Tag Archives: Life Coach

It’s been a challenging couple of years

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Challenging.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

It’s been a challenging couple of years

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

The last two years have been a time of overwhelming change.

As the end of 2021 rapidly approaches, I think it’s a good time to look back at all the things we’ve been through. I’m not a big believer in New Year’s resolutions, but I do think the holiday season is a good time to reflect on what’s happened over the last year and what direction I want to take for the year to come.

I lump the last two years together because 2020 and 2021 have been a blur in my head. I suspect these two years will blend together as we move forward. A lot of the things I think of as the sixties actually happened in the early nineteen seventies.

The pandemic certainly has affected everyone regardless of their feelings about Covid or the vaccine. What we have been through has changed a lot of people and changed the way we do things.

I’ve become convinced that some of those changes are likely to be permanent. I’ve made many changes in my life over the last two years. Some were because of Covid, and some for other reasons. Many of these changes were already in the works even before the pandemic. I want to summarize those events briefly here. Some of these I’ll write about in more detail in future blog posts.

Online education has become a viable option.

Over the years, I have taught five separate classes at two different colleges. Over the last two years, I have taught online classes for both colleges. Moving in-class material into an online format turned out to be quite a bit of work. Some students struggled with the online instruction. But a great many of them reported that it was preferable to the way we used to do it. I taught all but one of my online classes as an asynchronous class. Many said that they benefited from being able to do the work on their own schedule.

The feedback I’ve gotten from teachers who are working at the lower grade levels has been more mixed than my experience at the college level. Some students worked enthusiastically on their own and completed more assignments in less time than they would have in class. Other students struggled with discipline and fell behind. I’ve also heard multiple reports that students with anxiety disorders frequently turn off their cameras or refuse to attend online classes if they must be on camera. It will be interesting to see how the shift to distance education plays out.

I am now certified as an online teacher.

The early shift to online education was a rapid movement out of necessity. Then, as it continued over a longer time, the colleges began to emphasize distance education. Over the last two years, I have taken a series of classes and become fully certified to teach online courses. Personally, I prefer teaching online classes. It takes me a lot more work to create the materials. Still, it allows both the students and myself to go online and work on things whenever we have the time available rather than all of us having to make the long commute and fight for parking spots in order to be in a small classroom for the same three hours each week.

Both faculty and administration seem to be divided over whether we should continue to offer classes in the online distance education format. While some students will continue to benefit from the discipline of studying while a teacher stands over them, I think most college students would greatly benefit from the online format.

Counselorssoapbox is now a YouTube channel.

Part of the shift to teaching an online class was converting my PowerPoints and lecture material into a series of videos. I’ve learned a lot, and the quality of my videos continues to improve. One of the things I want to do in the coming year is become even more proficient at creating videos for the counselorssoapbox YouTube channel.

Some of my in-person trainings may become online classes.

In addition to academic classes of the last few years, I’ve done several in-person trainings for various groups. Putting on a training involves a lot of travel and leaves me tired for a week after. I have become increasingly aware of the number of online trainings or classes people are taking, many of which are taken for the knowledge rather than for college units or CE’s.

Over the last two years, readership on my blog has declined, while viewership on my YouTube videos has continued to increase. While I’ve been a lifelong reader, I find myself watching more and more videos. If there’s a topic you think I should cover in a video, please leave a comment.

The way we do therapy is changing.

When I first became a counselor, there was one predominant paradigm. Therapy should be done with one therapist and one client in their room behind a closed door. Many people avoided therapy believing that it was only for the seriously mentally ill. Today more and more people are going to see therapists for help with solving life’s problems.

Those who read my blog in the past are probably aware that I am engaged in a great many activities. For example, I do group supervision for a local nonprofit. Because of Covid, group supervision was moved to an online format. Although a few of the trainees reported missing the human interaction we had when we met in person, most report they prefer the online format for supervision. While a few long for a return to the days when we met in person, most enthusiastically want to continue meeting remotely.

It has been interesting to see the various reactions that beginning counselors and therapists have had to see clients online. While I think we were all initially skeptical most of us have developed the skills to work effectively using distance methods. For some clients, talking to their therapist over the Internet or by phone has made therapy more effective and more readily available.

More people are interested in mental health than in mental illness.

During the pandemic, I’ve done some work for several online counseling and therapy companies. This online practice of counseling seems to be moving in two separate directions. First, therapy that is paid for by an insurance company is becoming more medicalized. There’s an increasing emphasis on making sure the client meets the full criteria for a mental disease. I’m seeing more of an emphasis on having the therapist talks the client into taking medication. Insurance companies are also trying to reduce the number of therapy sessions the client may have unless they have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist or medical doctor and are on medications.

People who self-pay are more interested in reaching their goals.

To get treatment by a counselor or therapist paid for by an insurance company, you pretty much need to have been diagnosed with a mental illness. Most of the people who voluntarily seek counseling are looking at solving the problems of everyday living.

Several counselors have asked me whether it is okay to continue seeing the client who no longer meets the criteria for a particular mental illness but just really needs someone to talk to. My answer is that it’s not okay to bill medical insurance if the client no longer has a mental illness. However, I believe it is okay for a counselor to talk to a client each week if the client is paying and finding the sessions helpful. Sometimes this gets close to being coaching rather than counseling.

There’s a difference between being discouraged and being depressed.

They are having a problem finding a job; they would like to be more productive or better at reaching their goals. Medical insurance pays to treat someone who is depressed until they’re not depressed. Unfortunately, there’s a whole lot of distance between being not depressed and having a fulfilling, happy or contented life. As a result of working with clients who are not mentally ill but do want to have a more fulfilling life, I’ve shifted away from taking on more insurance clients and seeing more clients who are willing to pay for private counseling. If you live in California and think that talking with me might be helpful, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me. Besides being licensed in California as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT.) I recently took a class to get certified as a life coach. In future posts, I want to talk more about the differences in what those three professions do.

I’ve concluded there’s too much focus on illness and not enough on happiness.

Over the last ten years, I’ve written over 1900 blog posts. Many, but not all, of those posts, have focused on specific diagnosable mental illnesses and their treatment. I’ve also written a lot about substance use disorders and how those interact with mental illnesses, a condition known as co-occurring disorders or dual diagnoses. In future posts, I want to focus more on how to have a better, more productive life. If there’s a topic that you would like to see covered, please email me using the contact me form.

Were you wondering what happened to my fiction books?

Getting through the pandemic and making this career pivot derailed my plans for writing more novels. I have one nonfiction book and six fiction books, which continue to be available from Amazon. I’ve taken a couple of classes in fiction writing over the last two years and hope to get back to a series of novels I had planned to write, which got crowded out by learning to be an online teacher, learning to make videos, and all the other skills I’ve been developing over the last two years.

Increasing my emphasis on personal relationships.

Over the last two years, I have spent less time in the classroom, office, and consulting room. Instead, I have found it important to put more time and effort into maintaining my friendships and close relationships. As I have gotten older, a handful of close personal relationships have become increasingly important to me. I hope that all of you are putting effort into maintaining your relationships with those who are the most important in your life.

Sorry for the long post. Stay tuned for more to come.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Should you tell that to a friend or a therapist? – Part 2

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Therapist

Therapist.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Talking to a Friend or therapist – part 2.

I think I misread this question the first time. My first thought after reading the question was:

“Why should a client go to a therapist they have to pay rather than just talking to a friend?” That is from the client’s point of view and describes why a client would be better off getting a professional therapist rather than relying on a friend.

I wrote a blog post about “Therapist of Friend” which is up at counselorssoapbox.com. That post got some really good comments from readers and they suggested some additional reasons they found going to a professional therapist helpful.

After rereading the question I think they were asking:

“What if your friend is also a therapist? Or as a therapist what do I say, to my friend. Do I set boundaries and keep my roles as friend and therapist separate?”

Remember some of the readers of this blog are consumers but some of the readers are professionals or aspiring professionals.

Here is my opinion of what an ethical therapist should do.

The law’s that created LMFT’s and some other therapist and counselor professions defined what professionals do as “applied psychotherapy.” We are able to bill for services provided to a client’s medical insurance. We have to keep the practice of our medical specialty separate from what we do on a non-professional friend basis.

Consider a doctor and his wife, a therapist; who go to dinner at the house of a couple who are casual friends. The friends proceed to describe some chest pains the husband has been having.

The doctor could ask a couple of follow-up questions, make a diagnosis, and whip out his prescription pad and write out a prescription. But should he? Most likely he will tell his friend you should see a doctor. That needs to be checked out and you need some tests and lab work.

Now the wife changes the subject and tells this couple all about the problems they have been having with their teenage son. What should the therapist do? Listen empathically? Ask more questions to define a diagnosis? Suggest some interventions that the parents could try? Or should this therapist, for the same reasons as the doctor, suggest politely that lots of kids these days have problems and the family might want to consider getting him some counseling? Counseling doesn’t mean he is crazy, just he may need help with some of the growing up tasks that he needs to do. And often it is hard to listen to suggestions from family members whom you want to please and you have a history with.

But wait a minute, aren’t those also reasons why the couple may not be totally honest with their therapist friend? And could you make things worse if you suggested interventions or treatment and you had an incomplete diagnosis because your “friend” left out some embarrassing details in front of their spouse and guests?

Once you learn a skill it is hard to unlearn it or know when to put it aside. If the friend had a heart attack the doctor would most likely intervene and do some emergency procedure or he might call an ambulance. The therapist would do the same if the person was suicidal. But beyond emergency situations, therapists need to put their therapist hats by the door and just be friends.

Remember no one likes a car salesman who comes to your house for dinner and spends the whole meal trying to sell them a car. No one likes a psychotherapist who is trying to psychoanalyze everyone they meet.

The difference in the relationship between a friend and a professional therapist lies in the professional’s ability to diagnose or define the problem and then institute interventions to make a change. Even professional coaches are allowed to make criticisms of the client that a friend would not be permitted.

In a past blog post, I wrote about reasons a client might want to see a professional for therapy rather than just talk to a friend. Now, look at those same reasons from the therapist’s point of view. Your liability insurance won’t cover you. They get no confidentiality or privilege. You may need to make a child protective service report on your friend. And most importantly because of dual relationships, you lose a friend.

Here is what I suggest you tell your friends who bring up problems that are in a therapist’s scope of practice.

1. This sounds like something that a counselor could help you with.

2 I make it a rule not to do therapy with friends.

3. We are not supposed to have a second relationship like a friend, with our clients and I would hate to lose you as a friend.

4. I can give you the names of some therapists who could see you if you like.

If you do other things such as coaching or teaching there is no problem in having a friend attend your class or coaching them on more effective communication but be sure that this is a separate activity from your therapy or counseling practice. And remember, in coaching or teaching you never ever give a diagnosis or conduct an intervention designed to treat a mental, emotional, or behavioral problem.

Hope that clarified the issue from the therapist’s perspective.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why pay a therapist when you can just talk to a friend?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Therapist

Therapist.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Therapist or friend – what is the difference?

1. Friends may keep your secrets; therapists are required to keep them.

Some friends are so close you can tell them anything. Well, almost anything. Most of us have secrets which we were sure we could never tell anyone. Friends are usually friends because we have things in common. If you tell them everything can they, will they, keep the secret? What effect might their knowing the secret have on your friendship? What if you two have a falling out? Some things are just too embarrassing to tell a friend.

There are two concepts that keep a therapist from revealing secrets. Confidentiality, which means that they can’t talk about what you say unless it fits those very few exceptions like you are suicidal or talk about abuse of a child. Other than that what you say there stays there.

Also, there is what is called patient-provider privilege. That means some things may be protected even if police or lawyers come around asking questions. Friends don’t get legal protection to keep your secrets.

You are only as sick as your secrets – Friends shouldn’t have to carry some secrets

2. Friends can help you solve today’s problem – counselors can help you learn to solve your own problems.

Counselors often work with clients to help them learn skills to solve life’s problems. Friends may tell you what to do in a given situation but that does not help you with the next problem.

You want help that will help you become more independent not more dependent. Therapists are taught they should help you be independent not foster dependency.

3. Friends may not want to hurt you but sometimes you need to hear the truth.

A professional person can give you their honest opinion. You paid for it and you deserve it. Friends may be afraid to tell you the truth for fear of losing a friend.

4. Friends get tired of listening to your problems, therapists do this for a living.

Ever meet someone who was really needy. Every time you talked to them it was all about their problem of the day? When you are going through something difficult you need to talk about it. Friends can get talked out. Don’t burn out friends and damage friendships by asking friends to become very involved in your problems.

5. Friends have a good heart. They want to help with your problems. That doesn’t mean they always known how.

Therapists have many years of schooling and specific training in how to help people like you with problems. They study not only diagnosis and treatment but how to help with particular problems.
It is that kind of expertise that you need in your corner when that problem overwhelms you.

6. Friends can play the game with you, but counselors and coaches can help you improve your game.

When the team is losing all the players are going to talk to each other. They know what it feels like to lose. What they don’t always know is how to change that losing streak. That is where a new coach can come in and help turn a team around. Counselors, therapists, and professional coaches can do that for your life problems.

That does not mean you should avoid friends or peer support groups. Both are vital parts of your support system. Millions have recovered from alcoholism in A.A. But if you find that when you talk to your friends about your problem, that they don’t know how to help you or that the solutions they offer are not helping, consider that you may have a second problem, a mental health problem and seek professional help.

Those are some reasons that you might decide to see a therapist rather than talk with a friend. What if your friend is a therapist? What if you are a counselor? In the next post, I want to talk about reasons to keep that friendship and that professional relationship separate.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel