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About David Joel Miller

David Miller is a California Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Clinical Counselor, faculty member at a local college, certified trainer and writer.

Blog Renovation

Blog Renovation is almost complete.

Counselorssoapbox blog has been undergoing renovation. We moved a few buttons, sharpened a few widgets, and plan to spruce the place up as soon as we can find a spruce or two. Counseling classes will be back in session next week. I will see some of you there. It’s time for me to sharpen the quills and get back to writing. Watch for several new blogs soon. Feel free to comment or email me if there is a topic you would like to read about. If you would rather not read anymore- you are on the wrong blog- try a political one! We are all going to be a lot tired of them and way too soon. Looking forward to talking with all of you once again.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Should men ever go for therapy? Or be therapists?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counselorssoapbox.com

Should men ever go for therapy? Should men be therapists?

Wondering what you think about this? A friend sent me a copy of an article that said there are fewer male therapists than ever before and that some men prefer to talk to another man about their problems. Now I know there are lots of fine female therapists, but this got me thinking. Do the characteristics of the therapist affect the results? Gender roles are such a huge issue in our culture. Male clients have told me it is hard for them to relate to a female therapist. Men, some men, if I may stereotype here, want to solve problems, get it done. Women seem to always want to talk about feelings, those pesky things many men wish they didn’t have. In couples counseling, I find men are willing to talk about feelings if that will make their partner happy but in fact, they would rather just solve the problem whatever that is, and get on with things. Women seem to care more about feelings than men, that Mars and Venus stuff if you will. Ever since women’s lib moved center stage men have been expecting that for women to be liberated somehow it must be their fault that the woman did not feel liberated in the first place. We are used to being blamed for a lot. But why do we need to pay to be blamed?  Many in the therapy field come to the business because of healing their own hurts. Men have told me that they felt that the female therapist sided with the woman, decide it was all the man’s fault, and promptly suggested that she would be better off without him anyway. This is not what they signed on for in coming to therapy. I am sure women have felt dismissed and unheard by some male therapists also. One very effective form of family therapy has been multifamily group therapy led by a man and a woman who can model appropriate behavior towards the other gender. This type of treatment is not available very often. So yes, I find that there are times when a male client will benefit from seeing a male therapist. Male children and adolescents might benefit from seeing a man who can talk about his feelings. Unfortunately, there are fewer and fewer men who are entering the counseling field, leaving us with a shortage of male therapeutic role models. Today I am thinking that “gender-specific treatment” shouldn’t be all about treatment for women.  Last time I counted there were at least two genders, maybe more. Just my thoughts. So what do you think? Appropriate comments welcomed.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Counseling as a Novel Relationship

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counseling questions

Counseling questions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Counseling involves a novel relationship between the client and the counselor.

By novel, I mean new and original, unlike others in the client’s life, not novel as in fictional long story sense, though there are elements of the relationship that are fictional and we need to avoid moving the relationship that happens in the counseling room out into the real world. We do encourage the client to use the sessions to learn and practice new skills that they will be using in their other relationships.

The most commonly talked about relationships are the romantic, sexual ones. But everyone in their lifetime has a host of other equally important relationships. We are first children of parents, grandchildren, siblings, cousins, and other relatives. We may have more distant relationships with parent’s friends, neighbors, neighbor’s children, and others we meet. In school we have teacher-student relationships and peer relationships, quickly follow by coworker and boss relationships and those most problematic romantic relationships until at last, we reach the parent-child relationship again, this time as the parent. Drug addicts and alcoholics develop a relationship with their drug of choice that is often more primary than any other relationship in their life.

While some of these relationships are therapeutic, and some may be destructive, none are quite like the relationship a client and a counselor develop.

The counseling relationship is therapeutic because it involves “unconditional positive regard” for the client. Clients, even young children, have been in many relationships before they get to counseling but it is unlikely that any are as nonjudgmental as the counseling relationship. Family and work relationships are and need to be judgmental.  The counselor is prepared to hear anything the client says and while they may not like something the client has done, they should continue to have regard for the client.

Counseling relationships develop into extremely intimate emotional relationships. For a brief time each week two people meet and the client tells the counselor their thoughts, their desires, their fantasies, and their frustrations knowing that their secrets are or should be solely between client and counselor. Keeping these secrets and not betraying the client’s trust is one of the highest responsibilities of the counselor. Outside of a few legal “mandates” like suicide and child abuse, clients can tell counselors anything even past crimes, knowing the counselor wants to help them change.

So for that brief moment in life, the therapy hour, the client can suspend their caution, and build trust by practicing self-disclosure with a caring professional.  The therapy hour can be a corrective emotional experience working through past hurts. It can also be a laboratory for the client to learn and practice new interpersonal skills. The time can be support during crisis or consultation for life’s choices and changes. In that hour the client opens their inner world to another human being expecting that they will be cared for and not judged.

When that hour ends, the client takes this experience with them into the outside-of –therapy-world knowing that their secrets and conflicts are safe. When two people connect in therapy it can be magical, but the real recovery, the real healing takes place in the living of life after therapy.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Let’s talk counseling

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counseling questions

Counseling questions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Everyone encounters difficulties in their lives and needs a little help. Sometimes counseling is helpful, sometimes it isn’t. I believe in wellness and recovery; that no matter how difficult the problem may seem there is always room for improvement. Most of life is lived in the relationships between people. The counselor-client relationship is a novel relationship for better or worse.

In upcoming blogs, I want to talk about some of the things that helping professionals do that are helpful and some things that are not. Like the rest of my writing, this is a work in progress.

If you have comments or questions please email me.  While I can’t do individual therapy or consultation here on the internet, I will try to answer questions when I can. I also want to use this opportunity to talk about some misconceptions and problems in the mental health and substance abuse fields. Let me know what you think.

David Joel Miller, LMFT

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Common Challenges Remote Workers Face

Remote Worker
Source: Unsplash.com | By: Yasmina H. | Rights: Free to use under the Unsplash License

Over 4.3 million people in the U.S. work remotely. While many thrive in the new work-from-home space, some still struggle with the various psychological challenges that present themselves in remote work. These challenges not only inhibit the productivity of workers but also play a key role in the mental and physical well-being of employees. 

Below are some of the most common challenges remote workers face and strategies to help overcome them. 

Overworking Yourself

In 2021, unplugging was the most common challenge faced by remote workers and continues to be the number one challenge in 2022 as well. It can be easy to forget to take a break or overwork yourself when working from home. However, not taking breaks or forgetting to unplug when the work day is over can lead to feelings of fatigue, stress, and burnout. 

Remember, it’s okay to take breaks and allow yourself to reset once in a while. Productive breaks are important during the work day both at home and in the office. It allows you to concentrate better, maintain your energy, stay motivated, and keep you mentally refreshed.

If you struggle with taking breaks, try out the Pomodoro Technique. The method advocates working in chunks and taking often, but brief, breaks throughout the day. This time management strategy can be a great way to encourage breaks, increase focus, and allow you to optimize your productivity without feeling overwhelmed

Along with breaks, it’s important to set a hard start and end time or goal each day; so you know when to stop working. When working remotely, it can be easy to stay on the clock even throughout the night. When your work day is over, shut down your computer and silence your work notifications. This will allow you to truly unplug and enjoy your personal time. 

Separating Personal and Professional Life

When you work where you live, it can be hard to separate your personal and professional life. This can increase feelings of anxiety, stress, and frustration. As a remote worker, it’s important to maintain a barrier between work and personal life. 

A great way to separate the two is by having your own dedicated workspace. Create an office separate from where you sleep. It’s important to avoid doing work in your bedroom to help practice sleep therapy, maintain your room’s relaxing nature, and have a physical barrier between your personal and professional life.

To maintain that division, try renting a coworking space or working in a coffee shop. However, if you want to avoid paying fees or having to purchase coffee daily, create your own office space right at home. If you own a home, consider using a home equity loan to construct an optimal covid safe office. This will give you the divide you need while also increasing the value of your home. Constructing an office space is especially advantageous if you have others in your household who work from home, you have kids that need parental supervision, or if you have conditions that don’t allow you to leave your home. Having this space will allow you to create that needed divide, while still being able to enjoy the advantages of working at home. Regardless of what you chose, having a physical separation will clearly define your work and personal life, allowing both to coexist without interfering with each other.

Feeling Isolated

Another major psychological challenge remote workers face is feelings of isolation. It can be easy to forget to leave your house when working remotely. Additionally, not having the typical social interactions from a traditional workplace can make working from home a lonely experience.

To help avoid feelings of loneliness, make an effort to leave your house. Take the time to go for a walk or do an activity outside of your workspace to get your daily dose of sunlight. If possible, take one day a week to work outside your home. This could be as easy as working from your porch or backyard. If you have friends or coworkers in your city, consider meeting up at a coffee shop, public university, or library to do work together. Leaving your home office will help you to feel less isolated, and working with others will help mitigate feelings of loneliness. 

Making Meaningful Connections

Making friends is tough when you enter the workplace, especially when you never got the chance to meet with your coworkers in person. Because of this, it can be difficult for remote workers to feel like they belong and are connected to the company.

In a traditional workspace, conversation happens naturally, but with remote work, it takes a little more effort. Take the extra step to meet your fellow remote workers in a virtual one-on-one to get to know them better and help foster that meaningful connection. Whether it be a casual hello, a shoutout for good work, or starting a conversation, don’t be afraid to speak up in the communication channels you have set up. If allowed, start same-interest group chats, like a music group chat or a movies chat. This will connect you with like-minded people and stimulate fun and more personal conversations.

Along with reaching out to fellow employees, there are also little things that you can do to help create a deeper connection. When possible, have your camera turned on. Seeing a face rather than a still image will create a more personal connection with your teammates. Likewise, participate in video and chat discussions to establish your presence. This will make people more comfortable reaching out to you and allow you to open up to others more. 

Staying Motivated

There are many distractions at home that can make you lose focus and motivation. When working from home, regardless of your position, you become more of your own manager. Since there isn’t anyone watching over your shoulder or coworkers present to keep you motivated, you have to find ways to self-motivate. For some, this may be easy, but for others finding motivation is a difficult task. 

Having a dedicated workspace away from the noise is always a great start. But what’s perhaps more important is having a morning routine. Just like how a nighttime routine gets you ready for bed, a morning routine can give you an energized start to the day and allow you to stay motivated to accomplish your goals. Start your day with food and an energizing beverage. Create daily goals and a schedule to keep you guided while working from home. Rather than working in silence, play music, or, if it’s not too distracting, a podcast. If allowed, put away your phone or have it on do not disturb during the work day. All of this will mitigate common work from home distractions and keep you focused on the task at hand. 

Another way to help you stay motivated is by having virtual study halls with teammates. If you’re the type of person to be motivated by others, hosting virtual study halls is a great way to work alongside your coworkers remotely. As mentioned earlier, remember to take breaks when needed. Try going on a walk to get some fresh air and a clear mind. Energizing breaks like these can be the perfect reset and give you more balance during your work day.

I am reposting this post. The original post had some bad links and I feel that achieving worklife balance in this era of remote working has a huge impact on people’s mental health. Thanks for reading and will be talking with you again soon. David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC