Category Archives: Mental Health

Preventing life’s regrets.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Regrets.

Regret.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How can you prevent accumulating painful regrets?

Are there any ways you can anticipate things you might regret and live your life in ways that would prevent having to recover from regrets?”

Here are some of the ways you can prevent a life filled with regrets, and some thoughts about what to do when you discover your regrets.

Consider potential regrets before acting.

Most of the things people regret fall into one of 2 categories: things they did they wish they hadn’t and things that didn’t do they wish they had. Before taking any major action, ask yourself, will I regret this? If the answer is yes, I will regret it; this course of action bears some more thought. A lot of the things people regret were those impulsive “spur of the moment” decisions. Often, these are the result of jumping to conclusions or acting on impulse without considering the consequences.

Can this decision be undone?

Some decisions can easily be undone. You sign up for class and wish you hadn’t; you can drop that class if you do so quickly. Make a date with someone and get cold feet; you can cancel that date. For some things, undoing that action may have a cost. But it’s often wiser to cancel that purchase and pay the fee than to be stuck making payments on a car or house you don’t want for years to come.

One of the major areas that can’t be undone is relationships. Once you’ve slept with someone, it is harder to break up. You can break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but your baby’s mother or father is forever. Once you’re married, with or without children, ending that marriage comes with both emotional and financial costs.

Delay your decision until you have more information.

Many of the decisions people regret having made were a result of not giving themselves enough time to think it over. In some places, buyers have a time period to void the sale of a major purchase. I don’t recommend you count on this. I think it’s a good idea to give buyers of expensive items time to check their purchase out and rescind the transaction if there’s something wrong with the item they bought. But don’t expect to return something just because you changed your mind. Once you have used something, you can’t return it in the same new condition it was in when you bought it. There are lots of other actions in life, especially when it comes to relationships with other people, where you don’t have to act the moment the idea enters your head.

Think carefully about possible outcomes.

Regret often comes from the human tendency to think all your ideas are great ones when you first think them. Where possible, before you act on your inclinations, ask yourself what are the possible outcomes? Are any potential negative outcomes so severe that you’re not willing to take the chance? Regardless of how good or how exciting this possible action is, if there’s a large chance it could result in death or ruin the rest of your lif,e you must be realistic in evaluating the risks. Be careful of the natural human fallacy to believe that you’re lucky or smart and that only the good outcomes will happen to you.

Don’t waste time on the impossible. What alternatives are available to you?

Don’t make the mistake of choosing between an action and an impossibility. Sometimes you will be forced to pick the best of 2 bad options. Sometimes you’ll hesitate because your preferred choice turns out to be an impossibility. If you are choosing between 2 very likely, very good options, use some of the other decision-making rules coming up. But, if you don’t feel comfortable with any choice, make sure you have ruled out all the impossible choices.

Consider how you feel about possible outcomes.

Many people make the mistake of trying to be totally logical and rational about their choices. Choose with your head, and you will feel the regret in your heart. While your feelings shouldn’t rule you all the time, feelings do provide valuable information. If in your heart, this doesn’t feel right, you probably should not do it.

Search for other alternatives.

Before you decide something, ask yourself, are there any other possible choices? A significant source of regrets are times people choose between 2 options, say picking A instead of B, neither of which was a choice. Where they went wrong was failing to think about some of the other letters of the alphabet that might have been better choices.

What would a good decision-maker do in this situation?

When faced with a difficult decision, think about the people you know. Who that you are aware of appears to be exceptionally good at making decisions? What would that person choose?

How does this decision relate to your life goals and values?

Don’t get distracted by things that promise short-term pleasure and excitement, the next bright shiny thing. You will make better decisions when you pause to think about what are your personal values?

Once you decide against an alternative, stop looking for evidence to support it.

Seems to be a part of human nature to doubt yourself. There is a problem with the way the human brain works. It’s called confirmatory bias. If we want to do something all we are likely to see re other reasons in favor of it. Unfortunately, people who decided against an alternative keep going back to that thing they decided against and looking for other reasons to go ahead and do it anyway. Once you have decided no, it is probably best to stay with that decision. On the other side of the coin if you decided to do something and suddenly get some new information that makes that decision look like one you’ll regret, don’t disregard that new information.

Use an outside expert’s advice and feedback.

Sometimes we get hung up on our own thinking. Because we think something, it must be true. When the decision has huge consequences, costs a lot of money, or might get you stuck in a situation that would be hard to get out of, it pays to seek advice from an expert. If that expert is a counselor, they probably won’t, and shouldn’t, tell you what to do. What they can do is help you sort out your conflicted feelings and provide you with information about what has happened to other clients faced with this decision. Sometimes it helps just to know you’re not the only one who has had trouble making this decision.

Weigh the consequences of not deciding.

If it’s a tough decision, you need to ask yourself, what will it cost me to put the decision off? Not responding to a lawsuit or a bill may make the situation worse. Just because it’s the “best price of the year” doesn’t mean you should decide to make that purchase today. It is quite possible that the difference between today’s “best price of the year” and next week’s “sale price” won’t be all that different. Don’t convince yourself that if you don’t get into a relationship with the person you’re out with now, you will never have another chance, and you’ll be alone for the rest of your life. If you have doubts about relationships, it may save you a lot of pain to wait until you are sure.

For many people, life’s greatest regrets are the things they wanted to do but never did. Don’t live your life putting off getting the education you want. Reach for your dreams. Try out for that acting job. Write your book. Have you let fear keep you from deciding to do things that are especially important to you?

Talk your decision through with an empathetic person.

Besides professionals, most of us have close friends and family we can talk to about the decisions we are struggling with. Ask yourself who among them is empathetic and can understand the struggle you’re going through to make this decision. It can help to talk it out with an understanding person. Pick that person carefully. You don’t need somebody telling you what to do or putting you down for what you’re thinking.

Expect to have regrets; they are an unavoidable part of life.

Nobody gets through life without having some things that they regret. Accept that you must live life, and you will never have all the information before the decision that you will have afterward. Everybody must make some decisions, and they will regret some of those. Expect those crystal balls to be cloudy and hard to see into.

If you have regrets, make repair efforts a priority.

As you move through life, you will accumulate some regrets. Where possible, try to make repairs. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. If you have regrets because you have harmed others, do your best to make your amends and make things right with them.

Learn from your mistakes and improve decision-making skills.

Make conscious decisions. Consider each decision you make in life as another learning opportunity. Learn from your mistakes. Watch how others around you live and learn from their mistakes. Become aware of how you make your decisions and make them consciously. Most importantly, learn from those things that you regret and try to stop making the same mistakes repeatedly.

Some additional posts about regrets:

Top 6 life regrets

Will you regret doing that?

Top regrets after the breakup.

Regret. 

David Joel Miller, MS, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Recommended Mental Health Books

David Miller at counselorssoapbox.com is an Amazon Affiliate and may receive a small Commission if you purchase a book or product using the link on this page. Using the link will not increase the cost to you.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seems like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get their life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime, and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Regret.

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Sunday Inspiration feeling post.

Post by David Joel Miller.

Regrets.

Regret.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets.”

― Marilyn Monroe

“Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, “It might have been.”

― Kurt Vonnegut

“I’d rather regret the things I have done than the things that I haven’t.”

― Lucille Ball

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes about feelings words with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Related posts:

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration

Will you regret doing that?

Top 6 life regrets

You can find more about this topic under Regret.

Recommended Mental Health Books

David Miller at counselorssoapbox.com is an Amazon Affiliate and may receive a small Commission if you purchase a book or product using the link on this page. Using the link will not increase the cost to you.

What is Paranoid Personality Disorder (F60.0)?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Grim Reaper

Paranoia.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

There’s more than one kind of paranoia.

When you hear the word paranoid, most people think of the expression “paranoid schizophrenic.” Paranoia can be a part of several mental illnesses. Among the mental illnesses that include paranoia as a symptom of Paranoid Personality Disorder is the most common. According to the DSM-5, estimates for the prevalence of Paranoid Personality Disorder range between 2.3% and 4.4 %. The estimate for all types of schizophrenia is between 0.3% and 0.7%. Since there are several types of schizophrenia, my rough estimate tells me Paranoid Personality Disorder is probably 10 times as common as paranoid schizophrenia.

Paranoia can also be a part of several other mental illnesses including, depression, bipolar disorder with psychotic features, other psychotic disorders, delusional disorder persecutory type. Suspicion and even paranoia may also be features of cognitive dementia and substance use disorders.

There is also a condition known as “Subclinical paranoia” in which the person has milder forms of trust issues, suspicion, or paranoia. Symptoms that may cause them problems, but doesn’t quite meet all the criteria to be diagnosed as a specific mental illness. Professionals are beginning to believe that paranoia can exist on a continuum from occasional mild symptoms to the more persistent and serious symptoms that we see in those people diagnosed with Paranoid Personality Disorder.

Many cases of paranoid personality disorder do not get diagnosed. People with this disorder, whether in a mild form or more serious one, distrust others and believe people are out to harm them. As a result of these beliefs, they tend to avoid others, professionals in particular. Those with paranoid personality disorder are likely to only be diagnosed when they are involuntarily hospitalized for mental health issues or forced to be seen by professionals because of criminal or legal issues.

How is Paranoid Personality Disorder diagnosed?

To receive the diagnosis of Paranoid Personality Disorder someone would need to exhibit the presence of at least four symptoms from a list of 7 possible symptoms. These symptoms involve suspiciousness, trust issues, beliefs that others are deliberately trying to harm them. The DSM calls for the symptoms to begin by early adulthood and happen in multiple contexts. This leaves us with a gray area in diagnosing paranoid symptoms which develop in senior citizens.

It’s easy to see that there can be a large mathematical number of combinations of having or not having the seven symptoms. My math tells me that there are over 5000 possible combinations of these symptoms with 840 of those combinations meeting the criteria for a diagnosis of Paranoid Personality Disorder. Since we don’t have laboratory tests such as blood tests or x-rays to detect the symptoms, they are evaluated using symptom check-lists either from the patient’s reports or observations by others. Depending on how the client describes their feelings and the mood of the therapist that day it’s easy to call a particular symptom either in or out resulting in fuzzy diagnoses.

Many of these possible symptoms can vary in intensity. Deciding if someone has 3, 4, or 5 symptoms present can be very much a judgment call. Using more objective screening tools and checklists result in a large number of people who show some symptoms, but not enough to make the cut off for having Paranoid Personality Disorder. One commonly used instrument is the 20-question questionnaire, Paranoia Scale by Fenigstein and Vanable. Results from this scale vary from very low, occasional, symptoms of paranoid to extremely high and constant levels. In future posts, I want to talk about those people who fall in the middle of the score range on the paranoid scale, enough that they frequently experience trust issues and suspicion but don’t quite meet the cut off to be diagnosed with Paranoid Personality Disorder.

What are the 7 symptoms that may be present in Paranoid Personality Disorder?

  1. Being suspicious without good reason that others are trying to harm them, lie to them, or take advantage of them. The presumption here is that the person can’t accurately perceive the actions of others. It can be difficult for the professional to determine whether these beliefs about other’s actions are accurate.
  2. They spend a lot of time thinking about their beliefs that others are not trustworthy, disloyal, or have bad intentions.
  3. They do not trust anyone and avoid talking about their fears because of a belief that others will use what they say against them.
  4. They interpret normal, everyday events as threats or personal attacks.
  5. Holds onto the perceived attacks, may have grudges, and be unwilling to forgive even accidental injuries because they believe others are deliberately trying to harm them.
  6. Gets angry and fights back because they believe others are attacking their character or reputation. The things they’re angry about most other observers don’t see as intentional attacks.
  7. Have unjustified suspicions that their regular sexual partner is unfaithful.

How does Paranoid Personality Disorder disrupt lives?

People with Paranoid Personality Disorder assume that others are out to get them. Sometimes these thoughts are totally unreasonable but other times there a matter of opinion or even experience. If someone has harmed you in the past, it’s not unreasonable to be on the lookout for other people seeking to harm you.

If your partner has cheated on you before, it’s hard to trust them again. Sometimes the mistrust makes sense but other times the injured spouse develops a persistent sort of paranoid jealousy, and no amount of checking will convince them that their partner is faithful.

People with varying levels of paranoid thoughts spend a lot of time doubting and worrying about whether the people around them are trustworthy and loyal. When you’re high in paranoia, you find it difficult to believe you can trust anyone.

Paranoia makes it harder to trust others and makes you reluctant to share personal information with others for fear they will use that information against you. They may be reluctant to answer personal questions and when asked to fill out forms may refuse to give answers to some questions saying that these things are “nobody’s business.” This high level of distrust leads them to believe that accidents were deliberate and that routine jokes were meant as personal criticism. The paranoid person is likely to take compliments as veiled insults.

There are some other characteristics of paranoia that aren’t included in the diagnostic criteria but are listed as associated features. It’s really hard to get along with people who have even moderate levels of suspicion and distrust. People who are high in paranoia are likely to be control freaks and have difficulty getting along with others.

Paranoid Personality Disorder is part of the “Cluster A Personality Disorders.” It’s common for people who are diagnosed with one of the Cluster A personality disorders to also have symptoms of several other personality disorders from this group.

Not everyone with trust issues gets diagnosed with Paranoid Personality Disorder.

As with the other things we are calling a mental illness this needs to interfere with your ability to work or go to school, your relationships, your enjoyable activities, or cause you personal distress. Otherwise, you may have the issues, but you will not get the diagnoses if this is not causing you a problem. If the only time this happens is when you are under the influence of drugs or medicines, or because of some other physical or medical problem, this fear needs to be more than your situation would warrant. These other issue needs treating first; then if you still have symptoms, you could get this diagnosis.

In upcoming posts, we will look at the overlap between paranoia and substance use disorders, some possible causes for paranoia, some of the milder variations of fearfulness and trust issues as well as ways to reduce the impact of your trust issues on your ability to have a satisfactory life.

FYI These “What is” sometimes “What are” posts are my efforts to explain terms commonly used in Mental Health, Clinical Counseling, Substance Use Disorder Counseling, Psychology, Life Coaching, and related disciplines in a plain language way. Many are based on the new DSM-5; some of the older posts were based on the DSM-IV-TR, both published by the APA. For the more technical versions, please consult the DSM or other appropriate references.

See Recommended Books.     More “What is” posts will be found at “What is.”

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Will you regret doing that?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Regrets.

Regret.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Does anticipating regret increase protective actions and reduce risky behaviors?

Regrets happen when you find out, or imagine, that the results would’ve been better if you had made a different decision. What behaviors are you doing today that you may regret in the future? What positive, healthy, activities did you leave undone today that in the future you will wish you had done?

Thinking about the positive advantages of exercise and a healthy diet doesn’t seem to be enough to get many people to engage in these activities. Thinking about the regrets you will have in the future provides additional motivation to do proactive healthy behaviors and to reduce risky behaviors. People who think about the regrets they will have in the morning after casual sex are more likely to alter their behavioral plans.

Will you regret not protecting your health?

People who have thought about the need to maintain good health and could anticipate the regrets they will have in later life for not protecting their health are more likely to make the effort to eat a healthy diet.

We all know that getting more exercise would benefit our health. Being able to anticipate the regrets you will have about your appearance and your health in the future because of not exercising increases the chances that you will exercise today to avoid those painful regrets in the future. It takes a long time for regrets about not protecting your help to develop. People go through life not exercising or eating a healthy diet, telling themselves there’s always time to start healthy living tomorrow. The regrets take up a lot of your time when you’re older and out of time to have lived a healthy life.

There has been a lot of controversies recently about vaccination. Regardless of how you feel about getting your family members vaccinated, it’s important to think about the regrets you might have if you fail to get vaccinated. The larger regret is not that you might catch the flu, but that because you did not get vaccinated, you might transmit an infection to a baby, young child, or an older adult. Thinking about the possible regrets of infecting others might be just the motivation you need to get yourself vaccinated.

Will you regret not helping others?

When you’re busy with your life, you’re likely to forget about donating blood or designating yourself as an organ donor. Thinking about possible regrets you might have because you didn’t donate blood and someone died may motivate you to make that donation.

Will you regret risky sexual behaviors?

Recent research tells us that the possibility of regretting unsafe sexual behaviors has strongly influenced some people’s sexual practices. Thinking beforehand about the possible regretted consequences of unprotected sex, both from contracting sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies increase the chances someone will use protection or abstain.

Will you regret your use or abuse of nicotine, marijuana, alcohol, or other drugs?

Prevention efforts around alcohol consumption and drug use have been generally disappointing. Having people think about drinking or drug use is unlikely to reduce the risk they will consume substances. One promising prevention effort has been having people think about possible regrets. Are there things you might do while drunk or high that you would later regret? As you grow older, raise your children and live your life, will you regret having abused drugs or becoming addicted to them?

Knowing that tobacco consumption is hazardous to your health is almost universal. That hasn’t been enough to keep most young people from trying cigarettes or other products containing nicotine. One promising approach has been asking people early in the nicotine using experience about possible, anticipated regrets. Thinking about health risks off in the future is not much of a deterrent. Thinking about the anticipated regrets from having contracted emphysema, heart disease, or cancer offers a different perspective.

Thinking about anticipated regrets from binge drinking has been shown to reduce the rates of intending to binge drink (Cooke, Sniehotta, & Schuz, 2007). There has been limited recent research on whether anticipated regrets related to substance use changes behavior. What little research there has been, shows that anticipating future regrets increases the intent to avoid or stop using substances.

Will you regret not keeping yourself safe?

In the spur of the moment, it’s easy to ignore the risks from taking a phone call or answering a text while driving. Take a moment to think about how you will feel if your distraction results in an accident and someone loses their life.

When we don’t think about risks, they don’t alter our behavior. Considering possible risks in life and anticipating the regrets you will have from engaging in risky behaviors and neglecting to engage in healthy ones may help you put the way you are living your life in perspective.

Why doesn’t anticipating regrets change behaviors?

People who drive dangerously, speed, or weave in and out of lanes, report they would have severe regrets if that behavior resulted in an accident. Unfortunately, in the moment, the urge to get somewhere more rapidly and the excitement of the speed, outweigh the anticipated regrets of a potential accident. Excitement and pleasure also offset the anticipated regrets from alcohol and drug use.

Any behaviors whose consequences will happen far in the future, such as poor health behaviors, tend to remain unchanged because people tell themselves that they will begin living in a healthy manner in the future.

Potential regrets from risky sexual practices respond poorly to potential regrets when people tell themselves that it will not happen to them, but sex will be less enjoyable when they use protection or that stopping for protection will ruin the spontaneity.

Stop and ask yourself what things you are doing today you regret in the future. Consider the things you’re not doing now which will be major sources of regret as you get older. The more aware you become of anticipatory regrets more likely you will be to change your current behavior.

The things you may be regretting now may be very different from the things you will regret in the future. You might want to look at the things that older people say with their biggest regrets in life which were described in the post – Top 6 life regrets.

You find more about this topic under Regret.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Recommended Mental Health Books

David Miller at counselorssoapbox.com is an Amazon Affiliate and may receive a small Commission if you purchase a book or product using the link on this page. Using the link will not increase the cost to you.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Is catastrophizing ruining your life?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Catastrophizing

Catastrophizing.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What is catastrophizing?

Catastrophizing is a way of looking at life, always searching for the “worst-case” possibilities. In recovery circles, this can be described as having a “magical magnify mind.” There are times when considering the worst possible alternative can protect you from bad life outcomes, other times it can make you miserable. Adopting catastrophizing as your default way of thinking has been tied to pessimism and many mental illnesses.

Wikipedia defines catastrophizing as “Giving greater weight to the worst possible outcome, however unlikely, or experiencing a situation as unbearable or impossible when it is just uncomfortable.”

Catastrophizing and mental health.

Ellis (1962) created the term ‘‘catastrophizing’’ to describe a tendency to magnify a perceived threat and overestimate the seriousness of its potential consequences.

Beck in his work on cognitive behavioral therapy created a list of “cognitive distortions,” which are factors in creating and maintaining some mental illnesses. Recently cognitive therapists, have begun referring to these thinking patterns as “unhelpful thoughts.”

One of these unhelpful thoughts is magnification, a cognitive process in which people who are depressed create exaggerated beliefs which bias their thinking in a negative direction (Beck 1963, 1964.)

When you don’t know what causes bad events, the consequences are magnified. Catastrophizing is an unhelpful way some people use to try to find the causes of bad events in their life and to try to prevent future unpleasant consequences.

Other definitions of catastrophizing.

Catastrophizing involves focusing on the difficulty and negative aspects of a stressor. Catastrophizing is envisaging the worst results of a negative event.

Catastrophizing is an automatic “what if” questioning style, causing an individual to iterate about a particular problem and perceive possible outcomes as threatening (Kendall & Ingram, 1987; Vasey & Borkovec, 1992).

Mental illnesses are connected to catastrophizing.

Many of the things we call mental illnesses lies on a continuum from mild to severe. It’s quite common for people with one mental illness to also show symptoms of other mental illnesses. How a specific mental illness will affect you is also the result of the interaction between that illness and you. Your life experiences, your genetics, your personality, and how you go about thinking about the world, all play roles in your risk for having a particular mental illness and your path towards recovery from that illness. Below is a brief review of some of the research about the connections between catastrophizing and mental illnesses.

Chronic pain is made worse by Catastrophizing.

Many studies have found a connection between catastrophizing and disability from chronic pain. Catastrophic thinking in the pain field was defined as ‘‘an exaggerated negative orientation toward pain stimuli and pain experience’’ (Spevak and Buckenmaier 2011.) Focusing on your pain seems to magnify it. Catastrophizing about your pain, imagining all the possible connections between your pain and serious illness, increases the pain’s impact on your life

Stanford Pain Management Center conducted a pilot program that involved a 2-hour class on pain and pain catastrophizing. The class significantly reduced patients catastrophizing about pain. I have to wonder if more information about mental and physical issues wouldn’t reduce people’s worry and result in significantly less catastrophizing.

The connection between chronic pain and catastrophizing is especially strong in the research on fibromyalgia. “Several factors of pain appraisal contribute to the pain experience. The most outstanding ones are pain catastrophizing, fear of pain, and vigilance to pain. In FM patients, pain catastrophizing has been associated with pain intensity and impairment” (Mart´ınez, S´anchez, Mir´o, Medina, & Lami,2011.)

“Among the most widely researched psychological factors in recent years, pain catastrophizing has shown consistent and robust associations with acute and chronic clinical pain as well as experimental pain responses” (Fillingim.)

Panic disorder is fueled by catastrophizing.

“People with panic disorder misinterpret their physical symptoms as catastrophic and indicative of imminent danger, leading to panic attacks” (Ottaviani and Beck 1987.)

Phobias may be created and maintained by catastrophizing.

The pattern of jumping to the most negative consequences, catastrophizing, is common in social phobia, agoraphobia, and specific phobia. In social phobia, people expect to be judged negatively and are on the alert for clues of rejection. This can result in being socially awkward and creating the social rejection they fear. Agoraphobia, the fear of the marketplace, or the fear of being out in public, is characterized by a fear that something bad will happen and the person will not be able to escape or get help. Specific phobias frequently involve overestimating the chances the thing that scares you will be present or will harm you.

Somatic Symptoms and Related Disorders are connected to catastrophizing.

In the past, this was often called Health Anxiety Disorder. Recently this was reorganized and is now considered a group of disorders. Somatic Symptoms Disorder (300.82) involves a focus on one or two symptoms that the patient comes to believe indicate they have a serious undiagnosed medical illness. Illness Anxiety Disorder (300.7) is a constant preoccupation and worry that you will contract a serious illness. Catastrophic thinking plays a role both in creating and in maintaining all the health-related anxiety disorders. This group of disorders frequently involves intrusive, distressing images of being sick or dying.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder involves catastrophizing.

OCD has two main components, intrusive thoughts, and the need to perform rituals to prevent those imagined consequences. These intrusive thoughts are primarily catastrophic in nature. When you continue to imagine worst-case, dire consequences which can only be prevented by your performing some ritual, it becomes hard to resist the impulses.

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder is connected to catastrophic thinking.

Catastrophic thinking appears to contribute to the creation and worsening of all the trauma and stressor-related disorders. Having experienced a traumatic event, you are more likely to imagine similar events occurring again. Constantly checking your environment for potential danger and then catastrophizing about what you see appears to contribute to the maintenance of PTSD.

Not everyone who experiences a traumatic event develops PTSD. People who habitually practice catastrophic thinking are at increased risk of developing PTSD should they experience a trauma (Bryant, Guthrie, 2005.)

Some studies have reported a connection between catastrophizing and fatigue.

Catastrophizing is often observed in anxiety.

“Chronic worry is known to be a feature associated with most of the anxiety disorders and most specifically with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)” (Brown, Antony, &Barlow,1992).

According to the most recent diagnostic categorization, the cardinal diagnostic feature of GAD is “excessive anxiety and worry (apprehensive expectation) … which the individual finds difficult to control” (APA, 2000, p. 476).

Catastrophizing creates Hopelessness Depression.

Hopeless depression is not a specific diagnosis. Counselors see a great many people who have lost hope. Hopelessness and a sense that the future will never be any better are common symptoms reported by people suffering from depression. Even before it reaches the level of clinical depression, a lack of hope and catastrophizing greatly increase the risk that today’s problems will become tomorrow’s depression.

“Catastrophizing (consistently inferring catastrophic consequences resulting from a negative event), has been posited as a specific risk factor for depression” (Abramson et al. 1989).

Paranoia and catastrophizing.

The emotional regulation strategies “blaming others and catastrophizing were positively correlated with paranoia and anxiety” (Westermann, et al., 2013.)

“Worry is a significant concern for patients with paranoia. Worry in paranoia is likely to be caused by similar mechanisms as worry in emotional disorders. The results support the recent trial findings that standard techniques for treating worry in anxiety, suitably modified, are applicable for patients with paranoia” (Startup, et al., 2016.)

Poor sleep is caused by Catastrophizing.

Many research studies have shown direct connections between rumination, catastrophizing, and impaired sleep. Here are a couple of quotes from the research literature.

“Poor sleep quality, including difficulties falling asleep and waking during the night, commonly occur in early adolescence” (Carskadon, 2010).

“Up to 40% of adolescents experience some form of sleep difficulties at some point during adolescence” (Meltzer & Mindell, 2006)

Rumination magnifies your problems.

If your thinking style involves catastrophizing, looking for the worst-case scenarios, try to limit the time you spend considering alternatives. Unfortunately, people who catastrophize also tend to ruminate, going over and over the same material finding ever-increasing awful consequences. If catastrophize and ruminating are destroying your mental health, consider professional help before the problems of daily living become a serious mental illness.

More information about this topic and related subjects is found under Psychology

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Top 6 life regrets

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Regrets.

Regret.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Will you regret your action or inaction?

Regrets are a common human problem. Some regrets, for some people, are relatively minor, others can cause you a great deal of pain and may require professional intervention. Both economists and psychologists study regret, and they come to very different conclusions about the nature and behavior of regrets. Economist study regrets you might have after making a major purchase, buyer’s remorse, or failing to make a purchase and then seeing that item increased dramatically in price. Most economic regrets fade with time. Emotional regrets, jumping into a relationship, or dropping out of school prematurely, are likely to become more painful as your life progresses.

Lifespan regrets happen when you look back at the past and wish something had happened or you wish that something that did happen had never occurred. Some regrets are a normal part of life others can be destructive of your mental and emotional health.

Troublesome regrets can lead to anxiety, depression, and lowered self-esteem. The most painful emotional regrets are about bad choices, things done and things undone. In the short-term, more people regret taking actions that turned out badly. Pessimists are more likely to accumulate regrets and to judge their action or inaction harshly.

Over the long-term, particularly as people grow older, for many people, their biggest regrets are the things they wish they had done, but their fears kept them from acting.

Unfortunately, sometimes regardless of what you decide, you will face regrets. If you choose to do something you may regret the outcome, and if you choose not to do it you may forever regret not taking action.

Regrets over life’s mistakes, the bad decisions, that involve action fade with time for most people. There are ways to correct or accept the results of many actions. People grow to love their children even when they regret the impulsive sex with an undesirable partner. It’s possible to end most bad relationships; you can break up or get a divorce. Remediating the effects of bad decisions can be painful, but they are possible. The regrets most likely to haunt you, as you grow older, are the regrets over your indecision and inaction.

Healthy regrets or Unhealthy regrets?

Regrets can affect you positively or negatively. Regrets when someone has died remind us of our relationship with that person and can be a normal part of grieving. Regrets can also spur you to change your behavior or move in a new direction. The primary difference between regrets and all other negative emotions is that we regret things about which we had choices. Without a possible choice, you may dislike the outcome, but you are unlikely to regret the choices you made.

Some regrets can be just the push you need to change your course of action. If you regret shopping at a store or eating in a restaurant, you can easily change that decision the next time. Self-blame and rumination fuel unhealthy regrets. Beating yourself up over past choices will lower your self-esteem. In regret, you feel that you have made a bad choice rather than that outside forces have caused something undesirable to happen.

What decisions cause the most long-term regrets?

You are most likely to regret the decisions you made when you had lots of choices (Roese, N., Summerville, A., 2015.) Some choices are irrevocable, like having a child because of impulsive sex. Another major source of regret is those things you always wanted to do, told yourself someday, but just never got around to. Are there things you’re doing now, or things you’ve left undone that will be major sources of regret in the future? Below is a list of the things people frequently report as major causes of regret compiled by adding together the results of multiple studies.

1. Not getting education causes regrets.

In study after study the top regret people report has to do with education. On average one-third of the people surveyed regretted not getting more education They regret not staying in school, not studying hard enough or not pursuing a degree in a subject that interested them. Conflicts between education and finances cause some of these regrets. People drop out of school and take a job because the current income is more attractive than the larger income staying in school might have resulted in.

Many other people regret being seduced by the prospect of making a lot of money in one field, and as a result, pursuing a degree in a field they did not enjoy. They commonly regret not pursuing a degree in an area for which they had a passion. It’s easy to let the cost of more education keep you from following your dream. Following an education in a field because your parents or others talk you into it can also be a huge source of regret. Getting your education in a highly paid field can be a great mistake if you have neither the aptitude nor the interest in that field.

In middle and late-life many people report their greatest life regret is not getting that degree in the subject they were most interested in. One reason, failure to get more education, is number 1 on the list of common regrets is the wide availability in the United States of additional or advanced education. Making the decision not to pursue education is not a one-time decision, but something people must continuously do.

In a survey of senior citizens, the number 1 regret of men was that they hadn’t gotten more education. The primary regret of women was similar; they wished they spent more time developing their mind or intellect (DeGenova MK, 1992.)

Researchers suggest the reason failing to get more education is the number 1 regret in America is because it is seen as the one thing an individual can do that greatly increases their opportunities in all the other life domains.

2. Career choice regrets.

Between 20 and 25 percent of all the people surveyed regretted their career choice. This regret is often linked to failure to get an advanced education or job-specific training. Starting out in life, you need to earn a living. For example, if your uncle owns a landscaping business, you might get a job working for him mowing lawns. After years of doing this kind of work, you may have severe regrets that you didn’t explore other possible career choices.

Other commonly reported regrets about career choices involved letting others talk you out of a career dream. If you always wanted to be an artist, dancer, or another performer, you may have let people talk you out of following your dream. Many people avoid aiming high. Later they regret not having made an effort to become a doctor, lawyer, or other respected professional.

3. Regrets about romantic decisions.

Surprisingly, given all the literature about love, and the number of divorces, only 15 percent of those surveyed reported ongoing regrets about their romantic decisions. One possible reason regrets in this area were less significant may be the frequency with which people can change romantic relationships. Young people were far more likely to express regrets about romantic decisions. Failure to ask someone out or to pursue a relationship with someone were reasons cited for regrets about romantic decisions.

4. Parenting choices can cause regrets.

Parenting choices were a source of regret for 10 percent of survey participants. In studies of the regrets of college students, they were more likely to regret choices involving friendships. As people age, regrets about social relationships become more focused on decisions having to do with children.

5. Self.

Just over 5 percent of people reported regrets in this area. People with regrets in this area are likely to show up in therapy or seek self-help materials to “find themselves.” Losing yourself in relationships and becoming alienated from your feelings can be sources of regrets in this area.

6. Regrets about leisure time activities.

Recreation and hobbies can contribute to good mental health. Surprisingly only about 2 ½ percent of people ever report regrets about their leisure time activities. When I have had clients mention regrets in this area, it usually involved working too much and giving up sports and hobbies that used to bring them joy.

Other areas of regret.

The literature on regret includes six other areas of life about which people sometimes express regret. While these areas can result in painful regrets, they all turned out to be less common than researchers had expected. The other areas of your life that might cause you regrets include finances, family, health, friends, spirituality, and community.

Decisions you are not likely to regret.

When the choice you make seems clearly superior to the alternative, you are less likely to regret that decision. If you fail several classes in your chosen major, you are less likely to regret giving up on that major. When there have been repeated problems in your relationship, breakups, cheating, or violent fights, you are more likely to regret staying in that relationship then leaving it.

Do you have life regrets? Which of those regrets are things from the past you need to accept that which are things in the present you need to change?

You find more about this topic under Regret.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Recommended Mental Health Books

David Miller at counselorssoapbox.com is an Amazon Affiliate and may receive a small Commission if you purchase a book or product using the link on this page. Using the link will not increase the cost to you.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Pseudohallucinations – OK to see things?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Hallucination

Hallucinations.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Pseudohallucinations – sometimes we expect people to “see things.”

Sometimes it’s okay to see things that are not really there. When someone is under

the influence of drugs, particularly hallucinogens or powerful stimulants, it is common for them to see things that others don’t.

When crack cocaine first became common, the emergency rooms in large cities experienced a rash of people who were “seeing things.” Many of these people received a diagnosis of schizophrenia or a related psychosis.

The same phenomenon occurred again when methamphetamine became cheap and readily available. More recently we are seeing people under the influence of “bath salts,” who are hallucinating.

None of these drug-induced hallucinations should be used as symptoms for making the diagnosis of schizophrenia or related psychosis.

True hallucinations can be a feature of several mental illnesses. In addition to schizophrenia, people with severe major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, and other mental illnesses may experience hallucinations. Sometimes people with severe mental illness also use drugs that can create Pseudohallucinations. Sorting out the meaning of hallucinations is a job for a professional.

Some authorities differentiate between Hallucinations, Pseudohallucinations, and Parahallucinations.

If someone is experiencing hallucinations and they know it is the result of “good drugs,” this is a Pseudohallucination and likely will be diagnosed as a drug intoxication disorder, Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder F16.983, or stimulant-induced psychotic disorder if the hallucinations continue after withdrawal from a stimulant.

Alcohol can also cause hallucinations.

When chronic alcoholics are withdrawing from alcohol that can experience a condition called delirium tremens or the DT’s for short. DT’s consists of shakes and hallucinations when the level of alcohol in the bloodstream declines. This is a very serious condition and can lead to death. If someone has ever had the shakes or hallucinated while withdrawing from alcohol they should be sent to a hospital to detox. Friends don’t let friends die from DT, s.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Delusion or reality?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Delusions.

Delusions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Sometimes delusions get people into trouble.

One problem area for mental health is distinguishing between delusions and reality. If

something is highly unlikely and yet despite mounds of evidence that can’t be true, that someone still firmly believes in its truth, it’s likely to be a delusion. Unfortunately, one person’s belief may be another person’s delusion. Disagreements about the truth often result in violence. After there’s been a violent incident, the question often arises why hadn’t someone spotted that person who was likely to become violent?

Identifying when someone is delusional is the first step. Figuring out when that delusion will lead that person to violence is a much more difficult task.

Defining delusions.

The technical definition of delusions is fixed beliefs which people are unwilling to change even when presented with evidence to the contrary. The harder it is to tell what is truth and what is delusion, the more likely it is to result in violence. Religion and politics are two areas particularly prone to disagreements that lead to violence.

Here’s a list of the recognized themes of delusions.

  1. Someone’s out to get me, technically called persecutory delusions.
  2. Grandiose delusions, the person believes they are special and have exceptional abilities.
  3. Love and sex delusions are technically called erotomanic delusions, during which the delusional person believes someone is in love with them or wants them sexually.
  4. Nihilistic delusions involve the fixed belief that a major disaster will occur.
  5. Delusions regarding health and body functioning are called somatic delusions.

Is that delusion bizarre?

When other people in your culture don’t believe, something could happen, it would not be a normal experience for them. Common examples of beliefs that would be considered bizarre delusions include the idea that someone is beaming thoughts into your head or removing your thoughts. Some people also believe that an outside force is controlling them.

The problem with diagnosing delusions.

Delusions can occur in the course of several mental illnesses. There is also one specific category titled Delusional Disorder (F-22) which is a catchall for several distinct kinds of delusions which occur outside the course of another mental illness.

One type of delusion which results in a lot of problematic behavior is the delusional form of jealousy. Jealousy is a complicated topic; not all jealousy is delusional. But delusional jealousy, sometimes described as morbid or pathological jealousy, can result in stalking and interpersonal violence.

In upcoming blog posts, we will look at delusional disorder and then some of the varieties of jealous behavior, when is jealousy good for relationships, as well as how and when jealousy becomes dangerous.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why you are indecisive.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Indecisive

Indecisive.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Having trouble deciding?

Some people make sudden, impulsive decisions and regret them later. Other people spend a lot of time trying to decide and may let opportunities pass them by without ever deciding. How is someone supposed to know when to make a quick decision and when to spend a lot of time thoroughly thinking things through?

If you’re one of those people who has difficulty making decisions, there may be some very important reasons why you have those deciding difficulties. Here are some reasons you may be chronically indecisive and what to do about it.

You don’t have all the information you would like.

Unfortunately, almost no one ever, has all the information they would like. Sometimes the facts don’t turn up until after you made your decision. Think about how important this decision is to the rest of your life. Picking a person to marry, that’s a big decision. Once you’re married, there will be consequences if you try to end the relationship. Other decisions, like what clothing to wear today, will have a lot less importance.

You’re afraid of making the wrong decision.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was a book somewhere that listed all the right decisions and the wrong ones for your life? The difficulty with that is that if I made you up that book, they would be my decisions, not yours. During your life, you’ll need to make a lot of decisions. Some of them will be right, and some of them will be wrong. Bear in mind that not deciding is, in fact, a decision. By not deciding, you are deciding to do nothing.

You think you must choose between A and B.

Many people debate for a long time between two choices. Sometimes this is a choice between the best bad choice. Other times it’s a choice between the better good. The first thing to ask yourself is, are there only two choices? Have you artificially limited your alternatives?

Do a little brainstorming and see if there might be other choices. This might be a good time to seek advice from an expert in the field. If this is a once-in-a-lifetime choice, it bears a little indecision. If this is choosing what to have for dinner, don’t starve to death waiting to make your choice.

You’ve developed the habit of avoiding decisions.

If you grew up or have lived in poverty, you may have developed a scarcity mindset. If you spend money on the power bill, you may not have money for food. You may have developed the habit of waiting until the last possible second to decide because your resources are so limited. If that’s a cause of your indecision, work on getting yourself out of that scarce resource situation. Spend less, get a better-paying job or a second job, find a way to make ends meet.

You gave up your right to decide.

Some people have avoided decisions by allowing others to decide for them. You may have come from a home where one of your parents made all the decisions. You may have grown up and gotten into a relationship with a partner who is controlling and wants to make all the decisions. You may have been one of those people who have avoided the anxiety of making decisions by numbing yourself out with drugs or alcohol. You can either decide to take back control of your life or decide to do nothing. The choice is up to you.

You don’t trust yourself to decide.

Low self-esteem can result in an inability to make decisions. Lots of people believe they need to always think rationally. Rational can be good. But that gut instinct has a place also. Learn to listen to your feelings, your intuition. For everyday decisions, what to eat, what to wear, you can go with your default choice. For major life decisions spend some time examining your feelings.

You don’t know what your values and goals are.

It’s hard to make decisions when you don’t know who you are and what you want out of life. When we are young, it’s common to be confused about our values. Some people adopt the values of their parents, their society, a political party, or religion. Eventually, most people should ask themselves if they believe this only because their parents did, or because the candidate from their political party told him to believe it.

Once you know who you are, what your core values are, it will be easier to set goals. Make your decisions ones that will take you to your life goals. Just make sure the path you take to your goals is consistent with your values.

You haven’t developed the right decision-making habits.

Making decisions needs to become a habit. Become more conscious of what you choose as you go through your day. Did you watch TV just because it was on? Why did you pick a particular place to go? The big box retailers know that if they get you in the door three times in a row coming to their store will be a habit. If you do something repeatedly without thinking about it, these actions become your habit. Re-examine the things you do out of habit and decide to live life more consciously.

Hard to decide when you don’t know who you are.

You are going to spend your whole life with you. Stop avoiding looking at yourself. You will make mistakes just like everyone else. Your life experiences will shape your life. The thoughts you have repeatedly will be what you believe about yourself and the world. When you know who you are, making decisions becomes less of an effort.

Your mental health is getting in the way of your deciding.

People with untreated depression find they can’t make decisions. If you are high in anxiety, your fear may be using so much of your brain; there’s nothing left to make decisions with. Your overthinking may have become a disease. If you have a mental, emotional, behavioral, or substance use problem, it will keep you from making good decisions. Get help for your thinking, feeling, and behaving issues, and making decisions will become far easier.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Recommended Mental Health Books

David Miller at counselorssoapbox.com is an Amazon Affiliate and may receive a small Commission if you purchase a book or product using the link on this page. Using the link will not increase the cost to you.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

When fear takes you away – Panic Attacks.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

What do you fear

Fear
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What is a panic attack?

Panic attacks are sudden, unexpected increases, or surges of intense fear. These waves of fear rise rapidly like the waves of the ocean. They normally reach maximum intensity within a few minutes. Panic attacks are levels of fear which far exceed the actual level of danger.

Having a single panic attack or mild levels of anxiety recurrently doesn’t meet the threshold to be diagnosed with a mental illness. Milder forms are often referred to as anxiety attacks. Severe forms of panic attacks are overwhelming. If your panic attacks become frequent and disabling, then you may be suffering from the more serious condition called Panic Disorder.

16 types of panic attacks.

Panic attacks are technically classified as one of the following 16 types. People who meet the criteria for a diagnosis of panic disorder are expected to have 4 or more of these symptoms. (The DSM-5, by the APA, combines several of these and lists them as 13 criteria.)

  1. Fear of dying. Not because the danger is real but because you are so scared you think you will die.
  2. Fear of going crazy.
  3. Fear of losing control.
  4. This can’t be real. Technically this is called Derealization.
  5. Is this me doing this? (Depersonalization.)
  6. Numb all over.
  7. Tingling – when your electrical system shorts out.
  8. Hot and cold flashes and you’re not menopausal.
  9. I think I will faint.
  10. My tummy hurts, and I may throw up.
  11. Is this the big one? – Heart pain.
  12. Choking again.
  13. I can’t breathe.
  14. Why am I shaking?
  15. Is it hot in the refrigerator? Why you may sweat in the snow.
  16. Your heart is trying to leave your body.

Many common reactions to intense fear are considered culturally approved and do not get counted to make up the definition of either panic attacks or Panic Disorder. These symptoms which may be an acceptable reaction to intense fear include pains in the neck, ringing in the ears, headaches, uncontrollable screaming, or uncontrollable crying.

If you experience panic attacks occasionally or because of particular stressors you may benefit from counseling or stress management training. If these panic attacks are recurrent, or interfere with work, relationships, upset you, or prevent you from enjoying other parts of your life you may have Panic Disorder. Untreated these conditions almost never get better on their own. With professional help, it is possible to overcome panic attacks or panic disorder.

FYI These “What is” sometimes “What are” posts are my efforts to explain terms commonly used in Mental Health, Clinical Counseling, Substance Use Disorder Counseling, Psychology, Life Coaching, and related disciplines in a plain language way. Many are based on the new DSM-5, some of the older posts were based on the DSM-IV-TR, both published by the APA. For the more technical versions, please consult the DSM or other appropriate references.                      See Recommended Books.         More “What is” posts will be found at “What is.”

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel