fully recognized for a long time to come.

The most obvious loss is the people who have died.

If one of your family members, or someone close to you, has passed, you are no doubt feeling it acutely right now. Beyond the close personal family, we have all lost people who were supposed to be our safety net. The losses of doctors and nurses, first responders, the firemen, the police, the ambulance drivers, those losses will continue to affect us for a considerable time. Will people rush to fill those gaps? Or will more people avoid those professions as simply too risky for them and their families?

The fact that our death toll from the coronavirus has now exceeded that of any other country should give us a reason for concern. Despite China’s larger population, our losses have been higher. I’m sure there will be some who will try to obscure this fact by suggesting that the reporting of deaths in China were inaccurate. I think we already know, or should know, that we probably underestimated the American death toll also. The lack of adequate testing has undoubtedly resulted in a substantial number of deaths from the coronavirus, which were attributed to pneumonia, or other underlying medical issues.

We have lost our sense of safety.

Our sense of safety as a society has been eroding for a long time. Attending large gatherings has become increasingly dangerous. The repeated shooting at schools and public get-togethers has been met with discussions about how to identify the crazy people before they do it, even though most of those shooters did not have a serious or persistent mental illness. Trainings in the schools and public places for active shooter situations suggested to us that if we learned enough, it couldn’t happen to us. No amount of knowledge is going to protect us from these repeated occurrences if we, together as a society, do not attack the causes.

I’m inclined to think that the current coronavirus crisis, as serious and tragic as it is, has allowed us to take our eyes off the real, long-term dangers in our society. The fundamental premise of our capitalist society is that things, and the profits of businesses, matter more than people. We can afford billions for ventilators, and even more billions poured into the financial markets. Still, our spending on things like advanced education, and public health, are a much lower priority.

If we were realistic, we might compare the current losses from the coronavirus to the 1,400,000 people who died as a result of firearms over a 50-year period. Every year large numbers of people in our society died from treatable illnesses.

The belief that the elderly are being cared for has been shattered.

For a very long time, we’ve not paid attention to the plight of seniors in nursing homes and memory care facilities. Whenever a story comes up across the news about seniors abandoned or left with inadequate care, we look for someone to blame as if this is the abnormality. The low level of funding for most senior care facilities has left those people housed there chronically vulnerable. During this coronavirus episode, those care facilities have turned into killing fields.

Some dying businesses can’t be resuscitated.

Healthy businesses will struggle for a long time. Social distancing and avoiding large gatherings have reduced the spread of coronavirus. It’s likely there are a lot of people in the population who have not yet been infected. We also know there are asymptomatic carriers. How willing will you be to book a cruise, take your children to a crowded movie theater, or return to other crowded activities when businesses try to reopen for business as usual?

Will some of the efforts to revive the economy cause lasting harm?

I hope you been paying attention to the way in which interest rates have been hammered down to close to zero over the last few years. We should be asking ourselves who that benefits and who that harms. The principal beneficiaries are the large banks and corporate businesses. Their existence is predicated on the belief that there can be no limits to how large they can grow and how vast the profits will be.

Who have low interest rates harmed?

One significant impact of the low interest rates has been a reduction in the income of pension plans. Most pension plans were already inadequately funded. With lower rates of return on their investments, those plans have just begun to chase riskier and riskier investments. One potential outcome of this development, and a consequence we are already seeing, is pension plans cutting their benefits or, in some cases eliminating them altogether.

Social Security is expected to run out of money in the not-too-distant future. Social Security has always been predicated on the idea that in the future, there will be more workers making larger salaries paying into the system. Past surpluses were invested in buying government debt, which was supposed to pay an interest rate into the Social Security fund. Those surpluses are gone now, spent by the ever-growing federal budget, and the interest rates have fallen to near zero.

Saving for your old age was once considered a virtue. While having a safety net of savings is still an excellent idea, the idea that your savings could earn a rate of return that made your retirement years more secure has proven to be a mirage.

Will the jobs lost to the coronavirus distancing ever return?

The long-term consequences for where we work, where we shop, and how we get our education are extremely unclear at this point. The idea that we can wave a magic wand, dump trillions of federal dollars into the economy, and suddenly everyone will be working again, happy and secure in the knowledge that their government will provide for them right up until the time they die. That notion may turn out to be the party on the Titanic rather than the lifeboat for a sinking economy.

I suspect many of you are feeling uncertainty and loss in many parts of your life. The list of losses I’ve detailed is probably the short version, and I have missed many others. How is the coronavirus episode affected you? What losses have you experienced?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Coping in the coronavirus world.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Illustrate illness storm.

Coronavirus storm.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

The coronavirus is changing the way we live our lives.

