Tag Archives: life choices

Life is a road trip.

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Life is a road trip

Life is a road trip.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Life is a road trip.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Have you ever taken a road trip without a map?

I think life is a lot like a road trip. My life has been a road trip without a map. I don’t know about you, but when I came home from the hospital after being born, I didn’t get that instruction booklet that told me where to go and what to do.

For most of my life, I’ve been driving along, heading for one destination or another. Sometimes, I encountered a closed road and had to change my direction. Without that grand plan for life, you can encounter lots of dead ends. Sometimes, you come to a fork in the road and have to decide whether you go to the left or the right. The longer I’ve been traveling the road of life, the more I wonder what would’ve happened if I had made different turns and selected different routes along the way.

Early in life, you follow the flow of traffic.

In the beginning, your life direction is largely set by your parents or by the other people in the home where you live. If you come from a dysfunctional family where driving backward is the norm, you pick that up as a habit, and the longer you do it, the harder it gets to change.

When you begin attending school, you start learning and accepting directions from people outside your family. In the early grades, it’s likely to be “do what the teacher says.” A little later, people start to follow the Maxim, “We should do what the principal says.” This becomes an appeal to a higher authority. Some people stick to that habit for the rest of their lives.

Sometimes, the directions are contradictory.

Trying to navigate life’s challenges can get very confusing when the directions you get contradict each other. For some people, this results from having one parent tell you one thing and the other parent tell you something entirely different. The more you move around, spending time with grandparents or stepparents, the harder it becomes to decide which directions to follow. Some people just give up following the rules and follow the motto “do whatever you want.”

Sometimes, the road is bumpy.

Everyone has parts of their life that feel like navigating a road full of potholes. Depending on your driving skill and the options you have, some bumps are barely noticeable, and others can throw you completely off course. Not everyone who goes down a particular stretch of road hits the same potholes.

I’ve learned that some people have an early life event but quickly recover, while other people are injured so severely by that event that they struggle for the rest of their lives.

Other times, you run out of gas.

Thinking about this metaphor, taking the road trip of life, I’ve learned that there are people and times when you can keep going on and on no matter what’s happening. But other times, driving over rough roads wears you out. Sometimes, you just run out of gas and give up on the trip altogether.

One form of running out of gas is professional burnout, a condition where going to work each day is so tiring that you can’t rest up. When you’re worn out from taking the course you have been following, you may decide you don’t want to travel with the people that are currently in your life. Sometimes, you get so discouraged that you doubt your ability to chart a course in life.

For times like these, the only alternative is to give up your travel plans and chart a new life. Over the last few years, I’ve seen a lot of people who burned out at their current jobs, went back to school, and started off on a new career, which took them in a totally different direction.

Occasionally, you discover something magnificent.

Sometimes, the struggle of driving that winding road requires traveling a little more slowly, but if you take the time to look around, you may be surrounded by magnificent scenery. Some of the best things that happen in life can result from a serendipitous experience.

What if you make a wrong turn?

I’ve heard from researchers who have studied end-of-life regrets that the greatest regrets don’t come from the roads you took. At the end of life, the largest regrets usually come from the times you played it safe and stayed on the straight interstate freeway. It’s those side roads that you always wanted to take but passed up in your hurry to get to the end of your journey that you are likely to regret.

So, how is your life road trip going?

Are you happy with the direction your life is going? Are there side trips you wanted to take but never let yourself go there? When you get to the end of your journey, what wonderful stories will you have to tell? If the life you’re living is not taking you where you want to go, how might you change your direction?

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Reasons to see a counselor before the breakdown.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counseling questions

Counseling questions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Reasons to seek out a counselor before the breakdown.

Some people describe the onset of a mental health challenge as a “breakdown.” Breakdown implies that your problem came on suddenly. Most of the time problems develop slowly over time. You get yourself in trouble, not because of a sudden breakdown, but because you pretended you did not have a problem way too long.

You don’t have to wait for your car to break down for you to get it serviced. And you don’t need to wait for your life to fall off the rails before you get a check-up on your emotional life. High-performing athletes have coaches. Top executives often see life coaches, and many writers have writing coaches. While you can see your life, a therapist sees many people and can be helpful in identifying what you may be going through and how other people have solved that problem

Often people who noticed that they are feeling differently, forgetting more things, go to see a medical doctor. Sometimes that forgetfulness is a medical issue, but often it’s just that you have a lot on your mind. Lack of energy might signal an oncoming medical issue, but it can also be a symptom of depression or other emotional disorders. It’s always a good idea to get your physical health checked out first, but if the doctor doesn’t find anything significant, consider seeing a counselor or therapist to see how your emotions might be affecting your physical health.

What kinds of challenges might benefit from seeking counseling or coaching even when you do not think you have any mental illness?

You feel confused a lot.

Confusion is a good reason to look for help. Assuming you have ruled out medical issues like dementia and fatigue, you may be in a situation where you just do not know what you want to do or what the choices are.

People who are under a lot of stress, find that a large part of their mind is occupied trying to cope with that stress. Stress can be good, or it can be bad. If you find that your life is in transition, seeing a counselor can help you get some of that confusion clarified and make sense of what you’re going through.

Choice – You need to choose between A and B.

Most choices are not clear-cut.  If you pick A, it comes with good and bad parts.  The same for alternative B.  Often both choices involved things you would like to have and things you’d like to avoid.  While a counselor can’t tell you which choice to make, they can help you to sort out the good and bad parts of the two alternatives.  Sometimes it helps to have an outside objective party to talk things over with.

Most of us start off by talking to family and friends. Sometimes they can be very helpful. Everyone needs a support system. Unfortunately, family and friends aren’t always objective. If you’re considering taking a job, this may mean, you’ll leave co-workers who have become friends. They may want you to stay, but this may not be the best thing for your career. Decisions about going to school or back to school, often affect others in our lives. They will have their opinions about what they want you to do, but what you may need is help in sorting out what is best for you

Change can be very difficult.

Now, may be a time when your life needs to change. Change happens whether we want it to or not. Sometimes it’s a good thing; sometimes it’s a bad thing, but many times it just is. Everybody experiences times when their life changes.

You grew up, and it became time to leave home and start your life. You look for a job, or a career. Sometimes you need help finding a job, deciding on a career. Once you have that job, it’s easy to get stuck there. There may come a time when you decide you need to make a change.

Some people make the transition from young adult to parent easily. Other people struggle. There will be challenges and changes as your children grow. Some of these challenges can be made easier by seeing a counselor.

Many people find that the biggest changes in life come in the time’s past children. The children grow up and start their own lives. You may be somewhat involved in their lives and the lives of your grandchildren, but eventually, you should let that go to allow your children to become parents. The change to an empty nest is hard for some people. The change from your working years to retirement can also be difficult.

You may be facing a challenge.

When you are faced with a challenge and do not know if you have the abilities needed to reach your goals it may be helpful to talk with the professional. Sometimes what you need is to identify your strengths and your weaknesses especially in the emotional realm.

Counselors can help you learn the skills you need to face this challenge. Often counselors can see your potential even when you have your doubts.

If you’re struggling with your emotions or your life, now might be the time to enlist the services of a counselor or therapist.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel