By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Common reasons people feel they need to find themselves.
Have you ever felt lost in life? Are there times when you’re not sure where you’re going, how you’re going to get there, or even what you should be doing?
There are a number of reasons why it may be feeling lost. Take a look at this list and see how many of these issues are causing your lost feeling.
1. You’re not clear on your values.
Are you one of those people who spends a lot of time trying to figure out if you can do something? The more important question you should be asking yourself is not whether you can do it, but should you. Get clear on your own values. People who find themselves caught up in doing things that are inconsistent with their values often feel lost or confused.
2. Your goals are fuzzy.
Having fuzzy goals makes it difficult to take action to actually accomplish those goals. Get clear on your goals and you will have a better road map to where you’re going and how to get there. Having a clear set of goals, consistent with your values, gives your life meaning and direction.
3. You haven’t spent time getting to know yourself.
Failure to genuinely know yourself results in a lot of difficulties finding your way in life. You spend more time with yourself than with any other person during your lifetime. Invest some time in getting to know yourself. Learn what you like and don’t like. What makes you feel happy? Avoid going along with others because you don’t know what you want. If you’ve never really gotten to know yourself, it’s easy to get confused about who you are.
4. You’re living by someone else’s values.
If you’re living by someone else’s values, doing things to please them rather than to please yourself, you can easily lose yourself in the process. Take time to examine the values you are living by and get clear on whether those are really your values or are you living to please someone else.
5. You haven’t stretched your comfort zone.
People who spend a lot of time staying inside their comfort zones find that the comfort zone shrinks over time. If you haven’t made a conscious effort to stretch your comfort zone, you’re likely to find yourself disoriented whenever you step slightly outside that zone. You find yourself by trying on new behaviors and seeing what fits.
6. You’re not doing enough good things.
Doing things, things you can be proud of increases your self-esteem. People who do very few things begin to doubt they’re ability to do anything well. If you have reached a point in your life where you are feeling lost, it may be because you’re doing very little. When you’re not sure, make a decision and head off in a direction. You will learn who you are in the process of doing what you do.
7. You don’t accept yourself the way you are.
Most people have a mental picture of what they should be like. Far fewer people have a clear picture of what they would like to be. The part of themselves that many people struggle with the most is getting an accurate picture of what they are really like. It is easy to be critical of yourself because you fail to live up to that image of what you should be like you have in your head. Reducing the discrepancies between these three selves, who you should be, who you want to be, and who you are, is the road to self-acceptance. Once you accept yourself the way you are, you will stop feeling lost and begin to know exactly where you are.
8. You have let drugs; alcohol or other addictions control you.
Once you’ve given into drugs, alcohol, or other addictions they’ve taken over control of your direction in life. When someone or something else is controlling your directions in life you lose track of where you are and begin to feel lost. To get back control of your life and that sense of knowing who you are, get those addictions out of the driver seat.
9. You have disconnected your feelings.
Feelings are not an inconvenience to be ignored. Feelings provide you valuable information. When you get into the habit of ignoring your feelings it disconnects your emotional compass. Without those feelings to guide you it is easy to get lost. Stop ignoring those feelings and get back on a course that is consistent.
10. You make a habit of comparing up.
There is always someone who has done something larger, better, or more important than what you did. People who constantly compare up begin to feel bad about themselves. Stop comparing yourself to others and become the unique individual that you were meant to be. When you accept yourself the way you are you will have found yourself again.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
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