By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Ways to boost your self-esteem.
Don’t feel good about yourself? Here are some ways to solve the low self-esteem problem.
1. Stop putting yourself down – negative self-talk causes low self-esteem
If you tell yourself you can’t then you won’t. Telling yourself negative things will keep you stuck. Putting yourself down will not protect you from failure it will protect you from success.
Continued self-criticism is the surest way to lower your self-esteem. Don’t do that to you and don’t put up with others doing it either. Don’t repeat the negative things you have been told to yourself.
2. Do something.
High self-esteem is based on what you accomplish. The more you try, the more you learn how to do things. The more you do the more you will accomplish and the more you have to make you feel good about your life. Make sure you tally up the successes, not just the errors.
3. Stop rating yourself.
Accept yourself as you are. The process of rating yourself points out where you are less than perfect. No one is perfect. There is always room for growth and improvement.
Remember that half-empty glass. Concentrate on doing, not measuring, and you will find that you will have less need of boosts to your self-esteem.
4. Stop discounting the positive.
Learn to give yourself credit for the things you do well. Practice accepting praise and compliments from others. If you do not count your successes then the tally will be only failure.
5. Write out a gratitude list.
Knowing the things that make your life good, paying attention to those things can help you to feel better about yourself.
6. Don’t listen to the haters.
There are plenty of haters in the world who need to pull you down to feel good about themselves. There are those evil trolls under every bridge. Do not listen to them. Do not believe them. Do not waste time on them.
Arguing with haters brings you nothing but pain. Sinking to their level can only destroy your self-confidence.
7. What would your best friend say about you?
Don’t dismiss the things your real friends and loving family might say about you. They know your good and your bad and they like you anyway. What are the good things they see in you? Not sure? Ask them what they see as your skills and abilities. You may be surprised to find how much others think of you while you have been thinking you are coming up short.
Don’t have family or friends that would see the good in you? Work on developing a positive support system.
8. Watch who you are comparing yourself to – looking over your shoulder.
Focus on what you are doing. Constantly comparing yourself to others will cause you to become discouraged. No one wins all the time. Do not compare your everyday life to someone else’s lifetime achievement.
9. Start over each day – past successes and failures do not count today.
Stop beating yourself up for the mistake of yesterday. Each day you start out fresh. Do your best to make today better than the day before.
10. Pick friends that support you.
Surround yourself with people who like you the way you are and will support you. Being surrounded by people who like you is a great way to boost your confidence.
11. Look for the evidence – are you really stupid?
Do not discount all the evidence that you are a worthwhile person. If you only count up the negatives you miss all the evidence that you are a person of value. Not enough evidence that you are accomplishing things? Do more, not less, and you are likely to do some worthwhile things.
12. Avoid emotional reasoning.
If you are sad that does not mean things are going poorly. Just because you feel down right now does not make you a failure. We can all have times when we are discouraged. Being discouraged means you need to take another look at what you are doing. It does not mean that you are not a worthwhile person.
13. Compliment others.
Get in the habit of noticing the good in others. Tell them what you like about them. Cultivate a positive good-seeing vision and you will be more able to see the good in yourself.
14. Accept compliments.
Do not dismiss compliments. You know when people are sincere and when they are buttering you up. Being able to accept compliments and say thank you helps you to feel good about yourself. Stop chasing the positive away from your door.
15. Tell yourself you can – positive affirmations.
Start out each day by saying good things, positive affirmations, and your brain will work on making them come true.
Restart your day at any time by telling yourself that this is a good day. You are a worthwhile person and you do not need to do or say anything to be acceptable.
16. Have a successes resume.
It is easy to remember failures and harder to remember successes. Make up a list of the things you do well. Write them down. Review that list periodically and add to it. You will be surprised how many things should be on that list that you may forget otherwise.
17. Do things.
The more you do the better you will feel about yourself. Do things for the sake of doing not for the success points. The more you do the better you will feel.
18. Play your own game, not the old family role.
Families have roles. You may have been handed the “stupid” hat or the “black sheep” hat when you were born. You can change that role. Stop living down to the things others tell you and the names you may have been called. Stop saying you are stupid or bad and try on a new role. You just might like the “OK person” role.
19. Stop keeping score all the time.
Life only happens for so long and then it is over. A hundred years from now no one will remember your mistakes. Life is about having the experience, not the score. Enjoy the trip.
Really your worth as a person does not depend on your algebra test score or your golf score.
There are my suggestions – 19 ways to cure low self-esteem. Most involving putting away the tape measure and accepting yourself the way you are. Do you have any other suggestions? What has helped you to feel good about yourself and the things you do?
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Two David Joel Miller Books are available now!
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Casino Robbery is a novel about a man with PTSD who must cope with his symptoms to solve a mystery and create a new life.
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For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see my Facebook author’s page, davidjoelmillerwriter. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com.