In my last post, I wrote about the macro issues, the big things we as a society need to grapple with as the coronavirus storm rages, people die, and our healthcare system strains to the breaking point. Today I wanted to share with you some of the micro issues, the challenges I faced in my own life, home, and relationships, as I try to cope with this changing situation. As you read this, please remember I am an old guy, born shortly after World War II and now in my seventies. Keeping up with new technology, changes in fashion, and an ever-evolving world has been a struggle for me even before the coronavirus. The changes now feel like a merry-go-round that has started to accelerate out of control.

What are my significant personal challenges?

Over the last two months, my life has changed more than I could ever imagine. I suspect it has for every one of you who is reading this blog. Now it a good time to share with all of you some of the changes I’ve been experiencing in my life and some thoughts for what the future holds.

Many counselors and therapists are reluctant to share about themselves. As my students, and probably most of you readers realize, I feel like I need to be more open and honest about my experiences. Here are a few of my experiences and observations on the way the coronavirus has changed my life.

Sheltering in place has changed everything.

I thought I had my schedule all worked out. Each week I have been spending part of one day at a local nonprofit doing clinical supervision. I had it down to a routine. Show up, run the group, sign the forms, and then go home. Because of the shelter in place order, the trainees and interns have had to learn to do therapy via telehealth. I’ve had to learn a whole new technology to do their supervision remotely. What had been a simple routine procedure has had a sharp learning curve.

Beyond the technical parts, every one of those therapists in training is also a person. It’s hard to think about your client when your life is in turmoil. The ever-present thought that by spending time in a small consulting room with the client, you’re putting your life in danger, must be reckoned with. Part of each training session now is devoted to having the therapist check-in and see how they are coping with the ominous threat of the coronavirus looming over them and their families.

Despite all the difficulties in shifting to an online way of life, I think the shelter in place was an enormously wise decision. I live in California, and we implemented the stay at home protocol early on. I also live in the Central Valley, a mostly rural and less densely populated area. Early action and sparse population have resulted in extremely low infection rates and even lower death rates. I have every reason to think the virus will get here eventually, but the slow spread has so far avoided overtaxing our medical system.

Shifting from teaching in-person classes to online classes has been traumatic.

I’ve been teaching classes at two different local colleges for over 12 years now. I had my system in place. I have created PowerPoints, quizzes, and tests; all the materials I need to run a class. Suddenly there were no in-person classes. The classes have all moved online. Fortunately, I’d taken a class and how to teach online courses back in the summer of 2016. My efforts to create videos for the counselorssoapbox YouTube Channel has turned out to be a significant blessing.

While it’s been a frantic pace of the last few weeks, I knew how to convert my lectures to videos and upload them to YouTube so that my students can watch them anytime they want from the relative safety of their home.

If only the transition had been that easy. This semester I’m teaching three separate classes. One is a 16-week long semester class. Another is an eight week, twice a week class. While the third class was a hybrid part in-class part online format, all three have a different start, midterm, and end date. Beyond that, the three classes are being conducted on two separate learning platforms. Over a couple of weeks, I’ve had to become considerably more familiar with both Moodle and Canvas.

Over the years, I’d accumulated quite a test bank of questions. It was easy to assort the questions, print out a copy, and make as many copies as needed for class. The process of turning these into online quizzes and tests turned out to be a whole lot more complicated.

Working from home requires confronting my age.

I’ve been retired from a full-time job for over two years now. Whenever I must enter my birthdate on anything, I am forced to recognize that I’m getting older. Despite having retired, I’ve been doing more part-time work and staying incredibly busy. Keeping busy and active, I suppose, is my way of avoiding admitting I’m not as young as I used to be.

Then, when I got the email from the college saying that anyone over a certain age was not to come on campus and I realized I was quite a few years past that age, I’ve been forced to admit to myself I’m now in that high risk older adult category. Furthermore, whatever I may think about taking risks with my own life, I have had to realize that I can’t take the risk of contracting something and bringing it home to others who are at an even higher risk.

I’ve had to transition my therapy clients to distance counseling.

A little over two months ago, I had never even considered using the technologies that today I use every day. I’ve had to learn to use Zoom, FaceTime, and several other online tools. Not only do I have to learn new technology, but I’ve also had to develop some new skills to do remote distance counseling. I remind myself that little over two years ago; I had to have one of my interns teach me how to answer a text message. And today I’m making videos and discussing them with people via Zoom, the process of technological change looks less like a gradual uphill climb and more like scaling a sheer vertical cliff.

Working from home has been exhausting.

When I first considered teaching an online class, I thought it would make my life so much easier. The amount of work that it has taken to prepare the curriculum and upload it to the various platforms has left me exhausted. Stress can be very tiring, even when it motivates you to produce something positive.

Sheltering in place increases isolation.

One of the things I loved about my busy mix of part-time jobs was that it got me out of the house and kept me socializing with a wide variety of friends, students, interns, and clients. I’ve come to feel that the coronavirus has made me a prisoner in my own home office.

One of my colleagues and I were in the graduate program together all those years ago and have made it a habit to keep in touch. We try to get together every month or two for lunch just to check in with each other. With the coronavirus lurking outside, and the restaurants we would generally eat at closed, that monthly lunch together isn’t likely to happen again for a long time.

This last week we had to improvise our monthly get together. We sat talking together over FaceTime while I ate my lunch. I suppose that, for me, is one of the visible aspects of this anxiety-producing situation. One after another, I have found ways to adapt. I continue to teach, albeit online. I still see clients via distance counseling technology. And while my physical contact with other humans has been extremely limited, we’ve created ways to stay in touch with those people who are most important to us.

That’s my story of adapting to the coronavirus threat.

While my life is different now, I’m slowly adapting to this new form of existence. Gradually I’m getting back to my writing. I’ve developed a whole new set of skills. Somehow, no matter what happens, we humans find a way to adapt.

How are you dealing with the changes the coronavirus forced upon you?

Please share a comment below or send me one through the contact me page. If you use the contact me form, please let me know if it’s okay for me to share your comment here on the blog. Take care of yourself and do everything you can to protect yourself and those who are close to you.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

How has the coronavirus affected you?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Illustrate illness storm.

Coronavirus storm.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Has the coronavirus changed your life?

When I think about the coronavirus, the picture that comes to my mind is a giant storm, like a hurricane, moving slowly towards us all. I sat down yesterday to write a post about how the coronavirus had altered my life. I live in California, and because of our early sheltering in place orders, many of us got into our safe places before the storm hit. When you’re in that safe place, it’s easy to forget the magnitude of the hurricane that is still coming your way.

It was easy for me to rattle off a list of ways in which the winds of change have altered my life. It’s been stressful, but somehow, I’ve been coping. It would be easy to feel overwhelmed by all that’s happened.

And then I turned on the news.

I watched what’s happening around the world. We could see pictures of the coronavirus storm coming ashore in New York City. The casualties are mounting. It would be reassuring if we could find something different about those people who have died. When the news told us that it was only very old people, people with underlying health problems, people locked away in nursing homes, I could fool myself, believe that I’m healthy and active, I’m at low risk. But now we see that healthy people, strong people, first responders, doctors, and nurses – the coronavirus is getting them now.

Just because the hurricane came ashore a few miles down the road doesn’t mean you’re safe. Sometimes infections, like hurricanes, pass by and leave people unscathed. But this storm doesn’t appear to be losing strength. It seems to be standing in place, growing in intensity.

You can’t start recovery when the storm is still raging.

I don’t think that at this point, anyone can tell us with any accuracy how long the coronavirus will ravage our country. We know for a certainty that more people are going to die. But what we don’t know yet is whether our safe places, our hospitals, and homes can withstand the epidemic. Our medical system has been seriously overloaded, and the strain is showing. There are not enough doctors and nurses for those people with insurance coverage, and certainly not enough capacity for those who are uninsured.

For a long time, we have blamed those people who were homeless or unemployed, and as a result, didn’t have medical coverage, for their own suffering. For the last 50 years or better, we had a common myth that if you wanted a job, you could find one. The popular belief was that if the government threw enough money into the storm, businesses would thrive, and anyone who wanted to work would be safe. There aren’t many people alive now who lived through the Great Depression when able-bodied people couldn’t find work. The coronavirus storm calls into question many of our fundamental beliefs.

So, what do I think is ahead?

I think there are going to be some dark, rainy nights ahead. More people will get sick, and more will die. The worst of the coronavirus storm has not reached us. Our medical system will be battered, and in some places, will break. We may repair the system, or we may leave it the way it used to be where some people get treatment, and others don’t. That means accepting that the homeless and unemployed will continue to be health risks to those with jobs.

I don’t expect to live long enough to see our system return to the way it was before this storm. Some businesses, many small businesses, even some large corporations, won’t weather the storm no matter how much bailout money they get. But other businesses and jobs will spring up to take their place.

We will recover. Granted, there will be scars from the trauma and the people we have lost. Somehow humans go on. As a result of our experiences, people will develop some new skills. I think there will be a major expansion in online education and working from home, as people adapt to this new way of being.

I’m also quite confident that as a result of the stay at home orders, nine months or a year from now, there are going to be a lot of babies born who will only know about the coronavirus from what their parents tell them. The question in my mind is, will the world those children inherit be a better one as a result of the lessons we’ve learned, or will they have to repeat the same experiences this generation has?

Would you like to share your thoughts?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel