Category Archives: Health

Why your life’s going nowhere.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Life out of balance

You can’t get very far with a flat tire.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

You can’t get very far with a flat tire.

The circle is a very ancient symbol of a balanced life.  To keep your life in balance, you need to keep all the different parts of your life in their proper size.  It’s easy to focus on one part of your life and neglect the others.  It helps to think of a well-functioning life as a wheel with many spokes. Look at each of these life segments and see if there are areas of your life that need improvement.

Instead of starting this new year off with a lot of resolutions that are likely to be quickly discarded, try making some small improvements in each of the major areas of your life. Take small steps repeatedly, and you will go a long way.

Physical health affects your life.

Your body and your mind are not two separate things.  They are interconnected.  When people are in the problem, mental illness, substance abuse, or any other issue, they tend to neglect their physical health.  Attend your physical health is an important part of recovery.  Working on your physical health may include going to a doctor, improving your diet, drinking more water, and getting more sleep.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you can’t be happy because you have health challenges. Make every effort to do what you can to take good care of your physical body.

Emotional and mental health are important.

Problems in your emotional life will interfere with all the other areas. If you are struggling with depression, anxiety, anger issues, or a drug and alcohol problems you need to attend to those issues. Trying to struggle through life with one of these weights on your back is not a virtue. You can only drive your car so far on a flat tire. Being willing to get help for your emotional problems is a sign of strength and a first step on the road to a happy life.

Your Financial Life shouldn’t cause you unhappiness.

When life’s not going the way, you want it to; it’s very tempting to try to make yourself feel better by treating yourself. Those little splurges add up over time. The majority of Americans, then this is true of many other developed countries, have little or no savings. In the short run, it’s hard but over the lifetime learning to earn more money, spend a little less, pay off your bills, and develop a financial cushion results in a life that’s in much better balance.

Job and career activities should be more than just income.

If you don’t have a job getting one is important. Somehow everyone needs a source of income. If there’s any way, you can work, you will feel better about yourself earning your income. If you have a disability that prevents that working look for a volunteer opportunity or some other way to be productive. Going each day to do something you enjoy filter life with happiness. Once past that initial job, it’s important to look at your career. Where will this job take you in 10, 20, or 40 years?

Family and friends can support your success or your failure.

Humans need positive, supportive relationships. Try to resolve differences with those that are close to you. Work at creating friendships that support you and in which you’re able to support your friends. If you have family members who have their own emotional problems, you may need to limit your time and exposure to them. Invest some time in creating new friendships. Time spent in enjoyable activities with friends is not wasted time. It is time invested in having a quality life.

Your spiritual or religious life is important.

Having a spiritual or religious belief can be a source of strength and support in difficult times. If you have a faith or tradition that enriches your life, invest time in your practices. Many people find they need to re-examine their religious beliefs. If you’ve adopted a faith because it was what your family or someone else believed you need to ask yourself this is what you believe?

A spiritual or religious belief should make you a better person and a happier one. If you find that the religion you are following makes you feel bad about yourself or makes you angry and hate others, you may need to take another look at whether this is what your higher power wants for you.

Many people find that they benefit from time spent with other people who have the same faith. Just as it’s often helpful to get financial advice, see a counselor for emotional help, or get career guidance many people find that their lives are enriched by having a spiritual adviser.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What is Sleep Walking?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Sleep Walking.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Can people really do all that stuff while asleep?

Turns out that people can do a number of things while mostly asleep. Sleep Walking (Was DSM-IV 307.46 Now DSM-5 F51.3) and Sleep Terrors (DSM-IV 307.47 now DSM-5 F51.4)) use to be considered separate disorders. In the New DSM-5, they have been combined into one category, Non-Rapid Eye Movement Sleep Arousal Disorders. Despite now being one disorder with subtypes they get coded with two different numbers. (DSM is a registered trademark of the APA.) In the new lists, ICD-9, ICD-10, and oh my ICD-11, these numbers may all keep changing, sorry about that.

The Sleep Walking part also covers some other behaviors that can take place while the person is mostly asleep. It is also possible to engage in Sleep Eating and Sleep Sex. Sex while mostly asleep has also been called sexsomnia. Sleep Eating and Sleep Sex are specifiers added to the Sleep Walking diagnosis. These specifiers do not get their own numbers.

For someone to get this diagnosis these things must happen repeatedly not just occasionally.

And yes these things are considered real diseases not just excuses for things people do that may bother others.

Sleepwalking along with sleep eating and sleep sex are all things people do early in the sleep cycle before REM sleep, hence the name Non-Rapid Eye Movement Sleep Arousal Disorders.

One characteristic of Sleepwalkers is the blank look on their faces. Other clues that this person is not awake and is functioning on autopilot are the difficulty you will have in waking the sleepwalker up.

There was a belief that you should never wake someone up who was sleepwalking. I see no evidence that this is particularly harmful other than the sudden jolt that comes from waking up in a place other than where you went to bed. On the other hand as hard as it is to wake sleepwalkers most of us will elect to just lead them back to bed and try to get them in the correct posture for sleep.

Sleepwalkers are also unresponsive to efforts to communicate with them. You can talk to them all you want but they just keep wandering around. Picture the actors you see in those zombie movies and you have a close approximation to the characteristic sleep-walker.

These episodes of sleepwalking happening in Non-REM sleep come without memories. This is described as having an “amnesia” for the events that happened during the sleepwalking.

The full diagnostic criteria are in the DSM-5. As with most other disorders, this one does not get used if the cause of this event is drugs or medications or if it seems to be caused by some other medical or psychological condition.

Sleep Walking Disorder is separate from Nightmares for several reasons. Nightmares and Bad dreams happen later in the sleep cycle predominantly during REM sleep. People remember what happened during nightmares and bad dreams. Nightmares often are connected to real-life events as in PTSD. Sleepwalking just happens out of nowhere.

FYI These “What is” sometimes “What are” posts are my efforts to explain terms commonly used in Mental Health, Clinical Counseling, Substance Use Disorder Counseling, Psychology, Life Coaching, and related disciplines in a plain language way. Many are based on the new DSM-5, some of the older posts were based on the DSM-IV-TR, both published by the APA. For the more technical versions please consult the DSM or other appropriate references.

You might want to take a look at other posts on Sleep   Dreams and Nightmares

More “What is” posts will be found at What is.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Forgiveness lets you grow.

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Sunday Inspiration.   Post by David Joel Miller.

Forgiveness lets you grow.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness lets you grow.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“There is hope in forgiveness”

― John Piper, A Sweet and Bitter Providence: Sex, Race, and the Sovereignty of God

“The forgiving state of mind is a magnetic power for attracting good.”

― Catherine Ponder

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”

― Oscar Wilde

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Dream On!

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Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Dream On!

Dreams

Dream On!
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“There is nothing like a dream to create the future.”

― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

“It is a happiness to wonder; — it is a happiness to dream.”

― Edgar Allan Poe, Complete Stories and Poems of Edgar Allen Poe

“Nothing happens unless first a dream.”

― Carl Sandburg, The Complete Poems

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

When old – you just sit.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

man sitting

When you’re old you just sit.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Has your life become – just sitting?

Recently I have been talking with and hearing from an increasing number of “older people.” In the past, I have steadfastly avoided learning about the elderly in the belief that I did not know any of them. This belief, that neither I nor anyone I know is yet in that elderly class is constantly getting challenged by people who ask “How old are you?” with an incredulous look.

Those annoying people who sell medical insurance continue to force this topic on me by sending me advertisements asking me to switch my old-age insurance to their company. Worse yet they have been sending those notices to me for some years now. One of my life goals has become to outlive some of these annoying insurance companies.

My thinking, at this junction, is that being old is a combination of the effects of the physical process of aging and the mental attitude one takes towards this process. Self-care along the way is certainly a factor. Unfortunately, I learned that life lesson later rather than earlier. While my body may be accumulating aches and pains, defects of the body, I continue to work on keeping my mental faculties working.

I read somewhere that when you get old you just sit.

This was reported in an article about a woman who had passed her hundredth birthday. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I can see that it might be nice to be relaxed and no longer stressed running hither and yon. But then it might also be that once you stop moving, at least mentally, your life loses purpose.

I have forgotten who that woman was or what age milestone she had just passed. This is a shame because I have a long-held belief that once you start school you have to stop counting half-years as in four-and-a-half and you do not get to begin counting those half years again until you pass that hundred mark. Anyone who lives past one hundred years ought to be recognized more than once per year.

You are all invited to my one-hundred-and-a-half birthday celebration. My fervent hope is that I will be able to attend it with you and will be lucid enough to realize what this gathering is for.

It has become apparent to me however that a lot of people entering those golden years have neither gold nor years. In fact, one great loss among the elderly is a loss of purpose. What do you do when you can’t go to school or work?

Young people are rushing to enter their disabled-years.

It is fully understandable that as we age we can accumulate injuries and disorders. As life moves on some people find it hard to get up and move around. For them, life’s high point may well be waking up and being able to watch some video entertainment.

What surprises me is the number of very young people who are resigned to sitting worshiping a talking box or a moving wall image. Have you all not heard the more time you spend seated the sooner that chair may become attached to your anatomy?

Despite all the encouragement to get up, out and exercise, more and more people past the age of 5 seem most motivated to sit as much as possible.

Has exercise become a spectator sport?

Lots of people drive in their cars (seated) to a sporting event where they can watch (seated) athletes perform. This is sometimes called “playing” a game.  Though most sporting events past preschool take on all the playfulness of gladiator bouts.

An oft-heard life plan is to work hard enough to make enough money to be able to sit around and do nothing. Once you retire from the active world of work, it would appear that you have to join a gym, take up golf, or otherwise pay others to allow you to exercise.

Why are there so few hero action figures of old people?

There was a time when old people figured prominently in our culture. Think of father time and the Greek god Zeus. Now that I think of it the Christian deity, when he gets any consideration at all is depicted as an elderly man.

It will soon be Christmas. Santa Clause used to be a prominent personality at this time of year. The last few years Saint Nick, and his propensity for generosity has been losing ground to Ghosts, vampires, turkeys, the babies of the New Year, and cupid. Getting the latest entertainment device has supplanted giving the gift of happiness in our common lives.

My suspicion is that one reason for our cultural shift from old people and wisdom to preschool heroes is that giving required getting up and doing, while receiving can be done passively in a seated position.

If, at this time of year you find yourself  “just sitting”, my hope for you is that this is a reward for a lot of lifetime doing, not the beginning of your resignation to spending the rest of your life in the not doing, seated position.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Nightmare Treatments.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Nightmare

Nightmares maintain depression and PTSD.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay

What are the top Nightmare treatments?

Many people have an occasional “bad dream.” But some people, and you know this if you are one of them, have frequent recurrent nightmares. An occasional episode of a bad dream is probably no big deal, though if you just had one last night it may be very disturbing today.

Technically we think there are differences between bad dreams, nightmares, and night terrors. Night Terrors are when you wake up in a panic and possibly screaming but can’t remember what was happening just before. A “bad dream” is when you do not wake up till morning but you remember the disturbing dream. Nightmares are the worst for most people. This is when the dream wakes you up and you remember what it was about. Not everyone uses the same meanings for this which makes reading articles on negative dreams confusing.

What caused the Nightmare?

Treatment for nightmares partially depends on what is causing them, or more specifically what the content of the nightmare is about. Is there a specific trigger for your dream?

Children can begin to have nightmares after watching a particularly scary movie. This I think of as “contamination.” You see or hear about something that happened somewhere else to someone else and your mind begins to process this. Avoiding things that trigger you can help.

Sometimes we are going through a difficult time at work or school. If your department is being reorganized and you are having scary dreams, nightmares even, about being laid off, fired, or transferred, then we can work on these in a very specific way.

The most difficult nightmares to have and to treat are dreams about real-life trauma that has happened to you. Nightmares about past trauma can perpetuate your mental health issues. Nightmares play a role in keeping you depressed or in maintaining your Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD.)

Rule out medical causes of nightmares.

Medical issues, especially breathing problems during sleep, can be a cause of bad dreams and nightmares. It pays to talk with your medical doctor and be sure that there are no underlying medical problems that are causing or worsening your nightmares. This “medical rule out” is a good idea for all mental illnesses.

The talk approach to reducing nightmares.

This is the starting point for most treatment. In this system, you work on remembering your dreams, good and bad. Often people keep a diary or pad of paper by the bed and upon awakening then write down anything they can remember about the dreams they have been having that night. If you get up and do things before writing you will lose most of the content of the dreams. Write a few things down and you have a better chance of recalling more details of the dream.

This dream record then can become the basis of your discussion with your counselor. For simple non-threatening dream work, you may want to work with a friend or group and do a mutual discussion of your dreams.

What you want to avoid here is repeatedly talking about dreams based on real trauma. Going over and over the story of your rape or abuse will reinforce it not reduce it. For dreams that are maintaining PTSD or complex trauma, you need to work with a more specialized professional.

Medication for nightmares.

Medication has its place in managing Nightmares. If you are currently under stress you may need medication to sleep. Say you are having to testify in a case involving a crime you witnessed or that happened to you. You need to be able to sleep to get through this. Seeing your doctor is a good idea.

Soldiers in a combat zone may need medication so they sleep and are alert the next day. Not sleeping the night before can get you or someone else killing in this kind of situation. You may be able to talk with a comrade but even that is difficult. The middle of combat is no time for any lengthy therapy.

Medications have one disadvantage. They suppress dreaming but they do not eliminate the need to dream. In dreaming our minds process the events of the dream. Your dream and the memory wait in line to be worked on. When you stop the meds the memories can come back and they have had time to bulk up and become scarier than before.

Image rehearsal therapy.

This method has some good research to back it up and has worked across a range of different types of nightmares from children with scary monster dreams to victims of abuse and violence. In working with a counselor to use this method you focus more on learning the skill of imagery rehearsal than on discussing the specifics of your nightmare. Here is the basic process. I recommend that you try doing this with a professional to avoid creating other problems while working on the nightmare.

You keep track of your nightmare. A written journal helps but if you can remember it well you can do it that way.  Ask yourself what would need to happen for the dream to be less scary.

Say in your nightmare an ex breaks into the house and beats you up. This is based on a history of the ex. stalking you and trying to harm you. You imagine putting a metal door on your house. You imagine installing a deadbolt and an alarm that automatically calls the police if someone tries to break in. Imagine the ex tries to break in and the police are called and they catch and arrest him.

If you practice this new less scary dream each night before you fall asleep many people will discover that they have the new less scary dream. If you can imagine the new ending and can learn to recognize that you are dreaming, a process called lucid dreaming, you can in effect rewrite the dream and over time it will get processed and become less of a problem.

Scheduled Awakenings.

This is a new method. I have not read a lot about it and can’t tell you if it really works. People who have tried everything else without success have reported this one helped them.

In sleep, we cycle through deep and shallow sleep about every 90 minutes. As we age you may find yourself waking up every 90 minutes or so. It is in these cycles that dreaming occurs. So if you set an alarm clock to wake you up every 90 minutes or so it could stop the dream cycle before the dream gets really scary.

The goal here is to wake up to the alarm before the nightmare, set the alarm, and go back to sleep. This will result in choppy sleep.  You may need more time in bed but you can theoretically get a full 8 hours of sleep and that without nightmares. Over time the nightmares should reduce. If any of you have tried this let me know how it worked.

Have you used any of these methods and how did they work for you? Has anything else helped you to reduce nightmares?

You might also want to take a look at other sleep and dream related posts that have been published here on counselorssoapbox.com.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Dreams reduce and nightmares increase fears.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Dreams and Nightmares

Dreams and Nightmares
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Good sleep and dreaming can help reduce anxiety.

Sleep and the dreams that inhabit the sleep-land can help us make sense of life experiences or they can magnify those fears and impact your awake life. One theory about nightmares is that normal dreams make sense of things and reduce fears but nightmares are a failure of that fear reduction system. This idea is often expressed in some rather technical language but let me try to make it clear using a story to illustrate the possibility that dreams can help you make sense of the world.

Good dreams and bad dreams.

People tend to remember nightmares where the experience becomes so intense it wakes you up. Occasionally you have a “bad dream” which does not wake you up but was so disturbing that you remember it upon awakening. Most of us have occasionally had a “good dream” and remembered the wonderful place or person we experienced in the dreamland. The more good dreams you have the more likely you are to forget them. Bad dreams and nightmares, in particular, you tend to remember.

Dreams continue your awake thoughts.

Nightmares usually feature fear, anxiety, and trauma but many other themes are possible. One theory about dreams is a “continuity” theory. You tend to dream about things in your sleep that you think about when awake. School students dream more about tests, creative people may dream about creative outcomes. Love, friendship, or happy times may take place in a dream. Some writers have described those positive dreams as “wish fulfillment.” Which dreams get remembered? That would be the ones with strong emotional content, mostly which are the negative emotion dreams.

Dreams can reduce fear.

Let’s look at how a dream might help make sense of an experience and reduce fear. Say you are in a minor auto accident. There is some damage to your car’s fender. You handle what you need to while awake, but you can’t stop thinking about that accident and when you go to bed it is still on your mind. Thinking about that accident may even make it hard to get to sleep but eventually, you do fall off and then you dream. Your dream is likely to feature some elements of the accident.

The dream pulls up your experience and begins looking at all the parts of the memory. It remembers the car you were in, the people you were with, and the garage your car went to for repairs. Your dream may also include the medical attention you received and the things you thought about during the accident.

Your brain now takes the experience apart and begins to file the information away for future use. The friends in the car get filed under friends. The garage gets filled under fixing things and so on.

In dreams, information gets stored in useful ways.

So you dream about your day and your car accident again. Only this time your brain pulls us different bits and pieces to make a new experience. You are driving along and this time your doctor and your chiropractor are in the car. You are going to meet your friends at the garage. When you get there you, not the car, get repaired. You get new clothing and a haircut. While waiting for the car you eat lunch in the waiting room only now they are serving you a gourmet meal at your favorite restaurant and you look out the window you are looking at the ocean and the beach. When you get up to go from lunch your mechanic is in the car and you drive through a bank drive-up where they fill up your lap with money.

Your dream has now helped you use the recent event to see ways to have happy experiences with friends, get things fixed, and secure the money you need to pay for those repairs. None of this is very scary, right? By disassembling experiences and saving facts your brain catalogs your experiences for future use. At least this is the way this particular theory sees dreaming.

Traumatic experiences do not need to result in a mental disorder.

The majority of people exposed to traumatic events do not develop a stress or trauma-related disorder. Those who have some trauma immediately after the event often find the trauma and the dreams about the event go away over time. Your distress may fade over a few days. It may hang on for a while and become Acute Stress Disorder which usually dissipates in a month. But some people do not get better. They develop long-term mental problems. Their experience may result in Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and last for years. Why?

Some dreams do not get disassembled.

Some dreams are so connected together by the negative emotional content they are too painful for the brain to disassemble. In these asleep experiences, the sharp painful edges of the experience are so tied together by the fear or other negative emotions that they will not disassemble. These whole dreams cause a sort of “sleep indigestion” and result in the dreamer waking up often screaming or in intense fear. Panic like symptoms may occur.

Technically it is a nightmare if it wakes you up and a “bad dream” if you do not awaken but just have memories of the dream that are distressing when you awaken. Hopefully, you got that this explanation of dreams and how some dreams become nightmares is not scientifically exact but a simplified story to try to illustrate complex neurochemical processes.

Can Nightmares be cured?

Eventually, most nightmares can be reduced or eliminated with good treatment. I would like to think we will find treatments for them all eventually. How hard it is to treat your particular nightmare problem partially depends on the nature of the nightmares and the nature of the trauma.

Imaginary happenings, contaminated memories from video media respond quite well to treatment. Nightmares in children are often very treatable. Some real, trauma-based, nightmares fade on their own. Treatments for entrenched nightmares have had mixed results.

From my reading on this topic, it appears that if you have multiple nightmares about several experiences they may be more readily treated than those people who have a single horrific experience that recurs in their nightmare. There are also differences in results in treating childhood abuse versus adult abuse and trauma. Military type trauma is especially resistant to treatment sometimes.

Currently, there are several treatments that are showing promise. More on that in an upcoming post. Treating entrenched nightmares is something that requires you to be an active participant if the process is to work. Treating nightmares is not something you can do alone. If you or someone you know has recurrent or frequent nightmares, look for professional help.

You might want to take a look at other posts on:

Sleep

Dreams and Nightmares 

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Bad Bedtime Behaviors sleep or nightmare disorder?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

child

Sleepy Child.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Children may turn terrible at bedtime because of sleep problems.

Children who have sleep disorders try to avoid the problems these disorders cause. If you have nightmares the bed and sleep land are not friendly places. Night Terrors get noticed by most parents because the child makes noise and wakes you up but other sleep issues may go unnoticed until the child begins acting up at bedtime.

Below are some of the behavioral changes that occur in children and occasionally in adults that indicate the problems may be related to a sleep disorder.

Long bedtime rituals can be caused by a sleep problem.

When we anticipate something bad happening most of us will put it off as long as possible. Children who experience bad dreams or nightmares will try to avoid the bed and sleep. One way to do this is to draw out the pre-bed routine as much as possible.

If you find your child is avoiding bed with a passion, look for things in the environment. Are adults still up and having fun? But if the whole house is quiet and still your child is finding ways to avoid getting into bed ask them about their sleep and about what happens in that sleep.

Bad dreams and nightmares are not something that children should have to endure. Expecting them to just “grow out of it” is not a good plan. Some children never do outgrow nightmares. Poor and disrupted sleep can result in many emotional problems.

Bedtime resistance suggests a sleep issue.

Long rituals are about what you tell yourself. All those things you need to do before you can sleep. Bedtime resistance is about what you tell or do to others. If the child resists bed like they might resist the doctor’s office then ask yourself why the bed and sleep land is traumatic rather than a friend.

Try making bedtime a positive thing, read a story, say a prayer, whatever fits for your family. If, despite your efforts to reassure your child there is still resistance, try to not dismiss this as bad behavior. Explore with your child what happens when they try to fall asleep and what happens when they dream. If there are problems consider some professional help before the problem becomes serious.

Insomnia Disorder. 

When dreamland is full of nightmares you will avoid it. If delaying bedtime does not work many folks will lie awake. Worry about the future, rumination, and anxiety disorders result in not being able to fall asleep.

In another post, I talked about the problems with Insomnia Disorder. 

Insomnia is a very real physical and mental disorder. It is treatable and the treatment does not have to be restricted to medication.

Avoiding sleep may be the result of a sleep disorder.

Once through the bedtime routine and into bed, there are a host of ways that children can avoid sleep. The result of this avoidance can show up in poor behavior, impaired attention, or emotional regulation issues the next day.

Today electronic avoidance is becoming all too common. Some children’s bedrooms have more electronic equipment than the store. Spending all night playing games, chatting on social media, and generally staying stimulated has its consequences the next day. Over time this sleep avoidant behavior adds up.

If your child starts the day off in a bad mood and you do not know why look for poor sleep habits or a sleep disorder.

Thoughts I must not sleep.

People with nightmare disorder, night terrors, or just plain old bad dreams will start telling themselves that the solution is to just not sleep. Younger children may not be verbalizing these thoughts but if they are having them some exploration of the reasons can help your child move from struggling with a sleep disorder to a child who routinely gets a restful night’s sleep.

If your child avoids bed or sleep do not automatically jump to a severe conclusion. Poor sleep does not mean your child has experienced abuse or trauma. There are plenty of other reasons they may be having bedtime issues.

If your child is avoiding bed and sleep explore the issue and get help as needed. If it is an adult that is resisting sleep you need help now. Untreated sleep issues undermine your physical and mental health.

You might want to take a look at other posts on:

Sleep

Dreams and Nightmares  

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Sleep Skills – Sleep hygiene

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

sleep

Child sleeping.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Do you have good sleep skills?

How did you learn to get a good night’s sleep? If you are like many of us, the sleep skills you learned taught you how to have insomnia, bad dreams, and a host of other sleep issues.

When you are young you do not want to go to sleep. Many children resist sleep and bedtimes with a vengeance. What you may have been taught, by example if not by words, was that sleeping was a punishment, and staying awake as long as possible was some sort of reward for becoming that mythical creature we all aspire to become “an adult.”

Sleep, too many of us, appears to be the result of doing and going until you wear yourself out and then you drop into an exhausted state of unconsciousness that passes for sleep. What gets missed in this equation are the many benefits of getting a good night’s sleep and how you develop the skills to have that restful sleep. One name for sleep skills is sleep hygiene.

The benefits of being a good sleeper.

Lots of good things happen to you when you sleep. Memories get consolidated and stored. Poor sleep reduces your ability to remember things and make sense of the world around you. A well-rested person is more alert and finds it far easier to “pay attention.”

During the day your brain does a lot of work. Even if you are engaged in a physically demanding endeavor you mind still consumes a lot of calories thinking about and directing all the other things you do. Your brain consumes somewhere between 20% and 25% of all the calories you use every day. Burning all those calories creates a lot of waste.

Most people understand that more exercise means more waste products. You eliminate the waste and you feel better. Exercise more and if calories taken in stay constant, you can expect to lose some weight. Wastes accumulated in your brain get cleared out at night while you sleep.

Poor sleep and you end up with a “trashy” mind which has difficulty with focus, concentration, and creativity.

Sleep skills can be learned.

Being a good sleeper is a matter of choices you make. There are secrets to most things in life. A good teacher or coach can show you how to improve your game. You can learn how to be a better, more rested sleeper by learning and then practicing a few basic sleep skills. Here are a few of the basic sleep skills.

To sleep, you need a cool-down period.

Between running around and falling asleep give yourself some time to decompress. Most people go and go and then leap into bed expecting to fall right to sleep. You need some cooldown time. Stop activities thirty to sixty minutes before bedtime. If you do any exercise do the slow mindful type not the strenuous kind in those last few minutes.

Unplug from electronics. Those bright lights hitting your eye condition you for more awake time. Reduce the light. Relax and get yourself in the state to sleep.

Avoid stimulants at bedtime.

Do not drink coffee, tea, energy drinks, or other stimulant beverages in the afternoon. Pay attention to the last one you had and see how this impacts your sleep. Some people can drink coffee late in the day and still sleep, others are more sensitive and even coffee at lunch will impact their sleep.

Train your brain to expect to sleep in bed.

Our brains quickly associate places with the thing you do there. Do not abuse the bed. Lounging around in bed reduces the sleep-bed connection. Use the bed only for sleep and sex. Your brain can connect sex with lots of locations but it won’t connect sleep with standing up. Do not confuse the default setting in your brain by expecting it to stay awake and social media surf one time while another time you ask it to sleep in bed.

Clear your mind of worries before going to bed.

Use whatever practice works best for you to clear out the problems and worries from the day before trying to sleep. Pray and turn the worries over to your higher power, journal out those thoughts. You may be able to call someone and talk about your concerns before bedtime.

Empty your head of things you need to remember to do in the future. Writing this down can help get them off your mind.

Have a set bedtime and a time to get up.

It can be hard to adjust to changes. Sleep is no exception to that rule. If every night you hit the sack at a different time your brain does not know when to let you get sleepy. Set a constant time and do your best to stick to it. People who stick to a wake-up time even on the days off find that their body adjusts and lets them know when it is time to sleep.

If you have different times for getting up and going to bed on the weekend it makes it more difficult to switch back and forth. The result may be waking up at the right time despite staying up late. Many people create a sleep deficit over the weekend.

Avoid daytime naps.

Taking daytime naps results in not being able to sleep when bedtime comes. Staying up till your tired can leave you exhausted the next day. Over time these daytime naps shift your schedule and can make it harder to switch back when you have to stay awake for the full day.

Develop a bedtime routine.

Running around frantically at bedtime wakes you up. You need a routine to let you wind down and get ready to sleep. Having a pre-bed routine reduces those last-minute things that need to be done and keep you up late.

Create a comfortable sleep place.

Dark sleep places help you sleep. Look for ways to reduce stray light. Turn off the electronics. Screen light tricks your brain into thinking you need to stay up a bit longer.

Do you sleep better when it is quiet? Do your best to curtail ambient noise. Earplugs work for some. If you prefer noise to drown out other sounds around you look for something that will not be diverting your attention. Background music may be helpful in managing the sound environment.

Cool temperatures help get the body ready for sleep. In hot climates or in the summer mouths coolness may be at a premium. If you don’t have or can’t afford air conditioning opt for a fan or fans that move the air over you. Feeling cooler at night than you did while awake will increase the chances of a restful night’s sleep.

Weed out life factors – shift work or recent stressful events.

Shift work can alter your sleep cycle. Some people can adjust while others never seem to. If you work when others sleep and sleep when others are up you will need to look for ways to accommodate that schedule. Some of these will be environmental things like darkness and consistency.

If you find that stress, anxiety, or trauma is impacting your ability to sleep, consider counseling or other help in reducing that stress. Mindfulness or meditation training can help.

Those are some thoughts on developing good sleep skills. Have you found any other things that improve your ability to sleep?

You might want to take a look at other posts on:

Sleep

Dreams and Nightmares 

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Can’t sleep? Is it Insomnia Disorder?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Insomnia.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Frequently poor sleep might be Insomnia Disorder.

Most people have an occasional night with poor sleep. That does not rise to the level of being a diagnosable illness. But if you have those nights often, you just might be having Insomnia Disorder. There are many connections between your physical health, mental health, and biological functions. Sleep is a very important one of these connections.

Poor sleep can be a symptom of a mental or emotional disorder.

Poor sleep often accompanies Major Depressive Disorder. People who are depressed either sleep way too much or they find it hard to sleep at all. High levels of anxiety, any of the anxiety disorders, may interfere with your ability to sleep. Low need for sleep can be a part of bipolar disorders. Lack of sleep now can also be a warning sign that an emotional problem is just around the next bend in the road of life.

Poor sleep can be a primary disorder all by itself.

Poor sleep, if it gets to be a big enough problem, needs to be treated before it disrupts the rest of your life. Treating poor sleep is often a problematic issue. Medical doctors may treat it with medication which is a temporary solution but long-term you need to look at the connection between your sleep disorder and your mental and emotional health.

Counselors often see the connection between your sleep and your anxiety, depression or other mental illness but what may be missing is counseling about how to reduce the impact of your Insomnia or other sleep disorder on your life. Treating both problems at the same time is the recommended approach most of the time.

Mental Health practitioners use the DSM-5 as their guide to diagnosing and treating mental, emotional, and behavioral disorders. (DSM is a registered trademark of the APA.)

For a full description of the way Insomnia Disorder gets diagnosed you should look at the DSM-5 but below is my plain language explanation of some of the things that would make a professional think that your sleep problems might justify a separate diagnosis of insomnia disorder.

Can’t fall asleep?

Most people experience occasional times when they have difficulty falling asleep. But if this happens to you a lot you should start looking at why. For many people, this is simply a lack of good sleep skills sometimes referred to as poor sleep hygiene.

Sleep hygiene involves things like having a regular bedtime, avoiding caffeine and other drugs that interfere with sleep close to bedtime, not watching an exciting sports event, and then rushing to bed while still all wound up and so on.

Many people can cure their insomnia issues by practicing good sleep skills. Watch for an upcoming post on how you could do this.

If you have an anxiety, Major Depressive Disorder, or another mental illness, getting that emotional issue treated can improve your sleep. Nightmares, Bad Dreams, and Sleep Terrors also need treatment. The nightmares that accompany Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) especially need treatment. You can treat those nightmares without having to relive all those traumatic life events. More on that also in an upcoming post.

A rough rule of thumb is, if it routinely takes more than a half-hour to get to sleep, you need to take a look at why.

Can’t stay asleep, could be Insomnia Disorder.

People with Insomnia Disorder wake up a lot throughout the night. This frequent wakening reduces the quality of their sleep. Awakenings also reduce the total amount of sleep. Get poor quality sleep or too little sleep and you will be tired all day. These sleep deficits pile up over time. Sleeping in on the weekend may feel like it helps a little but just like overdrawing your bank account cost you fees, overdrawing your sleep accounts all week comes with costs that can’t be made up with a few extra minutes on the weekend.

People with Insomnia Disorder will find that even when they stay in bed extra time they can’t sleep anyway.

Is your poor sleep or lack of sleep a problem?

If you find that your concentration is off all day that may be because of sleep issues. Do you find yourself getting sleepy or dozing off during the day? Look at your nighttime sleep. If you are one of those people who can get by on less sleep and still feel fine then you probably will not get a sleep disorder diagnosis. If the number of hours of sleep gets too low and you think you are fine but others tell us you are off the hook we may start looking at a bipolar disorder as a possibility.

Take a hard look at your daytime problems and consider if many of your emotional problems may be connected to your insomnia or other sleep problem.

Insomnia disorder can look like ADHD.

Poor sleep can also impair your attention. Lots of clients referred for ADHD treatment turn out to have insomnia disorder or another sleep-related problem. I have lost track of the number of people who came in for an assessment, especially teens, and it turned out they were staying up all night on social media, texting, or the internet. That is a lack of sleep skills, not ADHD.

Drugs, medications, and foods can keep you from sleeping.

Most people know that street drugs, methamphetamine, and cocaine, will keep you from sleeping. When you are high you don’t sleep. Then when you come down you crash and sleep for a very long time trying to make up for the awake run.

Caffeine from many sources can interfere with sleep. We miss how high the doses of caffeine little children are getting. Most sodas are loaded with caffeine. More and more people are drinking energy drinks and those beverages can also keep you awake long after you wish the effects had worn off.

There are lots of other medications that can mess up your sleep-wake cycle. If you are experiencing insomnia or another sleep problem talk with your doctor about the possibility that something you are talking is causing that. Do not forget to mention over-the-counter and herbal products also. Remember those over the counter headache pills you take? Some of them are high in caffeine also.

You can’t sleep if you do not go to bed.

Lots of people who complain about insomnia, poor sleep quality, and bad dreams are chronically sleep-deprived. They are stressed or anxious about their awake life. Do not expect to fall asleep the second your head hits the pillow. Budget enough hours of your life to getting sleep if you want to have a happy, productive life.

Sleep times and cycles change as we age.

Sorry folks all of us are getting older. When we are young most of us want to stay up all night despite needing more than average sleep. Young kids need more sleep. If they do not get it they get grouchy, irritable and can’t concentrate.

Seniors and the elderly may need less sleep, they may also develop more sleep disorder problems.

What should you do if you have Insomnia Disorder?

Good treatment for most people with Insomnia Disorder involves three things. Talk with your medical doctor and see if there are underlying medical issues. Work on sleep skills, sleep hygiene, relaxation, and other skills. Get your mental health issues treated. Nightmares, trauma, anxiety, and depression are all treatable and they all interact with sleep quality.

Thanks for reading all this way. Sleep well and live well.

You might want to take a look at other posts on:

Sleep

Dreams and Nightmares 

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel