Category Archives: Relationships

Is Politeness out of style?

Posted on by
Reply

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Polite child

Polite.

15 Rules of Politeness.

Rudeness seems to be the new fashion and politeness may be headed for the endangered species list. Even if you are not one of those people who believe that politeness is inherently a virtue, you might want to consider the adage “you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

One dictionary defines politeness as “behavior that is respectful and considerate of other people.” Respect and consideration may also be lost arts, but let’s focus on politeness for now. Politeness used to be considered an important virtue, a component of etiquette and good manners. Being polite was considered essential for setting others at ease and creating relaxed situations.

Some people are polite by being frank and honest, while others see politeness as being not-offensive and allowing others to save face. The essence of politeness is being pleasing rather than abrasive to those around you.

Traditionally, in America people were more polite to strangers than to their own family. Impolite language was used to assert that the speaker was superior to the listener. In this new millennium, some people seem to think that politeness is no longer needed.

Should you be someone who still thinks politeness has a value, or if you would like to use politeness in ways that would encourage more people to like you, here are fifteen ways to become an expert on politeness.

1. Watching your language is polite.

Avoid using language that would offend the person you are talking with. Especially watch out for emotionally charged or demeaning language. Do not use language that puts other races, religions or political positions down. Avoid derogatory statements about people, places, or other points of view.

2. Listen to them attentively.

Pay attention to what others say. Make sure you understand their point of view before expressing yours. It is more important to understand other’s points of view than to sell yours. Do not monopolize the conversation.

3. Show respect for others and their achievements.

Be willing to listen to them and their accomplishments. Do not feel the need to “one-up” everyone. Avoid bragging and bravado. Consider other’s opinions even if they differ from yours.

4. Polite people use jokes and humor carefully.

Do not use jokes to demean others or enlarge yourself. Show you know the boundaries of good taste.

5. Taking time for small talk is polite.

Politeness includes developing and strengthening relationships with others whether you want something from them or not. Polite people develop positive congenial relationships with others.

6. Be polite to those who work for you and those you work for.

Do not start thinking that you are superior to others and that you can reserve your politeness for your friends. Respect those who do work for you, or with you, regardless of their position.

7. Give genuine compliments, not backhanded ones.

Say, “you did a great job,” not “well you finally did something right.” Do not praise someone when they do what you want and revile them when they disagree. Polite people understand compliments are a gift of appreciation not a bribe for compliance. Keep your praise genuine.

8. Say what you can or will do.

Avoid focusing on what you can’t or won’t do. Emphasize the positive. Polite people do not focus on picking arguments. They seek consensus and agreement.

9. Be considerate.

Avoid self-centeredness. Polite people are not selfish. It is not all about you. Being considerate is not an act used for making people give you what you want. It comes from noticing what others need and helping them reach their aspirations.

10. Politeness focuses on the new.

Let go of the resentments from the past. Move on to the present. Polite people are not obsessed with getting even for past slights. Holding grudges poisons current relationships.

11. Notice the positive.

Be careful to avoid putting people down. Look for the good in everyone you meet. Faults and disagreements are easy for anyone to notice. The polite person sees the worth in everyone and seeks to maximize that positive.

12. Show appreciation whenever possible.

Do not complain, nag, or berate others. Name-calling is not a part of politeness. If you only appreciate those who totally agree with you, your circle of relationships with continue to shrink.

13. Let them finish talking.

Do not interrupt. Do not go off halfcocked and argue with things that were never said. Hear others out before launching into an argument.

14. Evaluate your ideas, not yourself.

Do not put yourself or others down. A person’s worth is not the sum-total of their bank account or their wins in life. Being wrong occasionally does not make a person worthless.

15. Think about other people’s needs and desires.

Avoid being selfish. Politeness includes the trait of thinking about others in addition to yourself.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

How will you solve that problem?

Posted on by
Reply

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Problem and problem solving

Problem-solving.

Is your life full of problems?

If you’re one of those people who seems to go from problem to problem, maybe it’s time to change the way you handle problems. Problems can cause you a lot of unhappiness, derail your life, and result in depression and anxiety, or they can simply be one more thing you must handle today. Unresolved problems can fester and damage relationships at home and work.

The problems you don’t tackle can undermine your self-esteem and hold you back from the life you want to have. Here are some simple steps you can take to move from a problem-filled life to a “problems handled” way of living.

This approach is often used by companies or businesses, but you can easily modify it for solving personal issues or family and relationship problems.

Define the problem accurately.

A couple comes in for relationship counseling, the problem they describe is that they are constantly fighting over money. Before this couple can solve this problem, we need to get more specific about what the problem is. For some couples, this is largely a financial problem. Scraping by from month-to-month, not being sure you’ll be able to pay the rent and the power bill can put a strain on any relationship. The solution will be learning some financial skills.

Another couple has plenty of income, and their expenses would be manageable if they could agree on how to spend their money. What we need to establish is whether this is a relationship issue or is it about power and control? Maybe one of them is a saver, and the other wants to spend. If one’s goal is a large savings account and the other’s goal is to do lots of traveling the problem to solve is not financial, but how they make decisions.

For couples whose problems are primarily fighting about money, the real issue may be that they barely have enough income to survive. When you live a life where what you earn each month is less than what you must spend, and you make up the deficit by using credit cards, eventually something must give, either before bankruptcy or after. The stress of unpaid bills can result in a lot of irritability and arguments.

Start any effort to solve your problems by creating an as specific as possible definition of the problem.

Who owns this problem?

What if your problem is someone else? Your partner makes you angry, or your kids won’t behave. It’s hard to develop a plan for anything you can do when the problem is someone else. There are three possible approaches, try to change the other person, change yourself, or stay miserable while insisting that things shouldn’t be the way they are.

While it’s difficult, it is sometimes possible to change the other person. Every relationship, especially couples and families, develop a pattern of how they relate to each other. Therapists call this the “family dance.” If you want to change the interaction, you must change the dance, and you begin this by doing different steps than you’ve done before. As you change others will be forced to change in response, though they may not always change in the way you want them to change.

Both changing yourself and the process of encouraging others to change are skills you can learn. You might want to look at the posts about problem ownership and behavioral modification.

Generate possible solutions for your identified problem.

Once you are clear on what the problem is and who needs to make the changes, you can begin to generate a list of possible solutions. Let’s take the “fighting about money” problem.

It may be hard work, but a first step would be to develop a budget. You need to know how much money is coming in each month and where it is going. The couple needs to agree on how important savings are to them. What percentage of each month’s income do they plan to save? Saving should include putting something away for retirement. A small amount saved each year can grow to a substantial amount over your working lifetime.

You also need to prioritize what you spend your money on. That mixed coffee drink can be a nice treat. But if you add up what you spend on those lattes and compare it to the cost of making a pot of coffee and taking a mug with you, having the money to pay the power bill the first of the month may be worth more than those daily splurges.

Solutions you might consider for solving your financial issues could be ways to earn more income, ways to reduce expenses, or sell something you have, to raise some extra cash. Many people find that their payments on expensive cars or credit card balances are the hole the drains money faster than they can earn it.

Solving financial problems is often painful, but if you don’t solve these problems, the stress can damage your mental health and destroying your relationship.

Explore the advantages and disadvantages.

Any effort to solve a problem comes with pros and cons. The last real estate downturn forced people to choose between making large payments for houses that were worth less than what they still owed on them, or giving up their dream home.

To solve a specific problem, you may have to give up something or do something you don’t wish to do. Evaluating your options can be difficult. You will never have all the information you would wish for. But eventually, you must choose to change something, or you will choose to continue to live with the pain of an unresolved issue.

Implement your selected solution.

This step trips up a lot of people. The couple decides they need to let things from the past go and focus on the future, but the next time there’s a disagreement about raising the kids or spending money all that past stuff gets thrown into the argument.

You may have decided to stop splurging on little expenses, and the next day, when you feel a little down, you start spending again. If you decided the way to solve your financial problems was to stop making impulsive purchases and pay down your credit card debt, be careful of making exceptions and buying something just this one time because you want it.

When you have these little slips and don’t follow your plan, don’t beat yourself up and don’t toss the plan away. Accept that you’re not going to be perfect the following the plan. Redouble your efforts again the next day.

Evaluate the results you are getting from your plan.

Whatever the problems you’re trying to solve, you need to do periodic reviews and evaluate whether what you’re doing is moving you in the right direction. Some problems may be easily solved. Others may require effort over a long period. Don’t get discouraged. Do give yourself credit for the effort you put in and for whatever results you achieve.

Modify the solution as needed.

Be careful about getting locked into one solution. Some ideas you may have had for solving your problem won’t work. Others may take more effort and time than you’re willing to put into them. Make whatever changes you need to make to reach your goal.

What should you do if your solutions don’t work?

At any point in the process, you might want to seek out professional help. For financial problems, you may need financial counseling. For work-related issues, you might need to see an educational or career counselor. For mental health and emotional problems consider therapy. If the problem is your relationship consider couples, marriage, or family counseling.

Behavioral problems such as excessive anger or a substance use disorder are likely to require professional help also. If your relationship is full of conflict, a relationship counselor can help you work through the conflict.

Don’t feel that it’s a sign of weakness to seek professional help. Athletes have coaches and businesses hire consultants. Sometimes the investment of a few dollars spent on professional help can pay off in huge improvements in solving your emotional and relationship problems.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

How to avoid pathological liars.

Posted on by
Reply

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Truth or lie

Separating truth from lies is hard work.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

A pathological liar can ruin your life.

Anyone who has ever had to deal with a compulsive, pathological, liar can testify to the way this can disrupt your life. You shouldn’t have to put up with someone who can’t or won’t tell the truth. When you first meet a pathological liar, they may be hard to spot. Some people lie about almost everything. A pathological liar will like to you even when telling the truth might have been more effective. The best way to deal with pathological liars is to avoid them whenever possible.

Avoid letting pathological liars into your life.

If you have questions about somebody’s truthfulness, exercise extreme caution. Don’t make excuses for them or try to change them. Once you identify somebody, who can’t be trusted to tell the truth, avoid them when possible.

If someone consistently lies cut them out of your life.

Having to constantly verify everything someone says is exhausting. If you have trouble believing things someone tells you to avoid having to listen to them. If possible, get them out of your lives altogether. If you must have contact with them because of work or family connections do everything you can to minimize both conversations and contact.

Don’t get angry with people who tell you the truth.

We tend to teach people how to treat us. If you become angry when people tell you unpleasant things they are likely to stop telling you the truth. Don’t force the people you interact with to lie to you to spare your feelings.

Encourage people to tell you the truth even when it’s uncomfortable.

If you want the people in your life to tell you the truth, you must go even further than withholding your anger. People must be encouraged to be truthful. That means thanking people for their honesty even when they tell you things you wish you hadn’t heard. It’s not fun having your flaws pointed out, but if you want to improve yourself, you will need to accept some honest feedback.

When in doubt double check the story.

Before you rely on something, it is wise to double-check the facts. Don’t take everything you told at face value. Some people will tell you things, which they honestly believe, but which later turned to be inaccurate. I don’t consider factual errors to be lying. It’s up to you to decide what to believe. But if you discover that someone is telling you things that are inaccurate, and they know that they are lies, you should stop trusting them. Liars often lie to manipulate you and get you to behave the way they want you to. Before you take any action, consider the consequences of acting on what they told you and later finding out that it is a lie.

Move slowly in new relationships.

At the beginning of a new relationship, particularly romantic ones, people want to be liked. Almost all people practice “impression management.” It makes good sense to put your best foot forward. It’s not a good idea to point out all your flaws and problems to everyone you meet. Often we are misled in new relationships because we want to like that person and believe what they say.

It takes a good amount of time to get to know somebody. It can take even longer to find out whether that person is someone you can trust with your secrets. Don’t expect everyone to tell you all their faults. As a relationship progresses, both people should feel more comfortable about being who they genuinely are. The longer you know someone, the more trust you should have for them.

If you find that the longer you know someone, the less you trust them, there is probably something in your gut telling you this person is not to be believed. Don’t dismiss those thoughts without careful examination. Better to find out that someone is less than fully honest when their only casual acquaintances than to wait till you’re involved in a romantic relationship, possibly with children, or in an economic relationship where you stand to lose a lot of money.

Keeping pathological liars out of your life is an ongoing process.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Friends.

Posted on by
Reply

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Friends.

“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”

― Mark Twain

“It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.”

― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson, Emerson in His Journals

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Can you spot the paranoid person?

Posted on by
Reply

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Grim Reaper

Paranoia.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Paranoia comes in many shapes and sizes.

How paranoia looks depends on the group of people you’re looking at. Researchers who study paranoia believe it may have had an evolutionary advantage. Those who were too trusting did not survive. “It is important to ask why paranoia might be so common in the general population. One possible explanation is that paranoia is a trait that was selected and distributed in humans due to its adaptive value” (Ellett & Chadwick, 2003, 2007).

In many situations, it’s better to be suspicious and cautious, even if your wrong then to be trusting and end up harmed in some way. Being suspicious when in doubt kept our ancestors alive to reproduce. Trust issues seem to run on a continuum from mild suspicion to unhealthy, pathological paranoia. Recent research tells us that mild to moderate paranoia is a lot more common among nonclinical populations than has been recognized in the past. Most of these people who experience an episode of paranoia do not go on to develop a serious mental illness.

According to the Freeman brothers “paranoia is on the rise, fueled by disproportionate media coverage of the dangers we face from others; by increasing urbanization; and by a range of other social factors including fear of crime.”

Paranoia also depends on your viewpoint. If you have been the victim of violence or trusted when you shouldn’t have, you become less trusting. Groups who have historically suffered prejudice and violence, become more suspicious. Suspiciousness in women is likely to be diagnosed as anxiety. Wariness in men is more likely to suggest they will become violent and be diagnosed as some form of psychosis. Both Psychosis and Paranoia are much more likely to be diagnosed in males, particularly African-American males.

Definitions of paranoia.

Wikipedia defines paranoia as “an instinct or thought process believed to be heavily influenced by anxiety or fear, often to the point of delusion and irrationality. Paranoid thinking typically includes persecutory, or beliefs of conspiracy concerning a perceived threat towards oneself.”

Google defines paranoia as “a mental condition characterized by delusions of persecution, unwarranted jealousy, or exaggerated self-importance, typically elaborated into an organized system. It may be an aspect of chronic personality disorder, of drug abuse, or of a serious condition such as schizophrenia in which the person loses touch with reality.”

“Paranoia is defined as false beliefs that harm is occurring to oneself which is intended by a persecutor (Freeman and Garety 2000).”

The meaning of the word paranoia has changed over time. The Century Dictionary and Cyclopedia from 1890 defines paranoia as, “a chronic form of insanity developing in a neuropsychopathic constitution, presenting systematized delusions of more or less definite scope, while in other directions there may appear a fair amount of mental health. The prognosis is extremely bad.

Today in the field of psychology, paranoia is treated as a personality characteristic that can fall along a scale from extremely mild and rare to very high and constant. Ways psychologists measure paranoia are by using the Paranoia Scale (Fenigstein and Vanable 1992) or the Paranoia Suspiciousness Questionnaire (Rawlings and Freeman 1997.) When studying personality characteristics, it’s important to differentiate between traits, how paranoid a person is generally, and state paranoia, how paranoid the person may be thinking, feeling, and acting, at the moment.

In common usage, today when most people say someone is “paranoid” they are describing someone with excessive or unwarranted fears and beliefs that others dislike them, are out to get them, or will betray them.

Paranoia along with excessive fear and suspiciousness are commonly associated with some of the more serious mental illnesses. Anyone with difficulty understanding what’s happening around them is likely to become fearful, suspicious, possibly even paranoid.

Subclinical paranoia.

Counselors see many clients with excessive, unreasonable fears. When those fears interfere with everyday functioning, they need to be treated. How much fear is warranted depends on your point of view. When someone has experienced infidelity, the belief that their partner may be cheating again may be very reasonable. If you have been the victim of violence, a heightened wariness is understandable. Life experiences, from your earliest years to the present taught you whether to be trusting or suspicious. Having been neglected or experiencing bullying increases the chances you will see the world as hostile and people as unreliable.

If, as far as you know, your partner has never cheated, but you spend hours each day checking their cell phone or social media for signs they are cheating, if you follow them or demand to know where they are every moment of the day, it’s likely your fears are about you rather than about their behavior.

According to paranoidthoughts.com, “around a third of the population regularly has suspicious or paranoid thoughts. In fact, paranoia may be almost as common as depression or anxiety.”

Subclinical levels of paranoia are associated with the anxiety disorders, depression, and cognitive impairment. Excessive jealousy can become so severe that it needs to be treated as a “delusional disorder.”

Paranoia among people with substance use disorders.

There’s a significant presence of paranoid symptoms among people with a substance use disorder. Some substances increase the level of anxiety and cause paranoia. The substance-using lifestyle includes people who are untrustworthy and can result in traumatic experiences. Using illegal substances involves criminal activity. Telling whether extreme fearfulness and the beliefs that others are out to get is paranoia or reasonable is difficult when you have a substance use disorder. The belief that the police are following you and people are watching you may not be paranoia when you have a kilo of dope in the trunk of your car.

The way you think about yourself affects your risk of developing paranoia.

High self-esteem, feeling good about yourself, has been shown to reduce your risk of developing paranoia. Several other personality characteristics such as optimism and pessimism are also related. There is still the question of whether paranoia causes low self-esteem and pessimism or whether paranoia is the result of those personality characteristics.

In upcoming posts, we will talk about clinical, mental health disorders which may involve paranoia, some of the substance use disorders which involve paranoia, and those subclinical problems, which lie on a continuum between trust issues, suspiciousness, and diagnosable paranoia. We should also explore some of the personality characteristics which impact your level of trust issues, suspiciousness, and paranoia.

For more on this topic see:

Trust

Paranoia

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Loneliness can make you ill.

Posted on by
Reply

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Lonely person

Loneliness.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Loneliness has been linked to many illnesses.

While loneliness is a common human emotion and happens to most people at certain points in their life, for most people, it is a very negative emotion, with significant consequences. Untreated loneliness can become a debilitating condition, which results in isolation, feelings of emptiness, and worthless. People with severe loneliness can feel personally threatened, rejected, and that they lack control of their lives.

Loneliness is often described as the difference between the quality and quantity of the social relationships you have, and the ones you wish you had. Some people experience loneliness only a few times in their life, while other people may experience high levels of loneliness throughout their lifetime. Despite loneliness not being a specific mental or emotional illness, feelings of loneliness play a major role in physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral illnesses.

Loneliness is a risk factor for physical illness.

The health risk from loneliness equals the risk from smoking. (Gerst-Emerson, Jayawardhana, 2015.) Feelings of loneliness make physical health problems worse. Feeling lonely increases blood pressure. Feelings of isolation play a role in eating and sleep disorders. Among people with obesity feelings of loneliness interfere with their ability to lose weight.

Among the elderly, increasing levels of loneliness results in increasing numbers of Dr. visits. While this is believed to be partially caused by a need for more social connection, it may also reflect the way that emotional symptoms are often misinterpreted as signs of physical illness. Fortunately, high levels of loneliness in the elderly do not also translate into more hospitalizations. Among people over the age of 80, more than 50% report being often lonely. Among middle-aged patients, those between 40 and 60 years of age, those who report higher levels of loneliness see their medical doctor more often than those who do not report being lonely.

Loneliness makes emotional problems worse.

Feeling lonely has been linked to depression. A common cause of substance use disorder and a relapse trigger for drug and alcohol use are feelings of loneliness. Feelings of isolation can increase stress. Not having a support system makes personality disorders worse, and it has been associated with psychosis, cognitive decline, and dementia. Loneliness can seriously undermine your self-esteem.

Behavioral problems are made worse by loneliness.

Feeling lonely along with binge drinking or drug use increases the risk of suicide attempts. This feeling is also connected with self-harm, such as cutting or other Nonsuicidal self-injury. Loneliness has also been associated with relationship violence and other impulse control problems. Being lonely can make you feel more vulnerable resulting in more vigilance to keep yourself safe, the result is more difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep. Poor sleep results in an increase in grouchiness and irritability.

Cognitive and thinking problems are made worse by loneliness.

People who are isolated and lack a support system are prone to an increase in irrational decision making. When you feel all alone, your mind can fill with unhelpful thoughts. Sometimes loneliness becomes a positive emotion when it encourages people to look at their lives and seek out more connections with other humans. It’s important to connect with people who will have a positive impact on your life. Don’t become so desperate for human connection that you allow negative, abusive people into your life.

Loneliness damages relationships.

Among couples heading for a breakup, we often find that both parties report being lonely. The higher the feelings of loneliness, the more likely the couple is to break up. If you’re in a relationship and feeling lonely, don’t automatically think you need a new partner. Begin by working on yourself, becoming your own best friend, and learning to not feel lonely when you’re by yourself. Also, work on improving the emotional connection you and your partner have.

If you’re suffering from loneliness and it’s starting to damage your health and your relationships now is the time to reach out for help. Consider getting involved in activities where you can make friends and seeking professional help.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Separating truth from lies is hard work.

Posted on by
Reply

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Truth or lie

Separating truth from lies is hard work.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Types of lies and their relatives.

Have you ever noticed some people could twist the truth into the oddest shapes while still insisting they’re not lying? People seem to have a lot of trouble agreeing on the difference between truth and lies. Some people go through life constantly accusing others of lying to them. Other people will mislead you any way they can while insisting, sometimes under oath, continuing to insist they would never tell a lie. Here are some ways in which people may be deceiving you without having to tell detectable lies.

Lies of omission.

Someone close to you starts describing their plans for the weekend, you two are going somewhere to see friends. What they leave out that one of your exes will be there. Maybe they forget to tell you that you will be expected to set up for the party. They have exactly lied to you, but by leaving out part of the story, your expectation of a relaxing weekend has turned into another day or two of strenuous work.

Lying by leaving facts out, comes up in couples sometimes. One partner spends a lot of money, maybe sneaking new clothes into their closet, or hiding other expenditures. This deception goes on until credit card bill arrives. Some compulsive spenders will open new credit card accounts and hide the statement from the partner. Leaving out part of the truth can end up being more deceptive than an outright lie.

White lies.

Birthdays and the holiday season especially encourages white lies. These are things told to someone to mislead them with the intention of benefiting them. You tell your partner you are working late, but in fact, you have gone shopping for their birthday present.

Evasion is often used to mislead.

Maybe someone in your life has unpleasant news, you’re about to be laid off, or someone close to you as a health problem. They don’t lie to you, not directly, they just don’t answer your questions. By telling only half the story, leaving out the part you would not like, they have misled you.

Salespeople can be good at this. You ask about a feature you want on the product; they immediately launch into a description of several other features. They’ve avoided you finding out their product doesn’t have one of the features you were looking for.

Disagreeing about the truth can look like lying.

Disagreeing about the truth often happened in the areas of religion and politics. One person says this is good for the country, while the other candidate tells everyone how awful this would be. Both are likely to accuse the other of lying to the voters.

In close relationships, people often disagree about a great many things. When the argument gets heated, rather than acknowledge they have differing opinions, they are both likely to accuse each other of lying.

Mistaken beliefs may seem like lies.

Sometimes people are certain about something they say. “The company I work for will be doing a certain project. The store I shop at caries brand X.” You go there expecting a result, only to be disappointed. Did the other person lie to you? Not exactly. They told you something they thought was true, but you were misled. You may think that was a lie because you believe them and it turned out to be untrue.

Are predictions the truth or lies?

When someone predicts the future, be careful not to take that as a fact. Forecasters, whether it’s economic forecasts or weather forecasts, make lots of predictions. Some turn out to be accurate. Other predictions turn out to be wrong. If you invested money and lost a lot of it, or planned an outdoor event and it rained, you’re likely to be upset. Depending on who made the prediction, you may even believe they lied to you.

Ambiguous, misleading statements, can conceal the truth.

One way to slide something by others is to keep the statements very ambiguous. The fuzzier the statement, the more likely some people will hear what they want to hear. Some people talk a lot but include so few details that everyone hears a different version of the facts.

Lies of commission.

This is your basic, garden-variety, lie. It’s not true, they know it’s not true, but they say it anyway. With these kinds of lies, the liar is hoping you will believe them, and they can get away with something, at least for a while.

Boldface lies sometimes are believed.

Boldface lies are so huge and outlandish very few people will believe it. Initially, these statements sound laughable. The boldface liars tell these big whoppers loudly and repeatedly. If you tell a big enough lie, often enough, some people may start believing it.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Types of Jealousy.

Posted on by
Reply

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Jealousy

Jealousy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

There’s more than one type of jealousy.

When you hear the word jealousy, most people think about jealousy in a romantic relationship. That’s not the only type of jealousy that affects humans. Jealousy is a complex reaction to relationship threats. Being in relationships with other humans has lots of advantages. Groups of humans protect each other.

Relationships are inherently rewarding, producing feelings of affection, intimacy, and belonging. Anything that might undermine your relationships is likely to produce strong feelings, thoughts about the meaning of this relationship threat, and behaviors to respond to those threats. Jealousy can begin very early in life, and how it’s experienced change across the lifespan

Sibling jealousy.

Sibling jealousy, sometimes called sibling rivalries, is extremely common. It is generally in the mild to moderate severity range and rarely becomes a more severe morbid or pathological jealousy. Sibling jealousy in children is frequent, pervasive, and easily activated. The immediate cause is usually a lack of attention towards the jealous child or their perception that there is favoritism towards the other child.

For some children, this is easily resolved. Unresolved sibling jealousy can lead to serious problems later in life. Some adults continue to argue with their siblings, and the expression “mom always liked you best” is the classic example of this.

Our early family experiences set the pattern for our reaction to jealousy caused by relationship threats. Children compete for mom, dad, or another caregiver’s attention. The recent increase in blended families with their step-parent, step-children relationships, reveals how important relationship security is to humans and how jealousy grows in response to relationship threats.

Friendship jealousy.

In early childhood, everyone had, or wished for, a best friend. When those relationships were dyads, just the two of you, they tended to be stable and long-term. Add a third person, and the best friend relationship becomes unstable. Children often compete for friendships and demand exclusive attention. “It’s either them or me” is the slogan for early friendships.

Romantic jealousy.

Jealousy in romantic relationships is easily activated. A person with good self-esteem is likely to respond to threats in their relationship with partner retention efforts. If you think your partner may be looking at other people, you spend more time with them and make more efforts to impress them. You may try to scare off that other person or tell your partner they can’t have it both ways.

Morbid or pathological jealousy.

This is the most serious manifestation of jealousy. It may lead to stalking or acts of violence. This serious condition is most often associated with romantic relationships but can occur in any of the varieties of jealousy. People who develop pathological jealousy are likely to suffer from low self-esteem. When someone believes, they would have trouble attracting another partner, but their mate has many options, they are more likely to respond with angry, controlling, or violent behavior.

Professional jealousy.

Professional jealousies can lead to all sorts of workplace conflicts. Professionals competing for the attention or rewards from third parties can undermine the effectiveness of the school, business, or other entity.

Delusional jealousy involving neurocognitive problems.

This condition is associated with Parkinson’s, dementia, treatment with a dopamine agonist, alcohol addiction, and stimulant abuse disorders. It often coexists with hallucinations and increases the risk of violence towards caregivers.

People with neurocognitive disorders can become extremely fearful of losing a relation. They may begin to accuse their partner of having affairs, and they will come to believe these affairs are taking place even when the partner is almost never outside their sight.

Stay tuned in for more posts about jealousy; it’s causes and its treatment, which is coming up soon. More information about Jealousy and its treatment is or will be at Jealousy.  

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Delusion or reality?

Posted on by
Reply

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Delusions.

Delusions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Sometimes delusions get people into trouble.

One problem area for mental health is distinguishing between delusions and reality. If

something is highly unlikely and yet despite mounds of evidence that can’t be true, that someone still firmly believes in its truth, it’s likely to be a delusion. Unfortunately, one person’s belief may be another person’s delusion. Disagreements about the truth often result in violence. After there’s been a violent incident, the question often arises why hadn’t someone spotted that person who was likely to become violent?

Identifying when someone is delusional is the first step. Figuring out when that delusion will lead that person to violence is a much more difficult task.

Defining delusions.

The technical definition of delusions is fixed beliefs which people are unwilling to change even when presented with evidence to the contrary. The harder it is to tell what is truth and what is delusion, the more likely it is to result in violence. Religion and politics are two areas particularly prone to disagreements that lead to violence.

Here’s a list of the recognized themes of delusions.

  1. Someone’s out to get me, technically called persecutory delusions.
  2. Grandiose delusions, the person believes they are special and have exceptional abilities.
  3. Love and sex delusions are technically called erotomanic delusions, during which the delusional person believes someone is in love with them or wants them sexually.
  4. Nihilistic delusions involve the fixed belief that a major disaster will occur.
  5. Delusions regarding health and body functioning are called somatic delusions.

Is that delusion bizarre?

When other people in your culture don’t believe, something could happen, it would not be a normal experience for them. Common examples of beliefs that would be considered bizarre delusions include the idea that someone is beaming thoughts into your head or removing your thoughts. Some people also believe that an outside force is controlling them.

The problem with diagnosing delusions.

Delusions can occur in the course of several mental illnesses. There is also one specific category titled Delusional Disorder (F-22) which is a catchall for several distinct kinds of delusions which occur outside the course of another mental illness.

One type of delusion which results in a lot of problematic behavior is the delusional form of jealousy. Jealousy is a complicated topic; not all jealousy is delusional. But delusional jealousy, sometimes described as morbid or pathological jealousy, can result in stalking and interpersonal violence.

In upcoming blog posts, we will look at delusional disorder and then some of the varieties of jealous behavior, when is jealousy good for relationships, as well as how and when jealousy becomes dangerous.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Causes of jealousy.

Posted on by
Reply

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Jealousy

Jealousy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Jealousy results in many referrals for counseling.

Jealousy, like it’s relatives anger and loneliness are not specific mental health diagnoses. We often think of these as feelings, but all three also include thoughts and behaviors in addition to the feelings. Sometimes jealousy is the reason people come to see a counselor, other times the stated problem is something else such as “poor communication.” Under that other issue, the counselor is likely to find unaddressed jealousy. Jealousy, like anger, may also be a symptom of an underlying serious mental illness. Here are some of the diagnoses, and relationship issues that may be causing jealousy.

Substance Use Disorders cause jealousy.

Using and abusing drugs or alcohol alters people’s feelings and thoughts. Under the influence, people are disinhibited and more likely to act on their feelings of jealousy. The drinking and drug use lifestyle also puts people at risk. When under the influence and disinhibited, people are more likely to act on their sexual, cheating, desires. Having substances in the bloodstream affects memory and cognition resulting in people believing things that never happened. The substance using lifestyle also results in trauma or having to do things to get your drugs that you would not do clean and sober.

Psychosis and Delusions Disorders increase jealous thoughts and behaviors.

People hear and see things that are not there are at risk to misinterpret those hallucinations. The one specific mental illness which includes jealousy as a specific symptom is Delusional Disorder, jealous type. People who have schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, some people with bipolar disorder, and severe major depressive disorder with psychotic symptoms all may experience delusions. Delusional beliefs that others are treating them badly or that their partner is cheating on them can be common with severe mental illnesses.

Jealousy is common in Neurocognitive Disorders.

People with neurocognitive disorders such as Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s or other forms of dementia are likely to feel their relationships are threatened and begin to believe that their partner may be cheating on. These kinds of solutions are especially hard on caregivers who may be with the demented person almost every hour of every day but still are faced with jealous accusations of infidelity.

Reactive Jealousy is the result of real events.

Reactive Jealousy is probably the easiest variety to understand. If your partner has had an affair or several affairs, it is understandable that you might become jealous. Couples often disagree on what behaviors constitute cheating. Men are more likely to become jealous if they believe their partner has been physically intimate with another man. Women are more likely to become jealous if their partner develops a close emotional connection with another person.

The risks of an affair affect the two genders differently. Men have historically been concerned that they might have to support the offspring fathered by another man. Women are more likely to fear that if their man becomes involved with another woman, he will spend money, economic resources, on that other woman thereby depriving her and her children of needed support.

Pathological Jealousy is the most dangerous.

Pathological Jealousy is believed to arise when one partner believes they are less desirable than their mate. If a man believes that his female partner has lots of men interested in her while he thinks if he loses her he will have difficulty finding another mate, he is likely to become jealous and try to control her access to other men.

Pathological Jealousy is the type most likely to result in violent, controlling behavior. People who are pathologically jealousy may become stalkers or engage in violent attacks on their partner or perceived rivals.

Stay tuned in for more posts about jealousy; it’s causes and its treatment, which is coming up soon. More information about Jealousy and its treatment is or will be at Jealousy.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel